Dead Beat Parents

[The Illusion]

Once parents have become divorced, and one of the parents gets custody of the child/ren, the other one ends up paying child support. If the person doesnt pay the child support, they then have their license revoked and/or jail time. How is that person supposed to pay the child support when they dont have a way to get to work and/or incarcerated in jail? Should the parent that doesnt pay child support be entitled to visitation of the children if they arent paying child support?

Jamie

 

[Big Black Dog]

I can speak on this issue with some authority because of my past personal experiences. I had two small children at the time I divorced my first wife and as a result I paid a very large amount of child support for 16 years. An arrangement was made between our two lawyers, and entered into the divorce decree, that I would voluntarily pay "X" amount of dollars each month which was way over the amount that would have been required by the judge. In return, the ex-wife was never to seek a raise in child support and was to save enough of the monthly payments to pay for the two children's college educations. There was an ample amount of child support paid every month for this to happen. Well, when it came time for the children to attend college, there was no money available for them to pay the money required because the ex-wife had not held up her end of the bargan. On top of it, she was not financially able to pay for the children's college so that is an expense that I myself bore. I was furious. All the while I was required to pay child support I never missed one payment and no payment was ever late for any reason. I can tell you though, from my own personal experiences with this, that I completely understand why some men absolutely refuse to pay child support. I felt like that many times because of the things the ex-wife was telling the children, how she allowed the children's step-father to treat them, and how she mismanaged the child support money that she did receive. Camping trailers, boats, vacations, new cars, and other things were purchased with my child support payments. She openly told me so and it was true, I could do nothing about it. Paying child support is a matter of attitude. If you brought the children into the world, it is your responsibility to provide for them until they are able to provide for themselves. If you fail to do that, then yes, I feel there should be a penalty for not doing so. I do not feel it is out of the question to be arrested and jailed if you refuse to pay child support. It is not the State's responsibility, or any sort of welfare organization's responsibility to raise your children. If you do not pay the child support I also believe you have no right to visit the children. If you do, you only show yourself to be a bad example to the kids. If you truly love your children, you will provide for them. It isn't their fault that you and their mother could not get along. They didn't ask to be brought into the world. A real man takes responsibility for his actions. The same goes if it happens to be the woman who is required to pay the child support.

 

[Paulie]

So dog, considering the agreement was made in a legal fashion between the two of you with binding obligations, did the ex get any kind of punitive action taken against her for not holding up her end of the agreement?

I mean, if you didn't pay, you'd go to jail. So since she didn't save, was any action taken against her?

Couldn't you have probably sued?

As entitled as the woman is to child support as the primary parent, she should still be legally obligated to show where the child support money is going, as well. If the man is ordered to pony up money every week "for the child", then the money should be going exclusively to the necessities "of the child".

 

[Said1]

I don't know why any man wouldn't want to help support their child. Too bad some women are such idiots, though.

 

[KittenKoder]

Once parents have become divorced, and one of the parents gets custody of the child/ren, the other one ends up paying child support. If the person doesnt pay the child support, they then have their license revoked and/or jail time. How is that person supposed to pay the child support when they dont have a way to get to work and/or incarcerated in jail? Should the parent that doesnt pay child support be entitled to visitation of the children if they arent paying child support?

Jamie

Honestly, they just shouldn't have done the act in the first place. But that's just me and my whole "be responsible for your own actions" ideology.

 

[Amanda]

Where's Baltimore Bob when we need him?

 

[Big Black Dog]

So dog, considering the agreement was made in a legal fashion between the two of you with binding obligations, did the ex get any kind of punitive action taken against her for not holding up her end of the agreement?

I mean, if you didn't pay, you'd go to jail. So since she didn't save, was any action taken against her?

Couldn't you have probably sued?

As entitled as the woman is to child support as the primary parent, she should still be legally obligated to show where the child support money is going, as well. If the man is ordered to pony up money every week "for the child", then the money should be going exclusively to the necessities "of the child".

I don't know what the laws are that govern child support payments in every State but I do know in South Carolina it is not required for a woman to show how child support payments are used in the support of the child. Of course, that was way back in 1986 and things could have changed by now but it isn't important any longer. Could I have sued? Maybe but what real good would that accomplish? I may have won the battle but possibly lost the war in terms of a harmonous relationship with my kids. My biggest concern, in spite of the very bad relationship I had with the children's mother after our divorce, was I didn't want the kids to ever feel like they were used as "pawns" in any sort of a battle between the ex-wife and myself. I think that would have been a bad things for the kids to have to endure. So, somebody had to be big enough to suck up the bullshit and I decided it would be me. The end result is I have a very good relationship with my children and my seven grandchildren. As far as the ex-wife goes, I have not seen or spoken to her in well over 15 years and I like it like that. I have no need to interact with her any longer and I don't. I ask the children nothing about her but now and then the children will make a comment about what's going on in her life. I am told that she is not a very happy person at all and life with the man she married after we divorced is not as rosey as she would have liked it to be. Me? I didn't marry for over 6 years after I got divorced from the first wife and I have been happy as a clam ever since. I've been very successful in life and I don't think I would have done the things to become as successful as I have been if I had of stayed married to the first wife. I don't think the same opportunities for success would have presented themselves to me if my life had not changed. There's more to being happy in life than just having money. You can spend money and it's gone forever. Memories last forever and I have good ones of my kids.

