How do you forgive the most horrible acts against you?

[iamwhatiseem]

When I was a child my middle-older brother basically tortured me. Beyond picking on. And managed to get other, also older, neighbor boys to tag team.
An example, when I was about 8 or 9, there was this gripey old man that lived down the street. No one liked him. They stripped me naked and tied me to the man's fence gate. I was of course terrified. The man found me, said nothing, untied me and gave me an old blanket and walked away.
That is one example.
I could easily hate my brother. I do not, or will ever, understand. When we grew up, but still young, there were two instances where my brother was in trouble. I helped him out, and one of those times were highly illegal, had risks and could have paid a heavy price. The "justice" my brother paid was the years afterwards of guilt of what he did, and knowing I was a better person.

 

[gtopa1]

I've easily forgiven people for minor infractions against me. Let bygones be bygones. No problem, people aren't perfect.

How do you forgive the really unforgivable? I prefer not to go into details, and it happened a long time ago, but, it was outright evil, and I almost feel even though I am the victim, it's not my place to forgive.

I'm trying to be a good Christian, and it's tough. This is one aspect I struggle with.

Thank you for your time.

It isn't about "forgiveness" in the sense the word is often used. People get confused and think it means you must go on as if the person never did it, and continue to be friends etc.
That is unrealistic and counter-productive.
Rather, you must walk away from it.
SImply put the person out of your mind, do not try to understand it....it is good you don't understand, if you did then you are just like them. Give up the human need to understand and just dismiss it. And them.
And THAT is forgiveness.

Forgiveness yes, but Justice is just as important though may take a little longer.

Greg

Justice is complicated. If what the person did is not illegal, then whatever you do in return probably is. And then "justice" ends up making you suffer more.
Forgiveness is personal. It is what you do in your own mind, not what you do to get back. That is the opposite of forgiveness.
Having said that, absolutely there are acts a person can do to you that is not forgivable in a sense it is imperative they pay a price for what they did. For instance something done to a child of yours. That is an entirely different thing. And a whole other discussion.
I assumed what our Canadian friend spoke of is something they did to him personally. And not illegal (guessing). If you do not have recourse legally or civilly, then you either put yourself at risk to get even, or you walk away.

Justice illegal? Doing something illegal in return is not Justice; it's revenge. I have been in that situation and I demanded justice. I paid for it and the result was quite satisfactory though there were some negative unintended consequences. But in it all I knew that my own conscience was clear and that is the most important part; doing the right thing for the right reasons. It took years and frankly I'd do it all again.

It is true, however, that sometimes you have to cut your losses. The hurdle is actually too great to jump over for whatever reason. In those situations, as has been stated by others, one lets God carry you.

Greg

 

[gtopa1]

When I was a child my middle-older brother basically tortured me. Beyond picking on. And managed to get other, also older, neighbor boys to tag team.
An example, when I was about 8 or 9, there was this gripey old man that lived down the street. No one liked him. They stripped me naked and tied me to the man's fence gate. I was of course terrified. The man found me, said nothing, untied me and gave me an old blanket and walked away.
That is one example.
I could easily hate my brother. I do not, or will ever, understand. When we grew up, but still young, there were two instances where my brother was in trouble. I helped him out, and one of those times were highly illegal, had risks and could have paid a heavy price. The "justice" my brother paid was the years afterwards of guilt of what he did, and knowing I was a better person.

Hmm. That sounds more like revenge. lol. Serve the blighter right.

Did you ensure that your brother knew that he was NOT a lesser person than you? Of course you did.

Greg

 

[gtopa1]

I've easily forgiven people for minor infractions against me. Let bygones be bygones. No problem, people aren't perfect.

How do you forgive the really unforgivable? I prefer not to go into details, and it happened a long time ago, but, it was outright evil, and I almost feel even though I am the victim, it's not my place to forgive.

I'm trying to be a good Christian, and it's tough. This is one aspect I struggle with.

Thank you for your time.

It isn't about "forgiveness" in the sense the word is often used. People get confused and think it means you must go on as if the person never did it, and continue to be friends etc.
That is unrealistic and counter-productive.
Rather, you must walk away from it.
SImply put the person out of your mind, do not try to understand it....it is good you don't understand, if you did then you are just like them. Give up the human need to understand and just dismiss it. And them.
And THAT is forgiveness.

Forgiveness yes, but Justice is just as important though may take a little longer.

