Amazing!

[Annie]

At least in my opinion. Links at site:

http://www.gmroper.com/archives/2006/03/conquering_fear.htm

March 11, 2006
Conquering Fear!

FightOn (3).gifFear, abhorrence, agitation, angst, anxiety, apprehensiveness, aversion, awe, bugbear, chickenheartedness, cold feet, cold sweat, concern, consternation, cowardice, creeps, despair, discomposure, dismay, disquietude, distress, doubt, dread, faintheartedness, foreboding, fright, funk, horror, jitters, misgiving, nightmare, panic, phobia, presentiment, qualm, recreancy, reverence, revulsion, scare, suspicion, terror, timidity, trembling, tremor, trepidation, unease, uneasiness, worry and they all mean roughly the same. Fear: noun n.

1. a. A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.
b. A state or condition marked by this feeling: living in fear.
2. A feeling of disquiet or apprehension: a fear of looking foolish.
3. Extreme reverence or awe, as toward a supreme power.
4. A reason for dread or apprehension: Being alone is my greatest fear.

Well, I guess number two can be ruled out; anyone who blogs can't be worried about looking foolish.

When I first received the diagnosis of lung cancer, my first thought was, "Not me, it can't be, it must be a mistake" followed immediately by "Crap, now what do I do," and of course the answer was "fight back, fight on." And this is exactly what I have done. But I've also watched my beloved wife cry when she didn't think I was looking. I've seen my daughter cringe inwardly, but put a brave front up as long as she thought I was watching. I've heard people ask "How are you doing, oh George, I'm so sorry to hear that."

And I have to ask myself, what do they know that I don't know. Why aren't I afraid, and if I really am afraid, why am I hiding it. When I told my employer that I had cancer she remarked "How can you be so calm?” The answer is of course that I could choose to be something else. But what would it accomplish? How would unmitigated worry help me beat the cancer, a task I fully intend to complete?

A dear friend sent my beloved wife a book called "Nothing To Fear" by Larry Burkett. Mr. Burkett is a financial guru who was diagnosed with cancer of the kidney in 1995, the book was written in 2003 and we can presume that he is on the road to full recovery if not already there. He is a Christian and approaches the fight with that perspective. That is fine; it definitely fits in with my faith as well. There are some things I'm not sure I agree with, having a stronger faith in established medicine and not quite sure of many of the alternative medicine routes, but be that as it may, it's an excellent book. One of the things that Burkett said that really struck home and reinforced my optimism is this:

FEAR OF DEATH: Cancer not only has a bad reputation, but also has a very bad track record, because many of the people who are diagnosed with cancer don't survive it. But you know what? The people who have good health don't survive that either. I want to keep reminding you, just as I continually remind myself, that nobody lives forever. We're all going to die from something.

As I have said before, no one gets off of this earth alive except for astronauts, and not all of them. Which brings me right back to fear. The fear of death is almost a universal. We may have faith in an afterlife, but there is in many of us a niggling fear that we don't know. The atheists among us don't worry about that, they "know" there is nothing else (boy, are they gonna be surprised. smiley face.gif) But real faith in an afterlife indicates that the fear of death is exaggerated and we should really cast it aside. So, as far as having cancer is concerned, either I will live in spite of it or die from it. If I live, I win because I get to be with my family, I get to do the counseling work that I love, I get to attend movies, dinners with friends, church and just sit outside and enjoy the sunset or sunrise. If I die, I get to be in heaven with my maker. That is a win also. A true win-win situation.

I'm reminded of my beloved grandfather Nat Melbert who had a long and active life as a Methodist Minister. He once joked, "I don't know why they always put fences around cemeteries. No one on the outside wants to be there and no one there can be outside." Daddy Bah (as we called him) exuded faith almost like no one I've ever met and his history is an amazing one. His body gave out after 90+ years and though I miss him, I never once heard him worry about dying. In September of '84, I received word that he was on his last legs and I had better hurry to San Antonio to see him. I drove up there as fast as I dared crying because I might miss saying goodbye. When I drove up to my mom's house to find out which hospital and room he was in, my Uncle Jimmy met me and said "like Mark Twain, reports of dad's death are greatly exaggerated." I rushed to the hospital and entering his room, Daddy Bah said "Hi Guy, I'm still here.” [Guy is my family nickname - remind me to tell you that story some day.]

I learned a lot from my Grand Father, and optimism was one of those things. Because I'm an optimist, because I have a strong belief that I am a child of God I'm not worried about dying, that fear is not one that I carry around. I am not to say that I don't have fears, I do, but they are usually transient and short lived. Optimism does that for you.

