When You Shatter A Woman's Heart

[boedicca]

"Your sins are terrible and it is just that you suffer".
The man feels guilt, while the woman feels agony...guilt is however pacified by forgiveness, should he be so lucky. If forgiven, he may even feel he is now a "better man".
For her, she has no such luck. She couldn't possibly feel like she is a "better woman".

My advice is to grovel in your guilt. Know that you will never be a "better man" for doing this. Only you are a weaker man. I also advice you to try and seek her forgiveness, but do not patronize. Do not expect it.
If she forgives you, do not apologize for it again...never bring it up for the rest of your life. She will know if you are sorry. Reminding her of her private hell so you can feel better only shows the same selfishness that you provided her in the first place.

You're over complicating it iam... he's a drunken cad, he hurt the woman who was generous enough to love him, now they should just go their separate ways and never cross paths again for as long as they live, end of story.

I find the OP to be a creepy form of braggadocio.

Just sayin'.

 

[Truthmatters]

lets just take a momment to reflect on the numbers of people in this world who are sociopaths.

1 in 100 women are sociopaths and 3 in 100 men are sociopaths.

In life that explains alot.

Not everyone is capable of love.

 

[Anachronism]

lets just take a momment to reflect on the numbers of people in this world who are sociopaths. 1 in 100 women are sociopaths and 3 in 100 men are sociopaths. In life that explains alot.

Yes it does. It tells you that one woman has to be three times as bad as the guys to make up for their lack of numbers.

Not everyone is capable of love.

True. Some people are incapable. Some are just unwilling. The trick is being able to determine the difference between the two.

 

[Shadow]

It's chemistry. You don't always get to choose who you care about or love...it just happens. You may get to choose the circumstances and what you are willing to do or put up with...but once you care,you are emotionally invested...whether you want to be or not. Logic has nothing to do with it.

As I've said, I've never actually been in love or anything like that, so I just can't comprehend that sort of thing. The people I care about hold that place because I see some value in who and what they are, not simply because they have a pretty smile or a nice ass or anything like that. I'm pretty sure that if I were to ever look at someone I knew I had serious philosophical differences with and though... "Gee, I think I really care for that person." I'd probably grab a cast iron skillet and brain myself with it until I came back to my senses.

But there is a reason you are attracted to and care about the ones you do (who says everyone is just attracted to the superficial). I'm sure there are plenty of nice people out there that have the same good values you don't even give a second thought to, pretty Smile...nice ass or not....you just don't mesh.

You choose to be closed off and cold. That is why no one is good enough for your consideration and will never measure up.

 

[Truthmatters]

Not everyone is capable of love.

Its just a fact of life.

There is nothing wrong with a sociopath who follows the laws and doesnt lie to people.

It however is very hard for a sociopath to not lie.

That does not make it impossible for them to remain truthful.

Its a choice like many that most people make in life.

Not everyone who doesnt cheat on their husband or wife refrains because its morally wrong.

Some just know the risk of getting caught isnt worth the mommentary pleasure.

It would be hard to go through life and not understand why most people hold love on high when for them there is no such thing.


I am so very glad to not have that burden in life.

 

[Anachronism]

But there is a reason you are attracted to and care about the ones you do (who says everyone is just attracted to the superficial).

True. It's generally a matter of commonality of interests, philosophies, worldview, etc... or some form of common circumstance. On occasion it may be someone who I feel has gotten a raw deal through no fault of their own. The difference is that these things rarely provoke romantic or lustful feelings. They create much more of a measure of friendship and comaraderie than anything else.

I'm sure there are plenty of nice people out there that have the same good values you don't even give a second thought to, pretty Smile...nice ass or not....you just don't mesh.

In those cases it's mostly those who place more importancce on their physical appearance or things of that nature than their personality, attitude, etc... They may have the requisite socio-political and philosophical traits I'm looking for, but they tend not to put as much importance on those things.

You choose to be closed off and cold. That is why no one is good enough for your consideration and will never measure up.

Does one choose to duck when an object is thrown at one's head, or do years of experience ingrain the response so completely that it becomes an instinctive act, Shadow? I'm sure there are women out there who could measure up to the standards of what I'm looking for. Unfortunately for me they're often part of exclusive religious denominations or similar groups and/or they live in much less Liberal parts of the United States or foreign countries, which means my chances of ever meeting them is essentailly nil.

