Do you care if your spouse cheats?

[presonorek]

I am out of place with the average person on this topic Why do people care that their spouse cheats? I have only found three reasons that make sense. I will only mention two because I want to see if anybody mentions the third reason. Here are the two:

1. I’m worried about STD’s.
2. I want to catch them so I can get out of the relationship.

The second one seems dumb but it does make sense. If you answered yes in this poll then explain it to me. I honestly have never understood this yet it seems to be “common sense”. But if it is so common, how come nobody seems to have an answer.

I have asked this question in multiple ways with multiple approaches. I guess I just need to accept that I am weird or their reason is the third reason and they don’t have the humility to admit it.

 

[occupied]

I am out of place with the average person on this topic Why do people care that their spouse cheats? I have only found three reasons that make sense. I will only mention two because I want to see if anybody mentions the third reason. Here are the two:

1. I’m worried about STD’s.
2. I want to catch them so I can get out of the relationship.

The second one seems dumb but it does make sense. If you answered yes in this poll then explain it to me. I honestly have never understood this yet it seems to be “common sense”. But if it is so common, how come nobody seems to have an answer.

I have asked this question in multiple ways with multiple approaches. I guess I just need to accept that I am weird or their reason is the third reason and they don’t have the humility to admit it.

Betrayal of trust is akin to a physical assault. You mourn the loss of that trust in same way as if they had died.

 

[presonorek]

Betrayal of trust is akin to a physical assault. You mourn the loss of that trust in same way as if they had died.

Trust? She didn’t steal your money. She had fun for 15 minutes much like going to the bowling alley with friends. I’m also guessing if you never knew about it there would be no trust issues.

Let me lean in to your logic a little closer. You agree not to have sex with other women. She agrees not to have sex with other men. You want to really bad but you don’t. Then you find out she was doing it all along and you didn’t get to. Am I in the right track? I think you can still trust her to keep the kids and balance the checkbook. You can trust her not to poison your food. You can probably even trust her with a deeply held secret. So where is there broken trust? Sure. She will probably cheat again but then we would just have the same question. I have heard this before but I guess it just doesn’t go deep enough for me to understand. What was the trust like before? What was the trust like after? What changed it? She is the same person.

 

[occupied]

Trust? She didn’t steal your money. She had fun for 15 minutes much like going to the bowling alley with friends. I’m also guessing if you never knew about it there would be no trust issues.

Let me lean in to your logic a little closer. You agree not to have sex with other women. She agrees not to have sex with other men. You want to really bad but you don’t. Then you find out she was doing it all along and you didn’t get to. Am I in the right track? I think you can still trust her to keep the kids and balance the checkbook. You can trust her not to poison your food. You can probably even trust her with a deeply held secret. So where is there broken trust? Sure. She will probably cheat again. I have heard this before but I guess it just doesn’t go deep enough for me to understand.

Ignorance is not bliss. You always kind of know something is amiss and they usually tell on themselves eventually. My exwife told on herself coming home at six in the morning, shitfaced, with sperm still dripping and panties in the purse. I moved out the very next day.

 

[BULLDOG]

When she found I wasn't really going to the bowling alley with friends is when it all turned to shit for me.

 

[Magnus]

I am out of place with the average person on this topic Why do people care that their spouse cheats? I have only found three reasons that make sense. I will only mention two because I want to see if anybody mentions the third reason. Here are the two:

1. I’m worried about STD’s.
2. I want to catch them so I can get out of the relationship.

The second one seems dumb but it does make sense. If you answered yes in this poll then explain it to me. I honestly have never understood this yet it seems to be “common sense”. But if it is so common, how come nobody seems to have an answer.

I have asked this question in multiple ways with multiple approaches. I guess I just need to accept that I am weird or their reason is the third reason and they don’t have the humility to admit it.

What's the matter, dude? Do you want our permission to go play hide-the-salami with the next-door chikiboo?

You got it. Go have some fun. And if your wife catches you, try out your argument about why it's all A-O-K. And, let us know how it all turns out.

If you are still around, that is. Good luck!

 

[occupied]

What's the matter, dude? Do you want our permission to go play hide-the-salami with the next-door chikiboo?

You got it. Go have some fun. And if your wife catches you, try out your argument about why it's all A-O-K. And, let's know how it turns out. Good luck!

I don't think this guy has ever seen a vagina in person.

 

[presonorek]

I think when someone cheats you think they are saying, “You suck really bad at meeting my emotional and sexual needs.” In reality what they are thinking is, “My spouse sucks really bad at meeting my emotional and sexual needs.”

