getting older

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Avatar4321, Mar 31, 2007.

  1. Avatar4321

    Avatar4321 Diamond Member Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 22, 2004
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    An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her
    car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her
    situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering
    wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

    The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

    A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She
    got in the back-seat by mistake."


    Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night
    the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She
    yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The
    94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She
    starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
    The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to
    her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get
    that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help
    both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."


    Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
    March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"

    "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."

    And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."


    A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
    As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
    "Supersex!" She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping
    her gown at him, she said, "Supersex!"

    He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."


    Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years,
    they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
    activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play
    cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other
    and said, "Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a
    long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and
    thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

    Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
    and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"


    As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
    Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I
    just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
    Interstate 77. Please be careful!"

    "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"


    Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
    see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
    intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
    woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
    could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more
    minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.
    Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was
    almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that
    she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection,
    sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned
    to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran
    through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
    Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving ?"

    "At the close of life the question will be not how
    much have you got, but how much have you given; not
    how much have you won, but how much have you done;
    not how much have you saved, but how much have you
    sacrificed; how much have you loved and served, not
    how much were you honored.""

    - Nathan C. Schaeffer
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 1
  2. Paul Revere

    Paul Revere Member

    Mar 4, 2007
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    Fayetteville, PA.


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