Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING. . Pronounce all one syllable words with two. . When giving directions, finish with "and it's right down yonder on the left." Confuses the mess out of 'em. . Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're saying. . When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell 'em "Delta's ready when you are!" . Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball. . Refer to every soft drink as a Coke. (This really does annoy 'em!) . Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air. . Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie -- John Michael -- Jim Bob. . .you get the idea) . Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. . If anyone ever says the words "Civil War", always interject that "there was nothing civil about it." . Always order sweet tea or RC cola. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus. . Address all males as "son" and females as "little lady". . Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's "Pah-kahn" not "Pee-can". . Put Tabasco on everything. . For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In other words, if they say "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!",say "Well, I'll be darned, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!" . When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies. . .preferably the banana ones. . Name all of your children "Bubba". (or just call em that!) . Use the word "reckon" in a sentence and watch their reaction. . "Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to school. . Never simply "do" something. Be "fixin to do" something. . Tell them you don't have an accent, they do. . Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations...Offends the heck out of 'em. . Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there..." "You said left." "Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you see a big fish on your left. I remember when that fish used to be on the other side of town.." (personal favorite of mine) . Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went driving around in your convertible this weekend. . When they mention something derogatory about southerners or country folks, stare at 'em as serious as you can and say "Don't make me kill you."...wait a few beats then crack up laughing like you were jokin'.