Did anyone else grow up in a dysfunctional and/or abusive household?

[harmonica]

...my mom BEAT the shit out of me!!!!!!!!....hit me in the head with broom sticks....knocked me out

 

[Billy_Kinetta]

Wow. Luck of the draw, I guess.

I had an idyllic childhood.

 

[Toro]

This probably really isn't the site for this, but..... whatever.

In my teen years my seemingly healthy family (as far as I knew at least) slowly turned into a living hell, and I became the scapegoat. I got blamed for so many of our problems, and while I was never physically struck or beaten, the damage was still done.
It took me so so long to even sort out what had happened, whether or not it counted as dysfunctional, whether it counted as emotional abuse. I've worked out some stuff in therapy.

Honestly, I thought I was over it. I actually still think I am, mostly..... but last year some stuff happened that effed up my mental health and is still affecting me a year later. And I'm kinda thinking the reason that is, is connected to my history of having been emotionally abused. Idk. I'll bring it up w/ my actual therapist in a couple weeks.

Functional households are over-rated.

They are highly under-rated.

I’m adopted. I grew up in a stable supportive environment. Most people would look at me today and consider me a success.

I’ve met the people who put me up for adoption. Nice people but It’s a giant shitshow. Volatility, alcoholism, multiple fathers, etc. My sister was a single mother at 15 then 18. My brother is a homeless crackhead.

No way I’m the person I am today raised in that environment. I owe everything to my parents.

 

[bugs]

Everyone just does the best they can, and the best they know how.


If you ever have children, put them first, and love them unconditionally.

That is the best you can do.

I Told my Dad I Would NEVER Have Kids..
And it sure Looks Like I was Not Bull Shitting the Man..
as a 'Recovering Alcoholic' I DO Believe we ALL Need to get HELP When we Need it.

 

[Likkmee]

This probably really isn't the site for this, but..... whatever.

In my teen years my seemingly healthy family (as far as I knew at least) slowly turned into a living hell, and I became the scapegoat. I got blamed for so many of our problems, and while I was never physically struck or beaten, the damage was still done.
It took me so so long to even sort out what had happened, whether or not it counted as dysfunctional, whether it counted as emotional abuse. I've worked out some stuff in therapy.

Honestly, I thought I was over it. I actually still think I am, mostly..... but last year some stuff happened that effed up my mental health and is still affecting me a year later. And I'm kinda thinking the reason that is, is connected to my history of having been emotionally abused. Idk. I'll bring it up w/ my actual therapist in a couple weeks.

My ol man could dole out an ass whippin to rival a drill sgt. I needed it.
Mom was sick most her life and ate Valium/slept a lot.
Life here is never really great.
Look at the druggie millionaires. It tells the story.
Therapist have the highest suicide rate.

 

[Toro]

I have never met a healthy functional family.

There's certainly no such thing as the perfect family simply because there are no perfect people. With that said, some people have grown up in some very BAD households. Some of them grow up to be very productive, solid, people and make great parents.

A friend of mine’s father spent most of his adult life in prison. His mother was an alcoholic On welfare who passed out on the couch every night and didn’t have enough money to feed her kids at the end of the month.

He’s one of the nicest most level-headed guys you’ll ever meet. He dropped out of high school, has never held anything more than menial jobs, and lives in a wealthy gated community in Austin because he and his wife put away 10% of their earnings into savings each and every month since they started working.

He has a sister who became a specialist doctor in Toronto and is worth millions.

He has a brother who is an introvert, has trouble holding a job, and had the biggest collection of porn collection I’d ever seen. (This was pre-Internet.)

He has another brother who is a criminal and lives his life on the run.

 

[evenifigoalone]

My background....
Mom divorced my biological father when I was very young. Definitely for the best. Was physically abused by a relative (not my father, but on that side) at a young age. Surprisingly got out of that with seemingly no lasting trauma.
I re-met my biological father's side of the family and my biological father earlier this year. Nice people, just had rough lives. My biological father still has major issues, won't get into them. That side of my family has been through it.

