Irish letter

Colin

Gold Member
Aug 11, 2009
6,320
2,925
168
England
Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this slowly because I know you can't read fast. You wont know the house when you get home, 'cos we've moved.

Your Father has a lovely new job with 700 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery. There was a washing machine at the new house, but it's not working too good. Last week I put in 12 shirts, pulled the chain and I haven't seen them since.

Your sister, Colleen had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out if it's a boy or girl, so I don't know if you're an uncle or aunt.

Sent you your big overcoat, it was too heavy for the post so I cut the buttons off you'll find them in the right hand pocket.

Your cousin Michael with the wooden legs house was on fire last Tuesday. They managed to save the house but your cousin Michael was burnt to the ground.

Your Uncle Mick drowned last week in a vat of Whisky at the Dublin Distillery. His mates tried to save him, but he fought them off bravely. He was cremated and it took four days to put the fire out.

I saw the doctor last week and your Father went with me. Doc put a glass tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for five minuets. Your Father wanted to buy it from him. It only rained twice this week, first for four days the second for three days.

We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the final payment on your Grandmother's grave wasn't paid in seven days - up she comes.

Your loving Mother XXXX

P.S. I was going to send you €10, but I'd already sealed the envelope
 
Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this slowly because I know you can't read fast. You wont know the house when you get home, 'cos we've moved.

Your Father has a lovely new job with 700 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery. There was a washing machine at the new house, but it's not working too good. Last week I put in 12 shirts, pulled the chain and I haven't seen them since.

Your sister, Colleen had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out if it's a boy or girl, so I don't know if you're an uncle or aunt.

Sent you your big overcoat, it was too heavy for the post so I cut the buttons off you'll find them in the right hand pocket.

Your cousin Michael with the wooden legs house was on fire last Tuesday. They managed to save the house but your cousin Michael was burnt to the ground.

Your Uncle Mick drowned last week in a vat of Whisky at the Dublin Distillery. His mates tried to save him, but he fought them off bravely. He was cremated and it took four days to put the fire out.

I saw the doctor last week and your Father went with me. Doc put a glass tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for five minuets. Your Father wanted to buy it from him. It only rained twice this week, first for four days the second for three days.

We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the final payment on your Grandmother's grave wasn't paid in seven days - up she comes.

Your loving Mother XXXX

P.S. I was going to send you €10, but I'd already sealed the envelope

Not funny

Sean Corey
 
Coming from an Irish-American family on both sides, 2nd generation here, saw some truth to this.

My dad was in WWII, eventually at Omaha Beach at 7am or so, that fateful morning. The family joke, backed up by several dozen letters, was him saying he wanted to send birthday, Christmas, anniversary gifts, but couldn't get to 'town.' Other than letters, he never sent a damn thing to anyone. He was forgiven, mostly because he nearly died over there.
 
Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this slowly because I know you can't read fast. You wont know the house when you get home, 'cos we've moved.

Your Father has a lovely new job with 700 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery. There was a washing machine at the new house, but it's not working too good. Last week I put in 12 shirts, pulled the chain and I haven't seen them since.

Your sister, Colleen had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out if it's a boy or girl, so I don't know if you're an uncle or aunt.

Sent you your big overcoat, it was too heavy for the post so I cut the buttons off you'll find them in the right hand pocket.

Your cousin Michael with the wooden legs house was on fire last Tuesday. They managed to save the house but your cousin Michael was burnt to the ground.

Your Uncle Mick drowned last week in a vat of Whisky at the Dublin Distillery. His mates tried to save him, but he fought them off bravely. He was cremated and it took four days to put the fire out.

I saw the doctor last week and your Father went with me. Doc put a glass tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for five minuets. Your Father wanted to buy it from him. It only rained twice this week, first for four days the second for three days.

We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the final payment on your Grandmother's grave wasn't paid in seven days - up she comes.

