Wife Hacks: How to Keep your Woman in Line

[Lord Long Rod]

That's the whole story. Stop trying to be funny and the world will be a better place.

Ok, you keep it to yourself if that is what you need to do.

 

[Unkotare]

 

[ScorpioRising007]

We have all been there. You have a trip planned for months to go bear hunting in Alaska, only to have it completely ruined when your wife’s mother dies the day before you are scheduled to depart. “If you loved me, you would not go on your stupid (nonrefundable) trip”, she says. Or, you go to bed then wake up the next day to find your wifey possessed by evil pre-menstruation demons as she screams at you for convincing her to paint the living room a nice shade of off-white. Or, she rages at you over your credit card bill when you tell her you bought a Rolex Daytona. We can all agree that wives will fuck up your life if you let them.

Through my many years dealing with the opposite sex I have accumulated vast wisdom on how a man can avoid this shit. Let me share some of my wife hacks with you.

1. Don’t get married. Now, to be sure, you are going to try it out at least once in your life. I did. And for co-dependents and soy boys, it may work out. But most of the time it will end in divorce. The trick is not to do it again. Do you know that old saying, “Love is sweeter the second time around”? Well, that’s a lie. Don’t fall for it. You can be just as happy being single and banging bar skanks between fishing trips.

2. Learn how to be gay. I have not personally tried this one, nor do I recommend it unless you are already kind of curious. If you are unsure, then buy one of those male sex dolls (or borrow one from a friend), and just see how it goes. Men don’t PMS.

3. Get an Asian mail order bride. However, I must caution you that these women can be strong willed and will come to dominate a beta male. You have to be clear from the start that you absolutely will not tolerate any foolishness. You must regularly discipline these chicks to keep them in line. Fortunately, and unlike western women, they come with the submission ethic baked into their brains.

4. Convert to a total cybersexual. Let’s face it, sex is all about the finale for a dude. They even make machines for the act itself, and they don’t talk back.

5. Related to Number 4, reduce sexuality to a medicinal procedure, like popping a zit. Once we get up there in age and start taking meds for blood pressure and other shit, in addition to losing testosterone naturally, your sex drive will diminish. Take care of it when you need to, and spend your time with your buddies at the gun range!

6. Female circumcision. I do not condone this savage practice. But neither will I attempt to impose my views on other cultures. I would not personally do this, but some men around the world swear by this technique.

7. Date Muslim women. Submission is ingrained on their very being. Plus, they are not handicapped by western culture. You can tell them, “Honey, go get one of your knives from the kitchen and go kill that mutt in the neighbor’s yard that barks all fucking night”, and she will do it.

8. Castrate yourself. The urge just disappears. Then you will have no need for a woman! While this procedure is usually not covered by insurance, do not fear. You can do it yourself with a razor, a pair of needle nose pliers, and some 6lb fishing line!

9. Train yourself to put up with women. This is another one I have not actually attempted. I place this technique somewhere between female circumcision and learning to be gay. Essentially, you need to be conditioned to feel humiliation and powerlessness, and like it. Perhaps contract with a dominatrix who will urinate on you and beat you regularly for a period of time.

10. Marry a “trad wife”, which is merely a term applied to chicks who are not taught to act like total bitches.

I sincerely hope these hacks work for you.

Onto my 3rd marriage now and I seem most happy it seems in love/hate relationships.

Wives love to bitch, they can be a real headache, insanely jealous, and demand constant attention that can be at times really irritating especially when they are interrupting an important football game that you are trying to watch.

... but I have had the alternative being single/ divorced and it sucks. I much rather be married.

With my current wife just like my past wives there often is this love/hate relationship. Wives will try to control and change you. There has been this daily verbal fighting my wife and I have had for the past 8 years. Make love, yelling match, kissing, go to the movies, yelling match, kissing & hugging, yelling match, go to sleep. That is kind of the daily routine. Like my past wives we argue about everything under the sun, but we love each other.

Women I have learned though can be controlled by outright stubbornness, emotional manipulation, and a very authoritative commanding temper. You have to emotionally break her down. They may cry and call you mean, but you end up getting your way.

I guess one advantage of being poor with awful credit scores is I always knew with every wife I had they would never be able to rack up a large credit card bill or spend a lot of money, because I am broke to begin with. I also knew when I divorced them there was very little they could take away from me since I was pretty much flat broke and in debt to begin with.

 

[Woodznutz]

OMG... there is comedic gold here!

He do post some funny stuff.

 

[Woodznutz]

Way back when I was married i visited a neighbor who just had a bathroom remodel. I came home to tell my husband that we just had to remodel our bathroom. I got the nod "sure honey. I'll get to it - someday."

Yeah. Sure.

I got a sledgehammer from the garage. One mighty swing at the wall. The,whole wall just caved in on the bathtub. The entire wall.

My husband took a look at the devastation and said "you did say "new bathroom" right?"

Sign on my shop wall.

"I said I would fix it!
You don't have to remind me every six months."

 

[Cellblock2429]

We have all been there. You have a trip planned for months to go bear hunting in Alaska, only to have it completely ruined when your wife’s mother dies the day before you are scheduled to depart. “If you loved me, you would not go on your stupid (nonrefundable) trip”, she says. Or, you go to bed then wake up the next day to find your wifey possessed by evil pre-menstruation demons as she screams at you for convincing her to paint the living room a nice shade of off-white. Or, she rages at you over your credit card bill when you tell her you bought a Rolex Daytona. We can all agree that wives will fuck up your life if you let them.

Through my many years dealing with the opposite sex I have accumulated vast wisdom on how a man can avoid this shit. Let me share some of my wife hacks with you.

