Protests: Fifty Shades as Glamorizing Domestic Violence

[emilynghiem]

Fifty Shades of Grey premiere marred by protesters - Celebrity Buzz

Finally! I wasn't surprised by Christians protesting the film premiere as promoting unhealthy relations.

But these protestors hit home, protesting the "glamorization" of domestic violence
(while others claim the character wasn't coerced
but consented to the S&M as sexual exploration).

I was beginning to worry that most people were either hyping this up or brushing it off.
Glad to see some sign of intelligent response I can at least RELATE to.

============

The London premiere of raunchy movie Fifty Shades of Grey was marred by protest groups campaigning against domestic violence on Thursday night.

Members of the Fifty Shades is Domestic Violence campaign group descended on Leicester Square in the British capital armed with placards, balloons, T-shirts and a large banner to protest against the film’s portrayal of a kinky relationship while the stars Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan walked the grey carpet.

Other individuals held up placards to condemn the film for allegedly glamorising domestic violence, with one sign reading, “#BlueAboutGrey – because some Ana’s don’t survive their Christian’s (sic).”

Director Sam Taylor-Johnson addressed the calls of domestic violence to U.K. TV show Good Morning Britain, saying, “We took a very definite approach towards empowering Anastasia and she goes on a sexual exploration, but it’s one she goes on willingly and she consents throughout.”

Stars including Aaron Taylor-Johnson, author E.L. James, former Pussycat Doll Ashley Roberts and singer Jamelia also attended the premiere.

 

[WinterBorn]

BDSM is absolutely NOT about domestic abuse. It is not about one person abusing another, unwilling, person. It is about consenting adults acting out their sexual fantasies and fetishes under terms that are agreed upon ahead of time.

Perhaps if people had read something that does not sound like it was written by a 16 year old, or done some research about what actually happens in BDSM, instead of going with a book written by someone clueless about it, we might have a different feeling about it.

 

[emilynghiem]

BDSM is absolutely NOT about domestic abuse. It is not about one person abusing another, unwilling, person. It is about consenting adults acting out their sexual fantasies and fetishes under terms that are agreed upon ahead of time.

Perhaps if people had read something that does not sound like it was written by a 16 year old, or done some research about what actually happens in BDSM, instead of going with a book written by someone clueless about it, we might have a different feeling about it.

I understand it was not a mutual relationship.
Therefore it was relationship abuse.

 

[WinterBorn]

BDSM is absolutely NOT about domestic abuse. It is not about one person abusing another, unwilling, person. It is about consenting adults acting out their sexual fantasies and fetishes under terms that are agreed upon ahead of time.

Perhaps if people had read something that does not sound like it was written by a 16 year old, or done some research about what actually happens in BDSM, instead of going with a book written by someone clueless about it, we might have a different feeling about it.

I understand it was not a mutual relationship.
Therefore it was relationship abuse.

I thought she was a willing participant. I have only read parts of the book, since the writing is terrible.

 

[emilynghiem]

Things get heated since Ana still hasn't officially signed the contract. She doesn't feel comfortable with the thought of Christian trying to punish her for his pleasure. He tells her that he doesn't want to hurt her nor does he want to do anything that she wouldn't want him to do. She asks him why he wants to do this, to which he responds that he is "fifty shades of fucked up". Christian takes Ana into the kitchen and pulls her pants down to show her how extreme their BDSM relationship can be. He says he will whip her butt six times with his belt, and he makes her count. After the sixth whip, Ana is mortified and she retreats to the bedroom to lie in bed and cry. She doesn't want to see Christian right now. She tells him she's fallen in love with him, but she knows that she can't be what he wants her to be.

Ana gets up and heads for the elevator. Christian follows her and tries to stop her from leaving, but her mind is made up. As she steps into the elevator, he calls out to her, "Ana..." She only says, "Christian" as the elevator doors shut.
===========================

Doesn't sound like this was right for her. So all the time it was going on anyway, it was not respecting her boundaries.

The only good part is that if she does leave the relationship
then at least for that. Some women can't do that but end up stuck, and just get used to the abuse in order to have the relationship.

