my mother has stage 5 alzheimer's...learn with me...

Someone sent me this via email . . . . .


People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person . . .

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support.

To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

This person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.


Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.


LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,

Things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
 
well i had hoped to get out of this ....esp this weekend but i have to go back to her house...sell her car and remove more of her belongings....i will leave sometime today. again....its gonna be hard to do...packing up more of her house...my agenda...leave sometime today....go down and begin packing ...get uhaul tomorrow...load uhaul...return tomorrow....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

major reason: the dealer tags expire soon....

all i want to do is sleep some more
 
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bones....what kind of car you selling? Reason I ask is I totaled my car in an accident about 6 weeks ago and now that my arm is out of the cast, I'm ready to drive again (just got my rental car yesterday).

I might be interested in coming up for a look-see when I bring the twinlets to their grandmas in Maggie Valley.
 
mom has a health care thing....no feeding tube...etc...no life support....i really cant discuss a dnr with her...i just cant

its way too early for that.


Yes it IS.

Are the people in her facility pushing you hard on this? If they are, you get in their faces next time and tell them to back the fuck off....it ain't time.

THEY should know better---THEY should know that your mother's deterioration is going to tbe the LONG good-bye and you aren't anywhere near the end. You're just beginning.

Tell 'em to fuck off and DON"T ASK AGAIN--the next time they ask for a DNR.
 
o the car thing is a done deal...i am returning it ...i should not be here...i should be on the road....i am not...i am just kinda paralized by the indecisions.....of my life..i dont want to do any of this..i dont want to remove more things from her house...i dont want to sell her car....i could just keep it but i need to put the money back in her account....she needs the money more than she needs the car she cant drive...oddly enough the one thing i dont want to do...is spend the night in that house...i will simply pack all night....i wont sleep...it has simply become a tomb of guilt for me...da man is just looking at me...ever now and then....knowing i wont move till he makes me...and knowing he wont make me...for a while...he just keeps saying...it has to be done...i am really sick of everyone telling me that its okay cause it has to be done....i need to sell the house..that is just gonna be a nightmare....the housing maket is so depressed there...clark is sprawled in my lap....not wanting me to move ....at least he and i are in agreement...

i get so pissed sometimes...if she had only been reasonable....and all....i know its not her...i know that..i know she will never live alone or drive again....but damn i feel like each step i take is a stab in her heart....even is she doesnt remember it in 20 mins...funny she can fixate on things...
 
I feel your pain. Tired this morning from trying to come up with squirrel names last night. lol
 
o the car thing is a done deal...i am returning it ...i should not be here...i should be on the road....i am not...i am just kinda paralized by the indecisions.....of my life..i dont want to do any of this..i dont want to remove more things from her house...i dont want to sell her car....i could just keep it but i need to put the money back in her account....she needs the money more than she needs the car she cant drive...oddly enough the one thing i dont want to do...is spend the night in that house...i will simply pack all night....i wont sleep...it has simply become a tomb of guilt for me...da man is just looking at me...ever now and then....knowing i wont move till he makes me...and knowing he wont make me...for a while...he just keeps saying...it has to be done...i am really sick of everyone telling me that its okay cause it has to be done....i need to sell the house..that is just gonna be a nightmare....the housing maket is so depressed there...clark is sprawled in my lap....not wanting me to move ....at least he and i are in agreement...

i get so pissed sometimes...if she had only been reasonable....and all....i know its not her...i know that..i know she will never live alone or drive again....but damn i feel like each step i take is a stab in her heart....even is she doesnt remember it in 20 mins...funny she can fixate on things...

Probably won't help, but the guilt is okay. You're going to have it and nobody will be able to talk you out of it.

Even after my mom passed I would dream sometimes that she was back, alive, and ready to go home. And there was no home. It had been sold; her favorite things dispersed among the family. I would wake up anxious, distressed, wanting to cry. The relief came. And it will for you too. Eventually after a period of slowly subsiding bad feelings.
 
o the car thing is a done deal...i am returning it ...i should not be here...i should be on the road....i am not...i am just kinda paralized by the indecisions.....of my life..i dont want to do any of this..i dont want to remove more things from her house...i dont want to sell her car....i could just keep it but i need to put the money back in her account....she needs the money more than she needs the car she cant drive...oddly enough the one thing i dont want to do...is spend the night in that house...i will simply pack all night....i wont sleep...it has simply become a tomb of guilt for me...da man is just looking at me...ever now and then....knowing i wont move till he makes me...and knowing he wont make me...for a while...he just keeps saying...it has to be done...i am really sick of everyone telling me that its okay cause it has to be done....i need to sell the house..that is just gonna be a nightmare....the housing maket is so depressed there...clark is sprawled in my lap....not wanting me to move ....at least he and i are in agreement...

i get so pissed sometimes...if she had only been reasonable....and all....i know its not her...i know that..i know she will never live alone or drive again....but damn i feel like each step i take is a stab in her heart....even is she doesnt remember it in 20 mins...funny she can fixate on things...

