Bad Communication

[Bonzi]

Have you ever been around someone (mate/family member) that you just can NOT have a discussion with?

If you have something to say, they always have to "one up" it or, dismiss what you have to say because it's been worse for them. Maybe even a situation where you tell them you need to go be alone because you are having a bad day and they take it personally or call you "selfish" because you need them for something?

 

[Iceweasel]

My mom is like that. Literally incapable of receiving words and thinks everything is about her. And will lie or misrepresent what you say or do if it benefits her in any way.

Assuming she is still alive.

 

[Bruce_T_Laney]

Have you ever been around someone (mate/family member) that you just can NOT have a discussion with?

If you have something to say, they always have to "one up" it or, dismiss what you have to say because it's been worse for them. Maybe even a situation where you tell them you need to go be alone because you are having a bad day and they take it personally or call you "selfish" because you need them for something?

My Grandmother... If you ever watched the movie The Ref, well she ( My grandmother ) was ten times worse... When my Grandmother passed the first comment from a few of us in the family was that Lucifer got his bride back... The woman was evil and no one ever suffered as much as she did and no one was unloved as much as she claimed she was... I have a dozen pics of her and in all of them you never see her smiling and just a few have that evil smirk that I have... Oh, I look like my grandmother...

 

[Bonzi]

My mother is also like that. A year ago, I was with her for several weeks, told her repeatedly I needed space (I asked nicely) but it got to the point I felt I would lose my mind and nearly did.

Asking to be left alone was too much it seems. I am not sure why people are like that. It's like they can not comprehend you unless you fit into their mold or way of thinking.

I still have contact with my mother but it's best we both have minimal contact.

It is frustrating too in another relationship I have to be reprimanded about not being honest about my feelings but every time I express them they are belittled and stomped on.

 

[Bonzi]

Have you ever been around someone (mate/family member) that you just can NOT have a discussion with?

If you have something to say, they always have to "one up" it or, dismiss what you have to say because it's been worse for them. Maybe even a situation where you tell them you need to go be alone because you are having a bad day and they take it personally or call you "selfish" because you need them for something?

My Grandmother... If you ever watched the movie The Ref, well she ( My grandmother ) was ten times worse... When my Grandmother passed the first comment from a few of us in the family was that Lucifer got his bride back... The woman was evil and no one ever suffered as much as she did and no one was unloved as much as she claimed she was... I have a dozen pics of her and in all of them you never see her smiling and just a few have that evil smirk that I have... Oh, I look like my grandmother...

My mother is very nice, but, critical.
The kind of person that can put the knife in and twist is and make it seem like it's a nice thing.
She's not bitter at all.
But she can't handle it if you don't do thing her way and can not make certain compromises or sacrifices at all - but always has a reason for it.

 

[ChrisL]

I think you people ought to start an online support group.

 

[Bonzi]

Oh there are plenty out there. I've thought about looking at a few.
There are people you control being around, but family, well, you should try to love and accept them "as is" but it can be hard when you can not communicate with them like a rational human being.

I'm sure you have run into a few -

 

[Bonzi]

Some people are just poor communicators too - maybe they are just not saying what they mean to say -

I've been in discussions where, I know if I say something, it will lead to a 1 or 2 hours rant, so I just keep my mouth shut for the sake of sanity.

Adult conversation should not be like that.

 

[ChrisL]

Oh there are plenty out there. I've thought about looking at a few.
There are people you control being around, but family, well, you should try to love and accept them "as is" but it can be hard when you can not communicate with them like a rational human being.

I'm sure you have run into a few -

So, limit your time with those people. My mother is a total bitch. I know my level of tolerance for her is usually about a couple of hours. Then, I say I have something to do, and I leave. She suffers from bipolar disorder and she has MS, and was quite abusive when I was a child. I deal with it LIKE an adult. I don't disown her because she needs me and I forgive her and try to understand her "issues."

 

[saveliberty]

Like knowing a second language, communicating may require us to use less familiar means occasionally. We ALL communicate poorly at times.

 

[Bonzi]

I actually agree with you.

But it's a bit more difficult if you are in a situation (say, you have a child that is like this) - where you can not just avoid them. This was more of a topic for discussion about all kinds of "bad communication" issues. I just brought up my own personal one.

There are some people where there are not real "issues" you just are different and can't understand the other person because you are so different (again, if possible, best to avoid OR try to focus on common ground).

I have found that too many time, people try to FORCE others into their way of thinking vs. either just minimizing contact or accepting that we are just different.

Not sure why that is so hard for people to do. Maybe has to do with how passionately you feel about issues etc.

