Does Spanking kids Work?

[Montrovant]

youd be wrong in that impression

You certainly seem comfortable speaking for others.

yap yap yap

ya quoted my post bretheren

Yes, I did. Unless you are multiple people, however, you are certainly not the only person I was talking about when I said 'a number of people here'.

I was also talking about an earlier post of yours where you said it is dishonest for someone to say they would never use a belt but will spank. I would never use a belt on the girl I nanny, but I have spanked her on occasion. So, unless you feel you are capable of speaking for me, it is not dishonest for me to say that, because it is true.

Once again, there are degrees in almost all things. There is a difference between a spank and hitting with a belt. That you may dismiss this difference does not mean it does not exist or that others cannot find it an important difference.

 

[oldfart]

Lots of people have come to me on tips on how to train their dogs but only 2 people have ever asked me on tips about training children despite my wife and I always getting compliments on our children's behavior. Maybe its a reluctance to admit there is a better way than what they currently employ?

America has a cultural problem in that many people believe that being a good parent is either something genetic you are born with or that you are weird if you don't just figure it out on your own. There seems to be some shame attached to admitting that you are willing to consider improving parenting skills.

 

[Asclepias]

Lots of people have come to me on tips on how to train their dogs but only 2 people have ever asked me on tips about training children despite my wife and I always getting compliments on our children's behavior. Maybe its a reluctance to admit there is a better way than what they currently employ?

America has a cultural problem in that many people believe that being a good parent is either something genetic you are born with or that you are weird if you don't just figure it out on your own. There seems to be some shame attached to admitting that you are willing to consider improving parenting skills.

If at all possible people should take a course on raising children. No one is going to be an expert unless their parents were. I always live by the motto "If you know better shouldn't you do better?"

 

[Bumberclyde]

Lots of people have come to me on tips on how to train their dogs but only 2 people have ever asked me on tips about training children despite my wife and I always getting compliments on our children's behavior. Maybe its a reluctance to admit there is a better way than what they currently employ?

America has a cultural problem in that many people believe that being a good parent is either something genetic you are born with or that you are weird if you don't just figure it out on your own. There seems to be some shame attached to admitting that you are willing to consider improving parenting skills.

If at all possible people should take a course on raising children. No one is going to be an expert unless their parents were. I always live by the motto "If you know better shouldn't you do better?"

Don't black folks give their children a whuppin' on a regular basis?

 

[beagle9]

But...

...there's a problem with this assertion.

My existence. I was spanked quite a bit. Yet, I am a very happy, caring, gentle, loving CNA/caregiver. My very job is caring for people. Since being spanked and growing up, I've never been violent, so...? It just seems a bit wrong when that assertion is completely unable to reconcile my being.

I hear you, I was spanked often and am also a CNA caregiver for 4 years. I tried to be careful with my language and denote tendencies, not necessities. I said we can knead out problems through education whether its self-education or some school environment. But I think it's clear what tendencies emerge for a majority of people who are whipped.

...that bolded word.

I don't believe in whipping children. Or belting. Or whupping. Or kicking, punching, or beating. A thin paddle to swat the butt a bit. NOT swinging hard like you're aiming to break a melon, either.

What happens when the child will not listen to or obey you? When he's kicking and punching you because he doesn't fear you? When she doesn't give a damn about anything you say or command? What happens when he stabs or hits your other child, or breaks your other child's tooth out? What's gonna drive home the message that it's NOT ok? What happens when your child gives you the "screw you" look when you say "go to your room", and then goes somewhere else? What happens when EVERY other option short of sending him to jail doesn't work?

My friend, what do you do when your child doesn't fear you, and thinks him or herself the parent... over you? How do you prove that you are sovereign over your cub?

Talking? Pleading? Bargaining? Begging? Child don't care who you are. He thinks you can take a hike. She don't fear you. He owns you. Can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants.

Major problem in this nation right now, and it's getting worse. I have another friend for whom I always considered a real cool and tough guy once in my life, and him and his wife gave birth to even a tougher child than he was. For years everything was ok, and the young son seemed like a great kid in the perfect family. The next thing I hear, is that this kid is terrorizing (physically & verbally abusing) his parents. I thought what in the H. E. double hockey sticks is going on now. They had to actually call the law on their own son, and get him arrested finally. This was after he whipped his dad and slapped his mom one time to many. I couldn't believe it, but there it was for all to witness when young teens go bad in this way.

Now it could have been from a huge number of factors involved, but all I know is that he was a nice kid once, and they had a nice family once, and then boom, boom, out went the lights. I was surprised that this feller could take his dad like that, but he had become a good size feller 230, and he could bench press around 300. I know his dad disciplined him in a normal manor when coming up, and also treated him great as well (gave him many things including their love and affection), but this cat got involved in the wrong crowd, and it all began to change quite fast afterwards.