 

[WinterBorn]

Things get heated since Ana still hasn't officially signed the contract. She doesn't feel comfortable with the thought of Christian trying to punish her for his pleasure. He tells her that he doesn't want to hurt her nor does he want to do anything that she wouldn't want him to do. She asks him why he wants to do this, to which he responds that he is "fifty shades of fucked up". Christian takes Ana into the kitchen and pulls her pants down to show her how extreme their BDSM relationship can be. He says he will whip her butt six times with his belt, and he makes her count. After the sixth whip, Ana is mortified and she retreats to the bedroom to lie in bed and cry. She doesn't want to see Christian right now. She tells him she's fallen in love with him, but she knows that she can't be what he wants her to be.

Ana gets up and heads for the elevator. Christian follows her and tries to stop her from leaving, but her mind is made up. As she steps into the elevator, he calls out to her, "Ana..." She only says, "Christian" as the elevator doors shut.
===========================

Doesn't sound like this was right for her. So all the time it was going on anyway, it was not respecting her boundaries.

The only good part is that if she does leave the relationship
then at least for that. Some women can't do that but end up stuck, and just get used to the abuse in order to have the relationship.

Does not sound like domestic abuse. She was still a willing participant. She was curious about it and went along. As I said, the author is clueless about BDSM and the writing is terrible. This was probably the worst written book I have tried to read in my adult life. But Ana was a willing participant. Domestic abuse victims are not. This sort of comparison, in fact, is harmful to those who are true victims of domestic abuse. They are NOT willing and, for whatever reason, believe that they either cannot leave or are responsible for the abuse.

Also, by all the traditional rules of BDSM, if she has not signed their contract (or at least given explicit verbal consent) nothing should have happened at all.

 

[Katzndogz]

It doesn't matter if she was a willing participant. The book and the movie do glamorize domestic violence. End of that discussion. Second discussion is that women have been buying this book and flocking to the movie with their own handcuffs. The Teddy Bear company has made a teddy bear complete with little handcuffs for the ladies who can't get enough. There is glamorization of domestic abuse and women are the ones who glamorized it.

For years the fight was with men who said "she was asking for it". No no no women never want to be beaten. The truth is sometimes they do. If the man is good looking enough and rich enough they want it bad.

 

[WinterBorn]

It doesn't matter if she was a willing participant. The book and the movie do glamorize domestic violence. End of that discussion. Second discussion is that women have been buying this book and flocking to the movie with their own handcuffs. The Teddy Bear company has made a teddy bear complete with little handcuffs for the ladies who can't get enough. There is glamorization of domestic abuse and women are the ones who glamorized it.

For years the fight was with men who said "she was asking for it". No no no women never want to be beaten. The truth is sometimes they do. If the man is good looking enough and rich enough they want it bad.

The point of BDSM is about exchanging power. Some people get off on feeling helpless, while some enjoy being in control. Those people get together, discuss limits, create "safe words" and proceed in very controlled and planned scenarios. It is certainly NOT abuse. If anything, the power lies with the submissive more than the dominant. And there are plenty of people, of both genders, who enjoy spankings, canings, being restrained ect. If you are doing what your partner WANTS you to do, it is certainly not abuse.

 

[emilynghiem]

Things get heated since Ana still hasn't officially signed the contract. She doesn't feel comfortable with the thought of Christian trying to punish her for his pleasure. He tells her that he doesn't want to hurt her nor does he want to do anything that she wouldn't want him to do. She asks him why he wants to do this, to which he responds that he is "fifty shades of fucked up". Christian takes Ana into the kitchen and pulls her pants down to show her how extreme their BDSM relationship can be. He says he will whip her butt six times with his belt, and he makes her count. After the sixth whip, Ana is mortified and she retreats to the bedroom to lie in bed and cry. She doesn't want to see Christian right now. She tells him she's fallen in love with him, but she knows that she can't be what he wants her to be.

Ana gets up and heads for the elevator. Christian follows her and tries to stop her from leaving, but her mind is made up. As she steps into the elevator, he calls out to her, "Ana..." She only says, "Christian" as the elevator doors shut.
===========================

Doesn't sound like this was right for her. So all the time it was going on anyway, it was not respecting her boundaries.

The only good part is that if she does leave the relationship
then at least for that. Some women can't do that but end up stuck, and just get used to the abuse in order to have the relationship.

Does not sound like domestic abuse. She was still a willing participant. She was curious about it and went along. As I said, the author is clueless about BDSM and the writing is terrible. This was probably the worst written book I have tried to read in my adult life. But Ana was a willing participant. Domestic abuse victims are not. This sort of comparison, in fact, is harmful to those who are true victims of domestic abuse. They are NOT willing and, for whatever reason, believe that they either cannot leave or are responsible for the abuse.

