Can there be healing?

[gallantwarrior]

The situation is this:
A friend of mine, a passive-aggressive controller, recently had a stroke. A person with passive-aggressive behavior disorder uses methods to control the situation, and other people, that do not outwardly appear to be abusive, but believe me, they are. With the disability inherent to a stroke, there is a whole new realm of control available to a manipulative controller. Now, this person needs a lot of personal, physical assistance. This translates to other people being very solicitous of the victim's needs and requires some pretty intense effort by the caretaker(s) on behalf of the victim of the stroke.
The question is, how can a person who has a behavioral disorder that requires manipulation and control of other people and who has recently discovered a new and powerful means of controlling other people, how can that person heal? Healing would cause that power to be diminished over time as the effects of the stroke improved.
Anyone have any insights how to deal with a situation like this? Thanks for any help.

 

[captkaos]

The situation is this:
A friend of mine, a passive-aggressive controller, recently had a stroke. A person with passive-aggressive behavior disorder uses methods to control the situation, and other people, that do not outwardly appear to be abusive, but believe me, they are. With the disability inherent to a stroke, there is a whole new realm of control available to a manipulative controller. Now, this person needs a lot of personal, physical assistance. This translates to other people being very solicitous of the victim's needs and requires some pretty intense effort by the caretaker(s) on behalf of the victim of the stroke.
The question is, how can a person who has a behavioral disorder that requires manipulation and control of other people and who has recently discovered a new and powerful means of controlling other people, how can that person heal? Healing would cause that power to be diminished over time as the effects of the stroke improved.
Anyone have any insights how to deal with a situation like this? Thanks for any help.

The person sounds like a spoiled child ! Give him the care he "requires" and learn to say "NO"! My dog begs for treats every 5 minutes but he also knows what NO means! IMHO. Not giving in to the patients every whim and wish will do him/her more good than harm.

 

[night_son]

The situation is this:
A friend of mine, a passive-aggressive controller, recently had a stroke. A person with passive-aggressive behavior disorder uses methods to control the situation, and other people, that do not outwardly appear to be abusive, but believe me, they are. With the disability inherent to a stroke, there is a whole new realm of control available to a manipulative controller. Now, this person needs a lot of personal, physical assistance. This translates to other people being very solicitous of the victim's needs and requires some pretty intense effort by the caretaker(s) on behalf of the victim of the stroke.
The question is, how can a person who has a behavioral disorder that requires manipulation and control of other people and who has recently discovered a new and powerful means of controlling other people, how can that person heal? Healing would cause that power to be diminished over time as the effects of the stroke improved.
Anyone have any insights how to deal with a situation like this? Thanks for any help.

Get away from this person you've described here—as quickly as you can, if you can. Otherwise this person will drink you dry and leave nothing behind but a hollow husk.

 

[MarathonMike]

People rarely change and once the mind starts to go, they sort of turn into more extreme versions of who they have been their entire life.

 

[gallantwarrior]

One of the things recommended when dealing with passive-aggressive people is to hold your anger. I've managed my anger very well but am just getting pushed. Last night, I went outside to enjoy the dusk and read a book. But so far, y'all are pretty much right on. One of the ways people become passive-aggressive controllers is because it is a very successful way to manipulate other people and it often starts in childhood. And at his age, this cat is not very likely to change his stripes. I'm thinking of a couple of weeks, if he shows as much "improvement" as he has this past week, maybe he should be put into an inpatient care facility. He just ate it up while hospitalized and waited on by nurses and therapists.
But dammit, Jim! I'm a mechanic, not a nursemaid!

 

[emilynghiem]

The situation is this:
A friend of mine, a passive-aggressive controller, recently had a stroke. A person with passive-aggressive behavior disorder uses methods to control the situation, and other people, that do not outwardly appear to be abusive, but believe me, they are. With the disability inherent to a stroke, there is a whole new realm of control available to a manipulative controller. Now, this person needs a lot of personal, physical assistance. This translates to other people being very solicitous of the victim's needs and requires some pretty intense effort by the caretaker(s) on behalf of the victim of the stroke.
The question is, how can a person who has a behavioral disorder that requires manipulation and control of other people and who has recently discovered a new and powerful means of controlling other people, how can that person heal? Healing would cause that power to be diminished over time as the effects of the stroke improved.
Anyone have any insights how to deal with a situation like this? Thanks for any help.

Dear gallantwarrior
It sounds like this situation may force this person to change
how they do thing in order to get help and in the process to heal with the same changes.

I highly recommend that you and everyone around this friend consult
with Drs. Francis and Judith MacNutt of Christian Healing Ministries
that have written books explaining the whole healing process.
www.christianhealingmin.org and the book HEALING edition 1999 or later.

