An NFL Apocalypse: The Christian Problem

Abishai100

VIP Member
Sep 22, 2013
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Does new age terrorism make you worry about journalism?

This yarn was inspired by Spy Game and The Last Boy Scout.



:beer:

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As fans prepared for Super Bowl 52, a matchup between the titans New England Patriots and the underdog upstarts Philadelphia Eagles, there was much tension. Everyone expected the Brady-led Patriots to win yet another Super Bowl in this new millennium, but the Wentz-Foles led Eagles had a shining season, so there was reason to be intrigued. Sports marketing had become such a commercial vanity that a big-time televised American NFL game represented a good deal of 'networking intrigue,' and President Trump considered attending.

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As the game began, the Eagles kept good momentum and scored early and kept a lead, but Brady's Patriots remained vigilant and threatening. Sportscasters were declaring this game to be much more gripping than easily expected, since, of course, it would have become lopsided. The Eagles and the Patriots both had the potential to pull away speedily, so the close tension of the game kept Super Bowl 52 something to marvel.

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A pair of media celebrities (Tom Cruise and Tom Hanks) and an Internet-blogging Ivy League professor named Ajay Patel were on an Internet chatroom and discussing why Super Bowl 52 would create anti-terrorism optimism in American society, since the game was such a 'capitalism symbol.' Cruise, Patel, and Hanks had no idea that the terrorist group Cobra was actually planning something quite diabolical regarding the NFL.

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CIA operatives named Scarlett and Baroness were assigned to analyze terrorists' infiltration capabilities in America. Baroness was a Cobra-defector who was working with the CIA now, and she wanted to assist Scarlett in monitoring underground communiques between black market munitions groups in Moscow and Mexico to see if there were in-roads to the American homeland as Super Bowl 52 approached.

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A Catholic priest named Richard decided to dress up as a vigilante and preach some strange messages about terrorism during Super Bowl 52. Richard called himself 'Batman' and carried a 'book of prophecies' and he held it up high and declared the NFL to be a marketing-symbol of consumerism, something to downgrade the hysteria surrounding anti-networking terrorism. Richard/Batman was delivering his 'sermon' at a college park during Super Bowl 52, and someone tweeted about him, and Cruise, Patel, and Hanks read the tweet during the NFL game.

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Richard was divorced from his fashion-model wife Elana, who was actually now working for the CIA, alongside Scarlett and Baroness. Elana, Scarlett, and Baroness were convinced that Cobra female agents were going to infiltrate the Super Bowl stadium and plant small chemical bombs to create a terrible distraction, but not one necessarily devastating. Elana, Scarlett, and Baroness called themselves 'Charlie's Angels' (since their CIA superior/boss's name was Charlie!). Charlie's Angels wanted to make sure Super Bowl 52 would not become a 'bargaining-chip' for Cobra.

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Elana was in her leather protective suit and safety goggles and assigned to find and disarm the chemical bombs in the Super Bowl stadium. What she found instead was an incredibly luminous giant diamond. She radioed Scarlett and Baroness and told them the diamond was a 'sign' left by Cobra terrorists to warn them that Super Bowl 52 was merely a 'sign' of things to come later and that there would be no terrorism during the game.

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However, Cobra did send two agents to proceed with a different plan after the game. The agents were Margot and Jared, and they were explosives experts who grew up in Algeria and studied with the provos-FLN. Margot and Jared were to infiltrate the American homeland and plant bombs in the Pentagon for Cobra and declare the terrorism a 'trophy' for the eventual Super Bowl 52 victor. However, Margot and Jared decided to betray Cobra and proceed with an entirely different plan of their own.

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Margot and Jared dressed as a stylish punk-rock clown and female harlequin and nicknamed themselves Joker and Harley Quinn. Their plan was to destroy MGM Studios theme-park on Valentine's Day. They would visit the park dressed in their costumes, pretending to be consumerism fans and then perform their terrorism deed. You see, Joker and Harley Quinn read the chats/tweets of Cruise, Patel, and Hanks as well as the sermon of Richard/Batman during Super Bowl 52 which someone transcribed onto an Internet chatroom and tweet; and the decided to use the message/content of what was discussed to create a Valentine's Day anti-commerce 'omen' at MGM Studios theme-park. They would then tweet, "No one cares about the Super Bowl when another random consumerism-totem is devastated by terrorism...and that's the real 'magic' of terrorism and anarchy in this new age of vain commerce and media."