Greg

Justice is complicated. If what the person did is not illegal, then whatever you do in return probably is. And then "justice" ends up making you suffer more.
Forgiveness is personal. It is what you do in your own mind, not what you do to get back. That is the opposite of forgiveness.
Having said that, absolutely there are acts a person can do to you that is not forgivable in a sense it is imperative they pay a price for what they did. For instance something done to a child of yours. That is an entirely different thing. And a whole other discussion.
I assumed what our Canadian friend spoke of is something they did to him personally. And not illegal (guessing). If you do not have recourse legally or civilly, then you either put yourself at risk to get even, or you walk away.

It was illegal and pervasive. Legal justice doesn't really exist in Canada unless you are very wealthy. We have the worst access to justice system in the entire G20, that determination from an independent agency.

So I have to try and forgive (I had forgotten years ago, until it reared it's ugly head) as some sort of solace and spiritual liberation. It's not easy for me.

If it was illegal then it still needs to be addressed. Is it over the time of Statutes of limitations? If not I would still pursue it. Repressed memory thing; I would seek a professional...preferably an ethical one.

Greg

 

[iamwhatiseem]

When I was a child my middle-older brother basically tortured me. Beyond picking on. And managed to get other, also older, neighbor boys to tag team.
An example, when I was about 8 or 9, there was this gripey old man that lived down the street. No one liked him. They stripped me naked and tied me to the man's fence gate. I was of course terrified. The man found me, said nothing, untied me and gave me an old blanket and walked away.
That is one example.
I could easily hate my brother. I do not, or will ever, understand. When we grew up, but still young, there were two instances where my brother was in trouble. I helped him out, and one of those times were highly illegal, had risks and could have paid a heavy price. The "justice" my brother paid was the years afterwards of guilt of what he did, and knowing I was a better person.

Hmm. That sounds more like revenge. lol. Serve the blighter right.

Did you ensure that your brother knew that he was NOT lesser person than you? Of course you did.

Greg

I am sorry you obviously carry around such bitterness, and assumption that therefore so does everyone else.
AT no time did I ever make my brother feel bad. I never once, and in 40 plus years later, have uttered a single word about what he did to me. Not once.
As I said, justice is complicated. If my brother has felt guilt about it, that is just. The things he did were terrible and it is just that he feels pain from it.
But I am not him. I am me. My "job" to forgive is to walk away from what happened, not carry it around with me. And I succeeded. My brother and I talk all the time, visit each other etc. We get along just fine. I doubt he has thought about it for years, if he has then I hope he improved himself by it.

 

[Care4all]

When I was a child my middle-older brother basically tortured me. Beyond picking on. And managed to get other, also older, neighbor boys to tag team.
An example, when I was about 8 or 9, there was this gripey old man that lived down the street. No one liked him. They stripped me naked and tied me to the man's fence gate. I was of course terrified. The man found me, said nothing, untied me and gave me an old blanket and walked away.
That is one example.
I could easily hate my brother. I do not, or will ever, understand. When we grew up, but still young, there were two instances where my brother was in trouble. I helped him out, and one of those times were highly illegal, had risks and could have paid a heavy price. The "justice" my brother paid was the years afterwards of guilt of what he did, and knowing I was a better person.

You nailed it IAWIS!

 

[Care4all]

I've easily forgiven people for minor infractions against me. Let bygones be bygones. No problem, people aren't perfect.

How do you forgive the really unforgivable? I prefer not to go into details, and it happened a long time ago, but, it was outright evil, and I almost feel even though I am the victim, it's not my place to forgive.

I'm trying to be a good Christian, and it's tough. This is one aspect I struggle with.

Thank you for your time.

Forgive, so that you will be forgiven when you mess up, you sin.

The Lord's Prayer part:

Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

Also, our command was to spread the Word, to capture as many fish as possible, be fishers of men, given to the good Lord.

Iamwhatiseem gave a good example, he showed forgiveness to his undeserving of forgiveness brother... he showed his love for him... he gave him what Christ has given us.... forgiveness of sins! WOW!

And thru this forgiveness he gave as a gift.... his brother's conscious or consciousness of guilt was awakened, and will likely, if not already be drawn to God for his own forgiveness for being such a turd! This leads to him becoming a penitent man...

IAWIS was a fisher of men... and whether he knew it or not, caught a Big Ole Fish, for Christ, for God... not by preaching from the Bible, but with actual Biblical actions... he bore good fruit.

 

[BreezeWood]

Unfortunately, it isn't that simple in my case. So I have to somehow learn to forgive, while I suffer consequences of it still.

you have a repetitive complex where not defining the issue is more the issue than the issue you supposedly can not resolve ... if you can not shed lite by bringing whatever it is in exposure insures it will never be solved.

is that your intent.

 

[22lcidw]

I've easily forgiven people for minor infractions against me. Let bygones be bygones. No problem, people aren't perfect.