 

[The Illusion]

What about having your license taken away if you dont pay your child support? Do you think this is right considering that one has to have transportation to get to work?

Jamie

 

[AllieBaba]

Once parents have become divorced, and one of the parents gets custody of the child/ren, the other one ends up paying child support. If the person doesnt pay the child support, they then have their license revoked and/or jail time. How is that person supposed to pay the child support when they dont have a way to get to work and/or incarcerated in jail? Should the parent that doesnt pay child support be entitled to visitation of the children if they arent paying child support?

Jamie

He's not paying it anyway, and he's breaking the law. Take his license and throw him in jail.

Except they very rarely get thrown in jail. Unless they happen to get caught driving with a suspended license.

 

[AllieBaba]

So dog, considering the agreement was made in a legal fashion between the two of you with binding obligations, did the ex get any kind of punitive action taken against her for not holding up her end of the agreement?

I mean, if you didn't pay, you'd go to jail. So since she didn't save, was any action taken against her?

Couldn't you have probably sued?

As entitled as the woman is to child support as the primary parent, she should still be legally obligated to show where the child support money is going, as well. If the man is ordered to pony up money every week "for the child", then the money should be going exclusively to the necessities "of the child".

I don't know what the laws are that govern child support payments in every State but I do know in South Carolina it is not required for a woman to show how child support payments are used in the support of the child. Of course, that was way back in 1986 and things could have changed by now but it isn't important any longer. Could I have sued? Maybe but what real good would that accomplish? I may have won the battle but possibly lost the war in terms of a harmonous relationship with my kids. My biggest concern, in spite of the very bad relationship I had with the children's mother after our divorce, was I didn't want the kids to ever feel like they were used as "pawns" in any sort of a battle between the ex-wife and myself. I think that would have been a bad things for the kids to have to endure. So, somebody had to be big enough to suck up the bullshit and I decided it would be me. The end result is I have a very good relationship with my children and my seven grandchildren. As far as the ex-wife goes, I have not seen or spoken to her in well over 15 years and I like it like that. I have no need to interact with her any longer and I don't. I ask the children nothing about her but now and then the children will make a comment about what's going on in her life. I am told that she is not a very happy person at all and life with the man she married after we divorced is not as rosey as she would have liked it to be. Me? I didn't marry for over 6 years after I got divorced from the first wife and I have been happy as a clam ever since. I've been very successful in life and I don't think I would have done the things to become as successful as I have been if I had of stayed married to the first wife. I don't think the same opportunities for success would have presented themselves to me if my life had not changed. There's more to being happy in life than just having money. You can spend money and it's gone forever. Memories last forever and I have good ones of my kids.

It's not required ANYWHERE that the woman show how the money she receives in child support is paid. Child support isn't supposed to be used on only the children. It's a support to the family, so they can live a lifestyle from which the children can benefit. If that means mom gets fucking cable then that's what it means. If it means she gets a pedicure once a month which keeps her in a good mood and results in better interaction with the kids, then that's what it means.

On the other hand, visitation cannot be denied based on the fact that a deadbeat doesn't pay child support.

Once a parent is out of the household, he or she no longer controls that household. And that includes money. You're not paying money to maintain control in your absence. You're paying money because it costs money to raise kids, and you are the reason the kids are there.

I guarantee you, except in a few cases here and there, nobody pays child support in an amount that comes near to the financial and emotional burden of having the kids in your home the majority of the time. You're not just paying for things, you're paying for time and effort, that as a non-custodial parent you are not providing.

 

[AllieBaba]

P.S. Ravi has now been deposed by Illusion as the board idiot.

Ravi, hand over the tiara. You're fired.

 

[AllieBaba]

And the scepter and the robe as well. You may retain none of the perks.

 

[Anguille]

So dog, considering the agreement was made in a legal fashion between the two of you with binding obligations, did the ex get any kind of punitive action taken against her for not holding up her end of the agreement?

I mean, if you didn't pay, you'd go to jail. So since she didn't save, was any action taken against her?

Couldn't you have probably sued?

