Hillary's diaries, Chapter "Muh health is great"
There are rumors about my failing health spreading all over the internet.
Even Dr. Drew, who is not Trump shill weighs in, saying my health is of grave concern.
I have to respond to rumors, so I go to late night comedy Jew.
I sit awkward as **** in normal cushioned chair because I cant stand up on my own if I sit normally.
Literally, my fat ass is on the edge of the chair and I am leaning back like it's a recliner.
I keep reminding myself to smile, while I tell that late night comedy Jew I am in tip top health.
"TIP TOP", I repeat multiple times in an accidental spasm, but I smile and play it off as a joke.
This is a late night comedy Jew after all.
I am pretending to be human every once in a while actually feels good.
I remind comedy Jew that rumors about my failing health are nothing but crazy conspiracy theories.
As the audience is laughing about how wacky the conspiracy theorists are I have surreptitiously depressed a button behind my ear.
The exoskeleton hidden underneath my pantsuit raises me out of the recline position for my big stunt - opening the jar of pickles.
The goal is to shame the conspiracy theorists with mockery.
This should shut them up.
Nobody will suspect a thing.
Nobody will think for a second that my team has installed a trick pickle jar to insure against national embarrassment.
I happily wrench at the pickle jar and make humanoid-like facial signals indicating muscle strain.
The lid pops off like a charm.
I laugh. I laugh because I have rused them all.
I can't stop laughing, actually I see no need to stop myself from laughing.
I have to stop laughing now, because it sounds like a cackle.
Who cares, this is the late night comedy Jew after all.