Impressive: 6th-Grade Furry Already Barking At 9th-Grade Level

[Votto]

PAYSON, UT — Despite the public outrage leveled at the school district, officials proudly cited an example of the positive result of schools allowing students with alternative lifestyles, pointing to one 6th-grade furry who was already barking at a 9th-grade level.

School faculty said the young furry's advanced development was a testament to the efficacy of the district's efforts to be inclusive and welcoming of students from all walks of life, including those who identify as dogs.

"This just shows what can be accomplished," said district superintendent Wanda Fuller. "Without our inclusivity policies and the efforts of our tremendous faculty, this young furry student would not be barking at such an advanced level. Chewy is a wonderful example of achievement."



The furry's parents said they could not be happier with the results. "We're so proud of her," said Gary Carnes, Chewy's father. "Most furries her age aren't anywhere near her level. Last week, she was able to come warn me that a small child had fallen into a well — just by barking! We're seeing a lot of growth in Chewy. We haven't been this thrilled since we were finally able to get her housebroken last year."

Chewy expressed pride in her development. "Woof!" she said before enjoying a celebratory doggy treat followed by a game of fetch.

At publishing time, Chewy's parents had scheduled a meeting with a guidance counselor to plan her future and start looking at potential college options, with an eye toward her possibly becoming an actor or police dog someday.

 

[The Sage of Main Street]

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PAYSON, UT — Despite the public outrage leveled at the school district, officials proudly cited an example of the positive result of schools allowing students with alternative lifestyles, pointing to one 6th-grade furry who was already barking at a 9th-grade level.

School faculty said the young furry's advanced development was a testament to the efficacy of the district's efforts to be inclusive and welcoming of students from all walks of life, including those who identify as dogs.

"This just shows what can be accomplished," said district superintendent Wanda Fuller. "Without our inclusivity policies and the efforts of our tremendous faculty, this young furry student would not be barking at such an advanced level. Chewy is a wonderful example of achievement."



The furry's parents said they could not be happier with the results. "We're so proud of her," said Gary Carnes, Chewy's father. "Most furries her age aren't anywhere near her level. Last week, she was able to come warn me that a small child had fallen into a well — just by barking! We're seeing a lot of growth in Chewy. We haven't been this thrilled since we were finally able to get her housebroken last year."

Chewy expressed pride in her development. "Woof!" she said before enjoying a celebratory doggy treat followed by a game of fetch.

At publishing time, Chewy's parents had scheduled a meeting with a guidance counselor to plan her future and start looking at potential college options, with an eye toward her possibly becoming an actor or police dog someday.

Little Lambs Eat Ivy

Harvard is sure to offer her a scholarship, just like they did to David Hogg.