Whereas my mom's side of the family and childhood was seemingly perfect.

Few years after the divorce my mom remarried. Stepdad was wonderful. Stepdad became paralyzed and physically ill and would be disabled for the rest of his life. Times was rough on our little family, but we had each other.
Flash forward several years and suddenly we were each other's worst enemies. As I said in the OP, I played the part of the scapegoat. The conflict only stopped when stepdad died.

Shit happens, I get that. Abuse, physical or emotional, still leaves it's mark and has long lasting effects.

 

[Dusty]

This probably really isn't the site for this, but..... whatever.

In my teen years my seemingly healthy family (as far as I knew at least) slowly turned into a living hell, and I became the scapegoat. I got blamed for so many of our problems, and while I was never physically struck or beaten, the damage was still done.
It took me so so long to even sort out what had happened, whether or not it counted as dysfunctional, whether it counted as emotional abuse. I've worked out some stuff in therapy.

Honestly, I thought I was over it. I actually still think I am, mostly..... but last year some stuff happened that effed up my mental health and is still affecting me a year later. And I'm kinda thinking the reason that is, is connected to my history of having been emotionally abused. Idk. I'll bring it up w/ my actual therapist in a couple weeks.

The past is over, you are today what you make yourself, if you wallow in the past you are condemned to repeat it over and over

 

[Dusty]

I have never met a healthy functional family.

There's certainly no such thing as the perfect family simply because there are no perfect people. With that said, some people have grown up in some very BAD households. Some of them grow up to be very productive, solid, people and make great parents.

A friend of mine’s father spent most of his adult life in prison. His mother was an alcoholic On welfare who passed out on the couch every night and didn’t have enough money to feed her kids at the end of the month.

He’s one of the nicest most level-headed guys you’ll ever meet. He dropped out of high school, has never held anything more than menial jobs, and lives in a wealthy gated community in Austin because he and his wife put away 10% of their earnings into savings each and every month since they started working.

He has a sister who became a specialist doctor in Toronto and is worth millions.

He has a brother who is an introvert, has trouble holding a job, and had the biggest collection of porn collection I’d ever seen. (This was pre-Internet.)

He has another brother who is a criminal and lives his life on the run.

Yea I heard that same sob story on FOX news

 

[candycorn]

This probably really isn't the site for this, but..... whatever.

In my teen years my seemingly healthy family (as far as I knew at least) slowly turned into a living hell, and I became the scapegoat. I got blamed for so many of our problems, and while I was never physically struck or beaten, the damage was still done.
It took me so so long to even sort out what had happened, whether or not it counted as dysfunctional, whether it counted as emotional abuse. I've worked out some stuff in therapy.

Honestly, I thought I was over it. I actually still think I am, mostly..... but last year some stuff happened that effed up my mental health and is still affecting me a year later. And I'm kinda thinking the reason that is, is connected to my history of having been emotionally abused. Idk. I'll bring it up w/ my actual therapist in a couple weeks.

Functional households are over-rated.

They are highly under-rated.

I’m adopted. I grew up in a stable supportive environment. Most people would look at me today and consider me a success.

I’ve met the people who put me up for adoption. Nice people but It’s a giant shitshow. Volatility, alcoholism, multiple fathers, etc. My sister was a single mother at 15 then 18. My brother is a homeless crackhead.

No way I’m the person I am today raised in that environment. I owe everything to my parents.

Nah, what I mean is that you can strengthen yourself growing up with adversity as opposed to someone who was shielded and protected.

 

[evenifigoalone]

This probably really isn't the site for this, but..... whatever.

In my teen years my seemingly healthy family (as far as I knew at least) slowly turned into a living hell, and I became the scapegoat. I got blamed for so many of our problems, and while I was never physically struck or beaten, the damage was still done.
It took me so so long to even sort out what had happened, whether or not it counted as dysfunctional, whether it counted as emotional abuse. I've worked out some stuff in therapy.