Also, by all the traditional rules of BDSM, if she has not signed their contract (or at least given explicit verbal consent) nothing should have happened at all.

1. I would call it RELATIONSHIP abuse to be more clear
2. I agree NOTHING should have happened until it was clearly informed consent.
Since she didn't make up her mind until the end, THAT's when and what should have been considered her consent.

Not knowing yet doesn't count as consent. It's not fully informed. That's where people, especially women, get taken advantage of. Not knowing, not being sure, thinking it's okay to go along to see -- this is not enough justification and leads to abuse. People don't even know they are doing it, because they THINK it was consensual, when it turns out it really wasn't.

3. I guess I have higher standards on what is a "willing participant"
I've seen too much abuse by cultish bullying and oppression, both religious and political, taking advantage of people "not knowing, not being sure, not knowing of better alternatives, not being fully informed" and it's NOT RIGHT to force things on people ASSUMING they agree since they didn't protest enough

Sexual relations are especially sensitive, especially for women.
So these should be absolutely consensual, and if a woman doesn't really know what she wants,
like this character didn't stand up for what she wanted until the very end,
then that shouldn't be taken advantage of because you can't REVERSE the damage that was done in the meantime.

both women and men need to be educated and aware of this, or they walk right into the trap.

The guy can say ooops I didn't know that was hurting you, and walk away.
but the woman is left with the emotional damage from being pushed past her boundaries,
even if she didn't know she was crossing them.

As the local Women's center teaches it: "If it hurts, it's abuse"

I think our society is so used to abuse and bullying, we don't even know what it means to really consent
and how to respect that.

 

[WinterBorn]

Things get heated since Ana still hasn't officially signed the contract. She doesn't feel comfortable with the thought of Christian trying to punish her for his pleasure. He tells her that he doesn't want to hurt her nor does he want to do anything that she wouldn't want him to do. She asks him why he wants to do this, to which he responds that he is "fifty shades of fucked up". Christian takes Ana into the kitchen and pulls her pants down to show her how extreme their BDSM relationship can be. He says he will whip her butt six times with his belt, and he makes her count. After the sixth whip, Ana is mortified and she retreats to the bedroom to lie in bed and cry. She doesn't want to see Christian right now. She tells him she's fallen in love with him, but she knows that she can't be what he wants her to be.

Ana gets up and heads for the elevator. Christian follows her and tries to stop her from leaving, but her mind is made up. As she steps into the elevator, he calls out to her, "Ana..." She only says, "Christian" as the elevator doors shut.
===========================

Doesn't sound like this was right for her. So all the time it was going on anyway, it was not respecting her boundaries.

The only good part is that if she does leave the relationship
then at least for that. Some women can't do that but end up stuck, and just get used to the abuse in order to have the relationship.

Does not sound like domestic abuse. She was still a willing participant. She was curious about it and went along. As I said, the author is clueless about BDSM and the writing is terrible. This was probably the worst written book I have tried to read in my adult life. But Ana was a willing participant. Domestic abuse victims are not. This sort of comparison, in fact, is harmful to those who are true victims of domestic abuse. They are NOT willing and, for whatever reason, believe that they either cannot leave or are responsible for the abuse.

Also, by all the traditional rules of BDSM, if she has not signed their contract (or at least given explicit verbal consent) nothing should have happened at all.

1. I would call it RELATIONSHIP abuse to be more clear
2. I agree NOTHING should have happened until it was clearly informed consent.
Since she didn't make up her mind until the end, THAT's when and what should have been considered her consent.

Not knowing yet doesn't count as consent. It's not fully informed. That's where people, especially women, get taken advantage of. Not knowing, not being sure, thinking it's okay to go along to see -- this is not enough justification and leads to abuse. People don't even know they are doing it, because they THINK it was consensual, when it turns out it really wasn't.

3. I guess I have higher standards on what is a "willing participant"
I've seen too much abuse by cultish bullying and oppression, both religious and political, taking advantage of people "not knowing, not being sure, not knowing of better alternatives, not being fully informed" and it's NOT RIGHT to force things on people ASSUMING they agree since they didn't protest enough

Sexual relations are especially sensitive, especially for women.
So these should be absolutely consensual, and if a woman doesn't really know what she wants,
like this character didn't stand up for what she wanted until the very end,
then that shouldn't be taken advantage of because you can't REVERSE the damage that was done in the meantime.

both women and men need to be educated and aware of this, or they walk right into the trap.

