Politicians Answer: Why the Chicken Crossed the Road!

Discussion in 'Political Satire' started by JimBowie1958, Aug 11, 2017.

  1. JimBowie1958
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    JimBowie1958 Old Fogey

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    Lol, got this on FB from a friend.

    Hope yall find it as amusing as i did.

    Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

    SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

    BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

    JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

    HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?

    GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

    DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

    BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

    AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

    JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

    AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

    DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

    OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

    ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

    NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

    PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

    MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

    DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

    ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

    GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

    BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

    ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

    BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2017, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2017. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

    ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

    COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
     
    • Winner Winner x 3
  2. Rexx Taylor
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    Rexx Taylor Gold Member

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    i always thought the female chicken crossed the road to meet up with Bill Clinton in his private jet
     
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  3. AnCap'n_Murica
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    AnCap'n_Murica Gold Member

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    chickenroad.JPG
     
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  4. Rexx Taylor
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    Rexx Taylor Gold Member

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    Hillary,,,"You Know, I have never bitten the head of a chicken",,,I wonder what its like :eusa_think:
     
  5. JimBowie1958
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    JimBowie1958 Old Fogey

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    upload_2017-8-11_23-13-19.png
     
  6. Rexx Taylor
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    Rexx Taylor Gold Member

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    maybe the chicken crossed the road cause it was getting the runs and wanted to let it out on someones white front door?
     
    • Funny and Agree!! Funny and Agree!! x 1
  7. BlackFlag
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    BlackFlag I haz hoisted it!

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    Trump: "Oh this chicken. Let me tell you about this chicken. (long pause.........) This was a beautiful chicken. Okay? Okay?! (applause, loud whistling from the crowd)

    "The colors, the talent... let me tell you. (crowd silent) This was.. and I can tell you this, believe me... this was a BEAUTIFUL chicken. (laughter) Am I right? (raucous applause, image of chicken on jumbotron appears) AM I RIGHT?! (more applause)

    "Anyways... (applause) OKAY settle down! (long applause)"

    ...............and so on. You all get it. :rofl:
     
  8. aaronleland
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    aaronleland Gold Member

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    This is the worst thread ever. I kinda hope JimBowie1958 gets AIDS now.
     
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  9. MarkDuffy
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    MarkDuffy Diamond Member

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    THE 110th CONGRESS: Do you mean the chicken could actually cross the road and not just sit there doing nothing?

    DICK CHENEY: Sorry about shooting the farmer helping the chicken cross the road.

    COLIN POWELL: On the left side of the satellite image you can clearly see the mobile kitchen threatening to cook the chicken crossing the road.

    ALBERTO GONZALES What chicken? I can’t remember.

    DIEBOLD VOTING MACHINE: There were 200 hundred chickens that crossed the road (from the town of 100 chickens) and they were all Republicans.

    FOX NEWS: The chicken was obviously a communist chicken. It was red.

    DRUDGE REPORT: The chicken shown below was funded by liberal democrats Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi with $10 million in funding.

    BILL O’REILLY: The chicken was running from a rapist, but she was a liberal chicken slut, so who cares if the road was a three-laner with high traffic. She deserved whatever hit her.

    LOU DOBBS: The chicken was an illegal alien chicken running across the road to escape capture by the first brigade soldiers protecting America, in violation of Posse Comitatus, thank GOD.

    Rush Limbaugh: “I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.”

    REPUBLICAN PARTY: That chicken crossed the road without photo ID, making it ineligible to vote or cross the road— and it’s name wasn’t on the chicken registry either, probably because it was a former prisoner.

    RONALD REAGAN: First, the people earning over a million a year cross the road, then the big corporations. This will make it easier for the chicken to cross the road and while it’s crossing, the chicken can clean up the trash they left on the road.

    Jerry Falwell: “Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the ‘other side.’ That's what they call it — the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other side.’”

    KEN STARR: I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed.

    DONALD TRUMP: We will build a huge wall to keep illegal chickens from crossing the road. We will have a door for legal chickens.

    CARLY FIORINA: Hillary Clinton lied about why the chicken crossed the road.

    RAND PAUL: It’s none of our business why the chicken crossed the road.

    CHRIS CHRISTIE: We need to water board that chicken to find out why it crossed the road.

    BEN CARSON: This isn’t brain surgery. Not to look for pyramids …. it wanted grain.

    Mitch McConnell: One more chicken. All I needed was one more chicken.

    Paul Ryan: We have plenty of chickens over here, Mitch.

    Donald Trump: REPUBLICANS ARE NOT CHICKEN ENOUGH!

    EDIT: Last three were mine. I stole the rest

    smirk
     
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    Last edited: Aug 11, 2017
  10. S.J.
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    S.J. Platinum Member

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    He crossed it for some fowl reason.
     
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