Old Boy/Girl Friend Wants to Take Your Spouse Out to Dinner

George Costanza

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Since no one apparently is interested in my upcoming colonoscopy (I can't imagine why), I will start this lifestyle thread and see where it goes.

The scene: You are sitting at home, watching t.v. The phone rings. Your spouse answers it. You hear portions of animated conversation. After a bit, your spouse hangs up, comes up to you and says: "Darling, you'll never guess what. That was (pick a name), my old boy/girl friend from high school. He/she is in town and wants to take me out to dinner tomorrow night. I haven't seen him/her since graduation from high school, 17 years ago. Isn't that WONDERFUL?"

Is it?

Now, before the "I trust my spouse implicitly - why on earth would I object?" posts begin flooding in, let's pause for a moment. Even though I trust my spouse implicitly, I'm not sure I would be overjoyed with this one. My immediate reaction would be, "Great, but is there any reason why BOTH of us can't have dinner with him tomorrow night?"

There is an old saying - "Trust your opponent, but cut the cards anyway." Things can change in the glow of the candlelight after three martinis. Why tempt fate?

How would you handle this one?
 

Big Black Dog

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I know my wife well enough to know that she wouldn't be interested in going out to dinner with an old boyfriend. Most likely, if one of them called she'd be laughing so hard that they would get annoyed and hang up. Me, I wouldn't have that problem either. Most of my old girlfriends have moved far away, changed their names and hide to keep from ever running into me again! Chances of any of them ever calling is about the same as winning the lotto.
 
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George Costanza

George Costanza

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It would not be my choice as I dont own my hubby
Of course you don't. But that's not the question. The question is, how would you FEEL about it and what, if anything, would you say or do about it? No, you don't "own" your hubby, but both parties to a marriage (or any relationship) have an obligation to not do things that will hurt their partner.

Would you be hurt or apprehensive if your hubby took off for dinner with an old girl friend? Be honest now. Would you just say, "great," and let it go at that? Would you say something else? What would you do?
 

Truthmatters

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I would not even ask to be included and would encourage him to go if he wanted to. If after nearly 25years he wanted her over me why would I want him?

You see I never fear the loss of my hubby for just that reason.
 

AllieBaba

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An old flame from high school?

At the age of 45, honestly, I could care less.

When I was 25 and the years between me and my own high school years were fewer, I'd not have been pleased.
 
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George Costanza

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I would not even ask to be included and would encourage him to go if he wanted to. If after nearly 25years he wanted her over me why would I want him?

You see I never fear the loss of my hubby for just that reason.
OK - let's ratchet it up a notch or two. Your hubby comes home and announces he is going to be going on a business trip to a faraway city. The trip will last for three days. He will be flying to the distant city with Ms. Jamison, a 32-year-old assistant of his at the office. They will be attending business meetings during the day. They will be staying in the same hotel. They will return in three days.

Still on board?
 

Truthmatters

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I would not even ask to be included and would encourage him to go if he wanted to. If after nearly 25years he wanted her over me why would I want him?

You see I never fear the loss of my hubby for just that reason.
OK - let's ratchet it up a notch or two. Your hubby comes home and announces he is going to be going on a business trip to a faraway city. The trip will last for three days. He will be flying to the distant city with Ms. Jamison, a 32-year-old assistant of his at the office. They will be attending business meetings during the day. They will be staying in the same hotel. They will return in three days.

Still on board?
Why would I be angry at him going off to work?

The same idea applies.

I trust him, hes the most decent man I know.

If he did this and it turned out to be hanky panky He would not be the man I have thoiught him to be all my life with him. At the point I would not want him anymore.

I know it may be hard for some to understand but this is HOW you build trust in a relationship.

You realise that they are their own masters and that you are partners.

If you cnat trust them you cnat trust them and you may be with the wrong person.
 
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George Costanza

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I trust him, hes the most decent man I know.
I'm sure he is and I'm sure you do.

But even the most decent person in the world, thrust into the right (or wrong) situation, can make mistakes. You trust him - but would you trust HER? Suppose she took a liking to your hubby and used the business trip to try everything she knew to lure him into something.