The guy can say ooops I didn't know that was hurting you, and walk away.
but the woman is left with the emotional damage from being pushed past her boundaries,
even if she didn't know she was crossing them.

As the local Women's center teaches it: "If it hurts, it's abuse"

I think our society is so used to abuse and bullying, we don't even know what it means to really consent
and how to respect that.

I agree it was badly done.

But the phrase "If it hurts, it's abuse" would also cover mutually consenting, informed adults who decide to use a paddle, belt or cane. 50 Shades is terrible. The abuse is to the reader. Bit actual BDSM is far, far from what that book portrays.

 

[Katzndogz]

BDSM is an aberration. It should not be promoted as any kind of normal sex. It should be recognized as belonging to very special people. Once abnormality is accepted a normal behavior, it doesn't stop until the society becomes wholly depraved.

 

[Iceweasel]

I believe human sexuality reveals pretty much who you really are as a person. People are very good at putting up a false front and pretending to be what they aren't. But that changes in the bedroom and the real you comes out. If you need to paddle someone or tie them up, you're a sick ****. Something is wrong with you that you need to have power over someone or get off on seeing them helpless.

 

[WinterBorn]

BDSM is an aberration. It should not be promoted as any kind of normal sex. It should be recognized as belonging to very special people. Once abnormality is accepted a normal behavior, it doesn't stop until the society becomes wholly depraved.

Well, not everyone shares your preference for only enjoying missionary position, in the dark, strictly for procreation.

For many, many people, sex is fun and enjoyable. As long as everyone is a consenting adult it is none of your business what they do.

 

[WinterBorn]

I believe human sexuality reveals pretty much who you really are as a person. People are very good at putting up a false front and pretending to be what they aren't. But that changes in the bedroom and the real you comes out. If you need to paddle someone or tie them up, you're a sick ****. Something is wrong with you that you need to have power over someone or get off on seeing them helpless.

Or you love someone who gets off on being controlled or paddled. Power exchange is not harmful. What is harmful is the idea that women should be kept in their place in the kitchen and controlled throughout their lives. Harmful is telling young girls that they are ugly if they have curves (other than big tits). Harmful is telling a woman she isn't worth the same pay when she does the same work. Harmful is objectifying women and making them feel like property. Restraining or paddling someone who wants that done is just play.

 

[theDoctorisIn]

I don't in any way think that BSDM = domestic violence.

But 50 Shades of Garbage is not "BSDM", either.

 

[WinterBorn]

I don't in any way think that BSDM = domestic violence.

But 50 Shades of Garbage is not "BSDM", either.

Exactly!

 

[theDoctorisIn]

BDSM is an aberration. It should not be promoted as any kind of normal sex. It should be recognized as belonging to very special people. Once abnormality is accepted a normal behavior, it doesn't stop until the society becomes wholly depraved.

BSDM isn't a "kind" of sex.

There actually doesn't have to be any sex involved at all.

 

[WinterBorn]

BDSM is an aberration. It should not be promoted as any kind of normal sex. It should be recognized as belonging to very special people. Once abnormality is accepted a normal behavior, it doesn't stop until the society becomes wholly depraved.

BSDM isn't a "kind" of sex.

There actually doesn't have to be any sex involved at all.

this is also true. And apparently you know more about BDSM than the author of 50 Shades.

 

[Katzndogz]

BDSM is an aberration. It should not be promoted as any kind of normal sex. It should be recognized as belonging to very special people. Once abnormality is accepted a normal behavior, it doesn't stop until the society becomes wholly depraved.

Well, not everyone shares your preference for only enjoying missionary position, in the dark, strictly for procreation.

For many, many people, sex is fun and enjoyable. As long as everyone is a consenting adult it is none of your business what they do.

I would like for it to remain none of my business.

 

[WinterBorn]

BDSM is an aberration. It should not be promoted as any kind of normal sex. It should be recognized as belonging to very special people. Once abnormality is accepted a normal behavior, it doesn't stop until the society becomes wholly depraved.

Well, not everyone shares your preference for only enjoying missionary position, in the dark, strictly for procreation.

For many, many people, sex is fun and enjoyable. As long as everyone is a consenting adult it is none of your business what they do.

I would like for it to remain none of my business.

I am sure that would work for most BDSMers too.