Your loving Mother XXXX

P.S. I was going to send you €10, but I'd already sealed the envelope

Not funny

Sean Corey

I know a man who specialises in sense of humour transplants. Would you like his name?
 
Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this slowly because I know you can't read fast. You wont know the house when you get home, 'cos we've moved.

Your Father has a lovely new job with 700 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery. There was a washing machine at the new house, but it's not working too good. Last week I put in 12 shirts, pulled the chain and I haven't seen them since.

Your sister, Colleen had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out if it's a boy or girl, so I don't know if you're an uncle or aunt.

Sent you your big overcoat, it was too heavy for the post so I cut the buttons off you'll find them in the right hand pocket.

Your cousin Michael with the wooden legs house was on fire last Tuesday. They managed to save the house but your cousin Michael was burnt to the ground.

Your Uncle Mick drowned last week in a vat of Whisky at the Dublin Distillery. His mates tried to save him, but he fought them off bravely. He was cremated and it took four days to put the fire out.

I saw the doctor last week and your Father went with me. Doc put a glass tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for five minuets. Your Father wanted to buy it from him. It only rained twice this week, first for four days the second for three days.

We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the final payment on your Grandmother's grave wasn't paid in seven days - up she comes.

Your loving Mother XXXX

P.S. I was going to send you €10, but I'd already sealed the envelope

Not funny

Sean Corey

I know a man who specialises in sense of humour transplants. Would you like his name?

No but i'd like yours..you limey asshole.
 
Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this slowly because I know you can't read fast. You wont know the house when you get home, 'cos we've moved.

Your Father has a lovely new job with 700 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery. There was a washing machine at the new house, but it's not working too good. Last week I put in 12 shirts, pulled the chain and I haven't seen them since.

Your sister, Colleen had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out if it's a boy or girl, so I don't know if you're an uncle or aunt.

Sent you your big overcoat, it was too heavy for the post so I cut the buttons off you'll find them in the right hand pocket.

Your cousin Michael with the wooden legs house was on fire last Tuesday. They managed to save the house but your cousin Michael was burnt to the ground.

Your Uncle Mick drowned last week in a vat of Whisky at the Dublin Distillery. His mates tried to save him, but he fought them off bravely. He was cremated and it took four days to put the fire out.

I saw the doctor last week and your Father went with me. Doc put a glass tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for five minuets. Your Father wanted to buy it from him. It only rained twice this week, first for four days the second for three days.

We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the final payment on your Grandmother's grave wasn't paid in seven days - up she comes.

Your loving Mother XXXX

P.S. I was going to send you €10, but I'd already sealed the envelope

Not funny

Sean Corey

I know a man who specialises in sense of humour transplants. Would you like his name?

:lol: :lol:
 
Not funny

Sean Corey

I know a man who specialises in sense of humour transplants. Would you like his name?

No but i'd like yours..you limey asshole.

Lol! Coming from what appears to be one of the biggest arseholes on these boards, that really is quite funny. And there am I saying you had no sense of humour! I was only slightly wrong. You just have no sense.
:lol:
 
I know a man who specialises in sense of humour transplants. Would you like his name?

No but i'd like yours..you limey asshole.

Lol! Coming from what appears to be one of the biggest arseholes on these boards, that really is quite funny. And there am I saying you had no sense of humour! I was only slightly wrong. You just have no sense.
:lol:

Deragatory ethnic "jokes" are never funny..unless you are an ignorant racist and biggot.

I'm only sorry the Irish stopped bombing you assholes. You were not so ignorant when you were bombed into minding your own business and keeping you filthy pie holes shut.
 
Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this slowly because I know you can't read fast. You wont know the house when you get home, 'cos we've moved.

Your Father has a lovely new job with 700 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery. There was a washing machine at the new house, but it's not working too good. Last week I put in 12 shirts, pulled the chain and I haven't seen them since.

Your sister, Colleen had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out if it's a boy or girl, so I don't know if you're an uncle or aunt.