Honestly, I thought I was over it. I actually still think I am, mostly..... but last year some stuff happened that effed up my mental health and is still affecting me a year later. And I'm kinda thinking the reason that is, is connected to my history of having been emotionally abused. Idk. I'll bring it up w/ my actual therapist in a couple weeks.

Functional households are over-rated.

They are highly under-rated.

I’m adopted. I grew up in a stable supportive environment. Most people would look at me today and consider me a success.

I’ve met the people who put me up for adoption. Nice people but It’s a giant shitshow. Volatility, alcoholism, multiple fathers, etc. My sister was a single mother at 15 then 18. My brother is a homeless crackhead.

No way I’m the person I am today raised in that environment. I owe everything to my parents.

Nah, what I mean is that you can strengthen yourself growing up with adversity as opposed to someone who was shielded and protected.

Or you can end up with psychological trauma and mental illness.....

I have generalized anxiety and social anxiety

 

[Bobob]

This probably really isn't the site for this, but..... whatever.

In my teen years my seemingly healthy family (as far as I knew at least) slowly turned into a living hell, and I became the scapegoat. I got blamed for so many of our problems, and while I was never physically struck or beaten, the damage was still done.
It took me so so long to even sort out what had happened, whether or not it counted as dysfunctional, whether it counted as emotional abuse. I've worked out some stuff in therapy.

Honestly, I thought I was over it. I actually still think I am, mostly..... but last year some stuff happened that effed up my mental health and is still affecting me a year later. And I'm kinda thinking the reason that is, is connected to my history of having been emotionally abused. Idk. I'll bring it up w/ my actual therapist in a couple weeks.

I too grew up in an abusive household--verbal abuse and constant criticism. I never spoke in a public
setting when I was with this person because I would always be criticized later for saying the wrong thing or giving the wrong answer, etc. My mother suffered the same abuse.

 

[Bobob]

This probably really isn't the site for this, but..... whatever.

In my teen years my seemingly healthy family (as far as I knew at least) slowly turned into a living hell, and I became the scapegoat. I got blamed for so many of our problems, and while I was never physically struck or beaten, the damage was still done.
It took me so so long to even sort out what had happened, whether or not it counted as dysfunctional, whether it counted as emotional abuse. I've worked out some stuff in therapy.

Honestly, I thought I was over it. I actually still think I am, mostly..... but last year some stuff happened that effed up my mental health and is still affecting me a year later. And I'm kinda thinking the reason that is, is connected to my history of having been emotionally abused. Idk. I'll bring it up w/ my actual therapist in a couple weeks.

Functional households are over-rated.

They are highly under-rated.

I’m adopted. I grew up in a stable supportive environment. Most people would look at me today and consider me a success.

I’ve met the people who put me up for adoption. Nice people but It’s a giant shitshow. Volatility, alcoholism, multiple fathers, etc. My sister was a single mother at 15 then 18. My brother is a homeless crackhead.

No way I’m the person I am today raised in that environment. I owe everything to my parents.

Nah, what I mean is that you can strengthen yourself growing up with adversity as opposed to someone who was shielded and protected.

Yes, you can strengthen yourself as I did, but who needs this abuse because it interferes with the fun you should have when growing up.

 

[RodISHI]

evenifigoalone I left home before I was 12. It was simply a matter of survival. Through my early 20's even the thought of being around family gave me migraines. I'd wake myself up screaming in my sleep and shaking through my entire childhood into my early twenties. The nightmares were so bad I couldn't talk once awake. Once grownup and with Rod (whom I am still with forty plus years later) he would also be woken by those nightmares and he would just hold me in his arms. By the grace of God and the extremely loving husband he gave me I survived it all. The physical scars are still there but the emotional ones passed long ago.