As entitled as the woman is to child support as the primary parent, she should still be legally obligated to show where the child support money is going, as well. If the man is ordered to pony up money every week "for the child", then the money should be going exclusively to the necessities "of the child".

I don't know what the laws are that govern child support payments in every State but I do know in South Carolina it is not required for a woman to show how child support payments are used in the support of the child. Of course, that was way back in 1986 and things could have changed by now but it isn't important any longer. Could I have sued? Maybe but what real good would that accomplish? I may have won the battle but possibly lost the war in terms of a harmonous relationship with my kids. My biggest concern, in spite of the very bad relationship I had with the children's mother after our divorce, was I didn't want the kids to ever feel like they were used as "pawns" in any sort of a battle between the ex-wife and myself. I think that would have been a bad things for the kids to have to endure. So, somebody had to be big enough to suck up the bullshit and I decided it would be me. The end result is I have a very good relationship with my children and my seven grandchildren. As far as the ex-wife goes, I have not seen or spoken to her in well over 15 years and I like it like that. I have no need to interact with her any longer and I don't. I ask the children nothing about her but now and then the children will make a comment about what's going on in her life. I am told that she is not a very happy person at all and life with the man she married after we divorced is not as rosey as she would have liked it to be. Me? I didn't marry for over 6 years after I got divorced from the first wife and I have been happy as a clam ever since. I've been very successful in life and I don't think I would have done the things to become as successful as I have been if I had of stayed married to the first wife. I don't think the same opportunities for success would have presented themselves to me if my life had not changed. There's more to being happy in life than just having money. You can spend money and it's gone forever. Memories last forever and I have good ones of my kids.

It's not required ANYWHERE that the woman show how the money she receives in child support is paid. Child support isn't supposed to be used on only the children. It's a support to the family, so they can live a lifestyle from which the children can benefit. If that means mom gets fucking cable then that's what it means. If it means she gets a pedicure once a month which keeps her in a good mood and results in better interaction with the kids, then that's what it means.

On the other hand, visitation cannot be denied based on the fact that a deadbeat doesn't pay child support.

If it was intended for family support it would have been called family support, not child support. Any woman who dips into her kid's college fund to pay for pedicures is a double douchebag. If she wants that stuff paid for by her ex, she needs to apply for alimony.

No kid should be denied the right to see his non custodial patent, based on the parent's lack of financial support to the child, for whatever reasons.

 

[xotoxi]

So dog, considering the agreement was made in a legal fashion between the two of you with binding obligations, did the ex get any kind of punitive action taken against her for not holding up her end of the agreement?

I mean, if you didn't pay, you'd go to jail. So since she didn't save, was any action taken against her?

Couldn't you have probably sued?

As entitled as the woman is to child support as the primary parent, she should still be legally obligated to show where the child support money is going, as well. If the man is ordered to pony up money every week "for the child", then the money should be going exclusively to the necessities "of the child".

I don't know what the laws are that govern child support payments in every State but I do know in South Carolina it is not required for a woman to show how child support payments are used in the support of the child. Of course, that was way back in 1986 and things could have changed by now but it isn't important any longer. Could I have sued? Maybe but what real good would that accomplish? I may have won the battle but possibly lost the war in terms of a harmonous relationship with my kids. My biggest concern, in spite of the very bad relationship I had with the children's mother after our divorce, was I didn't want the kids to ever feel like they were used as "pawns" in any sort of a battle between the ex-wife and myself. I think that would have been a bad things for the kids to have to endure. So, somebody had to be big enough to suck up the bullshit and I decided it would be me. The end result is I have a very good relationship with my children and my seven grandchildren. As far as the ex-wife goes, I have not seen or spoken to her in well over 15 years and I like it like that. I have no need to interact with her any longer and I don't. I ask the children nothing about her but now and then the children will make a comment about what's going on in her life. I am told that she is not a very happy person at all and life with the man she married after we divorced is not as rosey as she would have liked it to be. Me? I didn't marry for over 6 years after I got divorced from the first wife and I have been happy as a clam ever since. I've been very successful in life and I don't think I would have done the things to become as successful as I have been if I had of stayed married to the first wife. I don't think the same opportunities for success would have presented themselves to me if my life had not changed. There's more to being happy in life than just having money. You can spend money and it's gone forever. Memories last forever and I have good ones of my kids.

 

[alan1]

Child support calculations are completely out of whack and are generally so confiscatory that most people cannot afford child support and still maintain a decent lifestyle for themselves. That's one of the reasons there are so many deadbeat parents, they simply cannot afford the arbitrary bullshit amount the courts lay down on them.

Had I accepted the courts calculation for child support, I know my ex-wife never would have been able to afford it. The end result would have been her not paying anything at all.

I voluntarily offered to accept about 1/2 what court ordered support would have been, and had my attorney present that. It was a fair amount that she could reasonably afford.