 

[007]

Too smart to love eh?

I don't know that I'd classify it as "smart"; but let's just say that I learned the darkness inside the human heart very early on in life. I've been the patsy for other people before. I've been the butt of the joke. I've been the punch line. I don't intend to ever go back there again. I know the only person looking out for MY best interests is ME; and that in doing so I really don't have the time, energy, money, or interest to look out for anyone else's best interests. I see life as an investment, and I have never been able to see what the return on expending all that emotional capital on another person is supposed to be.

You still sound like a scaredy cat, afraid to get hurt, won't take any more chances, has locked his emotions away so his precious little self won't get hurt.

Well, no guts, no glory. You've given up, and that's not only the easy way out, that's the cowards way out.

 

[007]

"Your sins are terrible and it is just that you suffer".
The man feels guilt, while the woman feels agony...guilt is however pacified by forgiveness, should he be so lucky. If forgiven, he may even feel he is now a "better man".
For her, she has no such luck. She couldn't possibly feel like she is a "better woman".

My advice is to grovel in your guilt. Know that you will never be a "better man" for doing this. Only you are a weaker man. I also advice you to try and seek her forgiveness, but do not patronize. Do not expect it.
If she forgives you, do not apologize for it again...never bring it up for the rest of your life. She will know if you are sorry. Reminding her of her private hell so you can feel better only shows the same selfishness that you provided her in the first place.

You're over complicating it iam... he's a drunken cad, he hurt the woman who was generous enough to love him, now they should just go their separate ways and never cross paths again for as long as they live, end of story.

I find the OP to be a creepy form of braggadocio.

Just sayin'.

Well... the guy is a self avowed, filthy drunk. He's pickled his brain, so creepy coming from him shouldn't be any surprise.

 

[007]

lets just take a momment to reflect on the numbers of people in this world who are sociopaths. 1 in 100 women are sociopaths and 3 in 100 men are sociopaths. In life that explains alot.

Yes it does. It tells you that one woman has to be three times as bad as the guys to make up for their lack of numbers.

Not everyone is capable of love.

True. Some people are incapable. Some are just unwilling. The trick is being able to determine the difference between the two.

Now you're agreeing with truthdon'tmeanshit mystically pulling numbers out of thin air. You're losing credibility by the post.

 

[Truthmatters]

How to deal with common everyday sociopaths. (article)


Here's a summary of Common Everyday Sociopaths:


1. They make you feel sorry for them.

2. They make you feel worried or afraid.

3. They give you the impression you owe them.

4. They make you feel used.

5. Sometimes you suspect they don't care about you.

6. They lie to you and deceive you.

7. They take a lot from you and give back very little.

8. They make you feel guilty (and use that to manipulate you).

9. They take advantage of your kindness.

10. They are easily bored and need constant stimulation.

11. They don't take responsibility, but place blame elsewhere.

 

[Anachronism]

Not everyone is capable of love. Its just a fact of life. There is nothing wrong with a sociopath who follows the laws and doesnt lie to people.

So basically, as long as people like me are HONEST about their inability or unwillingness to love, you have no problem with it. Am I reading that correctly?

It however is very hard for a sociopath to not lie. That does not make it impossible for them to remain truthful. Its a choice like many that most people make in life.

I'm not quite sure how you're coming to the conclusion that sociopath's lie, unless you're suggesting that they do so in order to appear "normal" and to maintain their relationships with "normal" people by pretending to have the same emotional attachments.

Not everyone who doesnt cheat on their husband or wife refrains because its morally wrong. Some just know the risk of getting caught isnt worth the mommentary pleasure. It would be hard to go through life and not understand why most people hold love on high when for them there is no such thing.

Does it really matter what the reason for the fidelity is? Whether it's an emotional attachment, the potential legal consequences, etc?... Isn't the important thing that the fidelity and the vows are maintained?

It might not really be as hard as you seem to think it is, TM. After a while everything in that vein just kind of goes numb. Just because we don't feel love doesn't mean we don't have other emotional reactions. In fact, I tend to find that the other emotions are heightened in those of us who don't, won't, or can't love.

I am so very glad to not have that burden in life.