When good kids go bad, now that would be a great reality show I think, because the truth needs to be told, instead of all this goody, goody, feel good anti spanking talk that goes on here, and especially upon a serious problem that is now going on in this nation. Blame the parents is the theme here it seems, and that isn't cutting it all the way or telling the whole story as it is these days. Complicated issue, and there are many, many, factors involved, but not so many that this nation can't identify those factors if we all look hard enough at them.

 

[The Rabbi]

It's like asking whether penicillin is effective. The answer is yes, in the right dose under the right circumstance.
My parents never spanked me. It was a mistake. I grew up undisciplined and lacking respect. With my kids, I spanked them rarely and only for very clear reasons. They are two very wonderful people today. It takes wisdom to know when to apply it and when not.

 

[Jarlaxle]

I hear you, I was spanked often and am also a CNA caregiver for 4 years. I tried to be careful with my language and denote tendencies, not necessities. I said we can knead out problems through education whether its self-education or some school environment. But I think it's clear what tendencies emerge for a majority of people who are whipped.

...that bolded word.

I don't believe in whipping children. Or belting. Or whupping. Or kicking, punching, or beating. A thin paddle to swat the butt a bit. NOT swinging hard like you're aiming to break a melon, either.

What happens when the child will not listen to or obey you? When he's kicking and punching you because he doesn't fear you? When she doesn't give a damn about anything you say or command? What happens when he stabs or hits your other child, or breaks your other child's tooth out? What's gonna drive home the message that it's NOT ok? What happens when your child gives you the "screw you" look when you say "go to your room", and then goes somewhere else? What happens when EVERY other option short of sending him to jail doesn't work?

My friend, what do you do when your child doesn't fear you, and thinks him or herself the parent... over you? How do you prove that you are sovereign over your cub?

Talking? Pleading? Bargaining? Begging? Child don't care who you are. He thinks you can take a hike. She don't fear you. He owns you. Can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants.

At that point its a battle of wills. Your child can be picked up and placed in their room or time out spot for as many time as it is necessary to get your point across. When they understand your will is stronger than theirs they will get the picture. You will not have resorted to violence and the lesson lasts a whole lot longer. My oldest daughter tested me when she was 3 or 4 and this went on for almost 4 hours.

My wife simply went out her bedroom window.

 

[Jarlaxle]

It's good for them. It builds character. Besides, it is condoned in the Bible.

So is selling children into slavery, killing anyone who works on the Sabbath, and many other vile things.

 

[Asclepias]

...that bolded word.

I don't believe in whipping children. Or belting. Or whupping. Or kicking, punching, or beating. A thin paddle to swat the butt a bit. NOT swinging hard like you're aiming to break a melon, either.

What happens when the child will not listen to or obey you? When he's kicking and punching you because he doesn't fear you? When she doesn't give a damn about anything you say or command? What happens when he stabs or hits your other child, or breaks your other child's tooth out? What's gonna drive home the message that it's NOT ok? What happens when your child gives you the "screw you" look when you say "go to your room", and then goes somewhere else? What happens when EVERY other option short of sending him to jail doesn't work?

My friend, what do you do when your child doesn't fear you, and thinks him or herself the parent... over you? How do you prove that you are sovereign over your cub?

Talking? Pleading? Bargaining? Begging? Child don't care who you are. He thinks you can take a hike. She don't fear you. He owns you. Can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants.

At that point its a battle of wills. Your child can be picked up and placed in their room or time out spot for as many time as it is necessary to get your point across. When they understand your will is stronger than theirs they will get the picture. You will not have resorted to violence and the lesson lasts a whole lot longer. My oldest daughter tested me when she was 3 or 4 and this went on for almost 4 hours.

My wife simply went out her bedroom window.

Her parents should have thought of that before placing her somewhere she would have access to climb out a window. She must be something else being able to climb out of a window at 3 years of age.

 

[FA_Q2]

Lots of people have come to me on tips on how to train their dogs but only 2 people have ever asked me on tips about training children despite my wife and I always getting compliments on our children's behavior. Maybe its a reluctance to admit there is a better way than what they currently employ?

America has a cultural problem in that many people believe that being a good parent is either something genetic you are born with or that you are weird if you don't just figure it out on your own. There seems to be some shame attached to admitting that you are willing to consider improving parenting skills.

You’re kidding right?

There are a million parenting books. Most parents hang out with other parents (single people do entirely different things than parents seem to) and they tend to talk about their children and raising them. At least that has been my experience with almost all the parents I know.

If people are not asking for his advice it sure is not because there is some stigmatism about it.

 

[G.T.]

Lots of people have come to me on tips on how to train their dogs but only 2 people have ever asked me on tips about training children despite my wife and I always getting compliments on our children's behavior. Maybe its a reluctance to admit there is a better way than what they currently employ?

