I wish I was a Jew

[Lord Long Rod]

When I was a kid I hung around with a couple dudes in the neighborhood. One was a Jewish kid who was adopted by Jewish parents. The dad was cool. He was into guns and would shoot any motherfucker who threatened his family. He liked me because I was a good shot with a BB gun. This, probably more than anything, socialized me to Jews and their community. Later on in life, I had a Jew friend. Later on, his wife died and he moved back north. I would take him fishing with me. He was a good guy too, a former Chicago cop. It was during my friendship with him that I learned that Jew food sucks ass. He discovered his love for fried chicken.

I am going to confess that I am not a religious person, at all. But I think, if I suddenly had an epiphany and became religious, how would I worship. I have much respect for the Roman Catholic church (except for the pedo stuff) and Judaism because they are disciplined religions. They have standards and rigorous disciplines. Any old jack-off can be a preacher in a protestant sect. The Episcopal Church is just a gay, leftist version of the RCC. Islam will not even be considered because I am not a fucking ignorant psycho.

However, I do not think that I, a male not born a Jew, am eligible to convert to Judaism. That leaves me out of the religion. Roman Catholicism, when I have been to their services, always creeps me out with all the Latin signing and effeminate men wearing gowns. If I was going to partake in any organized religion, it would have to be Judaism. But since I cannot be a Jew, I have to be a non-religious person.

Jews have been disproportionately persecuted since the dawn of time. It is easy to see why. They are more intelligent than most and place a high value on education. They are family oriented, and the value of education is reinforced in the familial structure. Further, the are prosperous as a people. This pisses a lot of people off and is the root of much anti-Semitism. Hell, look at Gaza, the West Bank, and the Golan Heights. If those swarthy Arabs who disingenuously call themselves "Palestinians" had money and pussy, then they would have no reason to be so pissed off all the time. They would pick up and move from that God forsaken land and come to America or some other civilized country that would have them.

That's all this really boils down to with the freaking "Palestinians": money and pussy. It is the key to men. But, there is more. They need to follow the example of the Jews and create a value system that promotes education. For even with a bunch of pussy and money, without and education all you can ever be is a dumb camel jockey. You end of with a class of Arab asshole like we see in Saudi Arabia where they still subjugate women to men. That is not how a civilized culture works. That is fucking Fred Flintstone shit. Hell, its even worse. Even Wilma Flintstone had a limit she would take of Fred's shit.

Jews, more than any other group of humans, are successful because they promote values that make people successful. This is why they are to be admired.

 

[JGalt]

I just checked and saw that I don't have a forseskin.

So I must be Jewish.

 

[surada]

When I was a kid I hung around with a couple dudes in the neighborhood. One was a Jewish kid who was adopted by Jewish parents. The dad was cool. He was into guns and would shoot any motherfucker who threatened his family. He liked me because I was a good shot with a BB gun. This, probably more than anything, socialized me to Jews and their community. Later on in life, I had a Jew friend. Later on, his wife died and he moved back north. I would take him fishing with me. He was a good guy too, a former Chicago cop. It was during my friendship with him that I learned that Jew food sucks ass. He discovered his love for fried chicken.

I am going to confess that I am not a religious person, at all. But I think, if I suddenly had an epiphany and became religious, how would I worship. I have much respect for the Roman Catholic church (except for the pedo stuff) and Judaism because they are disciplined religions. They have standards and rigorous disciplines. Any old jack-off can be a preacher in a protestant sect. The Episcopal Church is just a gay, leftist version of the RCC. Islam will not even be considered because I am not a fucking ignorant psycho.

However, I do not think that I, a male not born a Jew, am eligible to convert to Judaism. That leaves me out of the religion. Roman Catholicism, when I have been to their services, always creeps me out with all the Latin signing and effeminate men wearing gowns. If I was going to partake in any organized religion, it would have to be Judaism. But since I cannot be a Jew, I have to be a non-religious person.

Jews have been disproportionately persecuted since the dawn of time. It is easy to see why. They are more intelligent than most and place a high value on education. They are family oriented, and the value of education is reinforced in the familial structure. Further, the are prosperous as a people. This pisses a lot of people off and is the root of much anti-Semitism. Hell, look at Gaza, the West Bank, and the Golan Heights. If those swarthy Arabs who disingenuously call themselves "Palestinians" had money and pussy, then they would have no reason to be so pissed off all the time. They would pick up and move from that God forsaken land and come to America or some other civilized country that would have them.

That's all this really boils down to with the freaking "Palestinians": money and pussy. It is the key to men. But, there is more. They need to follow the example of the Jews and create a value system that promotes education. For even with a bunch of pussy and money, without and education all you can ever be is a dumb camel jockey. You end of with a class of Arab asshole like we see in Saudi Arabia where they still subjugate women to men. That is not how a civilized culture works. That is fucking Fred Flintstone shit. Hell, its even worse. Even Wilma Flintstone had a limit she would take of Fred's shit.