Suff happens.

Let's crank it up yet one more notch. Now, it turns out, that your hubby and the 32-year-old business assistant are going to have to share the same room. Separate beds, of course. No problem?
 

Cecilie1200

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Since no one apparently is interested in my upcoming colonoscopy (I can't imagine why), I will start this lifestyle thread and see where it goes.

The scene: You are sitting at home, watching t.v. The phone rings. Your spouse answers it. You hear portions of animated conversation. After a bit, your spouse hangs up, comes up to you and says: "Darling, you'll never guess what. That was (pick a name), my old boy/girl friend from high school. He/she is in town and wants to take me out to dinner tomorrow night. I haven't seen him/her since graduation from high school, 17 years ago. Isn't that WONDERFUL?"

Is it?

Now, before the "I trust my spouse implicitly - why on earth would I object?" posts begin flooding in, let's pause for a moment. Even though I trust my spouse implicitly, I'm not sure I would be overjoyed with this one. My immediate reaction would be, "Great, but is there any reason why BOTH of us can't have dinner with him tomorrow night?"

There is an old saying - "Trust your opponent, but cut the cards anyway." Things can change in the glow of the candlelight after three martinis. Why tempt fate?

How would you handle this one?
No, things CAN'T change "in the glow of the candlelight", drinks or no drinks. My husband is still the man he is, who gets hit on by strippers and responds by showing them pictures of his kids.

One good reason we can't BOTH go is that I'd be bored out of my mind, and so refuse to go.
 

Cecilie1200

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I would not even ask to be included and would encourage him to go if he wanted to. If after nearly 25years he wanted her over me why would I want him?

You see I never fear the loss of my hubby for just that reason.
OK - let's ratchet it up a notch or two. Your hubby comes home and announces he is going to be going on a business trip to a faraway city. The trip will last for three days. He will be flying to the distant city with Ms. Jamison, a 32-year-old assistant of his at the office. They will be attending business meetings during the day. They will be staying in the same hotel. They will return in three days.

Still on board?
I regularly go out of town with friends, male and female, for the weekend. My husband has never minded, provided I call him regularly, because he gets lonely without me. Why on Earth wouldn't I extend him the same courtesy, respect, and trust?
 

manu1959

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had lunch with an old flame the other day.....wife approved....wife and i are freinds with some of my old flames and her old flames.....

we discussed it all ... the are x's for a reason .....
 

Cecilie1200

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I trust him, hes the most decent man I know.
I'm sure he is and I'm sure you do.

But even the most decent person in the world, thrust into the right (or wrong) situation, can make mistakes. You trust him - but would you trust HER? Suppose she took a liking to your hubby and used the business trip to try everything she knew to lure him into something.

Suff happens.

Let's crank it up yet one more notch. Now, it turns out, that your hubby and the 32-year-old business assistant are going to have to share the same room. Separate beds, of course. No problem?
One very big mistake a person can make is to expect his or her partner to be untrustworthy and to make that clear to said partner. Another big mistake a person can make is to treat the possibility of said partner straying as though it's the end of the world.

You're still not ringing my bells. I trust my husband to love me and our boys more than anything on the face of the planet, and to continue doing so no matter what. In the face of that, I don't really give a rat's ass even if he DID have a little hanky-panky. I might even be pleased for him because a much younger woman found him attractive. It would do wonders for his ego.

But again, he would be more likely to talk about his wife and kids all night.
 

SFC Ollie

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My wife after laughing the offer off would seriously invite her ex to our house for dinner. Of course he would refuse and disappear for another 30 odd years.
 

AquaAthena

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Since no one apparently is interested in my upcoming colonoscopy (I can't imagine why), I will start this lifestyle thread and see where it goes.

The scene: You are sitting at home, watching t.v. The phone rings. Your spouse answers it. You hear portions of animated conversation. After a bit, your spouse hangs up, comes up to you and says: "Darling, you'll never guess what. That was (pick a name), my old boy/girl friend from high school. He/she is in town and wants to take me out to dinner tomorrow night. I haven't seen him/her since graduation from high school, 17 years ago. Isn't that WONDERFUL?"