Probably won't help, but the guilt is okay. You're going to have it and nobody will be able to talk you out of it.

Even after my mom passed I would dream sometimes that she was back, alive, and ready to go home. And there was no home. It had been sold; her favorite things dispersed among the family. I would wake up anxious, distressed, wanting to cry. The relief came. And it will for you too. Eventually after a period of slowly subsiding bad feelings.

i hope you are right....on the way down east to sell her car..she calls....i have the house phone forwarded now to my cell when i leave...

but yea liquidate is the key word it does seem...when i mumble i cant do this....i am told by a suit...i can do it and i will...

but now i am getting emails...why did i do this...blah blah and you got to love this one...can her sister and brother take her to ok for a week? :banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:
 
ahhhhh yesterday the health care agency providing the private nurses called.....

the woman who has not tossed out a thing in 30 years....trashed their files....seems the time cards were being left in a folder in her room....o bad idea...she trashed them all....

i burst out laughing and couldnt stop.....


i got to sign them now every tuesday

and the suits called wanting decisions on this and that.....damn they are pushy....

but today....i told them...boys go fuck yourselves....mom is safe....that was my goal..i dont care if the house is empty blah blah blah....well apparently they dont get told to go fuck themselves much....great silence....great silence...then they take another run at me....i told him to go fuck himself..and hanged up the phone....i felt the best i have in weeks....
 
i will admit to really liking one of the attorneys....lol....but he isnt like the rest...he isnt always pushing me...and he doesnt talk high brow...he calls me 'girl' lol

the rest look like they are gonna explode or piss on themselves every time i say fuck.
 
They bill by the phone call. Just saying. The silence was them trying to decide when and where to do the deed. Attorneys all know how to screw themselves.
 
bones...do the Dr.s have your mom on any acetylcholinesterase inhibitors (i.e. donepezil) or NMDA receptor antagonists? These drugs could forestall any further degredation of her condition...but not prevent it.
 
Tough, tough situation. Our mom is approaching 90 and while her mind is fine her body is weak after carrying so many children and life's toll. But home is where the heart is, and while she drives my sisters crazy - more crazy than the boys - she wants to be home. Daily mass on TV and her occasional friends stopping in, is all she needs to make her happy. I sympathize, we live so much longer today, but mom is ready to die, she has a 'do not resuscitate,' and she tells the Medicare docs no more tests, no more money spent, time to move on.
 
My sympathies to you bones.

My Mother, who passed in 2003, was a peach. Believe me. They broke the mold when she was born.

She spend the last years of her life suffering from alzheimers.

I would not wish this disease on my worst enemy. Its a heartbreaker.
 
today was a brief visit...to take her stamps and all...so she can write everyone and tell them what i have done to her...she is planning on going to live with her sister if i will let her....that did break my heart....she is much better with the balanced diet and regulated meds.....so much better that at times it just seems like she would be okay living alone...*this is where the big cosmic hand smacks me on the back of the head and tells me to shut the fuck up* but she would be back to driving etc... o and add the fact that she is willing to live with anyone but me....nice mom....real nice.....but i digress....so today is a good day....so far...

funny i still cried all the way home....its tough doing what the doctor and them say....but it does seem to be working...i am kinda surprised at the changes ....i now have to keep a cell phone with me...i forward the home phone to the chell phone...so i am always tied to a phone...which is ironic considering one of my re accuring nightmares is about phones....

and damn the paperwork....and now i am dealing with her mail too....odd how you develop little defense things....i wont drive up the drive way till i have read all the mail...or i will sit in the car and read it...i wont bring it in and read it...i can see things trying to return to 'normal' not that i am claiming that it ever was that but the people watching me 24/7 have stopped...da man is back at what he does...kidlet is back at what he does...alt is back at what she does...

now if i could just catch up on this house....nicey nash where are you?
 
but mom is safe...and as well as she can be....slowly but surely the plan is coming together...o hell...i got no plan...we all know that...for the last 20 or so dazes.....
 