Fear, from a psychological standpoint can be defined both psychologically and physiologically. From the physiological standpoint, symptoms can (but don't always) include increased heart rate, flushing, short/rapid breathing, urge to urinate or defecate, heightened sensory perception including hearing and vision, piloerection (hair standing on end), tightening of muscles in a flight or fight readiness and an increased startle response. All of us have felt one or more of those symptoms at one time or another. Many of us who enjoy horror films (I am especially fond of the American-International films of the late 50's and early 60's especially Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee films) like them because of the temporary thrill of the invoked fear response. But that appreciation is pseudo-fear, real though it may be for the nonce and boosting it may be for the system.

In real life, fear, especially psychological fear can be crippling because it robs you of the will to do. Psychology texts often define fear as: "A rational reaction to an objectively identified external danger that may induce a person to flee or attack in self-defense." While it may oft be a "rational reaction" the danger can be identified as both real and as perceived which may or may not be real. The Wikipedia site's entry on Fear states:

Fear is an unpleasant feeling of perceived risk or danger, whether it be real or imagined. Fear also can be described as a feeling of extreme dislike towards certain conditions, objects or situations such as: fear of darkness, fear of ghosts, etc. It is one of the basic emotions

Fear may underlie some phenomena of behavior modification, although these phenomena can be explained without adducing fear as a factor in them. Furthermore, application of aversive stimuli is also often ineffective in producing change in the behaviour intended to be changed. Fearing objects or contexts can be learned; in animals, this is being studied as fear conditioning, which depends on the emotional circuitry of the brain.

Fear inside a person has different degrees and varies from one person to another (see also phobia). If not properly handled, fear can lead to social problems. People who experience intense fear have been known to commit irrational and/or dangerous acts.

Some philosophers have considered fear to be a useless emotion; other thinkers note the usefulness of fear as a warning of potentially unpleasant consequences. Still others consider that fear is the fuel that feeds the ego's (as in "separating/judgmental agent") engine.[NOTE: There are additional useful links in the Wikipedia site, but remember that they are publically edited, not always by experts]

Fear can be engendered by being in a combat situation with the "enemy" shooting at you, or by receiving a message that "The boss wants to see you right now!" In both cases, the physiological response is the similar. But in the former, the danger is quite real. In the latter, it is a perceived threat, one that may or may not be a danger situation (unless of course, you know that you just recently screwed up and the boss has reason to see you "right now." smiley face.gif) In the former, you could get hurt or killed, in the latter, your mind is the controling factor even though the news may be good news coming (the boss is going to give you a huge raise, double your vacation time and make you the new Vice President).

There are many famous quotes regarding fear. Franklin Roosevelt’s probably being the most famous: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself." But his wife Eleanor said it better: "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do." Other famous quotes include:

Fear of self is the greatest of all terrors, the deepest of all dread, the commonest of all mistakes. From it grows failure. Because of it, life is a mockery. Out of it comes despair.
-- David Seabury.

Fear; if allowed free rein, would reduce all of us to trembling shadows of men, for whom only death could bring release.
-- John M. Wilson.

To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.
-- Bertrand Russell.

Fear cannot touch me. It can only taunt me, it cannot take me, just tell me where to go. I can either follow, or stay in my bed. I can hold on to the things that I know. The dead stay dead, they cannot walk. The shadows are darkness. And darkness can't talk.
-- Christopher Rice. A Density of Souls.

Fear imprisons; faith liberates; fear paralyzes; faith empowers; fear disheartens; faith encourages; fear sickens; faith heals; fear makes useless; faith makes serviceable.
-- Harry Emerson Fosdick.

These and many more can be found here.

So, as George Patton once famously said: "Do not take counsel of your fears." and nothing could be truer. You can be afraid, but if you act on that fear, you imprison yourself and you feed the future a diet of failure and despair. If you act anyway, despite your fears, you may not survive, but you will have faced the future.

For many, many years, when people have asked me how I am, I answer "Alive and well, fat and sassy - not necessarily in that order." I find that to be just as good an answer today as it was before all this cancer stuff started.

I choose to face the fear, stare it down, and conquer. I choose to liberate myself from the cloying grip of worry and anxiety and fear, and look for that proverbial pony. Because, in that pile of manure, there must be a pony somewhere.

UPDATE: Welcome Instapundit readers. You can find more on this series by scrolling down on the sidebar for the CATAGORIES section and clicking on "Medical" At any rate, welcome, and stick around for a while, the ride is exhilarating.

UPDATE # 2/Correction: Larry Burke passed away on July 4, 2003. Thanks to reader Greg Marquez for the tip.