Major lifestyle change -terrified and excited - thoughts please

[Tresha91203]

Thoughts? What difference would it make? You do whatever you have to do.

Im scared I am missing something obvious. I am feeling excited though so think I will do it. In one year, my noncompete expires so I can tutor chemistry, algrbra 1 and 2, trig, writing, ELA, ACT and SAT. Thats real money, but I have to be gone from current job a year.

 

[Buzz Jenkins]

Wow, you can almost hear the dueling banjos in the background! You must live in the south. I do too. However, I live in a different south than you.

Do you REALLY want to know what to do? Here it is. First, you have to take care of your mother. If she needs daily care and does not own any assets then get her qualified for long term care under your state's Medicaid program. In other words, she can go into either assisted living or a nursing home. Put her into a local one so you can go see her every day or when your schedule allows.

Second, get a real fucking job. Lot's of people are self employed. I am. But I have a legitimate business. Your laundry service is not going to amount to jack shit. You sound qualified to get a decent paying job. Do it. This is fucking America!

Third, dump your husband. He does not work, has psychological problems, and is apparently a drunk. Clearly he is holding you back. I suspect that you are an enabling co-dependent.

Finally, get rid of that "compound". File chapter 7 bankruptcy and Let the mortgage company foreclose. Of course if you have significant equity in the property you may be better off selling the property. I'd make that loser husband quit-claim his interest to you though, since any equity that has accrued is probably based upon YOU paying down the mortgage as opposed to anything hubby does.

It is also worth considering getting yourself some professional help; i.e., psychological therapy. Clearly you are doing WAY too much, carrying too much of a burden. You are bread-winner for all and care giver for your mother and husband. You are co-dependent and need some professional intervention in order to break this cycle.

Life is short. You are in a bad and depressing situation. You need to do whatever you need to do to extract yourself from your current situation and start a new life where YOU are number one!

 

[Tresha91203]

Wow, you can almost hear the dueling banjos in the background! You must live in the south. I do too. However, I live in a different south than you.

Do you REALLY want to know what to do? Here it is. First, you have to take care of your mother. If she needs daily care and does not own any assets then get her qualified for long term care under your state's Medicaid program. In other words, she can go into either assisted living or a nursing home. Put her into a local one so you can go see her every day or when your schedule allows.

Second, get a real fucking job. Lot's of people are self employed. I am. But I have a legitimate business. Your laundry service is not going to amount to jack shit. You sound qualified to get a decent paying job. Do it. This is fucking America!

Third, dump your husband. He does not work, has psychological problems, and is apparently a drunk. Clearly he is holding you back. I suspect that you are an enabling co-dependent.

Finally, get rid of that "compound". File chapter 7 bankruptcy and Let the mortgage company foreclose. Of course if you have significant equity in the property you may be better off selling the property. I'd make that loser husband quit-claim his interest to you though, since any equity that has accrued is probably based upon YOU paying down the mortgage as opposed to anything hubby does.

It is also worth considering getting yourself some professional help; i.e., psychological therapy. Clearly you are doing WAY too much, carrying too much of a burden. You are bread-winner for all and care giver for your mother and husband. You are co-dependent and need some professional intervention in order to break this cycle.

Life is short. You are in a bad and depressing situation. You need to do whatever you need to do to extract yourself from your current situation and start a new life where YOU are number one!

I'm not putting my mom in a home as a first resort. We put 50% down on the compound in 2011 and it pays for itself. Dumping the compound would cost more than keeping it. Sometimes I agree with you about husband but usually not. Alanon has helped a lot. I have a real job currently but my family is more important. The hours are long, the work is thankless, the clothes are expensive and the competition is fierce.

I get what you say about codependent and enabling though. Thank you for that. I forget sometimes.

 

[Katzndogz]

Wow, you can almost hear the dueling banjos in the background! You must live in the south. I do too. However, I live in a different south than you.

Do you REALLY want to know what to do? Here it is. First, you have to take care of your mother. If she needs daily care and does not own any assets then get her qualified for long term care under your state's Medicaid program. In other words, she can go into either assisted living or a nursing home. Put her into a local one so you can go see her every day or when your schedule allows.

Second, get a real fucking job. Lot's of people are self employed. I am. But I have a legitimate business. Your laundry service is not going to amount to jack shit. You sound qualified to get a decent paying job. Do it. This is fucking America!

Third, dump your husband. He does not work, has psychological problems, and is apparently a drunk. Clearly he is holding you back. I suspect that you are an enabling co-dependent.