I searched it all some twenty years or more ago wondering what went wrong with that what seemed to be picture perfect family. By the Spirit of God I was given the answers I had sought and searched out as to why. It all started with an erroneous and unwarranted accusation from my dad directed towards my mom when I was burned badly at three years old. From that point forward it was as if I was her enemy and very much resented. Her hatred was also exhibited through my older brother who had started out adoring "his baby". Through the years the abuse got worse and their resentment grew. I was blamed for everything my brother did, broke, stole, whatever. Whipped beaten, etc. and even tortured by mom's youngest brother and my own brother for a weekend (God sent an angel that tried to insure that would not transpire again). My mom's excuse for laying the blame on me for what he did was that my dad would not be as mad at me for those things. Ironically when dad was dying and asked me to be there; he would tell my mom every time something came up, "***** did it". After several times of that she would just yell at him to shut up. That went on for months.

All that hate and the covering over mom did for my brother didn't profit either of them spiritual or otherwise.

When these awful type spiritual doors are opened and not shut people are given over to these things whatever they may be. That is the reason we are supposed to guard our mouths and hearts.

A friend once told me when I was dealing with some issues as an adult concerning lies, false charges, etc... that it was merely character building. I told him I thought I was full enough of that "character building" business.

 

[lg325]

This probably really isn't the site for this, but..... whatever.

In my teen years my seemingly healthy family (as far as I knew at least) slowly turned into a living hell, and I became the scapegoat. I got blamed for so many of our problems, and while I was never physically struck or beaten, the damage was still done.
It took me so so long to even sort out what had happened, whether or not it counted as dysfunctional, whether it counted as emotional abuse. I've worked out some stuff in therapy.

Honestly, I thought I was over it. I actually still think I am, mostly..... but last year some stuff happened that effed up my mental health and is still affecting me a year later. And I'm kinda thinking the reason that is, is connected to my history of having been emotionally abused. Idk. I'll bring it up w/ my actual therapist in a couple weeks.

Functional households are over-rated.

They are highly under-rated.

I’m adopted. I grew up in a stable supportive environment. Most people would look at me today and consider me a success.

I’ve met the people who put me up for adoption. Nice people but It’s a giant shitshow. Volatility, alcoholism, multiple fathers, etc. My sister was a single mother at 15 then 18. My brother is a homeless crackhead.

No way I’m the person I am today raised in that environment. I owe everything to my parents.

Nah, what I mean is that you can strengthen yourself growing up with adversity as opposed to someone who was shielded and protected.

Or you can end up with psychological trauma and mental illness.....

I have generalized anxiety and social anxiety

Welcome to the club. Took along time but I finally beat it.

 

[MisterBeale]

Yes. Dad was normal but he was always at work.
Ma was insane and should have never had children. She had two. Myself and my sister. We are both fucked up due to that batshit crazy bitch.

Girls have it easy due to their reproductive organs.

Girls are fragile because they make babies.

Men are fragile because they don't.

 

[miketx]

Mom fed me silver polish when I was 8 and told the hospital it was my kidneys making me sick cause I had kidney disease. That was in the fifties when they didn't have all the abilities hospitals do today. So kidney disease it was. Then for years she would interrupt what I was saying repeatedly making me self-conscious about speaking so that I started stuttering badly as a teen. That really sucked. I took off at 18, met a woman at 21 and my mom hated her because she was Hispanic. And then for 40 years she has tried to wreck our marriage, doing some serious evil.

 

[MisterBeale]

This probably really isn't the site for this, but..... whatever.

In my teen years my seemingly healthy family (as far as I knew at least) slowly turned into a living hell, and I became the scapegoat. I got blamed for so many of our problems, and while I was never physically struck or beaten, the damage was still done.
It took me so so long to even sort out what had happened, whether or not it counted as dysfunctional, whether it counted as emotional abuse. I've worked out some stuff in therapy.

Honestly, I thought I was over it. I actually still think I am, mostly..... but last year some stuff happened that effed up my mental health and is still affecting me a year later. And I'm kinda thinking the reason that is, is connected to my history of having been emotionally abused. Idk. I'll bring it up w/ my actual therapist in a couple weeks.

Functional households are over-rated.

They are highly under-rated.

