Political Satire- Last Words

Discussion in 'Current Events' started by hylandrdet, Nov 1, 2004.

  1. hylandrdet
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    hylandrdet Member

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    With all of the words being said and the campaigning being done, I give you a sarcastic imitation of both candidates’ final words.

    First, the challenger Senator John Kerry.

    Thank you hylandrdet, thank you the web site, the people who reads it and the pets of the people who reads it.

    My fellow Americans; we are at the crossroads of our nation’s future, we must take two steps back before we take one step forward; we must hunt down these terrorists, then ultimately lose them; we must attack the Iraqi insurgents before we retreat. But most importantly, we must put more money in your wallets before we tax you.

    I believe in American values, take my wife for example. Teresa is a shining example of the American dream; to come to America for the purpose of marrying someone very rich. We have that, plus the inability to keep our mouths shut, that keep us together through thick and thin. Now if that isn’t America, I don’t know what is!

    I can relate to every American; I know what it’s like to comb my fabulous hair, with a fine toothed comb, one hundred times a day. I know what its like to stand in line waiting to get a shot... At some tickets to see “Cats”. And my fellow Americans, I know what it’s like to be concerned about the environment and how it will effect my windsurfing.

    My fellow Americans, if you elect me as your president, I will accept the job, then quit; however, not before I pass my programs. I guarantee you that they will pass because I will be my own Filibuster; the republican controlled congress will pass my legislation simply for the purpose of shutting me up, for I cannot stop talking. My wife is now telling me to shut the F%^& up, so I will stop now. Feel free to read the remaining 12 pages of what would had been the rest of my speech on my web site. Thank you, good night, and GOD bless America!!!

    (yawning and stretching) Thank you, Mr. Kerry. And now President George W. Bush

    Thank you hylandrdet and thank all of the people Senator Kerry thanked.

    Look, I’m a simple man; being that I’m stupid, I have no choice but to keep things simple. Therefore, unlike my opponent, I’ll try to keep the reasons why I should be reelected simple.

    First of all, I’ll never regret invading Iraq; I don’t know about you, but to me, it’s always easier to rid a nation of Weapons of Mass Destruction when they don’t actually possess them. We’d felt that Iraq needed freedom as well, so we invaded the country and unseated Saddam Hussein, thus paving the way for the transfer of power to massacre from him to the insurgents; I believe that this is good because now the people can decide who they can and cannot kill without big government interfering.

    As for Halliburton, I stand by my vice president’s position; whatever that is. All I know is if you know that if your former company has a chance to gain a multi billion dollar contract without any competition, why not give that company the “lo-down-lo”; see black people, I’m down with the lingo.

    I believe in family values. I define a family as consisting of a recovering alcoholic husband, a glazed-face brainwashed wife, and two drunken sluts for daughters. I may even accept a homosexual daughter, so long as she doesn’t ask me to bless her marriage.

    I believe that our economy is strong , that’s why I’d thrown away our large surplus; who needs it, we’ll get it back as soon as I can figure out how I’m going to fund my 1.7 trillion dollar plan without raising taxes.

    My wife is overstraining her smile, so that’s my cue to stop. Remember this; we have not yet begun to fight; read my lips; we did not land on the terrorists, the terrorists landed on us; ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country. Thank you and GOD bless America.


    I close with a quick remark from former President Bill Clinton

    Thank you, hylandrdet.

    My fellow Americans; I feel your pain; both of these knuckleheads suck. You can put both of them on the same ticket and I’ll still kick the dogsh#$ out of them, with Al Sharpton tied behind my back. Let’s face it, I can communicate with leaders, I can manage the budget, and dog-gone-it, chicks dig me. But that’s not the case; you must decide for yourself and vote. Vote for what you believe is in your best interest and your vote shall never go wrong. See how easy my speech was; that’s because I am that damn good! GOD bless ya!!!


    :bye1:
     
  2. 8236
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    8236 VIP Member

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    No, that was quite good, either way!
     
  3. Avatar4321
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    Avatar4321 Diamond Member Gold Supporting Member

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    Isnt satire supposed to be funny?
     
  4. hylandrdet
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    hylandrdet Member

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    Apparently Saturday Night Live and myself thinks it's funny.

    Take note of the time I'd posted that thread; now turn your attention to the SNL presidential special now showing on NBC. So far, the similarities between my posting and the SNL show is almost scary. Now go to my "bin laden goes on the campaign trail" posting time and last Saturday's SNL episode; it gets even scarier.

    "I am saddened, for there are no more worlds to conquer" - Alexander the Great
     
  5. fuzzykitten99
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    fuzzykitten99 Senior Member

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    So that's what...2 people?
    Liberals have no sense of humor.

    :piss2: Your attempt to be funny.
     
  6. Zhukov
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    Zhukov VIP Member

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    My opinion on that point is Saturday Night Live hasn't been funny in years.
     
  7. Said1
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    Said1 VIP Member

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    Mad TV did a good take on the Great Race with Kerry/Edwards, Bush/Cheney and the pair with the midget from the real race. Funny stuff.
     
  8. hylandrdet
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    hylandrdet Member

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    Actually, when you think about it, you're right! R.I.P. John Belushi!!!
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  9. Zhukov
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    Zhukov VIP Member

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    All those guys. Belushi, Chevy, Steve, Eddie, the one who's name escapes me who played Roseanne Rossanadana, Jane (you ignorant slut), Akroyd.

    Sandler and Farley were funny, but they just don't compare. And even they were years ago.
     
  10. hylandrdet
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    hylandrdet Member

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    Her name was Gilda Radner; she died from the same cancer that my mother had suffered from and died. I agree with you on one thing, that was one hell of a cast :beer:
     

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