Finally, get rid of that "compound". File chapter 7 bankruptcy and Let the mortgage company foreclose. Of course if you have significant equity in the property you may be better off selling the property. I'd make that loser husband quit-claim his interest to you though, since any equity that has accrued is probably based upon YOU paying down the mortgage as opposed to anything hubby does.

It is also worth considering getting yourself some professional help; i.e., psychological therapy. Clearly you are doing WAY too much, carrying too much of a burden. You are bread-winner for all and care giver for your mother and husband. You are co-dependent and need some professional intervention in order to break this cycle.

Life is short. You are in a bad and depressing situation. You need to do whatever you need to do to extract yourself from your current situation and start a new life where YOU are number one!

I'm not putting my mom in a home as a first resort. We put 50% down on the compound in 2011 and it pays for itself. Dumping the compound would cost more than keeping it. Sometimes I agree with you about husband but usually not. Alanon has helped a lot. I have a real job currently but my family is more important. The hours are long, the work is thankless, the clothes are expensive and the competition is fierce.

I get what you say about codependent and enabling though. Thank you for that. I forget sometimes.

You have a husband with dependency issues? Poor thing. Can you take a lover? That will put things in perspective.

 

[Bonzi]

Can you narrow that down to 1 or 2 sentences... I'm ADHD...

 

[Muhammed]

Major lifestyle change -terrified and excited - thoughts please:

Here is my current situation. I work long hours as the Director (more like retail management but service, not inventory ... the title has always seemed off to me). When I took the position, the center closed every year for a week at Thanksgiving and 2 weeks Xmas through New Years. We have always been closed Fridays and Sundays.

Last year, the Board mandated all centers be open Fridays, the week of Thanksgiving except Thanksgiving day, and Xmas break except for Christmas day and New Year's day. My salary remained the same: $30K, 401k match up to 5% and half match the 6th%. Employer pays half my health insurance but none of husband's, who I am required to carry on my policy since my employer offers it. I am working 9am-7pm Mon-Thur, 12pm-7pm Fridays, and 9am-1pm every other Saturday, but someone ALWAYS calls in Saturday, so its every Saturday. I am very good at my job, but when you break it down, I'm averaging $12/hour and am paying $600+ per month for health insurance.

I live on a compound with 2 houses, a mobile, a cottage and a 24x30 shop with a bay, all on 3 acres. We rent out the largest house for 2K per month, which covers the mortgage, escrow (ins and taxes handled through that escrow acct), and about half the utilities for the compound. Only electric is metered separately. Water, garbage, cable, high speed internet, gas and septic are shared. I don't need much to live on but I do need something.

Mom has Hajimotos (sp), which is both hyperthyroid and hypothyroid at the same time, an autoimmune disease. She also has a deginerative spine disease (also autoimmune), stenosis and arthritis. She is deteriorating. She lives in the cottage behind my house so we have been able to provide for all her physical and emotional needs. My MIL, who also lives on the property has been an amazing help when I am working. Recently, she has been falling, losing time, and has been diagnosed with early dementia. I need to be home more.

Husband is a great guy overall, but has not been very reliable due to alcohol relapses every year or two, and bouts of agorophobia and general anxiety. He is excellent with property maintenance and improvements, including: renos, plumbing, electric, car repair and even cooking/cleaning. I plan to keep him unless he spirals back into the bottle.

I have applied for a cashier position at the family owned convenience store next door for a dependable income, although a cut. I truly love laundry, sooths my OCD, and there is a demand for pickup/dropoff laundry services due to the high volume of plant workers brought in for turnarounds. There are 90 plants in my area and several are on turnaround at any given time. I have 3 washers and 3 driers in our laundry room. My research shows it takes $5 per load at a washeteria, and they have to sit there for 2 hours. I am relatively confident I can pull in $500 per month with laundry (20 loads per month). If I dedicate one set of machines for cloth diapers, who knows? Cashiering will bring another $500 per month working weekends mostly but maybe some evenings. We can rent out half the shop for boat or rv storage for $125 per month. We can make it on that, but I am scared.

Thoughts?

Get someone in the family to become a CNA and join an agency. Then have your moms care taken care of by that agency and person. She gets good care and you put an extra grand in your monthly income.

Oh, I forgot to mention. Mom qualifies for assistance and I am eligible to be her caretaker. No idea the amount, but it would be something. Ive been giving her daily shots already, bathing her, driving her, etc. She has been eligible for about ten years, but we have managed well until now.

also, figure in healthcare costs, without your job.

go to healthcare.gov

Healthcare would be cheaper since husband makes $0. Right now I have to pay full rate for him because my employer allows spouses but does not pay any portion. Coverage would not be as good and deductibles would be high.

Get divorced and he'll qualify for Medicaid.