trlrtrash13
The Axis Of Stevil
Dear Resident,
I hope you're not too surprised today when you come home and find me living in your house. Now, I know what you're thinking. Breaking and entering, right? Well, not exactly. I prefer to call it "Undocumented Residency". If you prefer, however, you could call me an illegal alien. Typically I don't like to be called that, but since I am sure that you, as a good liberal, will declare your house a "Sanctuary Residence" and welcome me with open arms, it's okay for you to address me as such.
Now I know that times have been tough lately, and you were out all day looking for a job, and I don't want you to be angry with me but I do have to tell you something. Right after I got here, the phone rang. It was for you. It was a guy down at the factory and he was calling about your application. He said they needed you to start immediately. I told him that you weren't here, and asked if he could use my help. He informed me that he doesn't hire Undocumented Residents, but I offered to do it for $2 an hour less so he changed his mind. Aren't you happy for me? I'm now an undocumented worker! I'm so excited. I really like the job, and I'll put in a good word for you but you might want to let him know your willing to work for less because I'm sending my first check to my brother so he can use it for cab fare to get to your neighbors house, and he said he will work for $1 less than me. It would be so much fun if we could all work at the same place.
Also, I helped myself to a couple of sandwiches and if you're not here when I get back, don't stay up worrying. I'll be down at the hospital with my wife. She is about to have our first child. I apologize in advance if the baby keeps you up late when she is able to join me here, but you know how those newborns can be. Also, I will need to talk to you about how we are going to pay for the child birth, as those can be very expensive. Especially in her case, because we have been homeless and there were complications so her doctor put her on bed rest and since we didn't have a bed, she had to stay at the hospital. I hope you're nicer than the Conservative my sister moved in with. They refused to pay for her baby because they called it a pre-existing condition. Just between you and I, I think those Conservatives are evil people.
When I got here, there was some guy here that called himself your "roommate"? He said he was authorized to be here because he had a document he called a "lease" and his name was on it. He explained that when he got paid, he had to give you a little bit of money each month to keep his name on that lease and remain a documented resident. I thought he would be angry about this, but he didn't seem to mind. He said he was just "paying his fair share". I don't know about that, but since I'm not documented, I of course won't have to pay into that so I guess it's between the two of you.
I just wanted to take this moment to thank you for your kindness and hospitality. I realize that there are laws against what I am doing, but you are a kind soul who understands that I am just trying to make a better life for me and my family.
Sincerely,
Steve
I hope you're not too surprised today when you come home and find me living in your house. Now, I know what you're thinking. Breaking and entering, right? Well, not exactly. I prefer to call it "Undocumented Residency". If you prefer, however, you could call me an illegal alien. Typically I don't like to be called that, but since I am sure that you, as a good liberal, will declare your house a "Sanctuary Residence" and welcome me with open arms, it's okay for you to address me as such.
Now I know that times have been tough lately, and you were out all day looking for a job, and I don't want you to be angry with me but I do have to tell you something. Right after I got here, the phone rang. It was for you. It was a guy down at the factory and he was calling about your application. He said they needed you to start immediately. I told him that you weren't here, and asked if he could use my help. He informed me that he doesn't hire Undocumented Residents, but I offered to do it for $2 an hour less so he changed his mind. Aren't you happy for me? I'm now an undocumented worker! I'm so excited. I really like the job, and I'll put in a good word for you but you might want to let him know your willing to work for less because I'm sending my first check to my brother so he can use it for cab fare to get to your neighbors house, and he said he will work for $1 less than me. It would be so much fun if we could all work at the same place.
Also, I helped myself to a couple of sandwiches and if you're not here when I get back, don't stay up worrying. I'll be down at the hospital with my wife. She is about to have our first child. I apologize in advance if the baby keeps you up late when she is able to join me here, but you know how those newborns can be. Also, I will need to talk to you about how we are going to pay for the child birth, as those can be very expensive. Especially in her case, because we have been homeless and there were complications so her doctor put her on bed rest and since we didn't have a bed, she had to stay at the hospital. I hope you're nicer than the Conservative my sister moved in with. They refused to pay for her baby because they called it a pre-existing condition. Just between you and I, I think those Conservatives are evil people.
When I got here, there was some guy here that called himself your "roommate"? He said he was authorized to be here because he had a document he called a "lease" and his name was on it. He explained that when he got paid, he had to give you a little bit of money each month to keep his name on that lease and remain a documented resident. I thought he would be angry about this, but he didn't seem to mind. He said he was just "paying his fair share". I don't know about that, but since I'm not documented, I of course won't have to pay into that so I guess it's between the two of you.
I just wanted to take this moment to thank you for your kindness and hospitality. I realize that there are laws against what I am doing, but you are a kind soul who understands that I am just trying to make a better life for me and my family.
Sincerely,
Steve