 

[ChrisL]

I actually agree with you.

But it's a bit more difficult if you are in a situation (say, you have a child that is like this) - where you can not just avoid them. This was more of a topic for discussion about all kinds of "bad communication" issues. I just brought up my own personal one.

There are some people where there are not real "issues" you just are different and can't understand the other person because you are so different (again, if possible, best to avoid OR try to focus on common ground).

I have found that too many time, people try to FORCE others into their way of thinking vs. either just minimizing contact or accepting that we are just different.

Not sure why that is so hard for people to do. Maybe has to do with how passionately you feel about issues etc.

Or you can sit down with them and talk with them like an adult, and tell them that the things they say really bother you and why they bother you (nicely), and ask them to please stop doing that.

 

[Bonzi]

I actually agree with you.

But it's a bit more difficult if you are in a situation (say, you have a child that is like this) - where you can not just avoid them. This was more of a topic for discussion about all kinds of "bad communication" issues. I just brought up my own personal one.

There are some people where there are not real "issues" you just are different and can't understand the other person because you are so different (again, if possible, best to avoid OR try to focus on common ground).

I have found that too many time, people try to FORCE others into their way of thinking vs. either just minimizing contact or accepting that we are just different.

Not sure why that is so hard for people to do. Maybe has to do with how passionately you feel about issues etc.

Or you can sit down with them and talk with them like an adult, and tell them that the things they say really bother you and why they bother you (nicely), and ask them to please stop doing that.

That doesn't work with everyone.
Some people can't or don't want to listen. It's not a complaint. Like you said, we are all adults. If you find someone that won't listen, don't talk to them.

I do a lot of listening in my family! Maybe that's why I post so much here!

 

[ChrisL]

I actually agree with you.

But it's a bit more difficult if you are in a situation (say, you have a child that is like this) - where you can not just avoid them. This was more of a topic for discussion about all kinds of "bad communication" issues. I just brought up my own personal one.

There are some people where there are not real "issues" you just are different and can't understand the other person because you are so different (again, if possible, best to avoid OR try to focus on common ground).

I have found that too many time, people try to FORCE others into their way of thinking vs. either just minimizing contact or accepting that we are just different.

Not sure why that is so hard for people to do. Maybe has to do with how passionately you feel about issues etc.

Or you can sit down with them and talk with them like an adult, and tell them that the things they say really bother you and why they bother you (nicely), and ask them to please stop doing that.

That doesn't work with everyone.
Some people can't or don't want to listen. It's not a complaint. Like you said, we are all adults. If you find someone that won't listen, don't talk to them.

I do a lot of listening in my family! Maybe that's why I post so much here!

Well have you tried doing that?

 

[Bonzi]

I actually agree with you.

But it's a bit more difficult if you are in a situation (say, you have a child that is like this) - where you can not just avoid them. This was more of a topic for discussion about all kinds of "bad communication" issues. I just brought up my own personal one.

There are some people where there are not real "issues" you just are different and can't understand the other person because you are so different (again, if possible, best to avoid OR try to focus on common ground).

I have found that too many time, people try to FORCE others into their way of thinking vs. either just minimizing contact or accepting that we are just different.

Not sure why that is so hard for people to do. Maybe has to do with how passionately you feel about issues etc.

Or you can sit down with them and talk with them like an adult, and tell them that the things they say really bother you and why they bother you (nicely), and ask them to please stop doing that.

That doesn't work with everyone.
Some people can't or don't want to listen. It's not a complaint. Like you said, we are all adults. If you find someone that won't listen, don't talk to them.

I do a lot of listening in my family! Maybe that's why I post so much here!

Well have you tried doing that?

Yep! That's why I talk here!

 

[ChrisL]

I actually agree with you.

But it's a bit more difficult if you are in a situation (say, you have a child that is like this) - where you can not just avoid them. This was more of a topic for discussion about all kinds of "bad communication" issues. I just brought up my own personal one.

There are some people where there are not real "issues" you just are different and can't understand the other person because you are so different (again, if possible, best to avoid OR try to focus on common ground).

I have found that too many time, people try to FORCE others into their way of thinking vs. either just minimizing contact or accepting that we are just different.

Not sure why that is so hard for people to do. Maybe has to do with how passionately you feel about issues etc.

Or you can sit down with them and talk with them like an adult, and tell them that the things they say really bother you and why they bother you (nicely), and ask them to please stop doing that.

That doesn't work with everyone.
Some people can't or don't want to listen. It's not a complaint. Like you said, we are all adults. If you find someone that won't listen, don't talk to them.