Sent you your big overcoat, it was too heavy for the post so I cut the buttons off you'll find them in the right hand pocket.

Your cousin Michael with the wooden legs house was on fire last Tuesday. They managed to save the house but your cousin Michael was burnt to the ground.

Your Uncle Mick drowned last week in a vat of Whisky at the Dublin Distillery. His mates tried to save him, but he fought them off bravely. He was cremated and it took four days to put the fire out.

I saw the doctor last week and your Father went with me. Doc put a glass tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for five minuets. Your Father wanted to buy it from him. It only rained twice this week, first for four days the second for three days.

We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the final payment on your Grandmother's grave wasn't paid in seven days - up she comes.

Your loving Mother XXXX

P.S. I was going to send you €10, but I'd already sealed the envelope

:lol: This is so reminiscent of the jokes my grandfather used to tell. PC be damned, ethic jokes are funny.
 
No but i'd like yours..you limey asshole.

Lol! Coming from what appears to be one of the biggest arseholes on these boards, that really is quite funny. And there am I saying you had no sense of humour! I was only slightly wrong. You just have no sense.
:lol:

Deragatory ethnic "jokes" are never funny..unless you are an ignorant racist and biggot.

I'm only sorry the Irish stopped bombing you assholes. You were not so ignorant when you were bombed into minding your own business and keeping you filthy pie holes shut.
As an Irish American with 100% Irish ancestry, one of the only things funnier to me than stereotypes of the Irish are those who take it so seriously.

Fun thread! :lol:
 
No but i'd like yours..you limey asshole.

Lol! Coming from what appears to be one of the biggest arseholes on these boards, that really is quite funny. And there am I saying you had no sense of humour! I was only slightly wrong. You just have no sense.
:lol:

Deragatory ethnic "jokes" are never funny..unless you are an ignorant racist and biggot.

I'm only sorry the Irish stopped bombing you assholes. You were not so ignorant when you were bombed into minding your own business and keeping you filthy pie holes shut.

Ha! Reading some of your posts makes me wonder who the real bigot and racist is here. You simply confirm, by the post, what a stupid arsehole you really are.
 
Lol! Coming from what appears to be one of the biggest arseholes on these boards, that really is quite funny. And there am I saying you had no sense of humour! I was only slightly wrong. You just have no sense.
:lol:

Deragatory ethnic "jokes" are never funny..unless you are an ignorant racist and biggot.

I'm only sorry the Irish stopped bombing you assholes. You were not so ignorant when you were bombed into minding your own business and keeping you filthy pie holes shut.
As an Irish American with 100% Irish ancestry, one of the only things funnier to me than stereotypes of the Irish are those who take it so seriously. Apparantly you take your biggotry seriously enough to provide this evidence of it.

Fun thread! :lol:
Fuck you turncoat

A joke implies that there is humor involed. This thread is just several lame versions of implying Irish are stupid and missleading by nature.

If the jokes were funny..and there are some that are ...it wouldn't be entirely offensive.

If you were to change the name of the heritage from Irish to African American the "jokes" would clearly be racist and biggoted.
 
Deragatory ethnic "jokes" are never funny..unless you are an ignorant racist and biggot.

I'm only sorry the Irish stopped bombing you assholes. You were not so ignorant when you were bombed into minding your own business and keeping you filthy pie holes shut.
As an Irish American with 100% Irish ancestry, one of the only things funnier to me than stereotypes of the Irish are those who take it so seriously. Apparantly you take your biggotry seriously enough to provide this evidence of it.

Fun thread! :lol:
Fuck you turncoat

A joke implies that there is humor involed. This thread is just several lame versions of implying Irish are stupid and missleading by nature.

If the jokes were funny..and there are some that are ...it wouldn't be entirely offensive.

If you were to change the name of the heritage from Irish to African American the "jokes" would clearly be racist and biggoted.
Funny thing is, I'm not African American. And, I wonder how I could actually change my ancestry? Seems to me that I don't have much choice in that. I guess if I had a choice, I could be a turncoat. LOL.

