Among Those Who Will Be Counting The Ballots
POLITICS·May 24, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
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U.S. — Though some recent data has indicated large percentages of voters are breaking toward former President Donald Trump, new polls show President Joe Biden still has a sizeable lead among people who will be counting the ballots.
Despite continuing to build what at times has appeared to be a massive lead, Trump reportedly still struggles to make gains among the small number of people who are in charge of counting votes in November.
"For whatever reason, he just can't seem to gain traction with people counting the ballots," said political analyst Blake Rumsey of the Institute of Collecting Information. "Even though he has made significant gains among multiple demographics and voting blocks, our polling of people who count the votes shows Biden still holding an obvious lead. Honestly, I don't even know if it's possible for Trump to win that group. They seem pretty devout."
When reached for comment regarding the new poll results, one ballot counter confirmed the data's accuracy. "Yeah, we're all pretty much in the tank for Biden," said the vote counter who requested to have his identity kept anonymous. "I would think that would have been pretty obvious with the way things went in 2020, but yeah. As one of the many hardcore leftists placed specifically in this position to influence the outcomes of elections, I can say confidently that I am voting for Joe Biden. And my vote means a lot, if you get what I mean. We make up the winner. That's what I mean."
At publishing time, the Biden campaign had put in a request to have the Federal Election Commission hire several million undocumented migrants to serve as extra ballot counters in November.
POLITICS·May 24, 2024 · BabylonBee.com
Click here to view this article with reduced ads.
U.S. — Though some recent data has indicated large percentages of voters are breaking toward former President Donald Trump, new polls show President Joe Biden still has a sizeable lead among people who will be counting the ballots.
Despite continuing to build what at times has appeared to be a massive lead, Trump reportedly still struggles to make gains among the small number of people who are in charge of counting votes in November.
"For whatever reason, he just can't seem to gain traction with people counting the ballots," said political analyst Blake Rumsey of the Institute of Collecting Information. "Even though he has made significant gains among multiple demographics and voting blocks, our polling of people who count the votes shows Biden still holding an obvious lead. Honestly, I don't even know if it's possible for Trump to win that group. They seem pretty devout."
When reached for comment regarding the new poll results, one ballot counter confirmed the data's accuracy. "Yeah, we're all pretty much in the tank for Biden," said the vote counter who requested to have his identity kept anonymous. "I would think that would have been pretty obvious with the way things went in 2020, but yeah. As one of the many hardcore leftists placed specifically in this position to influence the outcomes of elections, I can say confidently that I am voting for Joe Biden. And my vote means a lot, if you get what I mean. We make up the winner. That's what I mean."
At publishing time, the Biden campaign had put in a request to have the Federal Election Commission hire several million undocumented migrants to serve as extra ballot counters in November.
