The Dianetics Limerick

Abishai100

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Sep 22, 2013
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Can pluralism dialogue be more 'folk-friendly' in our age of media?


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Tom Cruise, the popular American movie actor whose work in culturally-symbolic and socially-relevant films such as Top Gun, Rain Man, Jerry Maguire, Minority Report, Lions for Lambs, and Edge of Tomorrow made him a 'populism celebrity' was bored with the 'paparazzi spotlight lifestyle' and decided to surf the Web looking for idealistic individuals who were blogging about pro-democracy values. Cruise wanted to view the perspective of Americans who lived outside the circle of the 'celebrity limelight' as vigilant and concerned and socially-conscious citizens and observe their passionate deeds to compare their lives of pedestrian faith to his own life of luxurious popularity.

When Cruise navigated to the World Discussion Forum, he found the posts of an interesting Internet-blogger, an idealistic Armenian-American Yale graduate named Ajay Satan who would dress up in eccentric pseudo-vigilante costumes and write about community values and ethics in the age of commerce, traffic, and immigration. Cruise found Satan to be very intelligent, self-aware, humble, and even charming. Satan was actually a fan of Cruise's films and sometimes wrote about the power of media and the influence of celebrities in modern America, as reflected in Cruise's own film Magnolia. Cruise was so enthralled by Satan's posts on the World Discussion Forum that he wanted to meet Satan and forge an unlikely alliance. What Cruise did not realize, however, was that this alliance would change the face of America.

Cruise met with Satan at a coffee-shop in Los Angeles. Cruise paid for his airplane ticket, since Satan (Ajay) had to fly from his home state of New York to meet and greet Cruise in L.A. When Ajay stepped off the plane, Cruise was in disguise but approached Ajay and introduced himself and took him to his car so they could go to a coffee-shop and talk about relevant matters and why Cruise wanted to meet. When Cruise (Tom) told Ajay he was bored with the 'celebrity-limelight' and therefore became fascinated with Ajay's vigilante and sincere Internet-posts about pro-democracy values in modern civilization, Ajay responded in-kind by telling Tom he thought his work on symbolic films and his media-marketing of the Church of Scientology was very effective and appealing to the masses curious about celebrities and their personal lives.

Ajay wanted to know what he could do to 'help' Tom make his life feel more 'involved' with the masses. Tom explained that he shared Ajay's belief that American values were threatened by a general malaise and moral apathy towards capitalism-gluttonies and consumerism vanities (e.g., corporate corruption, fast-food culture related obesity, etc.). Ajay told Tom that he was working on a special pro-democracy essay (for the World Discussion Form) about the social value of the newly-renovated and enhanced Mohegan Sun casino in Connecticut, a gaming-center founded and managed by members of the Native-American tribe, the Mohegan Nation. Tom understood that Ajay's interest in Mohegan Sun reflected a general American prioritization of capitalism-and-consumerism pyramid 'stairs' and that Ajay felt like uneducated consumers were simply and idly 'gambling' with capitalism in modern times.

Tom decided that he would help Ajay with his Mohegan Sun 'project' by forwarding a special Dianetics Symposium (linked to the Church of Scientology) at the Mohegan Sun casino and resort center. At the Symposium, Ajay could take notes about the depth of interest among the casino visitors and Scientology diplomats/members (and in general the American crowds) and use the notes to complement his writing about the civilization role that the Mohegan Sun casino was playing in a modern America 'energized' by 'capitalism-based ethics.' Ajay liked the idea, so the two went to work and began a very fruitful socially-engaged partnership, and Ajay went home to watch Tom's politically-conscious film Lions for Lambs. When the press stared making a big splash about Tom Cruise's special 'project' involving the Dianetics Symposium at the pro-multiculturalism Mohegan Sun casino, everyone wanted to know where the American celebrity found this new 'crusade.'

Ajay decided to attend the Dianetics Symposium dressed/disguised as a very old Chinese businessman. Ajay did this, because he suspected that a fanatic would show up at the Symposium and try to assassinate Cruise, since the Mohegan Sun was gaining a lot of media attention due to the Symposium. Ajay didn't tell his new 'buddy' Tom about this plan but assured him through email communications that he would attend the Symposium and share his notes with Tom afterwards. When Ajay showed up as 'Mr. Han,' a representative of the Chinese company Capital Candy (which sold various chocolates and toffees), he started eyeing the crowds to see if anyone looked unusual, anyone who seemed to harbor a racist grudge against the overall social message and tone of the Dianetics Symposium at Mohegan Sun. He noticed a strange Caucasian man in sunglasses and fatigues who seemed irate.