Well. I’m guessing this discussion took place before the cheating started. So why did the innocent spouse decide it wasn’t important to stop sucking at meeting their emotional and sexual needs?

An affair just confronts the problem head on and the innocent party is so ashamed that they neglected their emotional and sexual needs deliberately that they don’t want to face the person anymore. Otherwise I am still missing something.

 

[John Edgar Slow Horses]

The OP indicates the writer exihibts signs of being a social defunct.

 

[presonorek]

What's the matter, dude? Do you want our permission to go play hide-the-salami with the next-door chikiboo?

You got it. Go have some fun. And if your wife catches you, try out your argument about why it's all A-O-K. And, let us know how it all turns out.

If you are still around, that is. Good luck!

I have never had an affair. I just never understood why I have no negative emotions when I hear about a person who cheats. Shouldn’t I be mad? Most people are and I feel left out. There has to be something to this phenomenon.

 

[presonorek]

The OP indicates the writer exihibts signs of being a social defunct.

Absolutely.

 

[presonorek]

I don't think this guy has ever seen a vagina in person.

How is that relevant?

 

[presonorek]

What's the matter, dude? Do you want our permission to go play hide-the-salami with the next-door chikiboo?

You got it. Go have some fun. And if your wife catches you, try out your argument about why it's all A-O-K. And, let us know how it all turns out.

If you are still around, that is. Good luck!

Why is it so uncomfortable to answer the question?

 

[EvilCat Breath]

Trust? She didn’t steal your money. She had fun for 15 minutes much like going to the bowling alley with friends. I’m also guessing if you never knew about it there would be no trust issues.

Let me lean in to your logic a little closer. You agree not to have sex with other women. She agrees not to have sex with other men. You want to really bad but you don’t. Then you find out she was doing it all along and you didn’t get to. Am I in the right track? I think you can still trust her to keep the kids and balance the checkbook. You can trust her not to poison your food. You can probably even trust her with a deeply held secret. So where is there broken trust? Sure. She will probably cheat again but then we would just have the same question. I have heard this before but I guess it just doesn’t go deep enough for me to understand. What was the trust like before? What was the trust like after? What changed it? She is the same person.

She is the same untrustworthy person and now you know it. There is something missing in your marriage and your spouse is looking for it elsewhere. Either your spouse will drift from extramarital relationship to extramarital relationship until your spouse gets old or bored. Or, your spouse will find what he or she really wants and leaves. Either way you are not in control of your own life.

 

[occupied]

How is that relevant?

You are displaying a profound ignorance of the female sex and what it takes to live with one. I could tell you how to fix all that but you won't do it.

 

[presonorek]

Why don’t you guys just say STD’s. I can’t argue that point.

 

[presonorek]

You are displaying a profound ignorance of the female sex and what it takes to live with one. I could tell you how to fix all that but you won't do it.

I have been married 21 years. I have never cheated. If my wife has cheated she at least had the courtesy to keep it secret. I have no knowledge or even suspicion of it. What is the broken part that you know how to fix? Maybe I wouldn’t listen to you but others could benefit from it. Maybe I would listen and then pretend I didn’t listen. You can change minds. We all do it from time to time. You usually don’t know about it when it happens. People don’t like to admit they are wrong. Just because they don’t tell you doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate the advice.

 

[occupied]

I have been married 21 years. I have never cheated. If my wife has cheated she at least had the courtesy to keep it secret. I have no knowledge or even suspicion of it. What is the broken part that you know how to fix? Maybe I wouldn’t listen to you but others could benefit from it. Maybe I would listen and then pretend I didn’t listen. You can change minds. We all do it from time to time. You usually don’t know about it when it happens. People don’t like to admit they are wrong. Just because they don’t tell you doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate the advice.

I'm too much of a man to think like that. I hold my women to the same standards I hold for myself none of them ever doubted that cheating is the unforgivable sin with me.

 

[presonorek]

There is something missing in your marriage and your spouse is looking for it elsewhere.

The answer is in here somewhere. I believe both the cheater and the innocent spouse was aware of this beforehand. The answer is in this statement.

 

[presonorek]

I'm too much of a man to think like that. I hold my women to the same standards I hold for myself none of them ever doubted that cheating is the unforgivable sin with me.

Here are some sins and their result:

Bearing false witness = an innocent person going to jail for something they didn’t do

Murder = loss of a person that was useful

Stealing = loss of property

Adultery = potential STD’s, muddied heredity of offspring and ………….

I think there are other potential bad things resulting from adultery but nobody wants to share what that is.