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After Joker and Harley Quinn successfully performed their terrorism-deed at MGM Studios theme-park, America went into an uproar. There was a Ku Klux Klan rally at Cornell University, declaring that new age terrorism-threats to commercial traffic (e.g., 9/11) was a surefire sign that America was losing its 'grip' on social control and giving way to minorities and interest-groups and 'radicals.' Meanwhile, Cruise, Patel, Hanks, and Richard/Batman continued their messages about anti-terrorism and suggested that the KKK rally at Cornell signified a modern paranoia regarding general 'idol-worship.'

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Richard/Batman made an amateur film about an African-American NFL athlete who pulls out a pistol and shoots the Caucasian QB of the opposing team to create a racism-stir in America. When Richard/Batman posted the short-film on YouTube, Cruise, Patel, and Hanks saw it and collectively generally commented, "Modern pluralism is simply confounded by new age fanaticism!"

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Once again, Joker (Jared) and Harley Quinn (Margot) read the tweets of Cruise, Patel, and Hanks and saw the NFL terrorism-film made/posted by Richard/Batman on YouTube and decided to react. They sent Richard/Batman a secret e-vite so they could debate with him online. Richard/Batman agreed, and the three convened in a private online message-box and debated about new age 'terrorism intrigue.'

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RICHARD/BATMAN: Did you guys see Super Bowl 52?
JARED/JOKER: Yes, the Eagles managed an incredible win!
MARGOT/HARLEY-QUINN: There're rumors the CIA found some diamond...

BATMAN: Yes; I read those intelligence rumors.
JOKER: Did you hear about the MGM Studios theme-park terrorism?
HARLEY-QUINN: What did you think?

BATMAN: Well, no one knows who did that, but it's all very scary.
JOKER: Are you some kind of priest or vigilante, Batman?
HARLEY-QUINN: Do you love the sports-culture film Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise)?

BATMAN: I like Tom Cruise; I'm a fan of consumerism/media.
JOKER: In that case, the MGM Studios theme-park terrorism surely worried you.
HARLEY-QUINN: You must have thought, "America is complex."

BATMAN: I reasoned that the modern world is like a 'toy.'
JOKER: Are you a fan of the Home Shopping Network (HSN)?
HARLEY-QUINN: Do you buy things online?

BATMAN: I like capitalism in general; especially when it promotes peace!
JOKER: I'm sure you saw the PyeongChang Olympics in South Korea.
HARLEY-QUINN: Those Summer Olympics created peace between the Koreas.

BATMAN: Yes, the Trump Administration oversaw some key pacts between the Koreas.
JOKER: Are you a fan of the TrumpUSA?
HARLEY-QUINN: Do you think TrumpUSA 'incites' terrorists?

BATMAN: Fanatics feel that capitalism-beacons such as Trump Tower are 'foolish.'
JOKER: Are you a conservative, Batman?
HARLEY-QUINN: Do you despise Cobra?

BATMAN: I get the feeling you two are quite 'intrigued' by Cobra...
JOKER: How'd you guess?
HARLEY-QUINN: Terrorism is the new meteorology!


BATMAN: Well, I make sermons sometimes about eco-terrorism; I care about diplomacy.
JOKER: Perhaps someday our paths will cross...and we'll talk more about the Super Bowl.
HARLEY-QUINN: Maybe you can help us, Batman, with some 'eco-terrorism portrait.'


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After Richard/Batman concluded his intensive discussion about modern terrorism intrigue with Joker (Jared) and Harley Quinn (Margot), he concluded that many kinds of people in the new age had things to say about the qualia of media and networking and perhaps consumerism and capitalism. Meanwhile, Charlie's Angels continued to investigate Cobra's schemes and bolster Homeland Security while continuing to investigate who was responsible for the MGM Studios theme-park 'incident.' While there was an anonymous eerie tweet about the terrorism-deed at the park (obviously written by Joker and Harley Quinn), Charlie's Angels and the CIA had no idea why the deed was being 'linked' to media and civilization. It was a grand circus.


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:backpedal:
 

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