Baron Von Murderpaws
Diamond Member
Joe Biden is like a web browser with 19 tabs open
17 are frozen and he doesn't know where the music is coming from--------------------------------------
What do Joe Biden and Russia have in common?
Neither of them respect boundaries.-------------------------------------
What does Joe Biden say to young girls when he leaves the room?
"Smell ya later!"-------------------------------------
Why doesnāt Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?
Because he canāt sniff their hair.------------------------------------
Why is Joe Biden afraid of getting COVID?
Because he'd lose his sense of smell.-----------------------------------
Whatās Joe Bidenās favorite arcade game?
Space Invaders---------------------------------
Joe Biden knows in his heart that he is the only one who can truly defeat Joe Biden this November.
---------------------------------How do you know Joe Biden is a neoliberal?
He's always talking about his one black friend.---------------------------------
It's not going to be easy for Joe Biden to earn the votes of Bernie's supporters.
Not even Bernie himself could do it.----------------------------------
Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump secretly have regular Zoom conversations.
Bernie: āI dreamed last night that God spoke to me. He said that he wanted me to be president.ā
Joe: āThatās funny. I had the exact same dream.ā
Donald: āI donāt remember talking to either of you last night.ā
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Joe Biden formally announcing his run for president
Bernie Sanders: I am running
Andrew Yang: I am running
Kamala Harris: I am running
Elizabeth Warren: I am running
Joe Biden: Has my butt been wiped?
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Queen of England
Obama was talking to the queen of England and he asked her how she runs her country so well. The queen replies quite simply that she chooses the best people to run it. Obama considers this for a moment and then asks, "how do you ensure that they are the best people for the job?" The queen answers that she quizzes them, and as an example she calls in Tony Blair. She asks him, "your parents have a child; it's not your brother it's not your sister, who is it?" Tony replies "well of course, it's me". Obama thinks this is smart so he repeats the question to Joe Biden. Biden runs around Washington all day trying to find an answer but no one can figure it out. Finally he comes to the Attorney General and asks him, "your parents have a child; it's not your brother it's not your sister, who is it?" The general replies "of course, it's me". So Biden goes back to Obama and says "it's general so and so", Obama replies, "no you idiot, it's Tony Blair"!---------------------------------------
What do you call it when President Obama
What do you call it when President Obama and Joe Biden talk shop over a nice dinner?A government man-date.
Boom. I'll be here all night.
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At first I thought it weird that Joe Biden wanted to make his press secretary staff all women
But then I remembered that meant he didn't need to pay them as much----------------------------------
President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.
Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.
Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. "We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all"
The Irish President replied: "Well, if you guys aren't giving out beer, then neither am I."
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Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. (the chickens will lose their jobs and coops though, and have to live in tent cities)
AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.
HILLARY CLINTON: WHAT chicken? (nodding to her favorite hitman, hiding behind Bill)
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here. (thats why I he had terrorists fly drones into the chicken coop and blow it up)
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA WALTON: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
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What's the best thing about being Joe Biden?
Waking up every day and learning that you're the president.----------------------------------
Joe Biden says heās going to restore the āsoulā of our nation...
...the McRib will now be available nationwide for the first time since 2012.------------------------------------
President Joe Biden just had a meeting with the Cabinet.
Now heās talking with the couch--------------------------------
President Joe Biden was advised that he needed to assemble a new cabinet to deal with the Russia / Ukraine conflict
Coming back from IKEA, he realised he had greatly misunderstood the task given to him--------------------------------
Barack Obama is having a race with Joe Biden around the white house.
After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11."
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