I do a lot of listening in my family! Maybe that's why I post so much here!

Well have you tried doing that?

Yep! That's why I talk here!

That's why I said you should start an online support group. Lol.

 

[tyroneweaver]

I actually agree with you.

But it's a bit more difficult if you are in a situation (say, you have a child that is like this) - where you can not just avoid them. This was more of a topic for discussion about all kinds of "bad communication" issues. I just brought up my own personal one.

There are some people where there are not real "issues" you just are different and can't understand the other person because you are so different (again, if possible, best to avoid OR try to focus on common ground).

I have found that too many time, people try to FORCE others into their way of thinking vs. either just minimizing contact or accepting that we are just different.

Not sure why that is so hard for people to do. Maybe has to do with how passionately you feel about issues etc.

Or you can sit down with them and talk with them like an adult, and tell them that the things they say really bother you and why they bother you (nicely), and ask them to please stop doing that.

Or:
Sit down and write on a piece of paper all your feelings from your perspective on one side of the paper
And then on the other side write down what you think the other person is thinking from their perspective.
It's called a thinking report.
We used when I was a youth counselor.

 

[ChrisL]

I actually agree with you.

But it's a bit more difficult if you are in a situation (say, you have a child that is like this) - where you can not just avoid them. This was more of a topic for discussion about all kinds of "bad communication" issues. I just brought up my own personal one.

There are some people where there are not real "issues" you just are different and can't understand the other person because you are so different (again, if possible, best to avoid OR try to focus on common ground).

I have found that too many time, people try to FORCE others into their way of thinking vs. either just minimizing contact or accepting that we are just different.

Not sure why that is so hard for people to do. Maybe has to do with how passionately you feel about issues etc.

Or you can sit down with them and talk with them like an adult, and tell them that the things they say really bother you and why they bother you (nicely), and ask them to please stop doing that.

Or:
Sit down and write on a piece of paper all your feelings from your perspective on one side of the paper
And then on the other side write down what you think the other person is thinking from their perspective.
It's called a thinking report.
We used when I was a youth counselor.

Good idea. Writing down your feelings is very good therapy. I did a lot of that when going through some very difficult times, and it does help to sort out your feelings.

 

[tyroneweaver]

I actually agree with you.

But it's a bit more difficult if you are in a situation (say, you have a child that is like this) - where you can not just avoid them. This was more of a topic for discussion about all kinds of "bad communication" issues. I just brought up my own personal one.

There are some people where there are not real "issues" you just are different and can't understand the other person because you are so different (again, if possible, best to avoid OR try to focus on common ground).

I have found that too many time, people try to FORCE others into their way of thinking vs. either just minimizing contact or accepting that we are just different.

Not sure why that is so hard for people to do. Maybe has to do with how passionately you feel about issues etc.

Or you can sit down with them and talk with them like an adult, and tell them that the things they say really bother you and why they bother you (nicely), and ask them to please stop doing that.

Or:
Sit down and write on a piece of paper all your feelings from your perspective on one side of the paper
And then on the other side write down what you think the other person is thinking from their perspective.
It's called a thinking report.
We used when I was a youth counselor.

Good idea. Writing down your feelings is very good therapy. I did a lot of that when going through some very difficult times, and it does help to sort out your feelings.

There's nothing wrong with having feelings. Remember that.

 

[ChrisL]

I actually agree with you.

But it's a bit more difficult if you are in a situation (say, you have a child that is like this) - where you can not just avoid them. This was more of a topic for discussion about all kinds of "bad communication" issues. I just brought up my own personal one.

There are some people where there are not real "issues" you just are different and can't understand the other person because you are so different (again, if possible, best to avoid OR try to focus on common ground).

I have found that too many time, people try to FORCE others into their way of thinking vs. either just minimizing contact or accepting that we are just different.

Not sure why that is so hard for people to do. Maybe has to do with how passionately you feel about issues etc.

Or you can sit down with them and talk with them like an adult, and tell them that the things they say really bother you and why they bother you (nicely), and ask them to please stop doing that.

Or:
Sit down and write on a piece of paper all your feelings from your perspective on one side of the paper
And then on the other side write down what you think the other person is thinking from their perspective.
It's called a thinking report.
We used when I was a youth counselor.

Good idea. Writing down your feelings is very good therapy. I did a lot of that when going through some very difficult times, and it does help to sort out your feelings.

There's nothing wrong with having feelings. Remember that.

Of course not, but there is a time and place, and there's nothing wrong with keeping them to yourself at least SOME of the time.