Thinking about death

[pillars]

I am sorry to hear that.

 

[Dale Smith]

Some people are gifted with blessings they forget they have, and others are never given the same joy.

That is very wise! Love it.

I never thought of it like this. I have always believed that people can build a life they like, if they work at it and are willing to struggle. A young guy I know that I started working with when he was 16 was an accessory to a double homicide when he was 20. Did 8 years in prison. But got his high school diploma and some training in prison. Works now in an auto parts warehouse. Married with 4 kids in his late 30s. Would not say his life is or has ever been perfect but he has built a good one.

What makes his circumstances better than some one else's? I think it is his attitude. He did not give up.

I didn't give up either. I kept trying. To no avail.
Live and learn.

Hang in there...tough times don't last but tough people do. If I wasn't in a period of transition where I moved from Dallas to Tampa, Florida and all the bullshit you have to go through in order to relocate, I would send you a check to help. They make it so hard for people to move from one place to another. Your car insurance changes, they want ungodly deposits on utilities because you don't have a history in that state. I had to put up a 200 dollar deposit before I could even get my electricity turned on. I had to pay a 600 dollar non-refundable fee plus the first and last month's rent on a decent apartment. I have been nickeled and dimed to death ever since I accepted this new position...it's insane. I will eventually get back to solvency and I will get back with ya....I give away most of any access that I have...this fiat currency is nothing but debt notes anyway...if it helps someone out, they are welcome to it...hugs and hang in there.

 

[Dale Smith]

Some people are gifted with blessings they forget they have, and others are never given the same joy.

That is very wise! Love it.

I never thought of it like this. I have always believed that people can build a life they like, if they work at it and are willing to struggle. A young guy I know that I started working with when he was 16 was an accessory to a double homicide when he was 20. Did 8 years in prison. But got his high school diploma and some training in prison. Works now in an auto parts warehouse. Married with 4 kids in his late 30s. Would not say his life is or has ever been perfect but he has built a good one.

What makes his circumstances better than some one else's? I think it is his attitude. He did not give up.

I didn't give up either. I kept trying. To no avail.
Live and learn.

Gracie you either didn't try hard enough because your are lazy idiot or you didn't take the time to consider or simply find out your options for a better life.

Either way people like you have earned where you are at.

Seriously, you may be one of the sorriest pieces of shit that I have ever encountered on the internet....and since I have been on many, many website forums? That's saying quite a bit.........you will reap what you sow and I would not want to be on the receiving end of the karma you have coming to you.

 

[Gracie]

Ok. This needs clarification, but I won't talk about it in detail. My childhood sucked. My mother was extremely abusive and not just verbally. My father was a great guy, but he didn't stop the abuse even though he knew it was happening. I bailed at 17 years old. He gave me the money to run off. And I did.
From then on, life has pretty much sucked. But I lived it. I worked, had a roof over my head on my own efforts, eventually married, had 2 kids, sucked at being a good mom. I just didn't have the ability or knowledge how to be one since I was raised as a "burden". Shit happened. Bad shit. But I carried on and did the best I could. I am soon to be 64. I began falling apart at 58. I beat breast cancer. I am still here. But I am tired. I am ready to go. I do not fear it. It's just another adventure for me...death is. Maybe wherever I land afterwards will be better than what I have lived on this earth and MAYBE, I hope, some of the things I did do that were right, were good things for other people. That's it. That's all. Done.

 

[Gracie]

Some people are gifted with blessings they forget they have, and others are never given the same joy.

That is very wise! Love it.

I never thought of it like this. I have always believed that people can build a life they like, if they work at it and are willing to struggle. A young guy I know that I started working with when he was 16 was an accessory to a double homicide when he was 20. Did 8 years in prison. But got his high school diploma and some training in prison. Works now in an auto parts warehouse. Married with 4 kids in his late 30s. Would not say his life is or has ever been perfect but he has built a good one.

What makes his circumstances better than some one else's? I think it is his attitude. He did not give up.

I didn't give up either. I kept trying. To no avail.
Live and learn.

Gracie you either didn't try hard enough because your are lazy idiot or you didn't take the time to consider or simply find out your options for a better life.

Either way people like you have earned where you are at.

