Love and Marriage

[DGS49]

In our culture (western civilization), marriage is the the cornerstone of society. It is a commitment to monogamy and to the support of any issue (kids).

My generation - largely mass foolishness - created the theme that a marriage license was "just a piece of paper." This was self-serving balderdash, and an excuse to go through life without commitment. Not the Peter Principle, but rather the Peter Pan Principle..."I won't grow up."

An elderly acquaintance of mine recently had a sequence of events in her life that crystalized one aspect of marriage disintegration: Her son, who had been in a cohabitating relationship for more than a decade, died suddenly, leaving a "partner" who had not worked worked for many years. The deceased son had no real wealth; he had purchased the house in which they lived, but there was no equity in it. And of course the surviving partner had no money to pay the mortgage loan.

So what was the matriarch's obligation to the surviving partner? Her son had declined to marry her - pointedly so, he often said that they had no intention of getting married. Their love was keeping them together...until it wasn't. The matriarch paid off the mortgage and told the survivor that at that point she was "on her own." But of course, this woman (in her early 40's) continued to come back, saying she needed money for one thing and another (taxes, etc.). Within a year after the son died, the mother also left us, and of course the surviving GF was not provided for in the will.

I guess my point is, while MARRIAGE is serious business, DECLINING TO MARRY is also serious business, with ramifications that the partners often overlook. And that goes in spades (can I still say that?) if there are kids involved.

I define "maturity" as the willingness to exert time and effort today for future benefit (gratification). There is a serious lack of maturity in today's America.

 

[SweetSue92]

In our culture (western civilization), marriage is the the cornerstone of society. It is a commitment to monogamy and to the support of any issue (kids).

My generation - largely mass foolishness - created the theme that a marriage license was "just a piece of paper." This was self-serving balderdash, and an excuse to go through life without commitment. Not the Peter Principle, but rather the Peter Pan Principle..."I won't grow up."

An elderly acquaintance of mine recently had a sequence of events in her life that crystalized one aspect of marriage disintegration: Her son, who had been in a cohabitating relationship for more than a decade, died suddenly, leaving a "partner" who had not worked worked for many years. The deceased son had no real wealth; he had purchased the house in which they lived, but there was no equity in it. And of course the surviving partner had no money to pay the mortgage loan.

So what was the matriarch's obligation to the surviving partner? Her son had declined to marry her - pointedly so, he often said that they had no intention of getting married. Their love was keeping them together...until it wasn't. The matriarch paid off the mortgage and told the survivor that at that point she was "on her own." But of course, this woman (in her early 40's) continued to come back, saying she needed money for one thing and another (taxes, etc.). Within a year after the son died, the mother also left us, and of course the surviving GF was not provided for in the will.

I guess my point is, while MARRIAGE is serious business, DECLINING TO MARRY is also serious business, with ramifications that the partners often overlook. And that goes in spades (can I still say that?) if there are kids involved.

I define "maturity" as the willingness to exert time and effort today for future benefit (gratification). There is a serious lack of maturity in today's America.

On a personal note:

My marriage to my husband, outside of God, has been the biggest joy of my life. It has not always been perfect or easy, I'm not saying that. But marrying him is easily the best decision I ever made.

Scientifically. Marriage is good for us. It is excellent for our children. It is grounding. It makes us healthier, and yes, more financially stable. God knew what He was doing, as He always does, when He instituted it.

One more observation: it may be that young marriages are making a comeback. Our daughter is 22 and knows several friends her age who are either engaged or on the verge. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing.

 

[Canon Shooter]

In our culture (western civilization), marriage is the the cornerstone of society. It is a commitment to monogamy and to the support of any issue (kids).

My generation - largely mass foolishness - created the theme that a marriage license was "just a piece of paper." This was self-serving balderdash, and an excuse to go through life without commitment. Not the Peter Principle, but rather the Peter Pan Principle..."I won't grow up."

An elderly acquaintance of mine recently had a sequence of events in her life that crystalized one aspect of marriage disintegration: Her son, who had been in a cohabitating relationship for more than a decade, died suddenly, leaving a "partner" who had not worked worked for many years. The deceased son had no real wealth; he had purchased the house in which they lived, but there was no equity in it. And of course the surviving partner had no money to pay the mortgage loan.

So what was the matriarch's obligation to the surviving partner? Her son had declined to marry her - pointedly so, he often said that they had no intention of getting married. Their love was keeping them together...until it wasn't. The matriarch paid off the mortgage and told the survivor that at that point she was "on her own." But of course, this woman (in her early 40's) continued to come back, saying she needed money for one thing and another (taxes, etc.). Within a year after the son died, the mother also left us, and of course the surviving GF was not provided for in the will.

I guess my point is, while MARRIAGE is serious business, DECLINING TO MARRY is also serious business, with ramifications that the partners often overlook. And that goes in spades (can I still say that?) if there are kids involved.

I define "maturity" as the willingness to exert time and effort today for future benefit (gratification). There is a serious lack of maturity in today's America.

