A muslim in heaven

[jimnyc]

A Muslim dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter meets him at the gate and says, "Welcome to heaven my son, please enter!"

The Muslim says "Oh no, no, I cannot enter without seeing Allah." St. Peter says, "Oh... Allah. He is upstairs."

The Muslim says, "Well of course, Allah is upstairs!" He climbs upstairs and meets Jesus.

Jesus says "Welcome to heaven my child, please enter!" And the Muslim says "Oh no, no, with all due respect, I cannot enter without seeing Allah."

Jesus says "But of course...Allah is upstairs, top floor."

The Muslim smiles and thinks to himself, "Of course, Allah is on top of heaven itself because He is most high!"

At the final gate he meets the all mighty Lord himself who says "Welcome to heaven my child, please enter."

As expected, the Muslim says he cannot enter without meeting Allah, to which the Lord replies "I understand, my child...Allah is here. But he is busy right now. Why don't you have a seat and wait for him?"

The Muslim is so excited that his Allah is so important, after all he always believed this was so. The Lord says to the Muslim "Why you must be parched, would you like a drink?"

The Muslim says, "Yes, I would like a drink. I would like that very much."

And the Lord asks, "Would you like a Coke?"

The Muslim says "Yes, that sounds good, thank you."

The Lord says, "It does indeed. I think I'll join you."

And with that the Lord snapped his fingers and said, "Allah, bring two cokes!"

 

[janeeng]

dumbass towel raps!

 

[jxxxmy]

A person commits suicide and in the process murders lots of innocent people.
That person is going to heaven?
Bullshit!!
I'm sorry to say, but anyone who teaches this, and anyone who acts on this precept is going straight to hell.

What kind of fucked up perverse people actually believe that bullshit? Dumb motherfuckers.

Martyrs my ass.

Go to the "Crying Game" hell fucking assholes.

I'm sorry man. Osama, Saddam, Muhammad Atta, and the rest of those fools are sucking Satan's cock right now.:ali:


SLURP! SLURP!

 

[janeeng]

WOW! you sure your the same person who posted a while ago with some dumb reasons for going to war with IRAQ???

That's some potty mouth!

 

[jxxxmy]

Diversity of opinions and views baby! Diversity!

I like to tell everybody that they are an asshole!

 

[janeeng]

well shit, I hope not to piss you off then!!!!!

 

[NightTrain]

LMAO

Hell yeah!

 

[Donme Friptche]

The only problem with your joke is that muslims go straight to

hell. There is NO god called Allah, MO-Hamm-head was a

terrorist and a child molester. Thes stupid Islam believers need

to be killed whenever they are found.

Love Donme - Maui Skank.

 

[janeeng]

Well well well, looky looky who's back??? Good to see you Donme! haven't seen you since the old board!!!!

 

[jimnyc]

Welcome, Donme!

Glad to see you found your way to the new board, and I hope you'll stick around.

If you truly are a skank, please forward me a picture of your boobies.

 

[Spirit_Soul]

Originally posted by Donme Friptche
The only problem with your joke is that muslims go straight to

hell. There is NO god called Allah, MO-Hamm-head was a

terrorist and a child molester. Thes stupid Islam believers need

to be killed whenever they are found.

Love Donme - Maui Skank.

Allah directly translates to "God" . How can you say "there is no god called God?

You: "MO-Hamm-head was a

terrorist and a child molester."

If you want to point out that this particular religion is "stupid" or "delusional" please keep in mind that there can be many things from your and my religions which may brand them also as "stupid" and ridiculous.

"Thes stupid Islam believers need

to be killed whenever they are found."

Many of these islamic believers(many millions) are as young as 1 month old babies and as old as 99 year old men and women, where do you want to start? And after you are done, will you declare yourself or our nation to be the protector of the rights of "Life, Liberty and Pursuit of happiness"?

 

[jimnyc]

Originally posted by Spirit_Soul
Allah directly translates to "God" . How can you say "there is no god called God?

You: "MO-Hamm-head was a

terrorist and a child molester."

If you want to point out that this particular religion is "stupid" or "delusional" please keep in mind that there can be many things from your and my religions which may brand them also as "stupid" and ridiculous.

"Thes stupid Islam believers need

to be killed whenever they are found."

Many of these islamic believers(many millions) are as young as 1 month old babies and as old as 99 year old men and women, where do you want to start? And after you are done, will you declare yourself or our nation to be the protector of the rights of "Life, Liberty and Pursuit of happiness"?

Allah may very well translate to "God", but it certainly isn't the same God I pray to!