1. Don’t get married. Now, to be sure, you are going to try it out at least once in your life. I did. And for co-dependents and soy boys, it may work out. But most of the time it will end in divorce. The trick is not to do it again. Do you know that old saying, “Love is sweeter the second time around”? Well, that’s a lie. Don’t fall for it. You can be just as happy being single and banging bar skanks between fishing trips.

2. Learn how to be gay. I have not personally tried this one, nor do I recommend it unless you are already kind of curious. If you are unsure, then buy one of those male sex dolls (or borrow one from a friend), and just see how it goes. Men don’t PMS.

3. Get an Asian mail order bride. However, I must caution you that these women can be strong willed and will come to dominate a beta male. You have to be clear from the start that you absolutely will not tolerate any foolishness. You must regularly discipline these chicks to keep them in line. Fortunately, and unlike western women, they come with the submission ethic baked into their brains.

4. Convert to a total cybersexual. Let’s face it, sex is all about the finale for a dude. They even make machines for the act itself, and they don’t talk back.

5. Related to Number 4, reduce sexuality to a medicinal procedure, like popping a zit. Once we get up there in age and start taking meds for blood pressure and other shit, in addition to losing testosterone naturally, your sex drive will diminish. Take care of it when you need to, and spend your time with your buddies at the gun range!

6. Female circumcision. I do not condone this savage practice. But neither will I attempt to impose my views on other cultures. I would not personally do this, but some men around the world swear by this technique.

7. Date Muslim women. Submission is ingrained on their very being. Plus, they are not handicapped by western culture. You can tell them, “Honey, go get one of your knives from the kitchen and go kill that mutt in the neighbor’s yard that barks all fucking night”, and she will do it.

8. Castrate yourself. The urge just disappears. Then you will have no need for a woman! While this procedure is usually not covered by insurance, do not fear. You can do it yourself with a razor, a pair of needle nose pliers, and some 6lb fishing line!

9. Train yourself to put up with women. This is another one I have not actually attempted. I place this technique somewhere between female circumcision and learning to be gay. Essentially, you need to be conditioned to feel humiliation and powerlessness, and like it. Perhaps contract with a dominatrix who will urinate on you and beat you regularly for a period of time.

10. Marry a “trad wife”, which is merely a term applied to chicks who are not taught to act like total bitches.

I sincerely hope these hacks work for you.

/----/ "Date Muslim women. Submission is ingrained on their very being."
Now I wants me a Muslim woman. Can I train one to make me a bacon sandwich?

 

[The Irish Ram]

We have all been there. You have a trip planned for months to go bear hunting in Alaska, only to have it completely ruined when your wife’s mother dies the day before you are scheduled to depart. “If you loved me, you would not go on your stupid (nonrefundable) trip”, she says. Or, you go to bed then wake up the next day to find your wifey possessed by evil pre-menstruation demons as she screams at you for convincing her to paint the living room a nice shade of off-white. Or, she rages at you over your credit card bill when you tell her you bought a Rolex Daytona. We can all agree that wives will fuck up your life if you let them.

Through my many years dealing with the opposite sex I have accumulated vast wisdom on how a man can avoid this shit. Let me share some of my wife hacks with you.

1. Don’t get married. Now, to be sure, you are going to try it out at least once in your life. I did. And for co-dependents and soy boys, it may work out. But most of the time it will end in divorce. The trick is not to do it again. Do you know that old saying, “Love is sweeter the second time around”? Well, that’s a lie. Don’t fall for it. You can be just as happy being single and banging bar skanks between fishing trips.

2. Learn how to be gay. I have not personally tried this one, nor do I recommend it unless you are already kind of curious. If you are unsure, then buy one of those male sex dolls (or borrow one from a friend), and just see how it goes. Men don’t PMS.

3. Get an Asian mail order bride. However, I must caution you that these women can be strong willed and will come to dominate a beta male. You have to be clear from the start that you absolutely will not tolerate any foolishness. You must regularly discipline these chicks to keep them in line. Fortunately, and unlike western women, they come with the submission ethic baked into their brains.

4. Convert to a total cybersexual. Let’s face it, sex is all about the finale for a dude. They even make machines for the act itself, and they don’t talk back.

5. Related to Number 4, reduce sexuality to a medicinal procedure, like popping a zit. Once we get up there in age and start taking meds for blood pressure and other shit, in addition to losing testosterone naturally, your sex drive will diminish. Take care of it when you need to, and spend your time with your buddies at the gun range!

6. Female circumcision. I do not condone this savage practice. But neither will I attempt to impose my views on other cultures. I would not personally do this, but some men around the world swear by this technique.

7. Date Muslim women. Submission is ingrained on their very being. Plus, they are not handicapped by western culture. You can tell them, “Honey, go get one of your knives from the kitchen and go kill that mutt in the neighbor’s yard that barks all fucking night”, and she will do it.

8. Castrate yourself. The urge just disappears. Then you will have no need for a woman! While this procedure is usually not covered by insurance, do not fear. You can do it yourself with a razor, a pair of needle nose pliers, and some 6lb fishing line!

9. Train yourself to put up with women. This is another one I have not actually attempted. I place this technique somewhere between female circumcision and learning to be gay. Essentially, you need to be conditioned to feel humiliation and powerlessness, and like it. Perhaps contract with a dominatrix who will urinate on you and beat you regularly for a period of time.

10. Marry a “trad wife”, which is merely a term applied to chicks who are not taught to act like total bitches.

I sincerely hope these hacks work for you.

lol. You're really askin for it!
Love,

 

[BULLDOG]

If you take charge from the beginning, as I described in a previous post, you shouldn't have any problems, but sometimes the man just doesn't maintain his superiority as he should, and the woman takes charge. A quick test can answer the question of who is in charge.

When it is time for someone to get up, and turn off the light switch, look over your shoulder just before you flip the switch, and the one you see still comfortable in bed is in charge.