America has a cultural problem in that many people believe that being a good parent is either something genetic you are born with or that you are weird if you don't just figure it out on your own. There seems to be some shame attached to admitting that you are willing to consider improving parenting skills.

You’re kidding right?

There are a million parenting books. Most parents hang out with other parents (single people do entirely different things than parents seem to) and they tend to talk about their children and raising them. At least that has been my experience with almost all the parents I know.

If people are not asking for his advice it sure is not because there is some stigmatism about it.

I thought I was on acid....

but a person with faq in their name just defended that people ask for help.

I just found that funny.

 

[FA_Q2]

America has a cultural problem in that many people believe that being a good parent is either something genetic you are born with or that you are weird if you don't just figure it out on your own. There seems to be some shame attached to admitting that you are willing to consider improving parenting skills.

You’re kidding right?

There are a million parenting books. Most parents hang out with other parents (single people do entirely different things than parents seem to) and they tend to talk about their children and raising them. At least that has been my experience with almost all the parents I know.

If people are not asking for his advice it sure is not because there is some stigmatism about it.

I thought I was on acid....

but a person with faq in their name just defended that people ask for help.

I just found that funny.

lol.

You forgot the ‘2’ in the name though. It is an old phonetic used in the original message boards a LONG time ago.

Pronounce the letters and you will get it.

 

[oldfart]

Lots of people have come to me on tips on how to train their dogs but only 2 people have ever asked me on tips about training children despite my wife and I always getting compliments on our children's behavior. Maybe its a reluctance to admit there is a better way than what they currently employ?

America has a cultural problem in that many people believe that being a good parent is either something genetic you are born with or that you are weird if you don't just figure it out on your own. There seems to be some shame attached to admitting that you are willing to consider improving parenting skills.

You’re kidding right?

There are a million parenting books. Most parents hang out with other parents (single people do entirely different things than parents seem to) and they tend to talk about their children and raising them. At least that has been my experience with almost all the parents I know.

If people are not asking for his advice it sure is not because there is some stigmatism about it.

Not kidding. But you are reminding me that most of America is different from where my kids were reared, a third world country known as Mississippi. It's a class and culture issue. It's like the old demographers joke about West Virginia. Seriously, in Appalachia severe physical punishment is common in many families, as is a pattern of young men taking it until they can whup their father, after which they normally leave the household and often the state.

My students reaction to self-help books would have been ask for wine and cheese while reading the book. If you suggested they could benefit from any form of psychological help, you were accusing them "of being crazy". This is clearly a different set of people from those who consider analysis a form of recreation.

I'll spot you that many well educated Americans living in comfortable middle class communities consume millions of self-help books and consider treatment for mental and behavior problems as a necessary facet of health care without stigma.

But there is another America out there too. The stigma is real, even if it's not apparent in your neighborhood.

 

[Asclepias]

Lots of people have come to me on tips on how to train their dogs but only 2 people have ever asked me on tips about training children despite my wife and I always getting compliments on our children's behavior. Maybe its a reluctance to admit there is a better way than what they currently employ?

America has a cultural problem in that many people believe that being a good parent is either something genetic you are born with or that you are weird if you don't just figure it out on your own. There seems to be some shame attached to admitting that you are willing to consider improving parenting skills.

You’re kidding right?

There are a million parenting books. Most parents hang out with other parents (single people do entirely different things than parents seem to) and they tend to talk about their children and raising them. At least that has been my experience with almost all the parents I know.

If people are not asking for his advice it sure is not because there is some stigmatism about it.

People tend to talk about what they do with their children instead of asking experts or people that have well behaved, well performing kids what works best. People will comment unsolicited on how great your kids are but rarely do they ask for tips or what specifically you do. There is definitely a stigma still on asking for help with raising children or they think there is just something wrong with their child.

 

[Jarlaxle]

At that point its a battle of wills. Your child can be picked up and placed in their room or time out spot for as many time as it is necessary to get your point across. When they understand your will is stronger than theirs they will get the picture. You will not have resorted to violence and the lesson lasts a whole lot longer. My oldest daughter tested me when she was 3 or 4 and this went on for almost 4 hours.

My wife simply went out her bedroom window.

Her parents should have thought of that before placing her somewhere she would have access to climb out a window. She must be something else being able to climb out of a window at 3 years of age.

She wasn't 11 or 12, as I recall. Her father never suspected, because it's a second-floor window. (And even now, she climbs like a cat.)

 

[asterism]

America has a cultural problem in that many people believe that being a good parent is either something genetic you are born with or that you are weird if you don't just figure it out on your own. There seems to be some shame attached to admitting that you are willing to consider improving parenting skills.

You’re kidding right?

There are a million parenting books. Most parents hang out with other parents (single people do entirely different things than parents seem to) and they tend to talk about their children and raising them. At least that has been my experience with almost all the parents I know.