Dr. Phillip Goldfedder a neurosurgeon who turned his focus of practice
to spiritual healing that works better than surgery and medications,
also has helped people by phone. www.healingisyours.com

Form a team around this friend, and work out a process you
can all agree to. the more we forgive, the more healing we receive.
And we all get along better to solve problems as a team and as a community.

your friend will get a lot more out of this if everyone can get on the same page
and everyone who participates in the forgiveness and healing will also change.
so that will help your friend to change when others do the same.

 

[Augustine_]

Don't do what they want, let them have their little tantrum, and engage with them when they get over themselves. They may tantrum for an hour, or 2 weeks. That's their problem, not yours.

 

[gallantwarrior]

The situation is this:
A friend of mine, a passive-aggressive controller, recently had a stroke. A person with passive-aggressive behavior disorder uses methods to control the situation, and other people, that do not outwardly appear to be abusive, but believe me, they are. With the disability inherent to a stroke, there is a whole new realm of control available to a manipulative controller. Now, this person needs a lot of personal, physical assistance. This translates to other people being very solicitous of the victim's needs and requires some pretty intense effort by the caretaker(s) on behalf of the victim of the stroke.
The question is, how can a person who has a behavioral disorder that requires manipulation and control of other people and who has recently discovered a new and powerful means of controlling other people, how can that person heal? Healing would cause that power to be diminished over time as the effects of the stroke improved.
Anyone have any insights how to deal with a situation like this? Thanks for any help.

Dear gallantwarrior
It sounds like this situation may force this person to change
how they do thing in order to get help and in the process to heal with the same changes.

I highly recommend that you and everyone around this friend consult
with Drs. Francis and Judith MacNutt of Christian Healing Ministries
that have written books explaining the whole healing process.
www.christianhealingmin.org and the book HEALING edition 1999 or later.

Dr. Phillip Goldfedder a neurosurgeon who turned his focus of practice
to spiritual healing that works better than surgery and medications,
also has helped people by phone. www.healingisyours.com

Form a team around this friend, and work out a process you
can all agree to. the more we forgive, the more healing we receive.
And we all get along better to solve problems as a team and as a community.

your friend will get a lot more out of this if everyone can get on the same page
and everyone who participates in the forgiveness and healing will also change.
so that will help your friend to change when others do the same.

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I fortunately am part of a fine group of people who send their best positive "vibes" to help. Not everyone prays but many do project positive energies. I also have family support to help me deal with a difficult situation. I also see much value in alternative means of healing. Medicine tends to treat the symptoms but not really deal with the deeper psychic illnesses that can hinder or prevent healing of both soul and body. I will definitely look into your recommendations. Thank you again.

 

[gallantwarrior]

Don't do what they want, let them have their little tantrum, and engage with them when they get over themselves. They may tantrum for an hour, or 2 weeks. That's their problem, not yours.

That's how I would deal with a child but this situation is just like that. This person tended to be pretty self-centered before his stroke, behaving often like a spoiled three-year-old. Due to the stroke, now he's physically like a 3 year old. He has to have help dressing and moving about and relies on his caretaker to deliver whatever he needs. You know, he wants me to put his meds into his weekly container. I'm going to give him the base materials and let him do that for himself.

 

[Gagafritz]

Your friend is who he is. Having a stroke is terrifying and for someone who needs to be in control I would think those control issues become exacerbated. So, just see your friend, have pleasant conversations and that is about it. There is nothing you can do to change who he is.

 

[Taz]

The situation is this:
A friend of mine, a passive-aggressive controller, recently had a stroke. A person with passive-aggressive behavior disorder uses methods to control the situation, and other people, that do not outwardly appear to be abusive, but believe me, they are. With the disability inherent to a stroke, there is a whole new realm of control available to a manipulative controller. Now, this person needs a lot of personal, physical assistance. This translates to other people being very solicitous of the victim's needs and requires some pretty intense effort by the caretaker(s) on behalf of the victim of the stroke.
The question is, how can a person who has a behavioral disorder that requires manipulation and control of other people and who has recently discovered a new and powerful means of controlling other people, how can that person heal? Healing would cause that power to be diminished over time as the effects of the stroke improved.
Anyone have any insights how to deal with a situation like this? Thanks for any help.

Tell him to fuck off and don't go back. End of problem.

 

[gallantwarrior]

Your friend is who he is. Having a stroke is terrifying and for someone who needs to be in control I would think those control issues become exacerbated. So, just see your friend, have pleasant conversations and that is about it. There is nothing you can do to change who he is.

Very true. He hasn't changed personality-wise at all. I do hope he recovers enough to work again because he's a workaholic and will only become more miserable and unbearable as long as his disability persists. We have been putting him to work doing what he can. He can sharpen chains on the saws, he can operate the wood splitter and fill water jugs. Doing those little things does help expedite the process of getting our winter wood into the bins. I suspect that we'll need twice as much wood as last year because he'll be here full time at my cabin.