Is it?

Now, before the "I trust my spouse implicitly - why on earth would I object?" posts begin flooding in, let's pause for a moment. Even though I trust my spouse implicitly, I'm not sure I would be overjoyed with this one. My immediate reaction would be, "Great, but is there any reason why BOTH of us can't have dinner with him tomorrow night?"

There is an old saying - "Trust your opponent, but cut the cards anyway." Things can change in the glow of the candlelight after three martinis. Why tempt fate?

How would you handle this one?
Not even! :) The phone call was enough. :) Happy trails.
 

eots

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Since no one apparently is interested in my upcoming colonoscopy (I can't imagine why), I will start this lifestyle thread and see where it goes.

The scene: You are sitting at home, watching t.v. The phone rings. Your spouse answers it. You hear portions of animated conversation. After a bit, your spouse hangs up, comes up to you and says: "Darling, you'll never guess what. That was (pick a name), my old boy/girl friend from high school. He/she is in town and wants to take me out to dinner tomorrow night. I haven't seen him/her since graduation from high school, 17 years ago. Isn't that WONDERFUL?"

Is it?

Now, before the "I trust my spouse implicitly - why on earth would I object?" posts begin flooding in, let's pause for a moment. Even though I trust my spouse implicitly, I'm not sure I would be overjoyed with this one. My immediate reaction would be, "Great, but is there any reason why BOTH of us can't have dinner with him tomorrow night?"

There is an old saying - "Trust your opponent, but cut the cards anyway." Things can change in the glow of the candlelight after three martinis. Why tempt fate?

How would you handle this one?
I would phone him up and invite him over and scare the hell out of him...he wouldn't call again anytime soon
 

mudwhistle

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It would not be my choice as I dont own my hubby
Of course you don't. But that's not the question. The question is, how would you FEEL about it and what, if anything, would you say or do about it? No, you don't "own" your hubby, but both parties to a marriage (or any relationship) have an obligation to not do things that will hurt their partner.

Would you be hurt or apprehensive if your hubby took off for dinner with an old girl friend? Be honest now. Would you just say, "great," and let it go at that? Would you say something else? What would you do?
First of all if you don't trust her then there may be a good reason for that.

Second..if you can't trust her then I suggest you give her a chance to fuck up then give her a choice.....ether go ahead and do what she wants and you guys can take it from there. I suggest telling her you want to go too.

I cannot tolerate a relationship built without trust. If she wants to fool around she's gonna do it whether you say it's OK or not. If it's a legit dinner then you have nothing to worry about. Even in an open marriage you have to be honest. She can't blow you off just so she can go get some outside sex and expect you to love it.

My wife constantly has dinner with girlfriends but I'm not worried about what she's doing.
 

Cecilie1200

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It would not be my choice as I dont own my hubby
Of course you don't. But that's not the question. The question is, how would you FEEL about it and what, if anything, would you say or do about it? No, you don't "own" your hubby, but both parties to a marriage (or any relationship) have an obligation to not do things that will hurt their partner.

Would you be hurt or apprehensive if your hubby took off for dinner with an old girl friend? Be honest now. Would you just say, "great," and let it go at that? Would you say something else? What would you do?
First of all if you don't trust her then there may be a good reason for that.

Second..if you can't trust her then I suggest you give her a chance to fuck up then give her a choice.....ether go ahead and do what she wants and you guys can take it from there. I suggest telling her you want to go too.

I cannot tolerate a relationship built without trust. If she wants to fool around she's gonna do it whether you say it's OK or not. If it's a legit dinner then you have nothing to worry about. Even in an open marriage you have to be honest. She can't blow you off just so she can go get some outside sex and expect you to love it.

My wife constantly has dinner with girlfriends but I'm not worried about what she's doing.
Not "even in an open marriage". ESPECIALLY in an open marriage.

You hit it right on the head. If you don't have trust, you don't have a relationship.
 

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