If people are not asking for his advice it sure is not because there is some stigmatism about it.

People tend to talk about what they do with their children instead of asking experts or people that have well behaved, well performing kids what works best. People will comment unsolicited on how great your kids are but rarely do they ask for tips or what specifically you do. There is definitely a stigma still on asking for help with raising children or they think there is just something wrong with their child.

"Experts," like Dr. Spock? That's part of the problem.

However, I'm constantly asked "how do you do it?" by parents and my kids aren't exactly angels but they are known to be rambunctious, happy, and polite when they need to be. I think I get asked for parenting advice because of the way kids who are not mine respond to me in my scouting and other volunteer roles.

I've found that MOST (emphasis on most) dysfunctional kids are the results of parents that can't commit to actual parenting. They are too tired, too busy, or too disinterested in doing the hard part - actively parenting children non-stop every single day. They don't give 10 parts praise, 3 parts constructive criticism, and 1 part punishment. They don't manage their kids to set them up for success so that they can encourage them and they ignore the times the kids failed because it makes them feel bad that their little one will miss a movie/party/fun activity.

Of course these are mostly the same failed parents of screw-ups that will abhor spanking and all forms of it while emotionally isolating their children. Spanking won't help these kids because they are manipulating their parents.

 

[Asclepias]

You’re kidding right?

There are a million parenting books. Most parents hang out with other parents (single people do entirely different things than parents seem to) and they tend to talk about their children and raising them. At least that has been my experience with almost all the parents I know.

If people are not asking for his advice it sure is not because there is some stigmatism about it.

People tend to talk about what they do with their children instead of asking experts or people that have well behaved, well performing kids what works best. People will comment unsolicited on how great your kids are but rarely do they ask for tips or what specifically you do. There is definitely a stigma still on asking for help with raising children or they think there is just something wrong with their child.

"Experts," like Dr. Spock? That's part of the problem.

However, I'm constantly asked "how do you do it?" by parents and my kids aren't exactly angels but they are known to be rambunctious, happy, and polite when they need to be. I think I get asked for parenting advice because of the way kids who are not mine respond to me in my scouting and other volunteer roles.

I've found that MOST (emphasis on most) dysfunctional kids are the results of parents that can't commit to actual parenting. They are too tired, too busy, or too disinterested in doing the hard part - actively parenting children non-stop every single day. They don't give 10 parts praise, 3 parts constructive criticism, and 1 part punishment. They don't manage their kids to set them up for success so that they can encourage them and they ignore the times the kids failed because it makes them feel bad that their little one will miss a movie/party/fun activity.

Of course these are mostly the same failed parents of screw-ups that will abhor spanking and all forms of it while emotionally isolating their children. Spanking won't help these kids because they are manipulating their parents.

Never read Dr Spock. I mean like going to family counseling and yes books for back up and just keeping an eye out for things other parents seem to be doing that produce great results. One of the best tips I ever got for my girls came from another dad who was not embarrassed to take his daughters shopping for underwear. I agree with your assessment on dysfunctional kids 100%

 

[Michelle420]

“"When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor’s wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn’t believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time. But one day, when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking–the first in his life. She told him that he would have to go outside himself and find a switch for her to hit him with.

The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, “Mama, I couldn’t find a switch, but here’s a rock that you can throw at me.”

All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from the child’s point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone.

And the mother took the boy into her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I think everyone should keep in mind. Because if violence begins in the nursery one can raise children into violence.””

— Astrid Lindgren, author of Pippi Longstocking, 1978 Peace Prize Acceptance Speech

 

[GISMYS]

“"When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor’s wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn’t believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time. But one day, when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking–the first in his life. She told him that he would have to go outside himself and find a switch for her to hit him with.

The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, “Mama, I couldn’t find a switch, but here’s a rock that you can throw at me.”

All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from the child’s point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone.

And the mother took the boy into her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I think everyone should keep in mind. Because if violence begins in the nursery one can raise children into violence.””

— Astrid Lindgren, author of Pippi Longstocking, 1978 Peace Prize Acceptance Speech

such wisdom,understanding,knowledge, how did little man get so much wiser than ALMIGHTY GOD????

 

[GISMYS]

“"When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor’s wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn’t believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time. But one day, when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking–the first in his life. She told him that he would have to go outside himself and find a switch for her to hit him with.

The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, “Mama, I couldn’t find a switch, but here’s a rock that you can throw at me.”

All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from the child’s point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone.

And the mother took the boy into her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I think everyone should keep in mind. Because if violence begins in the nursery one can raise children into violence.””

— Astrid Lindgren, author of Pippi Longstocking, 1978 Peace Prize Acceptance Speech

such wisdom,understanding,knowledge, how did little man get so much wiser than ALMIGHTY GOD????

If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don't love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline themPROVERBS 13:24