But, growing up as I did, I have yet to hear anyone tell funnier jokes about the Irish than the Irish themselves.

And, I laugh the hardest at myself. I am an unending source of amusement to myself. Such seriousness as yours comes in a close second on my amusement scale. :lol:
 
Last edited:
As an Irish American with 100% Irish ancestry, one of the only things funnier to me than stereotypes of the Irish are those who take it so seriously. Apparantly you take your biggotry seriously enough to provide this evidence of it.

Fun thread! :lol:
Fuck you turncoat

A joke implies that there is humor involed. This thread is just several lame versions of implying Irish are stupid and missleading by nature.

If the jokes were funny..and there are some that are ...it wouldn't be entirely offensive.

If you were to change the name of the heritage from Irish to African American the "jokes" would clearly be racist and biggoted.
Funny thing is, I'm not African American. And, I wonder how I could actually change my ancestry? Seems to me that I don't have much choice in that. I guess if I had a choice, I could be a turncoat. LOL.

But, growing up as I did, I have yet to hear anyone tell funnier jokes about the Irish than the Irish themselves.

And, I laugh the hardest at myself. I am an unending source of amusement to myself. Such seriousness as yours comes in a close second on my amusement scale. :lol:

I laugh at myself as well. I don't laugh at my Irish heritage. I don't know if Colin is Irish. If he is he is an idiot. If he is English then he is a biggot. The Irish hate the English for good reason. Thier jokes are not funny.
 
Fuck you turncoat

A joke implies that there is humor involed. This thread is just several lame versions of implying Irish are stupid and missleading by nature.

If the jokes were funny..and there are some that are ...it wouldn't be entirely offensive.

If you were to change the name of the heritage from Irish to African American the "jokes" would clearly be racist and biggoted.
Funny thing is, I'm not African American. And, I wonder how I could actually change my ancestry? Seems to me that I don't have much choice in that. I guess if I had a choice, I could be a turncoat. LOL.

But, growing up as I did, I have yet to hear anyone tell funnier jokes about the Irish than the Irish themselves.

And, I laugh the hardest at myself. I am an unending source of amusement to myself. Such seriousness as yours comes in a close second on my amusement scale. :lol:

I laugh at myself as well. I don't laugh at my Irish heritage. I don't know if Colin is Irish. If he is he is an idiot. If he is English then he is a biggot. The Irish hate the English for good reason. Thier jokes are not funny.
C'mon, 'Sean Corey', admit it. You were adopted by a German family, right? ;)
 
Funny thing is, I'm not African American. And, I wonder how I could actually change my ancestry? Seems to me that I don't have much choice in that. I guess if I had a choice, I could be a turncoat. LOL.

But, growing up as I did, I have yet to hear anyone tell funnier jokes about the Irish than the Irish themselves.

And, I laugh the hardest at myself. I am an unending source of amusement to myself. Such seriousness as yours comes in a close second on my amusement scale. :lol:

I laugh at myself as well. I don't laugh at my Irish heritage. I don't know if Colin is Irish. If he is he is an idiot. If he is English then he is a biggot. The Irish hate the English for good reason. Thier jokes are not funny.
C'mon, 'Sean Corey', admit it. You were adopted by a German family, right? ;)

C'mon, 'Sean Corey', admit it. You were adopted by a German family, right?

That's funnier than Colins offerings.:lol::lol::lol:
 
I laugh at myself as well. I don't laugh at my Irish heritage. I don't know if Colin is Irish. If he is he is an idiot. If he is English then he is a biggot. The Irish hate the English for good reason. Thier jokes are not funny.
C'mon, 'Sean Corey', admit it. You were adopted by a German family, right? ;)

C'mon, 'Sean Corey', admit it. You were adopted by a German family, right?

That's funnier than Colins offerings.:lol::lol::lol:
:lol::lol::lol:

Good to see you laugh.
 

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