Ajay walked up to the man and said, "Excuse me, I'm a businessman from China here to see the Dianetics Symposium being 'sponsored' by the American celebrity Tom Cruise, and I couldn't help but notice that you seemed somehow irate or frustrated!" The man introduced himself as 'Colonel Hardy' and explained that he did not appreciate the endorsement of the Scientology symposium by a 'big-shot celebrity' at a Native-American casino, since it was possible that his ancestor was killed by a Native-American in colonial times. Ajay realized immediately that this 'Colonel Hardy' had explicit deranged intentions towards Cruise and the symposium at Mohegan Sun and pulled him aside (pretending to show him something secret) and tranquilized him with a handkerchief doused with chloroform. He then had Cruise's bodyguards take the sedated body of 'Colonel Hardy' to a military hospital, and he placed in Hardy's waist-pocket a note which read, "We're from the CIA, and we know you're a terrorist, so disappear, or we'll continue to track you!"

Ajay then told Tom about what transpired and showed him his productive notes of the Dianetics Symposium at the Mohegan Sun casino. Tom found it hilarious that Ajay placed that fake-CIA note in Hardy's pocket, and Ajay assured Tom that such a note would dissuade such a man from causing any such trouble in such a venue. Tom realized he had a real friend in Ajay and the two decided to go play blackjack together at the casino after the conclusion of the symposium. Ajay was very pleased he was able to help his new 'celebrity-buddy' Tom Cruise, and Tom then asked him strangely, "Do you think you and I are destined to become some kind of 'pro-American' duo?" Ajay responded strangely-enough, "I've always wondered if I was destined to do something more outlandish and constructive (and beneficial) to humanity than even I would immediately conceive or imagine!"

Tom knew Ajay was not an average man, and he confided in the idealistic Ajay that he always identified with the pro-negotiation Hindu god Krishna, a symbol of worldly-wisdom, and Ajay, shocked to hear this, responded in-kind that he himself always identified with the pro-action Hindu god Shiva, a symbol of focused vigilance. The two decided to use the names 'Krishna' and 'Shiva' to refer to each other in person and on the Internet. Ajay wrote his post about the Dianetics Symposium at Mohegan Sun and generated a creative story about meeting Tom Cruise and debating with him about multiculturalism as if the two were the Hindu gods Krishna and Shiva. The post would receive much positive feedback (the paraphrased transcript is below), and people would start to talk about Cruise's work with Scientology as a major achivement in pluralism dialogue in American society:


"

KRISHNA (Tom Cruise): The Dianetics Symposium was a great success.
SHIVA (Ajay Satan): Yes, for the Mohegan Nation and for America!
KRISHNA: Why did you dress up as a vigilante for the Symposium?
SHIVA: I wanted to protect the event from the intentions of an apparent fanatic.
KRISHNA: It's not easy championing pluralism when there are 'anti-social' elements.
SHIVA: Yes, and when you 'weed-out' these elements, you start to feel like a despot.
KRISHNA: That's the price of true leadership --- humiliation.
SHIVA: I think you're right, and most people can not endure humiliation.
KRISHNA: Do you think Donald Trump can endure humiliation?
SHIVA: He may have to, since Americans will be critical of his ability to manage capitalism.
KRISHNA: Trump was, after all, a media-mogul and very wealthy venture-capitalist.
SHIVA: Correct, and he's the first celebrity to be elected as President since Roland Reagan.
KRISHNA: I like being Tom Cruise. Celebrities have media megaphones.
SHIVA: I like being Ajay Satan. Internet 'vigilantes' have social 'facetime.'
KRISHNA: Maybe the Mohegan Sun will be a beacon for pluralism issues.
SHIVA: If the celebrity-spotlight (i.e., Cruise films) works, then there will be nice 'frills.'
KRISHNA: My favorite film is Rain Man.
SHIVA: My favorite film is Born on the 4th of July.
KRISHNA: The biggest threat to pluralism in the age of capitalism is the Internet-hacker.
SHIVA: Yes, the Internet-hacker is really the modern-era 'terrorist.'
KRISHNA: Maybe Mohegan Sun will get many more hits on Facebook now.
SHIVA: Facebook is really the new 'Empire' and a great vehicle for 'pluralistic exchange.'

"

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