Well, that's some valuable insight, and certainly on-point.

When my Dad died at age 80 in 2014, he was living in a single wide mobile home in upstate New York with his girlfriend. Dad had been married twice before and saw no reason to do it a third time, and neither did his significant other. When Dad passed, he had some small life insurance policies, about $40K in his bank account and a drawer filled with cash and gold. All told it clocked in right around $130K, give or take. Here's a photo of how he kept the cash. The purple bands were singles, fives and tens (along with everything else on top of the box), blue bands were $20's, and those without a band were $50's. The red band held all $100 bills:

His place was paid for years ago, so Judy, his girlfriend, didn't have to worry about that, but she was basically a housewife. She did some senior care on the side, but she hadn't had what would be considered a real job in probably 15 years, and there would still be bills to pay; insurance, electric, gas, cable, etc. Unfortunately, Dad's will listed only my brother and I as heirs. She was legally entitled to nothing.

Since Dad had been with her for so long (they were together for a longer period of time than my parents were), my brother and I certainly didn't want to leave her high and dry, and we knew that Dad wouldn't want that. The sad fact is that he should've made arrangements for her, and often spoke of doing that, but he just never did. So, we gave her the $40,000 from the bank account.

Sadly, had we decided not to help her, she would've had nothing.

I had my first will at age 22, written just prior to my first deployment oversea. Yeah, I really didn't have a pot to piss in, really, but what I did have needed to be spoken for. At that time everything I had would be left to my Mom. When I got married in 1985 I had a new will drawn up which left everything to my wife. Now, almost 40 years later, my situation is very different, so I had a new will drawn up. Basically, everything goes to my now-36 year old daughter, with the exception of a generous allocation for my smokin hot Puerto Rican girlfriend who is, all but for a piece of paper saying we're married, my wife.

A friend of mine passed away last year, and they guy didn't have a will. Talk about a mess. The guy was pretty well off; two houses, cars, a boat and a good amount of cash. The ensuing battle amongst his children for his money was disgusting and horrible to watch. Seeing what was once a close-knit family get so fractured over that has convinced me that not having a will is one of the worst things that a person can do to his family...

 

[DGS49]

One could write a book.

An acquaintance of mine died a few years ago. He was divorced with two grown daughters (91 and 21). After he died, his ex showed up, wearing her wedding band, and claiming that "Frank" had promised to re-marry her. Of course, she lawyered up, angling for a piece of the family trust fund and real estate, to which Frank had been entitled. Nobody actually knew whether this was true or not. SHE died suddenly before Frank's estate was finalized. What a mess.

 

[TheProgressivePatriot]

My marriage to my husband, outside of God, has been the biggest joy of my life. It has not always been perfect or easy, I'm not saying that. But marrying him is easily the best decision I ever made.

Scientifically. Marriage is good for us. It is excellent for our children. It is grounding. It makes us healthier, and yes, more financially stable. God knew what He was doing, as He always does, when He instituted it.

That is why I support same sex marriage. it is good for all the same reasons. I hope that you will agree

 

[TheProgressivePatriot]

In our culture (western civilization), marriage is the the cornerstone of society. It is a commitment to monogamy and to the support of any issue (kids).

My generation - largely mass foolishness - created the theme that a marriage license was "just a piece of paper." This was self-serving balderdash, and an excuse to go through life without commitment. Not the Peter Principle, but rather the Peter Pan Principle..."I won't grow up."

An elderly acquaintance of mine recently had a sequence of events in her life that crystalized one aspect of marriage disintegration: Her son, who had been in a cohabitating relationship for more than a decade, died suddenly, leaving a "partner" who had not worked worked for many years. The deceased son had no real wealth; he had purchased the house in which they lived, but there was no equity in it. And of course the surviving partner had no money to pay the mortgage loan.

So what was the matriarch's obligation to the surviving partner? Her son had declined to marry her - pointedly so, he often said that they had no intention of getting married. Their love was keeping them together...until it wasn't. The matriarch paid off the mortgage and told the survivor that at that point she was "on her own." But of course, this woman (in her early 40's) continued to come back, saying she needed money for one thing and another (taxes, etc.). Within a year after the son died, the mother also left us, and of course the surviving GF was not provided for in the will.

I guess my point is, while MARRIAGE is serious business, DECLINING TO MARRY is also serious business, with ramifications that the partners often overlook. And that goes in spades (can I still say that?) if there are kids involved.

I define "maturity" as the willingness to exert time and effort today for future benefit (gratification). There is a serious lack of maturity in today's America.

I fully agree that marriage is far more than a piece of paper. But I also believe that each individual and couple can and should define the meaning of marriage according to their own beliefs and sensibilities. At minimum it is a commitment to each other. But it does not have to be about monogamy or children. The unrealistic oath of monogamy has been a poison pill for many marriages and there are many successful marriages that do not involve children. My marriage of 32 yeas is testimony to both issues