Thinking you would like to kill is not the same as having thoughts associated to the strongest urge known to man.
I want to rob a bank.
Did you experience a sexual thrill and was a child a potential victim of your crime where they could be harmed physically or emotionally through direct or indirect sexual contact?
eeech.
My father was a pedophile that got away with having sex with my sister but I didn't know it until I was in my 20's. He's in jail now for having sex with his second daughter. He was given a second chance and he screwed it up and did it again so this time he was busted and imprisoned.
I understand the desire. I don't understand the betrayal of your own daughter to express that desire.
Like I said I'm bi-polar. I know anxiety attacks. I know manic episodes. I know how your emotions can overwhelm you. But you don't have to let them control your actions.
I don't blame my father for having the desire. I do blame him for being his daughters protagonist instead of her protector.
I blame you for not killing your father. Seriously.
Naw, you don't want kids killing their parents. They end up going to prison forever for it, and they never have a chance to make it.
Almost all regicides are committed by children who have a distorted sense of inescapability and immediate fear...being children they feel trapped in an unbearable situation, they are afraid, and they feel their only way out is to kill their parent. Don't feed into that..and we feed into it by making sex abuse of a child into this huge monster that is like the WORST THING EVER THAT ANY CHILD CAN BE SUBJECTED TO. It's wrong to pretend they can't overcome it except via murder.
And it does them no favors, it just plays into the mindset that they must kill someone...one of the things that abused children have to deal with all their lives is an increased sense of danger and horror, all the time. They have an overstimulated "danger" mechanism and it causes them all sorts of grief. What you try to do with victims of sex abuse is reassure them that it ISN'T the end of the world, that they CAN resume a normal life, and they CAN be happy.