It's all a matter of point of view, TM. While you may be very glad that you don't have that burden in life, I for one can say that I don't miss many of the things that were part of the life back when I still sought after love and thought it might be part of my life. The pain, fear, and loss. I don't miss that stuff at all.

 

[boedicca]

How to deal with common everyday sociopaths. (article)


Here's a summary of Common Everyday Sociopaths:


1. They make you feel sorry for them.

2. They make you feel worried or afraid.

3. They give you the impression you owe them.

4. They make you feel used.

5. Sometimes you suspect they don't care about you.

6. They lie to you and deceive you.

7. They take a lot from you and give back very little.

8. They make you feel guilty (and use that to manipulate you).

9. They take advantage of your kindness.

10. They are easily bored and need constant stimulation.

11. They don't take responsibility, but place blame elsewhere.

How does it feel to be 1 out of 100, TMN?

 

[Anachronism]

You still sound like a scaredy cat, afraid to get hurt, won't take any more chances, has locked his emotions away so his precious little self won't get hurt.

Well, no guts, no glory. You've given up, and that's not only the easy way out, that's the cowards way out.

Pale, again I couldn't care any less what your opinion of me is. I'm not here seeking your or anyone else's approval. You are correct that I've taken that part of me and locked it away, then thrown away the key. If that makes me a coward in your eyes, so be it. I just know that I'd gotten to the point where the returns were no longer worth the investment and I was no longer willing to continue losing on the exchange.

Now you're agreeing with truthdon'tmeanshit mystically pulling numbers out of thin air. You're losing credibility by the post.

I'm simply agreeing with the truth of the matter, Pale. There are many of us out here who are either incapable of unwilling to engage in that sort of emotional interaction. I don't believe TM put any numbers on anything, and neither did I. We both simply accept that there are some people for whom the idea of love is a lost cause.

 

[Shadow]

But there is a reason you are attracted to and care about the ones you do (who says everyone is just attracted to the superficial).

True. It's generally a matter of commonality of interests, philosophies, worldview, etc... or some form of common circumstance. On occasion it may be someone who I feel has gotten a raw deal through no fault of their own. The difference is that these things rarely provoke romantic or lustful feelings. They create much more of a measure of friendship and comaraderie than anything else.

I'm sure there are plenty of nice people out there that have the same good values you don't even give a second thought to, pretty Smile...nice ass or not....you just don't mesh.

In those cases it's mostly those who place more importancce on their physical appearance or things of that nature than their personality, attitude, etc... They may have the requisite socio-political and philosophical traits I'm looking for, but they tend not to put as much importance on those things.

You choose to be closed off and cold. That is why no one is good enough for your consideration and will never measure up.

Does one choose to duck when an object is thrown at one's head, or do years of experience ingrain the response so completely that it becomes an instinctive act, Shadow? I'm sure there are women out there who could measure up to the standards of what I'm looking for. Unfortunately for me they're often part of exclusive religious denominations or similar groups and/or they live in much less Liberal parts of the United States or foreign countries, which means my chances of ever meeting them is essentailly nil.

Sounds more like you find one who shares your values and then nit pick them apart until you convence yourself they are not worth your time. No one is perfect...or are they ever going to be. This sounds like the action of someone not willing to even try.

I doubt you are the only one who has ever been hurt or that has been in verbally abusive relationships....romatically or otherwise. Like I said before in another thread...you can let it all go without being closed off completely if you really wanted to.

 

[007]

You still sound like a scaredy cat, afraid to get hurt, won't take any more chances, has locked his emotions away so his precious little self won't get hurt.

Well, no guts, no glory. You've given up, and that's not only the easy way out, that's the cowards way out.

Pale, again I couldn't care any less what your opinion of me is. I'm not here seeking your or anyone else's approval. You are correct that I've taken that part of me and locked it away, then thrown away the key. If that makes me a coward in your eyes, so be it. I just know that I'd gotten to the point where the returns were no longer worth the investment and I was no longer willing to continue losing on the exchange.

Now you're agreeing with truthdon'tmeanshit mystically pulling numbers out of thin air. You're losing credibility by the post.

I'm simply agreeing with the truth of the matter, Pale. There are many of us out here who are either incapable of unwilling to engage in that sort of emotional interaction. I don't believe TM put any numbers on anything, and neither did I. We both simply accept that there are some people for whom the idea of love is a lost cause.

