Kids Hitting Parents

[Anathema]

Being a child that was beat depending on which way the wind blew, I know from experience that beating a child is non-productive....There are so many other ways of disciplining a child without violence...

Im on the opposite side..... corporal punishment was the ONLY thing that worked on me as a kid.

 

[Moonglow]

Being a child that was beat depending on which way the wind blew, I know from experience that beating a child is non-productive....There are so many other ways of disciplining a child without violence...

Im on the opposite side..... corporal punishment was the ONLY thing that worked on me as a kid.

In our family speaking at the dinner table was grounds for a whippin'..
They would spank you in advance for the next time..

 

[OldLady]

Being a child that was beat depending on which way the wind blew, I know from experience that beating a child is non-productive....There are so many other ways of disciplining a child without violence...

Im on the opposite side..... corporal punishment was the ONLY thing that worked on me as a kid.

Different strokes for different folks (no pun intended)

 

[Syriusly]

Parents are too afraid to hit their kids- this has been going on since the 90's. Is it a coincidence society is going to hell in a hand basket?

As opposed to parents being too eager to hit their kids?

People like you have been declaring that society is going to hell in a hand basket for the last 200 years. Just a sign that everything pisses you off.

 

[Spinster]

Being a child that was beat depending on which way the wind blew, I know from experience that beating a child is non-productive....There are so many other ways of disciplining a child without violence...

Im on the opposite side..... corporal punishment was the ONLY thing that worked on me as a kid.

It was the only thing tried back in the day, at least at my house. However, along with it there was respect being formed so that by time corporal punishment was no longer appropriate it was no longer needed.

 

[Anathema]

It was the only thing tried back in the day, at least at my house. However, along with it there was respect being formed so that by time corporal punishment was no longer appropriate it was no longer needed.

Actually my parents used several other forms of punishment wuth my two younger brothers. I was the one who didn't have a social life or other activities/interests they vould use as leverage. In terms of age.... my father used corporal punishment with me right up until I left for college.

 

[Bonzi]

Being a child that was beat depending on which way the wind blew, I know from experience that beating a child is non-productive....There are so many other ways of disciplining a child without violence...

Im on the opposite side..... corporal punishment was the ONLY thing that worked on me as a kid.

In our family speaking at the dinner table was grounds for a whippin'..
They would spank you in advance for the next time..

Beating/hitting for no reason (or an ungiven one) only creates fear and distrust.
This is true of "emotional/psychological" discipline as well -

While you are young and your mind is being "imprinted", if you learn you can't trust the 2 people in the world that should love you most, why would you think anyone else in the world would love or care for you?

 

[Spinster]

Being a child that was beat depending on which way the wind blew, I know from experience that beating a child is non-productive....There are so many other ways of disciplining a child without violence...

Im on the opposite side..... corporal punishment was the ONLY thing that worked on me as a kid.

In our family speaking at the dinner table was grounds for a whippin'..
They would spank you in advance for the next time..

Beating/hitting for no reason (or an ungiven one) only creates fear and distrust.
This is true of "emotional/psychological" discipline as well -

While you are young and your mind is being "imprinted", if you learn you can't trust the 2 people in the world that should love you most, why would you think anyone else in the world would love or care for you?

Actually worked counter to that thinking in my case. It made me hungry to trust, love, and care in hopes they would be different. Resulted in some real let downs along the way until I was fortunate enough to encounter the rare souls that could be trustworthy, loving and caring.

 

[ChrisL]

I remember a neighbor's son used to freak out and would sometimes hit her in the midst of his severe temper tantrums, but I found out later that he had a very severe case of ADHD and autism.

 

[Eaglewings]

I got stuck in a snow storm with a family who jumped to their son's every whine .. That is all he did , or have a hitting tantrum
.As soon as the storm stopped in 2 days I got out of there as fast as I could.

 

[TrinityPower]

My daughter has done it to me so many times I can't count. She was diagnosed with ADHD/Bi Polar finally some years ago. My ex did very little to discipline her. I was not able to...literally. Physical disability prevented me from hauling her to time out or even so much as letting her know what it felt like to be clobbered. It got bad and I did think of calling the police for help after I divorced. My friend came to help me one time because her daughter has the same problems. Getting them to go to school and stay there is a HUGE problem as well. Every day is a fight. My daughter doesn't clobber me as often anymore but going to school is a constant struggle. It has been very trying for me with a chronic disease to fight my own body and her resistance all these years. I thought her going to high school now would change it but it is still the same or worse. I have no answers to this issue but I can sure relate to the struggle of it all

 

[TrinityPower]

9, 10, 11 years old kicking me or hitting me, they are gonna get punched or kicked back. Period. There are repercussions to actions. They need to learn that.

Hmmm...sounds abusive to me. Should have just thrown a shoe...but that's none of my business

 

[flacaltenn]

Moderation Message:

Rather long off-topic feud with too many personal details deleted. This little drama needs to remain LEGAL and in the FZ. If it ever surfaces again in the open forums -- folks are gonna get dinged.

Thread reopened.

 

[Dhara]

If parents hit their kids regularly, then it should be no surprise when the kid starts hitting the parent.

 

[Esmeralda]

We're talking about middle/upper middle class kids who are 9,10,11 years old. Not babies or toddlers.

They know their parents can't retaliate, and most parents won't even enforce restrictions etc. either because it's too much of a hassle for THEM (the parents)....