A loved one got hooked on pain meda in the hospital and followup rehab post hip replacement. She has been hooked on these prescription meds for a very long time now, will almost be phased off them, and then is right back getting and taking as many as she can beg, borrow, steal, or coerce from medical personnel.

This last go round was especially rough on the lone daughter in the east who had to cope with it for the last accident and surgery happened there. Almost every day that went by, the daughter heard her mother accuse her of all sorts of unkindness for not being with her every minute, for forcing her into a rehab/nursing home rather than taking her home and tending to her there, and as often or not she should angrily say that she would be so glad to get back to her 'real' family who loved her and cared about her in New Mexico.'

All these statements hit the daughter like physical blows. She did take advice to get to a 12-step group for support and reports that this has helped enormously.

Now that the loved one is back in New Mexico she is more or less 'dried out' for now, but it is inevitable that another shoe will drop sooner or later. Meanwhile, however, the eastern daughter is now a saint who can do no wrong--she hasn't been told that of course, but that is what is being reported about here--while the local children are selfish and neglectful.

I don't know if that might help to feel more normal. I hope it will. :)
 
Strolling my prayers are with you and your family

God Bless you and your mother

amen

Stage 5:
Moderately severe cognitive decline
(Moderate or mid-stage Alzheimer's disease)

Major gaps in memory and deficits in cognitive function emerge. Some assistance with day-to-day activities becomes essential. At this stage, individuals may:

•Be unable during a medical interview to recall such important details as their current address, their telephone number or the name of the college or high school from which they graduated

•Become confused about where they are or about the date, day of the week or season

•Have trouble with less challenging mental arithmetic; for example, counting backward from 40 by 4s or from 20 by 2s

•Need help choosing proper clothing for the season or the occasion

•Usually retain substantial knowledge about themselves and know their own name and the names of their spouse or children

•Usually require no assistance with eating or using the toilet


Stages of Alzheimer's

i placed my mother in an assisted living facilitiy....monday...this monday...it seems like an eternity...i cant remember the last day i didnt cry...but i digress...

my mother could no longer live alone...yet she insisted on driving...she totalled her car on april 22....i went down and stayed, i left 24 hours..she purchased a new car. i went down and moved her here. she was going to kill someone..she is half blind and has a lead foot...we think she may have had a stroke and then wrecked...we have doctors appointments beginning next week...she called me tuesday to tell me how much she enjoyed being kidnapped from her home and place in a the assisted living...that woman has a mean ass mouth...she can get over it...and she will...most days she is unaware of who i am..she think i am her sister.....which cause a bit of a confusion when her sister showed up...but she is falling under the "veil of alzheimer's" as they call it...i went to my first support group...and i plan on going to seminars on this disease...it is truly a disease from hell....you watch a loved one slip away....you realize that when she calls you someone else's name that it is best just to go along with it...she no longer knows me..it was like a switch...day to night...she knows my son, sometimes...and she blames me totally for putting her in the assisted living...which one lady at the support group told me that may never change...

i fully recommend looking into long term care insurance for your parents or yourself. it is expensive but it has helped me put her into a posh warehouse...

the questions, the paperwork...you need the following....last will....living will...health care form....and durable power of attorney...i am not giving legal advice here..just saying...you need a lot of info..try to gather that before the crisis hits...you need soc sec #, medicare, insurance etc. maybe you should photo copy all this to a file...that would have been nice...you need all the phone numbers etc...sure i have a file now..but its never where i am.

i have her in a top notch place...however she needs the "special" ward which is full....she is the only female on the waiting list...so she is in a stage 3 unit....and she is trying to take off..."wandering" is what it is called. we will discuss that later. so i have a private nurse there 12 hours a day...8 am to 8 pm..hopefully that wont be for much longer.

so here is my advice to all of yall with aging parents....read the site...watch them...and make plans for it...that is all you can do.

remember: yes, i knew this was coming....but it came on like an explosion ...there was no...you have time to think this over...i had to make a move and do it fast...that is where my ability as the 'nuts and bolts' person came into play...this is also where i realized how much more should have been done sooner...when she was of sound mind...but that is 20/20 hindsight.....learn from my mistakes....

next chapter: bonez gets her face cussed off by mother...(i hate doing that third person mal)
 

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