- Oct 31, 2012
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Jesus made an appearance at the Vatican today asking for more input on what exactly what people want to come to belief in him. He began by saying,
"Help me here people what more evidence do you want from me to put your faith in me? Well, let's see, you asked to see God. A really hard request, especially since no one has ever seen me, I'm kind of a private guy, but yea, I did it. Here I am, but no, you still did not believe. I didn't want to come but I came, yet nothing. No belief. Yea, seeing is believing, right? Wrong!!!! I should have known this would not work after parting the Red Sea and you still lost faith in me, and yea, my back still hurts after doing that, thanks for asking. So, what to do next? I decided to then do a bunch of miracles, you know the standard, heal the sick, heal the blind, raise the dead, yada, yada, yada. They finally seemed to believe, but who would write about me later on? I could do it myself, but anyone can do that, I need witnesses!! So, I had my followers write about the miracles I did. Yea, that would convince them. But then my own followers left me for dead on a cross. You would think that all those miracles would have been enough for them, but no, no, no, no, so I had to come back to life myself a second time!! Here I am people, I'm not really dead!! Over here!! Looky, looky looky. Ovey!! What a bunch of hard heads!! You would think I would not have to had come back to life after already showed them the resurrection miracle with Lazurus, but I had to do it again anyway. You remember stinky Laz, right? Dead three days and when I resurrected him my eyes flooded with tears for a week due to the stench. You remember, the Jesus wept scripture? The shortest verse in the Bible that all the kids like to recite because it is the easiest. Yea, that one. But after I convinced them to put their faith in me once again after being resurrected, I thought to myself, self,.................this is what I do, I talk to myself, what of it? Don't pretend you don't do the same. No one likes judgmental jerks........................Anyhew, I asked myself, what if people don't believe my followers who write about me? So, I had this guy Josephus write about me who did not even like me. In fact, he flipped me the bird once as I accidentally walked in front of him at the Synagogue as his friends laughed at me. Now I'm not saying the whole whipping everyone in the temple event had anything to do with this, but I'm not saying it didn't either. (wink, wink) But then I thought, what if they still don't believe? I know, I'll give them a picture. I know, I know, cameras not invented yet. Slackers!!! Get with the program people, I gave you the brains so just use them! Anyhew, I still found a way to still give them a picture of me anyway with this shroud thingy thinking that would be enough, but the next thing I hear is, many still do not believe. Let me guess, I'm going to have to come down there a third time!!!"