Hitting your kids is not the way to discipline them. So, one thing that may be happening is that kids whose parents have hit them are hitting back.

When you use the word 'retaliate,' what do you mean? Do you mean parents can't hit their kids when the kids hit them? IMO if violence has been part of child management, it is a learned behavior...that is, kids learn to use violence when they don't get what they want.

 

[Esmeralda]

Well the problem with that is that parents can go to jail or get their kids taken away.
Kids are smart and know this and it's becoming a problem (I think) or could become a problem....

Kids need to be aware that if they report their parents for being abusive......it is THEY who get taken away

Good point.

 

[Esmeralda]

Yeah, you are asking the question, about 10 years too late. What can you do about a kid fighting with their parents? That's way too late to ask the question. You need to ask that when they are 2 years old.

The kids that are biting and kicking, are doing that because over the last dozen years of their life, they learned their parents would not fight back.

I remember my watching my father get smacked by a nephew, and that only happened once.... one time...

"well he's two! you can't punish him when he's two! It's cute!"

Bull crap..... TWO is when you need to teach them what they can and can't do. Because if you think you'll wait until he's 13 to tell him kick and slapping parents is not good, it's way way too late.

Again, I've seen this first hand. I had a relative who didn't do that with his DAUGHTER... and she came over while I was there, and she started breaking stuff and screaming and yelling, and abusing his wife, and he just sat there, and she just glared at him, and I could tell instantly that he had never stood up to her, and both she, and him, knew that he wasn't going to stop her at all.

What can you do about that? Crap, there is nothing you can do about that. The deed is done. The bad seed has been planted in wrong fields for a decade or more, and now you are just going to reap the whirl wind (to take a Biblical phrase).

The only solution you have at that point, is to disown your kids. Which is exactly what these parents absolutely won't do, which is why their kids abuse them.

Which, by the way... I would have no problem with.

See the problem is kids know you won't do jack, that's why you have no other options.

I have always known personally.... always knew this.... if I ever was caught by my father abusing my mother, he would disown me, write me out of the will, and cut off all communication with me. I could argue with my father now and then, but I *NEVER* had issue with my mother, because I knew he'd go WW3 on me. That's why I never caused a problem.

It's when you know the other person will fight back with brutal force, that you don't cause problems. It's the kids who know their parents won't do jack squat, that treat their parents like trash.

By the way, this is why women generally make terrible parents. Women want to just "talk it out" and such. My father had a paddle. Wooden paddle. If I acted up horrifically, he caused some horrific pain. That's why I treat him with respect and honor. He taught me right from wrong.

Women don't do that. "now how many times I have I told you Timmy".... yeah... you just told him. That's like nothing. He knows he can do whatever he wants, and all you'll do is "blaw blaw blaw.... blaw blaw!! Blaw.... sigh... blaw blaw blaw".

So what do you do once your kid is already abusing you....?

First, I'd have a paddle, and paddle his butt. Then I'd take away everything.... as in everything. No TV. No computers. No phones. No nothing. If needed, I would shut off the power to his room. Most bedrooms are on separate circuit breakers, and I'd flip his off. He'd be grounded.

If he want's to leave, he can. No 'allowance'. No nothing. No rides to sports. He wants to go to football practice, he can walk his butt there. Or arrange his own ride. I would do nothing for him. Nothing.

When he finds out how hard life is, when he doesn't get any free help from me... he'll either repent, and all will be forgiven... or if he's old enough to demand his own way, he's old enough to GET his own way. And go his own way, and it will be really sad, but I'll let him go.

Hitting your kids is like a teacher yelling and screaming at the class: both the battle and the war have been lost.

 

[Esmeralda]

well I certainly wasn't parent of the year. But, I can say neither of my kids ever said "I Hate You", hit me or threw temper tantrums (in public or private).

I was not even that great of a disciplinarian - I spoiled them rotten. Spent a lot of money on them on stuff. I honestly think I just got lucky because both of them are pretty successful, stable men (for now).

I am not sure what makes a kid like that - full of hate, rage and anger. Maybe you don't even have to be filled with those things to curse or hit your parents.... but if you are acting out, something is wrong. I just don't know if it's all on the parents, or if some of it is genetic. The families I have seen they may have one child like this and another not at all like this....

This is true, the idea of genetics---nature vs nurture. My brother was always very violent, from early childhood into adulthood. I was never violent, quite the opposite. Same parents, same household, same same. He did have some mild learning disabilities, but lots of kids with learning disabilities are not violent, so I don't think that is an excuse. And he got anything that was available at that time to help with problems in school, both learning and social.

 

[Esmeralda]

well they are not your responsibility - however, I suppose you do have to deal with them when they are around. But I would be willing to bet that they don't mess with you.....

You would be amazed at how much these little brats will do when they know they have mommy to go hide behind. Both of the mothers throw a fit when I even look harshly at their offspring. Especially since I've proven a willingness to take them in hand when necessary.

LOL Everything is the woman's fault, according to your skewed take on reality--and you want to beat your kids. You're a good role model, not.

 

[Esmeralda]

o i have that stare that makes kids qet ******* quiet.....i think they see it in my eyes....they get quiet and they sit the **** down....

The hairy eyeball is very effective. The quiet stare also makes them think

You're right. Silence and the look is more effective than losing control and hitting them, or yelling, etc. When you lose control, you've lost.