And you forgot to add when talking about their God and beliefs, "Pursuit of Life, Liberty, Happiness & many virgins" Strap a bomb to your body and take out the enemy - paradise awaits!

 

[janeeng]

AMEN! I don't think OUR God would want such a thing. Your right Jim, strap bombs, kill people and be told, it's for Allah! you will find your spot in Heaven!!! hahahahahah! talk about brainwashing! you really think God, our creator would want such a thing? Sorry, I have to agree with Jim, we have very different God's here, and I will pray to the God I was brought up to beleive in, and that's for us to love on another and not kill to be placed in heaven! hehhe! that's funny!

 

[Spirit_Soul]

Originally posted by jimnyc
Allah may very well translate to "God", but it certainly isn't the same God I pray to!

And you forgot to add when talking about their God and beliefs, "Pursuit of Life, Liberty, Happiness & many virgins" Strap a bomb to your body and take out the enemy - paradise awaits!

I was not saying that you pray to "Allah" , I was trying to say that the statement said in that message posted by donme as incorrect. If you want to say that your God is the true God and the other God is not etc. that would be a different issue all together.

Also, do you really believe that every single person who lives in those countries thinks that if they kill they go to paradise? that would be in my view, ridiculous

But I questioned Donme to know how one can proclaim to kill so many people and still value life?

 

[janeeng]

And who are you proclaiming is doing all the killing? US? and if so, you don't think we as the US needed to go do what we did? I do. I don't think these idiots coming here and killing Civilians because that's the rigth thing to do, and Allah wants that, is sick - these are civilians that asked for nothing, but to go to work, return home from vacation, business, etc.. and life taken away from them. Most that were killed in Iraq decided that they wanted to fight the US and had a choice to stay or leave, they knew it was coming, did we????

 

[Dan]

Not every Muslim believes they need to kill people to get to heaven. Honestly, I think it has more to do with their governments and leaders using their religions as a way to get them to do this.

Just because some Muslims believe blowing people up is a good thing doesn't mean they all do. Timothy McVeigh was a Christian, does that mean all you guys are going to blow up government buildings?

And Jim and Janeen, you keep referring to OUR God. Don't you think it's possible that there's only one god up there, and everyone is worshipping him (or her, or it)?

 

[jimnyc]

Originally posted by Dan
Not every Muslim believes they need to kill people to get to heaven. Honestly, I think it has more to do with their governments and leaders using their religions as a way to get them to do this.

Just because some Muslims believe blowing people up is a good thing doesn't mean they all do. Timothy McVeigh was a Christian, does that mean all you guys are going to blow up government buildings?

And Jim and Janeen, you keep referring to OUR God. Don't you think it's possible that there's only one god up there, and everyone is worshipping him (or her, or it)?

Not a very good analogy! You are making your comments about McVeigh, which was a rare instance. The muslims are performing suicide bombings almost daily. Maybe you shouldn't blame ALL muslims for these type of activities, but I'll avoid them in the name of safety just the same!

I "keep referring to OUR God"? All I said was "that isn't the same God I pray to". I spoke for myself. And it's not a matter of who your God is, or what you think about him/her - it's about your individual beliefs. And believing sacrificing your life while killing others will get you many virgins and a direct invitation to meet Allah himself is just plain wrong and nothing I ever remember hearing about in any of my teachings about God.

 

[Dan]

I'm not saying you shouldn't avoid them. I'm not going to pretend that when I went to NYC last Christmas I wasn't a little uncomfortable sitting behind an Arab on the train. I'm just saying, they're not all psychopaths just waiting for the right moment to blow themselves up.

And, all I'm saying about God is, you act like "well MY God wouldn't tell people to do that", and there's a very good chance that you're all worshipping the same God, and that the things that people believe God is telling them is entirely in their heads, and not what "Allah" is telling them to do.

 

[Spirit_Soul]

Originally posted by Dan
I'm not saying you shouldn't avoid them. I'm not going to pretend that when I went to NYC last Christmas I wasn't a little uncomfortable sitting behind an Arab on the train. I'm just saying, they're not all psychopaths just waiting for the right moment to blow themselves up.

very well said,

This is atleast the first step for people to stop the racism that is almost consuming our entire population.

 

[janeeng]

In terms of my God Dan, is exactly the way Jim explained, I don't believe in a God that would think you should kill to enter his heaven, that's ridiculous. I believe in one God, and people can choose who they want or what they think as far as God. I happen to believe that there is only one God, but it appears that others seems to think that there are many more.