Then you have issues, just that plain and simple. You're either incapable of or willfully fighting off natural urges to love and be loved.

Why not get help instead of cutting off such a wonderful part of life?

 

[Truthmatters]

What is a Sociopath? | Dealing With Sociopaths


But for a small part of the population – as much as 4 in every 100 people – this never develops. The result is someone free from conscience – free from this natural behavioural breaking system that protects the interests of the wider group in which they belong.

 

[Anachronism]

Sounds more like you find one who shares your values and then nit pick them apart until you convence yourself they are not worth your time. No one is perfect...or are they ever going to be. This sounds like the action of someone not willing to even try.

At this point, I'd have to be shown a pretty slam-dunk guaranteed option to give it a try, Shadow. I'm too old and too stuck in my ways to learn anything new at this point; and I have less than no interest in trying to change a woman to my way of viewing things.

Honestly what tends to happen is that I can't find women who share the values I'm looking for who aren't already married or attached. There just aren't a whole lot of traditional women out there these days. Even fewer in the 25-40 age range who aren't already spoken for. Therefore I tend to end up in friendships rather than relationships with these people.

I doubt you are the only one who has ever been hurt or that has been in verbally abusive relationships....romatically or otherwise. Like I said before in another thread...you can let it all go without being closed off completely if you really wanted to.

Obviously I'm not the only person to ever have unpleasant relationships. To even suggest such would be absolute stupidity. At this point there is really very little chance of being able to let it all go. They'd probably end up stuffing me in a padded room with a "hug me jacket" on if I even tried to let it all go. I'm not sure my mind could handle it. It would require a nervous breakdown of Biblical proportions on my part; and honestly I'd probably rather be dead than to go through that.

[Then you have issues, just that plain and simple. You're either incapable or willfully fighting natural urges to love and be loved.

Why not get help instead of cutting off such a wonderful part of life?

In my case it's much more the fact that I've simply decided to shut down and/or ignore those interests. Not that there's any woman out there stupid enough to fall in love with someone like me, but that's a different topic.

What wonderful part of life? The part where you and your partner grow apart? The part where you suddenly realize the person you thought you married isn't really who you thought they were; or even worse you're not who they thought you were? The sitting there and watching them be taken from you by age or disease? Please tell me all about the wonderful parts of opening yourself up to be emotionally eviscerated. I just don't see what the great fascination with that is for most people.

 

[Truthmatters]

Since the day I heard those numbers a couple of weeks ago I have not spent one day without thinking about these facts.


It explains many people who have boggled my mind in past experiences.

There are many more of these people than most ever even dare to think.


One has to wonder how many of these people are in our government?

 

[Anachronism]

But for a small part of the population – as much as 4 in every 100 people – this never develops. The result is someone free from conscience – free from this natural behavioural breaking system that protects the interests of the wider group in which they belong.

Is it a matter that it never develops, or that it gets crushed under the weight of their personal experiences with the world around them? I think that would be an interesting topic for the psychological community to research.

 

[boedicca]

You still sound like a scaredy cat, afraid to get hurt, won't take any more chances, has locked his emotions away so his precious little self won't get hurt.

Well, no guts, no glory. You've given up, and that's not only the easy way out, that's the cowards way out.

Pale, again I couldn't care any less what your opinion of me is. I'm not here seeking your or anyone else's approval. You are correct that I've taken that part of me and locked it away, then thrown away the key. If that makes me a coward in your eyes, so be it. I just know that I'd gotten to the point where the returns were no longer worth the investment and I was no longer willing to continue losing on the exchange.

Now you're agreeing with truthdon'tmeanshit mystically pulling numbers out of thin air. You're losing credibility by the post.

I'm simply agreeing with the truth of the matter, Pale. There are many of us out here who are either incapable of unwilling to engage in that sort of emotional interaction. I don't believe TM put any numbers on anything, and neither did I. We both simply accept that there are some people for whom the idea of love is a lost cause.

Then you have issues, just that plain and simple. You're either incapable or willfully fighting natural urges to love and be loved.

Why not get help instead of cutting off such a wonderful part of life?

Because he obviously gets a kick out of the attention when he dwells on his Misanthropehood.