How do you forgive the really unforgivable? I prefer not to go into details, and it happened a long time ago, but, it was outright evil, and I almost feel even though I am the victim, it's not my place to forgive.

I'm trying to be a good Christian, and it's tough. This is one aspect I struggle with.

Thank you for your time.

You can not forgive those who destroy you and/or your family. You can forgive most infractions up to that. The reason is that by living a christian existence lets happens what we see today. There are people who say they are Christians and are not. They will follow things like "I was only doing my job" or something similar. They will abuse the powers they have and in affect abuse you. A county I lived in destroyed people from up to 20 years ago. This week the law/corrections/judicial fiefdom there took a slap on the wrist but still got their members off for doing to others what they did themselves on the law side. However the corrections side seems to have an issue with a beat down and we will see. A video made with a contraband phone will probably be thrown out. Not one of these people stand up if they purport to be Christians to take responsibility for screwing with others. Many families have become impoverished and members living a bare existence with the help of these scumbags. So those men and women who put their palms out and accept responsible justice for their wrongs are not as plentiful as you might like. But they exist and are in reduced numbers compared to decades ago. Vigilance is needed. And whether the people you deal with are no good or purport to be good, you need to be careful.

 

[Taz]

I've easily forgiven people for minor infractions against me. Let bygones be bygones. No problem, people aren't perfect.

How do you forgive the really unforgivable? I prefer not to go into details, and it happened a long time ago, but, it was outright evil, and I almost feel even though I am the victim, it's not my place to forgive.

I'm trying to be a good Christian, and it's tough. This is one aspect I struggle with.

Thank you for your time.

Canadians need to apologize every chance they get. Then cry. Just like Justin.

 

[RodISHI]

When I was a child my middle-older brother basically tortured me. Beyond picking on. And managed to get other, also older, neighbor boys to tag team.
An example, when I was about 8 or 9, there was this gripey old man that lived down the street. No one liked him. They stripped me naked and tied me to the man's fence gate. I was of course terrified. The man found me, said nothing, untied me and gave me an old blanket and walked away.
That is one example.
I could easily hate my brother. I do not, or will ever, understand. When we grew up, but still young, there were two instances where my brother was in trouble. I helped him out, and one of those times were highly illegal, had risks and could have paid a heavy price. The "justice" my brother paid was the years afterwards of guilt of what he did, and knowing I was a better person.

You have been kept from hating them by the holy spirit for your own well being. It does work that a way. I believe you are correct concerning the guilt. Even though the abuse was never mentioned by all but one through the years who asked for forgiveness. I saw one of my tormentors in a drunken state once literally beat and pound himself into a bloody mess.

 

[RodISHI]

I've easily forgiven people for minor infractions against me. Let bygones be bygones. No problem, people aren't perfect.

How do you forgive the really unforgivable? I prefer not to go into details, and it happened a long time ago, but, it was outright evil, and I almost feel even though I am the victim, it's not my place to forgive.

I'm trying to be a good Christian, and it's tough. This is one aspect I struggle with.

Thank you for your time.

You can not forgive those who destroy you and/or your family. You can forgive most infractions up to that. The reason is that by living a christian existence lets happens what we see today. There are people who say they are Christians and are not. They will follow things like "I was only doing my job" or something similar. They will abuse the powers they have and in affect abuse you. A county I lived in destroyed people from up to 20 years ago. This week the law/corrections/judicial fiefdom there took a slap on the wrist but still got their members off for doing to others what they did themselves on the law side. However the corrections side seems to have an issue with a beat down and we will see. A video made with a contraband phone will probably be thrown out. Not one of these people stand up if they purport to be Christians to take responsibility for screwing with others. Many families have become impoverished and members living a bare existence with the help of these scumbags. So those men and women who put their palms out and accept responsible justice for their wrongs are not as plentiful as you might like. But they exist and are in reduced numbers compared to decades ago. Vigilance is needed. And whether the people you deal with are no good or purport to be good, you need to be careful.

In the case of abusive bureaucracies it is more of a powers and principality battle. The corruption in these does not need to be forgiven nor should it be. Those who follow along with such will suffer in their time for what they have been complicit or participating in doing wrong that affects others in a negative manner. If not in this world/lifetime it will be in the next.

 

[ding]

In stages.

 

[Disir]

I've easily forgiven people for minor infractions against me. Let bygones be bygones. No problem, people aren't perfect.

How do you forgive the really unforgivable? I prefer not to go into details, and it happened a long time ago, but, it was outright evil, and I almost feel even though I am the victim, it's not my place to forgive.

