My lived experience.

[Man of Ethics]

My life had few interesting events. I did leave USSR in 1983. I did travel by an airliner more then 10 times in years up to 1999. As I recall I mostly sat by the window on these flights! I did have many friends in grade school in USSR and high school in USA. Not many friends in university. My lived experience prior to my University days was not unusual.

Since I went to University my life became very interesting. Since I went to University my life became very boring.

 

[Man of Ethics]

My University life was boring! Even in high school I did not fit into Society. I had abstract interests in Science, History, Fiction. These interests had nothing to do with the life of other students. I lived my own life different from my peers. That gap widened in University. At first I had a few friends, but by the end I had almost none.

My University life was interesting. I spent hours upon hours in The Library. I did not do much work for my classes. I studied Science, and History. I studied History of horrible events -- wars, genocide, Slavery, Russian Serfdom.

My thoughts were occupied with my own Science Fiction. I visualized future and past Civilizations. During lectures I did not listen. Even if I was physically in a class in 1992, I was in 2022 in my mind. And now I return to 1992 in my memory. That 2022 was much more impressive then this real one.

Of course I am an Aspie! I am a high functioning Autistic. Diagnosed in 1992. I am not suffering. I am just very different.

 

[Man of Ethics]

I graduated in 2000. That was the year of terrible anxiety. Imagine how I felt when Al Gore was constantly 5 points ahead of George Bush!

That was also the time when I started spending less time in the library and more time on Internet Forums. That was the time I started looking for a job. I still have not found one.

 

[Man of Ethics]

In 1995 I became interested in gender issues. I studied many books and used Interlibrary Loan extensively. At first I thought men were privileged -- almost all books said so. By 1996 I understood that men suffered severe discrimination. Not as bad as in 2022 but still. In Modern World, such interest would have to be kept secret, but in 1996, many of my male friends agreed with me and even laughed at my jokes.

From about 2004, I had almost no offline friends except my Grandmother (RIP) and my parents. I still live with my parents. I spent some time helping with household chores, some time playing Runescape and a lot of time talking on the forums. No, not a lot of time talking on the forums. A lot of time reading forums and a little time talking. I usually do not insult others, but when I do I am extremely vicious!

I was never abused or hit growing up. In USSR, I knew three boys and one girl who were physically abused by their mothers. These were my friends. In many places in the World that is considered normal!

I have never experienced abuse at any stage of my life. Nevertheless, my interest in Gender Issues brought me to many stories of abuse within marriage and partnership.

 

[AnkitDS]

Not many people of your age group are interested in the subjects like you do. They are aspiring for other things in their life. They don't want to discuss these subjects cause there is nothing happening in these areas.
I would suggest you should forget others and just focus on what you really love doing. Because that's how you can make the most out of this short life here on earth.
You can always talk to me about the topics of your interest. I'll be more than happy to have a healthy debate with you.
Love
Ankit

 

[Man of Ethics]

Not many people of your age group are interested in the subjects like you do. They are aspiring for other things in their life. They don't want to discuss these subjects cause there is nothing happening in these areas.
I would suggest you should forget others and just focus on what you really love doing. Because that's how you can make the most out of this short life here on earth.
You can always talk to me about the topics of your interest. I'll be more than happy to have a healthy debate with you.
Love
Ankit

Thank you! As an Autistic, I can never fit into Collective even if I tried.

 

[AnkitDS]

Thank you! As an Autistic, I can never fit into Collective even if I tried.

There's no need to fit in the flock. Autistic person is not different, just is special in some strange sense. If you analyse yourself you will find that you have some special gift of nature which others do not have.

 

[AnkitDS]

A person who prefers his own company rather than being surrounded by people who are not genuine version of themselves, can never be unhappy and would never get bored so easily.

 

[Man of Ethics]

A person who prefers his own company rather than being surrounded by people who are not genuine version of themselves, can never be unhappy and would never get bored so easily.

But living even a day without The Internet and Forums is very very difficult!

 

[Man of Ethics]

One can say that I really do not have a normal life. I would say that I have many lives full of dramatic and traumatic events. One can say that I have little lived experience to discuss any serious topic. I would say that I have lived experience of hundreds or thousands of people. I have gained that experience reading forums and participating in them.

One can say that I have never experienced relationships. I would say that I have followed problems of tens of relationships. Of course those I followed were volatile and problematic!

Do I have a story about being in a toxic relationship? I have hundreds, yet I can not recall them all. Am I telling the truth? I am, but I myself can not check authenticity of something I read on Reddit or Twitter. My stories can only be as good as the original source.

 

[Man of Ethics]

Anyone reading this thread is witnessing the appearance of a nanoessay. I must organise the pieces and add it to my book. I doubt any publisher will take my book, but an ebook can be published free. So far 180 pages from as early as 2014. I am not a prolific writer.