- Jun 15, 2016
- Reaction score
- Central Oregon Coast
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Claiming that his tantrum about losing the election had ruined Thanksgiving, Melania Trump exiled her husband to the children’s table.
Donald J. Trump’s expulsion occurred shortly after his wife asked those at the grownups’ table to name things for which they were thankful.
Jared Kushner named “doing such a kick-ass job on the pandemic,” Ivanka Trump cited “that I didn’t talk to Bob Woodward,” and Rudy Giuliani chose “my beautiful, naturally dark hair.”
When it was the President’s turn, he launched into a ten-minute tirade about an election-stealing conspiracy involving dead dictators, George Soros, Dr. Anthony Fauci, and “well-known Antifa sympathizer Tucker Carlson.”
By the time he began calling for the imprisonment of Lesley Stahl, Melania had heard enough.
“You just wrecked Thanksgiving, which is my favorite holiday,” she said. “It’s not like Christmas, which totally blows.”
She then banished her sulking husband to the children’s table, causing Barron Trump to remark, “Why am I being punished?”
Barron later emerged victorious in a wishbone game with his father, who demanded that the result of that contest be overturned.