Jews, more than any other group of humans, are successful because they promote values that make people successful. This is why they are to be admired.

What ignorance.

 

[JGalt]

What ignorance.

Come on now, you don't fool me. You're an undercover agent from Mossad who was sent here to keep an eye on the Jew-haters and anti-Semitic liberals, right?

I bet you don't have a foreskin either.

 

[Lisa558]

When I was a kid I hung around with a couple dudes in the neighborhood. One was a Jewish kid who was adopted by Jewish parents. The dad was cool. He was into guns and would shoot any motherfucker who threatened his family. He liked me because I was a good shot with a BB gun. This, probably more than anything, socialized me to Jews and their community. Later on in life, I had a Jew friend. Later on, his wife died and he moved back north. I would take him fishing with me. He was a good guy too, a former Chicago cop. It was during my friendship with him that I learned that Jew food sucks ass. He discovered his love for fried chicken.

I am going to confess that I am not a religious person, at all. But I think, if I suddenly had an epiphany and became religious, how would I worship. I have much respect for the Roman Catholic church (except for the pedo stuff) and Judaism because they are disciplined religions. They have standards and rigorous disciplines. Any old jack-off can be a preacher in a protestant sect. The Episcopal Church is just a gay, leftist version of the RCC. Islam will not even be considered because I am not a fucking ignorant psycho.

However, I do not think that I, a male not born a Jew, am eligible to convert to Judaism. That leaves me out of the religion. Roman Catholicism, when I have been to their services, always creeps me out with all the Latin signing and effeminate men wearing gowns. If I was going to partake in any organized religion, it would have to be Judaism. But since I cannot be a Jew, I have to be a non-religious person.

Jews have been disproportionately persecuted since the dawn of time. It is easy to see why. They are more intelligent than most and place a high value on education. They are family oriented, and the value of education is reinforced in the familial structure. Further, the are prosperous as a people. This pisses a lot of people off and is the root of much anti-Semitism. Hell, look at Gaza, the West Bank, and the Golan Heights. If those swarthy Arabs who disingenuously call themselves "Palestinians" had money and pussy, then they would have no reason to be so pissed off all the time. They would pick up and move from that God forsaken land and come to America or some other civilized country that would have them.

That's all this really boils down to with the freaking "Palestinians": money and pussy. It is the key to men. But, there is more. They need to follow the example of the Jews and create a value system that promotes education. For even with a bunch of pussy and money, without and education all you can ever be is a dumb camel jockey. You end of with a class of Arab asshole like we see in Saudi Arabia where they still subjugate women to men. That is not how a civilized culture works. That is fucking Fred Flintstone shit. Hell, its even worse. Even Wilma Flintstone had a limit she would take of Fred's shit.

Jews, more than any other group of humans, are successful because they promote values that make people successful. This is why they are to be admired.

Thank you, but I do want to correct you that OF COURSE you are eligible to convert to Judaism. We welcome all who see the beauty and right in our religion, and who want to be part of it.

 

[Lord Long Rod]

I just checked and saw that I don't have a forseskin.

So I must be Jewish.

That gives me hope. Thank you!

 

[Lord Long Rod]

What ignorance.

Really? How so?

 

[Lord Long Rod]

Thank you, but I do want to correct you that OF COURSE you are eligible to convert to Judaism. We welcome all who see the beauty and right in our religion, and who want to be part of it.

Really? You mean I am wrong about that?

 

[Arlette]

What ignorance.

You got nobody but yourself to blame for reading his long-winded drivel.

 

[BULLDOG]

Check with Santos. I hear he was Jew-ish.

 

[rampart]

When I was a kid I hung around with a couple dudes in the neighborhood. One was a Jewish kid who was adopted by Jewish parents. The dad was cool. He was into guns and would shoot any motherfucker who threatened his family. He liked me because I was a good shot with a BB gun. This, probably more than anything, socialized me to Jews and their community. Later on in life, I had a Jew friend. Later on, his wife died and he moved back north. I would take him fishing with me. He was a good guy too, a former Chicago cop. It was during my friendship with him that I learned that Jew food sucks ass. He discovered his love for fried chicken.

I am going to confess that I am not a religious person, at all. But I think, if I suddenly had an epiphany and became religious, how would I worship. I have much respect for the Roman Catholic church (except for the pedo stuff) and Judaism because they are disciplined religions. They have standards and rigorous disciplines. Any old jack-off can be a preacher in a protestant sect. The Episcopal Church is just a gay, leftist version of the RCC. Islam will not even be considered because I am not a fucking ignorant psycho.

However, I do not think that I, a male not born a Jew, am eligible to convert to Judaism. That leaves me out of the religion. Roman Catholicism, when I have been to their services, always creeps me out with all the Latin signing and effeminate men wearing gowns. If I was going to partake in any organized religion, it would have to be Judaism. But since I cannot be a Jew, I have to be a non-religious person.

