Your Own Original Puns, Nobody Elses! Or Else!

[ChemEngineer]

Young Bedřich Smetana was such a brilliant composer that he was sometimes called a Czech Liszt.

(Explanation for those unfamiliar with classical music: Smetana was born just east of Prague, Czechoslovakia, while Franz Liszt was a prodigy born thirteen years earlier,1811, in Hungary. But don't go there.)
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Astrophysicists at MIT formed a rock band and made a recording of the song they wrote, “Space-time is On My Side.”
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Off the coast of France, the sea is generally calm. However when whitecaps do appear on occasion, the French Coast Guard marks them with floating flags; they flag the white wave. (You know those French.)

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What do you call it when the planets all forget what the others weigh?

Mass confusion

 

[bluzman61]

Young Bedřich Smetana was such a brilliant composer that he was sometimes called a Czech Liszt.

(Explanation for those unfamiliar with classical music: Smetana was born just east of Prague, Czechoslovakia, while Franz Liszt was a prodigy born thirteen years earlier,1811, in Hungary. But don't go there.)
------------------------------
Astrophysicists at MIT formed a rock band and made a recording of the song they wrote, “Space-time is On My Side.”
---------------------
Off the coast of France, the sea is generally calm. However when whitecaps do appear on occasion, the French Coast Guard marks them with floating flags; they flag the white wave. (You know those French.)

---------------------------
What do you call it when the planets all forget what the others weigh?

Mass confusion

Some nice ones there! I came up with a riddle/pun some 17-18 years ago to see if I could get it published in Maxim Magazine. They had a monthly funny section (I haven't looked at a Maxim in over10 years.) where they'd print the best ones they'd received that month. There was no money or prizes involved that I know of, it was just for bragging rights if one of your jokes was chosen and printed in that month's joke section. Well, anyway, a joke/riddle/pun of mine WAS published, probably in 2003 sometime. Here it is - Q : "What do an aging prizefighter and Dracula's Mistress have in common?" A : "They both go DOWN for the Count."

 

[bluzman61]

Young Bedřich Smetana was such a brilliant composer that he was sometimes called a Czech Liszt.

(Explanation for those unfamiliar with classical music: Smetana was born just east of Prague, Czechoslovakia, while Franz Liszt was a prodigy born thirteen years earlier,1811, in Hungary. But don't go there.)
------------------------------
Astrophysicists at MIT formed a rock band and made a recording of the song they wrote, “Space-time is On My Side.”
---------------------
Off the coast of France, the sea is generally calm. However when whitecaps do appear on occasion, the French Coast Guard marks them with floating flags; they flag the white wave. (You know those French.)

---------------------------
What do you call it when the planets all forget what the others weigh?

Mass confusion

Another one I came up years ago, and I BELIEVE it's original. I had never heard the joke/riddle/pun before coming up with it. Q : "Why is it SO difficult to teach an old COW new tricks?" A : "Because everything goes in one ear and out the UDDER."

 

[bluzman61]

Young Bedřich Smetana was such a brilliant composer that he was sometimes called a Czech Liszt.

(Explanation for those unfamiliar with classical music: Smetana was born just east of Prague, Czechoslovakia, while Franz Liszt was a prodigy born thirteen years earlier,1811, in Hungary. But don't go there.)
------------------------------
Astrophysicists at MIT formed a rock band and made a recording of the song they wrote, “Space-time is On My Side.”
---------------------
Off the coast of France, the sea is generally calm. However when whitecaps do appear on occasion, the French Coast Guard marks them with floating flags; they flag the white wave. (You know those French.)

---------------------------
What do you call it when the planets all forget what the others weigh?

Mass confusion

There appears to be a serious lack of sense of humor on this site. I'm a bit surprised I'm the ONLY one who has responded so far.

 

[ChemEngineer]

Here it is - Q : "What do an aging prizefighter and Dracula's Mistress have in common?" A : "They both go DOWN for the Count."

That blew me away, and the next one is udderly wunnerful. It takes a strange mixture of intellect and nerd to appreciate puns much more create them. But two of us is quite enough, eh Bluz? Now this, one of my most favorites:
A herpetology professor retired from the University of Arizona and lifelong socialist that he was, moved to Cuba. He took his pet poisonous lizard with him where he renamed it Havana Gila.

 

[bluzman61]

Here it is - Q : "What do an aging prizefighter and Dracula's Mistress have in common?" A : "They both go DOWN for the Count."

That blew me away, and the next one is udderly wunnerful. It takes a strange mixture of intellect and nerd to appreciate puns much more create them. But two of us is quite enough, eh Bluz? Now this, one of my most favorites:
A herpetology professor retired from the University of Arizona and lifelong socialist that he was, moved to Cuba. He took his pet poisonous lizard with him where he renamed it Havana Gila.