I’m adopted. I grew up in a stable supportive environment. Most people would look at me today and consider me a success.

I’ve met the people who put me up for adoption. Nice people but It’s a giant shitshow. Volatility, alcoholism, multiple fathers, etc. My sister was a single mother at 15 then 18. My brother is a homeless crackhead.

No way I’m the person I am today raised in that environment. I owe everything to my parents.

Nah, what I mean is that you can strengthen yourself growing up with adversity as opposed to someone who was shielded and protected.

Or you can end up with psychological trauma and mental illness.....

I have generalized anxiety and social anxiety

What is the root cause?

Why do folks act crazy, or selfish, or not in the interest of the family?

What makes them put their interests before that of their children?

. . . is it the pain, the needing, the loneliness, some unfulfilled want or desire? What makes them feel that this is more important than the needs and wants of others after they have made commitments?


AND now?

Now you live with constant fear and distrust . . .

 

[Moonglow]

Everyone experiences a dysfunctional life at some time.

That is true, but dysfunction experienced at an early age usually has long lasting effects.

It turned me into a fat comedian married to a thin red head.

 

[candycorn]

This probably really isn't the site for this, but..... whatever.

In my teen years my seemingly healthy family (as far as I knew at least) slowly turned into a living hell, and I became the scapegoat. I got blamed for so many of our problems, and while I was never physically struck or beaten, the damage was still done.
It took me so so long to even sort out what had happened, whether or not it counted as dysfunctional, whether it counted as emotional abuse. I've worked out some stuff in therapy.

Honestly, I thought I was over it. I actually still think I am, mostly..... but last year some stuff happened that effed up my mental health and is still affecting me a year later. And I'm kinda thinking the reason that is, is connected to my history of having been emotionally abused. Idk. I'll bring it up w/ my actual therapist in a couple weeks.

Functional households are over-rated.

They are highly under-rated.

I’m adopted. I grew up in a stable supportive environment. Most people would look at me today and consider me a success.

I’ve met the people who put me up for adoption. Nice people but It’s a giant shitshow. Volatility, alcoholism, multiple fathers, etc. My sister was a single mother at 15 then 18. My brother is a homeless crackhead.

No way I’m the person I am today raised in that environment. I owe everything to my parents.

Nah, what I mean is that you can strengthen yourself growing up with adversity as opposed to someone who was shielded and protected.

Or you can end up with psychological trauma and mental illness.....

I have generalized anxiety and social anxiety

Yes...

Just as you can if you come from a "functional" household.

All I was saying is that it isn't the worst thing in the world to make your kid stretch a bit while growing up instead of being candled and not ready for the real world.

This probably really isn't the site for this, but..... whatever.

In my teen years my seemingly healthy family (as far as I knew at least) slowly turned into a living hell, and I became the scapegoat. I got blamed for so many of our problems, and while I was never physically struck or beaten, the damage was still done.
It took me so so long to even sort out what had happened, whether or not it counted as dysfunctional, whether it counted as emotional abuse. I've worked out some stuff in therapy.

Honestly, I thought I was over it. I actually still think I am, mostly..... but last year some stuff happened that effed up my mental health and is still affecting me a year later. And I'm kinda thinking the reason that is, is connected to my history of having been emotionally abused. Idk. I'll bring it up w/ my actual therapist in a couple weeks.

Functional households are over-rated.

They are highly under-rated.

I’m adopted. I grew up in a stable supportive environment. Most people would look at me today and consider me a success.

I’ve met the people who put me up for adoption. Nice people but It’s a giant shitshow. Volatility, alcoholism, multiple fathers, etc. My sister was a single mother at 15 then 18. My brother is a homeless crackhead.

No way I’m the person I am today raised in that environment. I owe everything to my parents.

Nah, what I mean is that you can strengthen yourself growing up with adversity as opposed to someone who was shielded and protected.

Yes, you can strengthen yourself as I did, but who needs this abuse because it interferes with the fun you should have when growing up.

I didn't say anything about abuse.