Seriously, you may be one of the sorriest pieces of shit that I have ever encountered on the internet....and since I have been on many, many website forums? That's saying quite a bit.........you will reap what you sow and I would not want to be on the receiving end of the karma you have coming to you.

Ah. I was wondering who you were talking to. I have JR on ignore for a reason.

 

[Dale Smith]

That is very wise! Love it.

I never thought of it like this. I have always believed that people can build a life they like, if they work at it and are willing to struggle. A young guy I know that I started working with when he was 16 was an accessory to a double homicide when he was 20. Did 8 years in prison. But got his high school diploma and some training in prison. Works now in an auto parts warehouse. Married with 4 kids in his late 30s. Would not say his life is or has ever been perfect but he has built a good one.

What makes his circumstances better than some one else's? I think it is his attitude. He did not give up.

I didn't give up either. I kept trying. To no avail.
Live and learn.

Gracie you either didn't try hard enough because your are lazy idiot or you didn't take the time to consider or simply find out your options for a better life.

Either way people like you have earned where you are at.

Seriously, you may be one of the sorriest pieces of shit that I have ever encountered on the internet....and since I have been on many, many website forums? That's saying quite a bit.........you will reap what you sow and I would not want to be on the receiving end of the karma you have coming to you.

Ah. I was wondering who you were talking to. I have JR on ignore for a reason.

You didn't miss anything...he just exposed himself for being a sorry prick. Hugs.

 

[Gracie]

I never thought of it like this. I have always believed that people can build a life they like, if they work at it and are willing to struggle. A young guy I know that I started working with when he was 16 was an accessory to a double homicide when he was 20. Did 8 years in prison. But got his high school diploma and some training in prison. Works now in an auto parts warehouse. Married with 4 kids in his late 30s. Would not say his life is or has ever been perfect but he has built a good one.

What makes his circumstances better than some one else's? I think it is his attitude. He did not give up.

I didn't give up either. I kept trying. To no avail.
Live and learn.

Gracie you either didn't try hard enough because your are lazy idiot or you didn't take the time to consider or simply find out your options for a better life.

Either way people like you have earned where you are at.

Seriously, you may be one of the sorriest pieces of shit that I have ever encountered on the internet....and since I have been on many, many website forums? That's saying quite a bit.........you will reap what you sow and I would not want to be on the receiving end of the karma you have coming to you.

Ah. I was wondering who you were talking to. I have JR on ignore for a reason.

You didn't miss anything...he just exposed himself for being a sorry prick. Hugs.

He's always been a prick. He also is a troll, loser, etc etc etc. Half the time he is drunk and pissing himself, the other half he is drunk and just being an ass. Most everyone here has him on ignore except for those who like to watch the 'tard make more of an ass of himself. I don't, so I have had him on iggie for probably a year.

 

[Dale Smith]

I didn't give up either. I kept trying. To no avail.
Live and learn.

Gracie you either didn't try hard enough because your are lazy idiot or you didn't take the time to consider or simply find out your options for a better life.

Either way people like you have earned where you are at.

Seriously, you may be one of the sorriest pieces of shit that I have ever encountered on the internet....and since I have been on many, many website forums? That's saying quite a bit.........you will reap what you sow and I would not want to be on the receiving end of the karma you have coming to you.

Ah. I was wondering who you were talking to. I have JR on ignore for a reason.

You didn't miss anything...he just exposed himself for being a sorry prick. Hugs.

He's always been a prick. He also is a troll, loser, etc etc etc. Half the time he is drunk and pissing himself, the other half he is drunk and just being an ass. Most everyone here has him on ignore except for those who like to watch the 'tard make more of an ass of himself. I don't, so I have had him on iggie for probably a year.

You are wise......and I meant what I said...when I get my feet back under me from this massive move and if you still need help...let me know.

 

[HUGGY]

How often do you think about death/dying, and in what circumstances? I turned 50 this year, and I think I have thought about death/dying more this year than any before.

My job is occasionally somewhat dangerous. A couple of weeks ago, a shooting happened right in a location I'd left only a few minutes prior. If my timing had been only slightly different, I would have been there when it happened, and could have been injured or killed.

Are you accepting of your own mortality? What do you think happens after death? Do you have thoughts about what you want your life or death to mean?