Fantastic! Have you written jokes professionally? I believe you could.

 

[ChemEngineer]

My Dear Friend, I will PM you some of my work product, which appeared in the Wall Street Journal, New York Times, National Geographic magazine, Reason magazine, USA Today, and many other publications. We will be great friends.

 

[ChemEngineer]

Canon in D

As I often say to my beloved wife, "I crack myself up."
She invariably responds, "Yeah you're a real cracker."
Wimmen - ya can't live with 'em, ya can't kill 'em.
They drive you crazy. That's their job!

 

[ChemEngineer]

 

[ChemEngineer]

Richard was raised in an orphanage and served in the merchant marines for thirty years, always sad, always sullen. His nickname was “Mopey Dick.”



My friend Chuck said, “I took my fiancé, Bonny, on a seven day cruise from London to Rome. She kept saying she loved me until I caught her making out with the bartender. I learned the hard way that song is so true: My Bonny lies over the ocean, my Bonny lies over the sea.”

 

[ChemEngineer]

We stopped in a bait and tackle shop in Minnesota last winter and asked how to ice fish. The clerk said “To catch a big fish, you need a big ice hole.” So we brought a Democrat with us.

 

[ChemEngineer]

It was the cake on the icing.

Newly created today.
You're the first to see it.

 

[JimBowie1958]

"I am the knight that is slow getting here, but so good when I arrive." - Sir Up.

 

[JimBowie1958]

My cousin Phil ghul loves making puns and he is pretty good at it.

"I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why. "

" I heard a 747 bounce. It went Boeing, Boeing, Boeing. "

" When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding.... "

" Someone asked me if I was alright...I said, “No...I’m half left.” "

" I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson. He said, “...but your name is Phil.” I said, “I know, but I was named after he was.”

"There are 3 unwritten rules to have a wonderful life:
1)
2)
3) "

" Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater. "

" Sign language is the most unspoken language in the world. "

" I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon...I’ll let you know. "

 

[ChemEngineer]

My cousin Phil ghul loves making puns and he is pretty good at it.

"I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why. "

" I heard a 747 bounce. It went Boeing, Boeing, Boeing. "

" When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding.... "

" Someone asked me if I was alright...I said, “No...I’m half left.” "

" I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson. He said, “...but your name is Phil.” I said, “I know, but I was named after he was.”

"There are 3 unwritten rules to have a wonderful life:
1)
2)
3) "

" Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater. "

" Sign language is the most unspoken language in the world. "

" I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon...I’ll let you know. "

And you represent that these are all YOUR original ideas, your creations, hmmm?

u/domadomdom posted the justice pun on reddit.com one year ago. Are you/domadomdom? Homey don't think so.

https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/c5okzq/justice_is_a_dish_best_served_cold_if_it_were/

​

Plus I am quite sure you mispelled "Phil Ghul" because it would make sense if it were "Phil Ghud" instead.

​

 

[JimBowie1958]

My cousin Phil ghul loves making puns and he is pretty good at it.

"I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why. "

" I heard a 747 bounce. It went Boeing, Boeing, Boeing. "

" When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding.... "

" Someone asked me if I was alright...I said, “No...I’m half left.” "

" I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson. He said, “...but your name is Phil.” I said, “I know, but I was named after he was.”

"There are 3 unwritten rules to have a wonderful life:
1)
2)
3) "

" Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater. "

" Sign language is the most unspoken language in the world. "

" I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon...I’ll let you know. "

And you represent that these are all YOUR original ideas, your creations, hmmm?

u/domadomdom posted the justice pun on reddit.com one year ago. Are you/domadomdom? Homey don't think so.

https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/c5okzq/justice_is_a_dish_best_served_cold_if_it_were/

​

Plus I am quite sure you mispelled "Phil Ghul" because it would make sense if it were "Phil Ghud" instead.

​

Well, bad on me, I guess. My cousin posted them on FB as if they were his and I never doubted him.

Hmmm.....

 

[ChemEngineer]

THAT IS A NICE PEAR!!!
Om, om, om, om.....

 

[JimBowie1958]

THAT IS A NICE PEAR!!!
Om, om, om, om.....

View attachment 389568

 

[ChemEngineer]

THAT IS A NICE PEAR!!!
Om, om, om, om.....

View attachment 389568

My dear friend, Arnie, who lives in Florida, saw this and said, "Now there's a pun I can handle."
My nephew who also lives in Florida coincidentally, said "Those are some Grand Tetons."

 

[ChemEngineer]

My newest, just created minutes ago, you lucky folks. This one is on page 13 of my Original Puns file.

Sept 2020 Johann Sebastian Bach’s great grandchildren have a family party every year celebrating him. They think inside the Bachs.