Jason and the Fairies

[Abishai100]

I like stories about Occultism-mythology that feel like modern-era 'campfire tales'.

There's been a resurgence of noir neo-classical art as exhibited in the recent American TV series Gotham and Sleepy Hollow.


====

Jason Voorhees had entered the realm of the magical and optimistic fairies of the forests of the Pine Barrens in New Jersey (USA). Jason, the penultimate hockey-masked zombie obsessed with merciless serial killing for the revenge for his mother's death, somehow found the lamplit world of the existentialism imaginative (and no-kill policy-enforcing) fairies of the Pine Barrens. He met one of the female leaders of the tribe of forest-fairies, a green-colored female fairy named Elia who possessed a secret dust which she threw into the eyes of anyone pursuing or obstructing her.

When Jason ran towards Elia, the quick-footed green-fairy threw dust into his eyes through the portals of his unsightly hockey-mask, and Jason was blinded immediately. Elia tripped him up by swiping out his legs and taking his machete and lighting him on fire with some kerosene. As Jason lays squirming on the ground and burning, Elia sang and dance to the delight of the liberation of all realms of Earth from such a grotesque creature (or creation!). Elia knew there would be no other like-challengers to the safety and imagination-security of Earth-realms.

The American celebrities Tom Cruise and Jennifer Connelly, who had become 'America's Sweethearts' often cited as the titular characters representative in the film America's Sweethearts, wanted to do more than just be 'movie-stars,' so they started investigating the mystical Occultism in fairy-themed and Friday the 13th (Jason Voorhees) films. They stumbled upon a Pine Barrens local folk-myth about the real 'Jason' coming out of the imagination dimension/planar-reality of horror films to invade the imaginarium-authority of the crypto-fantasy optimism-ladled 'fairies' (tiny winged humanoids possessing magical powers). The two 'lovebirds' decided that Jason and fairies were real and that they would meet in some multi-realm arena.

As the Cruise-Connelly celebrity-turned-sleth duo assessed the realism of the now-iconic Jason-Fairy Hypothesis in the press and its relation to Dianetics marketing, people questioned the intellectual sanity of the seemingly overly-idealistic pair. However, Cruise produced an eerie photograph of a dead fairy laying on the grounds of the forests of the Pine Barrens, a green-colored fairy seemingly stricken dead by a gash across its tiny abdomen which what could only be some kind of blade. Many critics of the photo denounced it as an obvious hoax, but the Cruise-Connelly team insisted it was a successfully-collected sign of violence to Mother Nature. They did not realize they were unnecessarily goading the resurrected mischievous spirit of Jason Voorhees.

====

 

[Abishai100]

The Transylvanian Parallax


====

LaGrange was an eccentric French-Romanian priest who grew up as a street-orphan in Transylvania. Born to wartime parents (a soldier and a nurse), LaGrange had a genetic defect which rendered him a eunuch incapable of sexual reproduction. LaGrange decided to become a 'pedestrian optimism priest,' offering sermons about finding the 'thrill to live' in unusual places (e.g., nature poetry, storytelling, children's toys, Halloween, etc.) when faced with the challenge of a life-impairing handicap/deformity. Transylvania (manger of Dracula folklore) was a perfect place for LaGrange to do his missionary street-work, since the place catered to offbeat spiritualism.

When LaGrange was 30 years-old, he was satisfied with the kinds of spiritual outreach work he had done, but at that time, a new crime syndicate of radical Occultists named The Devil's Triangle rose to power in Transylvania. The 'gang' consisted of a Satan-worshipping 'harlot' named Shelbye who dressed up as a missionary wartime-nurse every Halloween and took kids trick-or-treating in Transylvania to give her gang (The Devil's Triangle) a 'social-work face.' The Devil's Triangle had become powerful and impressive indeed, and LaGrange noted that one of the 'spiritual stains' it created was an unnatural fascination with fortune. LaGrange decided to challenge the dominion of The Devil's Triangle.

The leader of The Devil's Triangle was a bravado-filled Russian prince-turned-warlord named Taj Gorbachev who danced with a chainsaw on the roof of his palace every Halloween Eve (while his 'girlfriend' Shelbye did her wartime-nurse costumed Halloween trick-or-treating 'deed'). Taj's gang (The Devil's Triangle) was involved in managing a Transylvania casino, an opium-trafficking operation, and a black market munitions-trade operation involving the IRA (Irish Republican Army), and ISIS (Middle Eastern terrorism organization). LaGrange believed his special brand of 'offbeat optimism' and 'pro-human metaphysics' catering to altruism and empathy would provide the right 'street-culture antidote' to the black influence of The Devil's Triangle.

LaGrange walked around every Halloween Eve dressed as a Catholic priest and carrying a variety of toy water-pistols which he would wield while saying to trick-or-treaters, "These anti-violence toys remind us of the simple humanism of toys every Halloween!" Taj caught wind of this 'offbeat metaphysics-vigilante' and had his goons bring LaGrange to his palace-fortress. Their conversation would crystallize in the mind of LaGrange the need for anti-crime crusades and would inspire Taj (and his 'girlfriend' Shelbye) to challenge all 'spiritual contenders.' The interplay between LaGrange and The Devil's Triangle would become a new 'folk story' in Transylvania, and people would conceive of the historical happening as a 'parallax of good versus evil.' Shelbye wondered what was on the flipside of this 'priesthood vanity mirror' --- it was of course Jason Voorhees (the machete-wielding zombie) and Elia (the green-colored fairy and 'optimism-muse').

LAGRANGE: Your Transylvania dominion will collapse under its own weight!
TAJ: Romanians do not feel satisfied with your brand of 'naive optimism.'
LAGRANGE: I will remind the people of the existence of 'empathy gargoyles.'
TAJ: No one is above temptation, LaGrange.
LAGRANGE: True, but everyone is curious about innocence.
TAJ: Romanians love my Transylvania casino.
LAGRANGE: You've made them drug-addicts.
TAJ: You think they're inspired by your 'old-man hygiene' talk?
LAGRANGE: People are willing to entertain images of 'spooky harlots.'
TAJ: You're being vain claiming to master the human will.
LAGRANGE: There's a difference between angst and hellfire.
TAJ: Romanians are *hypnotized* by my 'baroness' Shelbye.
LAGRANGE: Shelbye is the harlot of Babylon, and she needs magic.
TAJ: We all need magic, LaGrange.
LAGRANGE: You should consider becoming a 'Satanism monk.'
TAJ: Do you realize this 'world' we occupy is like the 'darkside'?
LAGRANGE: Spirits are points-of-light in any kind of 'war-zone.'
TAJ: You think I can be some kind of 'guru'?
LAGRANGE: Better a guru than a terrorist.
TAJ: I think you're the Jabberwocky of Transylvania.
LAGRANGE: I wonder what kinds of 'demons' we're invoking.
TAJ: Probably Jason Voorhees.

====


LaGrange





Shelbye & Taj