I'm trying to be a good Christian, and it's tough. This is one aspect I struggle with.
Thank you for your time.

I don't. I put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. I eventually get to a point where I make a choice over whether I intend to live in the past or do something else. When it's an old wound and I have had years to reflect, I take what I can from it. Have you developed a sense of empathy or compassion for those that may have encountered the same that otherwise might not exist? And are you being called upon (for lack of a better phrase) to use it?

But, I am not a Christian.

Yeah, you see, that is my nature, just put on foot in front of another, and in fact, it was forgotten, I had moved past it, chalked it up to the reality of life. Unfortunately, it isn't that simple in my case. So I have to somehow learn to forgive, while I suffer consequences of it still.

You could write a letter saying exactly how you feel. Nobody else has to read it. It helps organize thoughts and emotions.

 

[WheelieAddict]

I've easily forgiven people for minor infractions against me. Let bygones be bygones. No problem, people aren't perfect.

How do you forgive the really unforgivable? I prefer not to go into details, and it happened a long time ago, but, it was outright evil, and I almost feel even though I am the victim, it's not my place to forgive.

I'm trying to be a good Christian, and it's tough. This is one aspect I struggle with.

Thank you for your time.

Been there, a couple times. Time is the best healer. It's much easier to forgive and then forget after time has passed. Non religious advice: the best revenge is living well.

 

[Vastator]

I've easily forgiven people for minor infractions against me. Let bygones be bygones. No problem, people aren't perfect.

How do you forgive the really unforgivable? I prefer not to go into details, and it happened a long time ago, but, it was outright evil, and I almost feel even though I am the victim, it's not my place to forgive.

I'm trying to be a good Christian, and it's tough. This is one aspect I struggle with.

Thank you for your time.

That’s easy. Once dirt has been shoveled over their grave. I’m not a Christian so it makes the whole forgiveness thing easy for me...

 

[sealybobo]

I've easily forgiven people for minor infractions against me. Let bygones be bygones. No problem, people aren't perfect.

How do you forgive the really unforgivable? I prefer not to go into details, and it happened a long time ago, but, it was outright evil, and I almost feel even though I am the victim, it's not my place to forgive.

I'm trying to be a good Christian, and it's tough. This is one aspect I struggle with.

Thank you for your time.

 

[Weatherman2020]

I've easily forgiven people for minor infractions against me. Let bygones be bygones. No problem, people aren't perfect.

How do you forgive the really unforgivable? I prefer not to go into details, and it happened a long time ago, but, it was outright evil, and I almost feel even though I am the victim, it's not my place to forgive.

I'm trying to be a good Christian, and it's tough. This is one aspect I struggle with.

Thank you for your time.

Forgiveness is like releasing someone from prison to find out that person you released was you.

You can forgive someone and the next day you still feel the anger still there. So you forgive again. Then again. And yet again.

That’s why Jesus said 70 times 7. He wasn’t meaning do it 490 times. He meant it’s a process we must keep repeating until that feeling is gone. Because we are mere humans and everything about us is a process.

 

[Slade3200]

I've easily forgiven people for minor infractions against me. Let bygones be bygones. No problem, people aren't perfect.

How do you forgive the really unforgivable? I prefer not to go into details, and it happened a long time ago, but, it was outright evil, and I almost feel even though I am the victim, it's not my place to forgive.

I'm trying to be a good Christian, and it's tough. This is one aspect I struggle with.

Thank you for your time.

Some food for thought... try and separate forgiveness with trust and friendship. Forgiveness is an act of letting go of the negative emotions surrounding a person or event. It’s a personal exercise and practice of virtue to free your mind of burden. You can forgive somebody and still not trust them and still not want to develop a close relationship with them. The more you can forgive the less baggage you will carry around. It is the path way to serenity... being able to control what you can and let go of what you can’t.

 

[Vastator]

I've easily forgiven people for minor infractions against me. Let bygones be bygones. No problem, people aren't perfect.

How do you forgive the really unforgivable? I prefer not to go into details, and it happened a long time ago, but, it was outright evil, and I almost feel even though I am the victim, it's not my place to forgive.

I'm trying to be a good Christian, and it's tough. This is one aspect I struggle with.

Thank you for your time.

Forgiveness is like releasing someone from prison to find out that person you released was you.

You can forgive someone and the next day you still feel the anger still there. So you forgive again. Then again. And yet again.

That’s why Jesus said 70 times 7. He wasn’t meaning do it 490 times. He meant it’s a process we must keep repeating until that feeling is gone. Because we are mere humans and everything about us is a process.

Forgiveness is for those who lack the power to deliver revenge.