I Had An Argument With One Of My Friends, Who Do You Believe Was In The Wrong?

[Thunk]

couldn't he still check the calendar ahead of time?

I can check the calendar...but that wont help if my BP meds made me extra dizzy that day. Of if the statin made me constipated and I have severe stomach pain...or if I ate something salty the night before and now I'm so bloated I don't fit into my pants.

None of which would I want to tell the person who was expecting me.

 

[Road Runner]

I can check the calendar...but that wont help if my BP meds made me extra dizzy that day. Of if the statin made me constipated and I have severe stomach pain...or if I ate something salty the night before and now I'm so bloated I don't fit into my pants.

None of which would I want to tell the person who was expecting me.

You make valid points. However, would you still give somebody an attitude about it for wondering why you would keep canceling on them last minute?

 

[toobfreak]

I Had An Argument With One Of My Friends, Who Do You Believe Was In The Wrong?​

1. It seems apparent that your friendship meant more to you than it did him judging just by this thread alone.
2. However the topic came up in conversation, it sounds like you brought it up because you were clearly bothered by it and the perception that he was taking the relationship lighter than you wanted.
3. His anger suggests that either he has been under a lot of pressure, maybe all these other things that kept coming up, or he was mad because you razed him on something that he was not prepared to discuss, but rather than approach the matter honestly and openly caring about your feelings, took the hostile resistance defense using anger to push you away so as to not further explore the subject.
4. The move is his. If you contact him now, you'd be swallowing your pride, whereas if he cares about your friendship at all, he will contact you and apologize and make up. If not, then your first instincts were right and you are better off moving on and finding someone better who really values you.

 

[Thunk]

You make valid points.

I have no idea if any of it might apply to your friend...It's just what I've been dealing with...and I have some people who are POWERFULLY pissed off at me.

 

[jotathought]

[Removed for brevity]

I mean I can have patience and understanding if something truly comes up but this was a continuing thing with him and I personally think that he isn't worth it and he overreacted. Especially since he's the one who kept screwing up by not checking the calendar before we made plans to spend time together. On the other hand it's a sucker punch for me since we used to spend so much time together over the years so that's where I'm having the struggle.

Your method of radical candor was absolutely the right approach, you've expressed your grievances and left the door open. If your friend isn't initiating the conversation .. then the past is water under the bridge and you must move forward to your next adventure.

 

[Thunk]

would you still give somebody an attitude

I did.

I was in pain and I was nervous I would have to go have my heart shocked again (cardioverted) they weren't hearing me and I was in no mood for it.

 

[Road Runner]

I have no idea if any of it might apply to your friend...It's just what I've been dealing with...and I have some people who are POWERFULLY pissed off at me.

Sorry to hear it.

 

[Thunk]

Another one is my sis just can't understand that with a heart condition and high blood pressure I don't need her constant bitching in my life.

So she calls me and starts bitching & I hang up...WOW! Does she get pissed off

 

[Thunk]

Sorry to hear it.

That's just life. I've had people pissed off at me most of my life so it's no big deal

 

[NewsVine_Mariyam]

1. It seems apparent that your friendship meant more to you than it did him judging just by this thread alone.
2. However the topic came up in conversation, it sounds like you brought it up because you were clearly bothered by it and the perception that he was taking the relationship lighter than you wanted.
3. His anger suggests that either he has been under a lot of pressure, maybe all these other things that kept coming up, or he was mad because you razed him on something that he was not prepared to discuss, but rather than approach the matter honestly and openly caring about your feelings, took the hostile resistance defense using anger to push you away so as to not further explore the subject.
4. The move is his. If you contact him now, you'd be swallowing your pride, whereas if he cares about your friendship at all, he will contact you and apologize and make up. If not, then your first instincts were right and you are better off moving on and finding someone better who really values you.

An excellent analysis, IMO and good advice FJB

 

[EvilCat Breath]

It sounds like he wanted to end the friendship for quite awhile. He just wanted you to do it.

 

[Road Runner]

An excellent analysis, IMO and good advice FJB

Thank you.

 

[Road Runner]

Yeah, he just messaged me saying he's not apologizing, doesn't feel like he did anything wrong,.. so that's that then. He clearly has made his choice and he doesn't deserve me as a friend.

 

[Innocynioc]

Get over it pilgrim. You obcess far too much over imagined and trivial slights. Cherish your other friends (if you have any), and forget about some one who is obviously tired of you.

 

[Road Runner]

Well not only is he not interested in becoming friends again, but he has sent me bullying and antagonizing messages. The only reason why I didn't delete him from my phone is because I have the evidence if he decides that he wants to start spreading lies about me and telling people that I said something that I never actually said.

 

[JohnDB]

Some people are friends for a season
Some for a reason
And some for a lifetime.

 

[Road Runner]

Some for a reason
And some for a lifetime.

And hopefully you fall into both categories. And yes Joey knew about him, he trusted him, and is now pissed off at him for hurting me and betraying his trust for letting me have him as a friend.

 

[nomadic5]

I'm just curious because I've known this guy for years now, but lately he was just pushing me aside and things just kept coming up last minute (allegedly because they were all appointments that he just happened to forget about) when it came to making plans for him to come over and see me. So, I was debating about between just letting it go or confronting him about it.



I opted for the latter and I was very calm about it and asked him nicely that before we make plans to see each other, could he please double check the calendar and that's when he totally went off on me. Being the good friend that I am, I left the door open for if he ever wanted to give me a genuine apology, but I have to wonder if I did the right thing by ending our friendship after so long?



I mean I can have patience and understanding if something truly comes up but this was a continuing thing with him and I personally think that he isn't worth it and he overreacted. Especially since he's the one who kept screwing up by not checking the calendar before we made plans to spend time together. On the other hand it's a sucker punch for me since we used to spend so much time together over the years so that's where I'm having the struggle.

boyfriend?

Regardless

I can't help thinking of that saying "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours, if it doesn't it never was."

I've been there,sort of... don't want to let go of someone but if you let go and the person does not return to you, maybe you care more about your friendship than he does and that is never a good thing

 

[John Edgar Slow Horses]

I'm just curious because I've known this guy for years now, but lately he was just pushing me aside and things just kept coming up last minute (allegedly because they were all appointments that he just happened to forget about) when it came to making plans for him to come over and see me. So, I was debating about between just letting it go or confronting him about it.



I opted for the latter and I was very calm about it and asked him nicely that before we make plans to see each other, could he please double check the calendar and that's when he totally went off on me. Being the good friend that I am, I left the door open for if he ever wanted to give me a genuine apology, but I have to wonder if I did the right thing by ending our friendship after so long?



I mean I can have patience and understanding if something truly comes up but this was a continuing thing with him and I personally think that he isn't worth it and he overreacted. Especially since he's the one who kept screwing up by not checking the calendar before we made plans to spend time together. On the other hand it's a sucker punch for me since we used to spend so much time together over the years so that's where I'm having the struggle.

You are in the right.

 

[nomadic5]

If you are in a lopsided relationship where you care more than the other does about it

it will endsome day anyway. . might as well end it before you are more attached/invested in it