Jews have been disproportionately persecuted since the dawn of time. It is easy to see why. They are more intelligent than most and place a high value on education. They are family oriented, and the value of education is reinforced in the familial structure. Further, the are prosperous as a people. This pisses a lot of people off and is the root of much anti-Semitism. Hell, look at Gaza, the West Bank, and the Golan Heights. If those swarthy Arabs who disingenuously call themselves "Palestinians" had money and pussy, then they would have no reason to be so pissed off all the time. They would pick up and move from that God forsaken land and come to America or some other civilized country that would have them.

That's all this really boils down to with the freaking "Palestinians": money and pussy. It is the key to men. But, there is more. They need to follow the example of the Jews and create a value system that promotes education. For even with a bunch of pussy and money, without and education all you can ever be is a dumb camel jockey. You end of with a class of Arab asshole like we see in Saudi Arabia where they still subjugate women to men. That is not how a civilized culture works. That is fucking Fred Flintstone shit. Hell, its even worse. Even Wilma Flintstone had a limit she would take of Fred's shit.

Jews, more than any other group of humans, are successful because they promote values that make people successful. This is why they are to be admired.

what happened at your bar mitzva? rabbi couldn't find that tiny foreskin?

 

[MisterBeale]

I have determined that Jews can live with Gentiles on average, fifteen to twenty years, before the allure of bacon breaks them down. . .

At the big family holiday gathering, I witnessed my Jewish cousin take some ham for the first time in seventeen years this year. . .




I guess being around bacon all these years, finally did him in. . .

 

[MisterBeale]

Thank you, but I do want to correct you that OF COURSE you are eligible to convert to Judaism. We welcome all who see the beauty and right in our religion, and who want to be part of it.

One of my exes converted and then attended Cordoba law school and married a Jewish man.

 

[Arlette]

I have determined that Jews can live with Gentiles on average, fifteen to twenty years, before the allure of bacon breaks them down. . .

At the big family holiday gathering, I witnessed my Jewish cousin take some ham for the first time in seventeen years this year. . .




I guess being around bacon all these years, finally did him in. . .

How's your cousin doing? I hope he's ok

 

[Lisa558]

Really? You mean I am wrong about that?

Absolutely! We would love to have you, but I must warn you that you don’t just snap your fingers. There’s a process which involves meetings with a rabbi, education, and so forth. But once you’re converted, you are viewed as a full Jew, and no distinction is made between born Jews and converted Jews.

ILHO (in Lisa’s humble opinion), I think you would appreciate our values, our traditions, our holidays, the meanings and depth behind the mitzvot, our strong sense of community and support, and even the Jewish food. I could pass on the gefitle fish, but we LOTS of great Jewish foods.

 

[MisterBeale]

How's your cousin doing? I hope he's ok

Oh they are a wonderful family. Love love love them.

Jealous of the little one. . . how great to get Hanukkah gifts and Christmas gifts?




. . . number one rule of an Irish Catholic family Christmas? NO TALK OF SEX, RELIGION OR POLITICS THOUGH!

 

[Arlette]

Oh they are a wonderful family. Love love love them.

Jealous of the little one. . . how great to get Hanukkah gifts and Christmas gifts?




. . . number one rule of an Irish Catholic family Christmas? NO TALK OF SEX, RELIGION OR POLITICS THOUGH!

So he survived the ham.

 

[Lisa558]

I have determined that Jews can live with Gentiles on average, fifteen to twenty years, before the allure of bacon breaks them down. . .

At the big family holiday gathering, I witnessed my Jewish cousin take some ham for the first time in seventeen years this year. . .




I guess being around bacon all these years, finally did him in. . .

Never had a slice of ham in my life, and I could well live without it. Although I do admit the smell of bacon on Sunday mornings from the neighboring apartment years ago was good. But I settle in for my bagel and lox - or bagel and whitefish salad, even better - and I am one happy Yid!

 

[Lisa558]

So he survived the ham.

Nobody ever said eating Ham would kill a Jew. Why must you make fun of Jews who observe their religion?

Oh right….you’re a liberal.

 

[Lord Long Rod]

Absolutely! We would love to have you, but I must warn you that you don’t just snap your fingers. There’s a process which involves meetings with a rabbi, education, and so forth. But once you’re converted, you are viewed as a full Jew, and no distinction is made between born Jews and converted Jews.

ILHO (in Lisa’s humble opinion), I think you would appreciate our values, our traditions, our holidays, the meanings and depth behind the mitzvot, our strong sense of community and support, and even the Jewish food. I could pass on the gefitle fish, but we LOTS of great Jewish foods.

That is awesome. I had no idea. I thought that only women could convert by marrying a Jew. So if want to look into this I should probably contact a local Temple and sit down with someone to talk about Judaism, and what I am looking for, and so forth?