 

[alan1]

A few years back, one of the guys that worked for me got divorced, and his wife was given primary custody of their 2 children. That meant he had to pay child support, but was allowed to have the kids on some weekends and during the summer.
This guys base pay $32k a year. With overtime he was making $37k a year. His wife made $34k, no overtime. The court based his support payments on his wages including OT and his support payments were $12k a year.
Just a few months later, all overtime was eliminated. To see the full ramifications of how it affected this guy, you also have to consider taxes. He was now making $32k a year, his ex-wife got to claim both children on her taxes, he was paying tax on his $32k, but now living as if he was making $20k and taxed at a $32k rate. His ex was living on $46k (her 34k + the 12k in child support), taxed at a $34k rate and claiming both children on her taxes.
It gets even worse. Since this poor guy was trying to live on such meager income (after taxes and child support), all he could afford to rent was a 1 bedroom apartment. Since he didn't have 2 bedrooms, no overnight visitation was allowed, because there wasn't a separate bedroom for his daughters to sleep in.
He was a good guy and didn't turn into a deadbeat parent despite the crappy situation he was put into. But many do, that's why you hear about so many deadbeat parents.

 

[Paulie]

So dog, considering the agreement was made in a legal fashion between the two of you with binding obligations, did the ex get any kind of punitive action taken against her for not holding up her end of the agreement?

I mean, if you didn't pay, you'd go to jail. So since she didn't save, was any action taken against her?

Couldn't you have probably sued?

As entitled as the woman is to child support as the primary parent, she should still be legally obligated to show where the child support money is going, as well. If the man is ordered to pony up money every week "for the child", then the money should be going exclusively to the necessities "of the child".

I don't know what the laws are that govern child support payments in every State but I do know in South Carolina it is not required for a woman to show how child support payments are used in the support of the child. Of course, that was way back in 1986 and things could have changed by now but it isn't important any longer. Could I have sued? Maybe but what real good would that accomplish? I may have won the battle but possibly lost the war in terms of a harmonous relationship with my kids. My biggest concern, in spite of the very bad relationship I had with the children's mother after our divorce, was I didn't want the kids to ever feel like they were used as "pawns" in any sort of a battle between the ex-wife and myself. I think that would have been a bad things for the kids to have to endure. So, somebody had to be big enough to suck up the bullshit and I decided it would be me. The end result is I have a very good relationship with my children and my seven grandchildren. As far as the ex-wife goes, I have not seen or spoken to her in well over 15 years and I like it like that. I have no need to interact with her any longer and I don't. I ask the children nothing about her but now and then the children will make a comment about what's going on in her life. I am told that she is not a very happy person at all and life with the man she married after we divorced is not as rosey as she would have liked it to be. Me? I didn't marry for over 6 years after I got divorced from the first wife and I have been happy as a clam ever since. I've been very successful in life and I don't think I would have done the things to become as successful as I have been if I had of stayed married to the first wife. I don't think the same opportunities for success would have presented themselves to me if my life had not changed. There's more to being happy in life than just having money. You can spend money and it's gone forever. Memories last forever and I have good ones of my kids.

It's not required ANYWHERE that the woman show how the money she receives in child support is paid. Child support isn't supposed to be used on only the children. It's a support to the family, so they can live a lifestyle from which the children can benefit. If that means mom gets fucking cable then that's what it means. If it means she gets a pedicure once a month which keeps her in a good mood and results in better interaction with the kids, then that's what it means.

On the other hand, visitation cannot be denied based on the fact that a deadbeat doesn't pay child support.

Once a parent is out of the household, he or she no longer controls that household. And that includes money. You're not paying money to maintain control in your absence. You're paying money because it costs money to raise kids, and you are the reason the kids are there.

I guarantee you, except in a few cases here and there, nobody pays child support in an amount that comes near to the financial and emotional burden of having the kids in your home the majority of the time. You're not just paying for things, you're paying for time and effort, that as a non-custodial parent you are not providing.

What you're describing sounds like a little bit of child support AND alimony.

Where the children are concerned, it shouldn't matter one bit if mom is "happy" about how she gets to spend the money given to her. That money is ONLY being given because there's children involved. The money should be going exclusively to the NECESSITIES of the CHILDREN, period.

Mom doesn't need cable. The kids don't need cable. That will help them in their future how? They need food, clothing, shelter, and if there's anything else left, higher education. Beyond that, the MOTHER should be providing those fringe benefits if she can afford them out of her OWN income.

The way I see it, if the kids want cable and don't have it at mom's, they can do without until they come visit me. I shouldn't have to pay for something that means zero to their survival, upbringing, or future. Those extra benefits that you think mom should be entitled to are something I can provide out of my own income when they visit me. Mom can do the same.