You might need to change your meds. Seriously! I recently started taking a sleep aid that made me have bizzare and morbid thoughts and dreams. Since I stopped taking that particular medication my stupid death thoughts have went away. I am 67. I'm probably closer to the reaper than you. Thoughts of death are a waste of time and counter productive to good mental health.

 

[Gracie]

I don't know why thoughts of death is considered so taboo. We all are going to die eventually. Eat right, exercise, do all the right things....and you step across the street to the mailbox and get smacked by a drunk driver. When it's your time, it's your time and talking about it or thinking about it is natural. Pillars has family and kids to be concerned over and works a dangerous job. I bet cops think about death every damn day. So do soldiers. Has nothing to do with good mental health. It's just a fact that shit happens, then you die. That's called life. Until there is no life.

 

[HUGGY]

I don't know why thoughts of death is considered so taboo. We all are going to die eventually. Eat right, exercise, do all the right things....and you step across the street to the mailbox and get smacked by a drunk driver. When it's your time, it's your time and talking about it or thinking about it is natural. Pillars has family and kids to be concerned over and works a dangerous job. I bet cops think about death every damn day. So do soldiers. Has nothing to do with good mental health. It's just a fact that shit happens, then you die. That's called life. Until there is no life.

Sure. After the planning has been handled satisfactorily and someone has reached a balance in how they feel about approaching the end the minutes and hours, days and years become more valuable. Live for what future you have left. The end will come soon enough.

 

[westwall]

How often do you think about death/dying, and in what circumstances? I turned 50 this year, and I think I have thought about death/dying more this year than any before.

My job is occasionally somewhat dangerous. A couple of weeks ago, a shooting happened right in a location I'd left only a few minutes prior. If my timing had been only slightly different, I would have been there when it happened, and could have been injured or killed.

Are you accepting of your own mortality? What do you think happens after death? Do you have thoughts about what you want your life or death to mean?

I'm 20 years older than you and yeah, I am getting things prepared for when i am gone.

 

[Gracie]

I started doing that when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Got the living will and other stuff all done, too. Not that I have much, but...it's done. One major thing out of the way, anyway.

I feel bad when someone dies too young...or dies that didn't want to and had kids, family, etc. Here I am..ready to go...and not being my time yet...but they were. It's sad, unfair, and if I had the power within me to take their place since I am more than ready but they are not....I would.

 

[G.T.]

Gracie ,

You've had a positive impact on my life. Also, I can guarantee that's true of others.

 

[strollingbones]

life is short for some shorter than others.....lonesome dove....and so true....i dont think about death much......why bother....


Because I could not stop for Death – (479)
BY EMILY DICKINSON















Because I could not stop for Death –
He kindly stopped for me –
The Carriage held but just Ourselves –
And Immortality.

We slowly drove – He knew no haste
And I had put away
My labor and my leisure too,
For His Civility –

We passed the School, where Children strove
At Recess – in the Ring –
We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain –
We passed the Setting Sun –

Or rather – He passed Us –
The Dews drew quivering and Chill –
For only Gossamer, my Gown –
My Tippet – only Tulle –

We paused before a House that seemed
A Swelling of the Ground –
The Roof was scarcely visible –
The Cornice – in the Ground –

Since then – 'tis Centuries – and yet
Feels shorter than the Day
I first surmised the Horses' Heads
Were toward Eternity –


Reprinted by permission of the publishers and the Trustees of Amherst College from THE POEMS OF EMILY DICKINSON: READING EDITION, edited by Ralph W. Franklin, ed., Cambridge, Mass.: The Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, Copyright © 1998, 1999 by the President and Fellows of Harvard College. Copyright © 1951, 1955, 1979, 1983 by the President and Fellows of Harvard College.


Source: The Poems of Emily Dickinson, edited by R.W. Franklin (Harvard University Press, 1999)

 

[Bonzi]

I only have a few years left where I can look decent enough where that might actually interest someone....
I am not cut out to be old and ugly.

Well that's life. The flower fades. I never was nice looking, but I'm for sure worse now than I was in my teens.

Although if you got the money, Cher still looks nice. Not sure it's worth it though. So much plastic in that girl, they should call her Charbie.

