daveman
Diamond Member
Via PM, so I'm not going to reveal any details.
It was with someone with whom I've shared several violent disagreements, and lots of verbal abuse, from both parties.
He'd posted something I thought was interesting, so I PMed him and told him. He then shared something intensely personal, which surprised me -- I wouldn't have thought he'd have opened up to me, of all people.
Turns out -- and this is the interesting part -- he's a real guy, with real problems, real successes, and a real life.
Who knew? I mean, aren't all you people -- me, too, I guess -- just words on a monitor? Well, I don't go away when I turn off my 'puter, but I do when you turn off yours. Hopefully. I'd hate to be stuck there in your living room.
Yeah, I know this is kinda not really news. But we were both lamenting the fact that all too often discussions devolve -- sometimes immediately -- into bad language and insults. Trying to "win", as if they other guy is ever going to say, "You know what? You're right. I never thought about it that way before. Thanks!" And of course, if everyone's just flinging insults, that's NEVER going to happen. "You know what? You're right. I AM a moron! Thanks!" It's easy to forget that there are real people on the other end of the internet tube.
I have changed my mind on at least one issue -- gays serving openly in the military -- due to online conversations. Well, not necessarily conversations about the topic, but conversations with a guy. With a real life. Whose words went away when I turned off my computer, but who continued existing in his real life in his real home, living with his real husband and with his real pride at being a Marine.
And I admit it: I can be a real jerk online. Trying to "win". Being insulting. Using language that I don't use in real life. When I took a break from USMB earlier this year, it seems like I was just a little bit happier with myself. Just a little bit more cheerful. Not catching myself reading a news story and thinking, "Man, I can't wait to post this and show those guys!"
Because frankly, some of you are real jerks online, too. Most of us are, at times. Some more than others, and I do believe I'm one of the some.
I enjoy substantive conversations, doing research to back up my arguments. It can be frustrating, though, having that research immediately dismissed and ridiculed. Hey, I spent TIME doing that! Read it, you jerk! But the jerk doesn't read it, so I'm less likely to spend time doing research the next time. And ultimately, there's no research at all, and there's nothing left but insults.
Can the mods do anything about it? No, I've modded small boards before, and it's a pain in the behind. I can't imagine what it's like running a huge zoo like this place. Admin, mods, you guys have my respect.
Nor should they do anything about it. I've been on boards where behavior is rigidly enforced. And the standards are never applied evenly. There's always a protected class, and whether I was part of it or not, unfair application of standards pisses me off.
No, if anyone is dissatisfied with their behavior, it's up to them and to them alone to change it. Don't like being a jerk? Don't be a jerk. Don't like entering a thread with an insult instead of discussion? Either stay out, or discuss. Don't insult.
Yes, I'm going to try to take my own advice. I want to be a better man than I have been. Gonna give it a shot, at any rate. And part of being a better man is apologizing to anyone I've hurt. I'm sorry. I keep saying that no one can hurt you without your permission, but I don't think everyone knows that.
So, again, if I've hurt you, I'm sorry. I'll try not to do it any more. I'll slip up -- I'm only human, after all -- but I'm going to try.
My anonymous discussion partner asked if we could find any common ground. I think we have. And I want to thank him for giving me the opportunity for some introspection. That's never a bad thing.
G'night, USMB. I'm gonna shut off my 'puter now, and you'll still be wherever you are, real people with real lives. And I'll still be here, a real guy with a real life.
See you tomorrow. A guy trying to be a better man will be logging in as daveman.
It was with someone with whom I've shared several violent disagreements, and lots of verbal abuse, from both parties.
He'd posted something I thought was interesting, so I PMed him and told him. He then shared something intensely personal, which surprised me -- I wouldn't have thought he'd have opened up to me, of all people.
Turns out -- and this is the interesting part -- he's a real guy, with real problems, real successes, and a real life.
Who knew? I mean, aren't all you people -- me, too, I guess -- just words on a monitor? Well, I don't go away when I turn off my 'puter, but I do when you turn off yours. Hopefully. I'd hate to be stuck there in your living room.
Yeah, I know this is kinda not really news. But we were both lamenting the fact that all too often discussions devolve -- sometimes immediately -- into bad language and insults. Trying to "win", as if they other guy is ever going to say, "You know what? You're right. I never thought about it that way before. Thanks!" And of course, if everyone's just flinging insults, that's NEVER going to happen. "You know what? You're right. I AM a moron! Thanks!" It's easy to forget that there are real people on the other end of the internet tube.
I have changed my mind on at least one issue -- gays serving openly in the military -- due to online conversations. Well, not necessarily conversations about the topic, but conversations with a guy. With a real life. Whose words went away when I turned off my computer, but who continued existing in his real life in his real home, living with his real husband and with his real pride at being a Marine.
And I admit it: I can be a real jerk online. Trying to "win". Being insulting. Using language that I don't use in real life. When I took a break from USMB earlier this year, it seems like I was just a little bit happier with myself. Just a little bit more cheerful. Not catching myself reading a news story and thinking, "Man, I can't wait to post this and show those guys!"
Because frankly, some of you are real jerks online, too. Most of us are, at times. Some more than others, and I do believe I'm one of the some.
I enjoy substantive conversations, doing research to back up my arguments. It can be frustrating, though, having that research immediately dismissed and ridiculed. Hey, I spent TIME doing that! Read it, you jerk! But the jerk doesn't read it, so I'm less likely to spend time doing research the next time. And ultimately, there's no research at all, and there's nothing left but insults.
Can the mods do anything about it? No, I've modded small boards before, and it's a pain in the behind. I can't imagine what it's like running a huge zoo like this place. Admin, mods, you guys have my respect.
Nor should they do anything about it. I've been on boards where behavior is rigidly enforced. And the standards are never applied evenly. There's always a protected class, and whether I was part of it or not, unfair application of standards pisses me off.
No, if anyone is dissatisfied with their behavior, it's up to them and to them alone to change it. Don't like being a jerk? Don't be a jerk. Don't like entering a thread with an insult instead of discussion? Either stay out, or discuss. Don't insult.
Yes, I'm going to try to take my own advice. I want to be a better man than I have been. Gonna give it a shot, at any rate. And part of being a better man is apologizing to anyone I've hurt. I'm sorry. I keep saying that no one can hurt you without your permission, but I don't think everyone knows that.
So, again, if I've hurt you, I'm sorry. I'll try not to do it any more. I'll slip up -- I'm only human, after all -- but I'm going to try.
My anonymous discussion partner asked if we could find any common ground. I think we have. And I want to thank him for giving me the opportunity for some introspection. That's never a bad thing.
G'night, USMB. I'm gonna shut off my 'puter now, and you'll still be wherever you are, real people with real lives. And I'll still be here, a real guy with a real life.
See you tomorrow. A guy trying to be a better man will be logging in as daveman.
