I Had An Argument With One Of My Friends, Who Do You Believe Was In The Wrong?

[Zincwarrior]

Do you happen to know any nearby pig farmers? Are you averse to using pliers in hard to reach places?

 

[task0778]

I opted for the latter and I was very calm about it and asked him nicely that before we make plans to see each other, could he please double check the calendar and that's when he totally went off on me. Being the good friend that I am, I left the door open for if he ever wanted to give me a genuine apology, but I have to wonder if I did the right thing by ending our friendship after so long?

IMHO, he already ended it but just didn't have the guts to tell you. Move on with your life and make new friends. And don't take him back, it looks like he doesn't care at all about your feelings and that isn't likely to change. I saw a sign lately that said "If he ain't wearing a diaper then you can't change a man."

 

[Road Runner]

Do you happen to know any nearby pig farmers? Are you averse to using pliers in hard to reach places?

I know that I'm going to be sorry for asking this but,.. what the devil does that have to do with anything? Btw, I saw this video last night and it really helped me in this situation.

 

[Seymour Flops]

His accepting and then cancelling invitations was his way of backing off from the friendship at least in so far as the part where you schedule time with each other. People take the easy way out, and agreeing to (I'll call it a "date," but I don't mean it in a romantic way) when you ask but then breaking it later is easier than simply telling you that he doesn't want to see you at scheduled times.

Asking a person for date, romantic or platonic often puts them on the spot. The polite move is to give them an out. That's why we specify a date, instead of asking about "sometime." The latter puts them in the position of either hurting your feelings on the spot with a blanket rejection or agreeing to spend time they'd rather not spend with you.

Offering a specific date gives them the option to claim some excuse to do with the date. At the most you should ask twice, I would say. If your friend's method was to make the date and then break it, I'd say that was not right. Unless . . . he suspected that you would say "when, then?" if he turned down based on his calendar.

Take what I say with a grain of salt, since I don't know the situation.

 

[Road Runner]

His accepting and then cancelling invitations was his way of backing off from the friendship at least in so far as the part where you schedule time with each other. People take the easy way out, and agreeing to (I'll call it a "date," but I don't mean it in a romantic way) when you ask but then breaking it later is easier than simply telling you that he doesn't want to see you at scheduled times.

Asking a person for date, romantic or platonic often puts them on the spot. The polite move is to give them an out. That's why we specify a date, instead of asking about "sometime." The latter puts them in the position of either hurting your feelings on the spot with a blanket rejection or agreeing to spend time they'd rather not spend with you.

Offering a specific date gives them the option to claim some excuse to do with the date. At the most you should ask twice, I would say. If your friend's method was to make the date and then break it, I'd say that was not right. Unless . . . he suspected that you would say "when, then?" if he turned down based on his calendar.

Take what I say with a grain of salt, since I don't know the situation.

Umm,.. we always specified a date for us to see each other. It was usually every Tuesday that he would come over to watch Cobra Kai with me.

 

[dblack]

I'm just curious because I've known this guy for years now, but lately he was just pushing me aside and things just kept coming up last minute (allegedly because they were all appointments that he just happened to forget about) when it came to making plans for him to come over and see me. So, I was debating about between just letting it go or confronting him about it.



I opted for the latter and I was very calm about it and asked him nicely that before we make plans to see each other, could he please double check the calendar and that's when he totally went off on me. Being the good friend that I am, I left the door open for if he ever wanted to give me a genuine apology, but I have to wonder if I did the right thing by ending our friendship after so long?



I mean I can have patience and understanding if something truly comes up but this was a continuing thing with him and I personally think that he isn't worth it and he overreacted. Especially since he's the one who kept screwing up by not checking the calendar before we made plans to spend time together. On the other hand it's a sucker punch for me since we used to spend so much time together over the years so that's where I'm having the struggle.

Dammit. I saw this thread title, saw who posted it, and was sure I knew who would be in the wrong.

But I was wrong. And I think you did the right thing. Relationships with people have to be from a position of mutual respect. It wasn't there, and your friend apparently had no interest in changing the situation, so the relationship wasn't worth maintaining.

 

[Zincwarrior]

I know that I'm going to be sorry for asking this but,.. what the devil does that have to do with anything? Btw, I saw this video last night and it really helped me in this situation.

 

[Blues Man]

I'm just curious because I've known this guy for years now, but lately he was just pushing me aside and things just kept coming up last minute (allegedly because they were all appointments that he just happened to forget about) when it came to making plans for him to come over and see me. So, I was debating about between just letting it go or confronting him about it.



I opted for the latter and I was very calm about it and asked him nicely that before we make plans to see each other, could he please double check the calendar and that's when he totally went off on me. Being the good friend that I am, I left the door open for if he ever wanted to give me a genuine apology, but I have to wonder if I did the right thing by ending our friendship after so long?



I mean I can have patience and understanding if something truly comes up but this was a continuing thing with him and I personally think that he isn't worth it and he overreacted. Especially since he's the one who kept screwing up by not checking the calendar before we made plans to spend time together. On the other hand it's a sucker punch for me since we used to spend so much time together over the years so that's where I'm having the struggle.

You sound kind of needy to me.

 

[Mr Natural]

You sound kind of needy to me.

She and Quasar would make a hell of a couple.

 

[Road Runner]

Well it took a while, but he finally apologized to me today.