Know what I did today? Went to the market, hit two thrift stores, came home...and discovered that my blouse was inside out. LOL

I look awful. I did not grow old gracefully. But, with age, comes with the emotion of...."who the fuck cares cuz I sure don't" mentality. I woulda died of embarrassment if I had done that 5 years ago. Now? Meh.

Be old, Bonzi. Nobody cares. Well, except you and it shouldn't.

Since I have learned the things that I know? I am not interested in taking on someone else's shit and having to take responsibility for their welfare...so I shun any venture that might lead me into a relationship...nope, not gonna happen.

That sounds better than my deal actually. I shun any venture that might lead to a relationship, because I can't even take care of myself. How the heck would I take care of a wife, or kids?

I also have a hard time with the fact that my childhood was so miserable. I can't bare the thought of bringing a child into this world, to go through the same misery that I did. What kind of scum would I be to do that.

I wish I knew the things that I now back when I was in my 20's because I would have gotten myself fixed. All I did was bring two more debt slaves into the world and I am not always going to be around to look after them. We don't live in a "Leave It To Beaver" world. Holy shit.....if only I had the knowledge back then that I know now.....SMH.....

Having my 2 kids was probably the only valuable thing I did for this world.
They are exceptional people. Successful and have big hearts.

 

[Bonzi]

I only have a few years left where I can look decent enough where that might actually interest someone....
I am not cut out to be old and ugly.

Well that's life. The flower fades. I never was nice looking, but I'm for sure worse now than I was in my teens.

Although if you got the money, Cher still looks nice. Not sure it's worth it though. So much plastic in that girl, they should call her Charbie.

Know what I did today? Went to the market, hit two thrift stores, came home...and discovered that my blouse was inside out. LOL

I look awful. I did not grow old gracefully. But, with age, comes with the emotion of...."who the fuck cares cuz I sure don't" mentality. I woulda died of embarrassment if I had done that 5 years ago. Now? Meh.

Be old, Bonzi. Nobody cares. Well, except you and it shouldn't.

Nope. Not for me.
Of course, until I have the courage to make that decision for myself, I'm at the mercy of time and fate.
I'm a shallow and selfish person. (God, I sound like paulie, gross)
I had a dream (now I sound like MLK), I realize it won't happen, not because it CAN'T but because I'm not willing to make the sacrifices (or wasn't) to make it happen.

Basically, I have quit. I am a dead person walking.

 

[strollingbones]

spring is not the time to dwell on death....

 

[Bonzi]

I only have a few years left where I can look decent enough where that might actually interest someone....
I am not cut out to be old and ugly.

Well that's life. The flower fades. I never was nice looking, but I'm for sure worse now than I was in my teens.

Although if you got the money, Cher still looks nice. Not sure it's worth it though. So much plastic in that girl, they should call her Charbie.

Know what I did today? Went to the market, hit two thrift stores, came home...and discovered that my blouse was inside out. LOL

I look awful. I did not grow old gracefully. But, with age, comes with the emotion of...."who the fuck cares cuz I sure don't" mentality. I woulda died of embarrassment if I had done that 5 years ago. Now? Meh.

Be old, Bonzi. Nobody cares. Well, except you and it shouldn't.

Since I have learned the things that I know? I am not interested in taking on someone else's shit and having to take responsibility for their welfare...so I shun any venture that might lead me into a relationship...nope, not gonna happen.

That sounds better than my deal actually. I shun any venture that might lead to a relationship, because I can't even take care of myself. How the heck would I take care of a wife, or kids?

I also have a hard time with the fact that my childhood was so miserable. I can't bare the thought of bringing a child into this world, to go through the same misery that I did. What kind of scum would I be to do that.

How old are you?
I never wanted to get married. I got married when I was 39.
I never really wanted or planned on having any kids.
I had both my kids while I was NOT married and never married their fathers.
In fact, my 1st child I never even lived with him. He was married.

But it's always good to know yourself. Emotions and hormones can certainly ruin the best laid (pardon the pun) plans.

I'm not sure what happened in your childhood. I don't consider mine to be so horrible. Maybe it was? It is all relative and really depends on how you process the things that happened to you.

 

[Bonzi]

I find the discussion of death fascinating.
Our lives are but a vapor (to quote the Bible)
Eternity is so much longer. Which do you think matters more?

When we are born, the dying process begins. The clock starts ticking - it's a race we can never win.