Like I said. No woman with a brain would ever marry a person like you.
So you're suggesting that being a stay at home homemaker requires no intelligence or skill? If you say so. I totally disagree but that won't surprise either of us.
I am suggesting that any woman who would marry a person like you must not have much for brains.
How do you know she isn't smart enough to see his good points and forgive his faults?
Have you been reading his posts Emily? Women are for cleaning and cooking. They don't need a brain, he says. He says that abuse is not supposed to be for fun but for disciplinary purposes.
Hi
ChrisL
If I read some kind of abusive spirit in his words and being, yes, this would send off red flags.
If some people are old fashioned and just see wifey as their matey to help them,
that's what I read also.
I don't agree with sexism, but I work with people from where they are coming from.
Where it does cause a problem, sure I would address that.
Like if he goes out of his way to STOP his wife from taking classes online cuz it's a threat to him,
that is controlling.
My own bf is funny in his own way, if my ideas help HIM get what he wants, suddenly it's a good idea.
If I am running around helping other people, not him, that's competing with his attention.
People do focus on what serves them.
The best way to work with people to balance interests equally
is to start by respecting where they are coming from first.
Establish where you DO agree equally. Then once you have a respecting relationship
then you can work through those differences as equals, with the UNDERSTANDING it is
to help them meet their interests, and isn't trying to go against what they want, but you are helping them
further those goals. If you don't even agree what the goals are you both respect, how can you use
that as a motivation?
Just been around people especially older folks enough
to know that you don't try to change people who are set in their ways.
If there is something they want that they aren't getting, maybe they'll listen to you if it helps them
get what they want.
So if you feel you can be some good influence on this guys' thinking,
why not start with finding out what good things he can share with you.
If it's a mutual exchange of better ideas how to improve, then it's a collaborative exchange, not combative.
And collaborative tends to work better.
I pretty much agree with you
ChrisL on the core values and things that are important.
I think it's just the delivery and details where I approach things according to who I'm working with.
So there are not going to be absolutes, but variations on how to reach agreement with people
depending on the background they are coming from.
I still sense you and I agree at the core, so the rest can be worked out from there.
We'd be in trouble if we didn't agree on the basics but I see that we do.