If it were all up to men......
* The bed would not get made. Ever.
* If a man tho't his girlfriend's shoes were silly he'd say, "Your shoes are silly", not "Those look great".
* Every man would still have the same haircut he had in third grade.
* All diamond mines would shut down, & the African civil wars they've spawned would sputter to a peaceful conclusion. Because instead of spending two months salary on a piece of ice, we'd spend it on a down payment on a modest beach house. We'd present the deed on one knee.
* No one would ever power walk again.
* Decisions would become final. Bathrooms would not get painted weird colors, then get repainted two days later. Friends would not get abruptly excommunicated only to be invited into the inner circle again after a good cry.
* Meg Ryan would be unemployed. Oprah Winfrey would return to sporadic acting jobs. Celine Dion would be arrested for crimes against humanity.
* Lacy bath towels would disappear from the earth, as would love seats. Homes wouldn't be nicer but their furnishings would make sense.
* National household savings would increase by 34%. The national household rate of doggy style would go up approximately 21%. The national household rate of kids cracking their heads open would rise 18%.
* Sadly, a number of men would die every year after their toenails grew so long they curled back on themselves & pierced vital organs.
* All male friendships would eventually collapse because no one would force us to apologize to each other.
*Relationships would progress as such: Meet a girl, have sex five minutes later, date for several years, move in together when kicked out by landlords, date some more, consider engagement & family life sometime around age 84.
* The human race would last maybe two more generations....and that's being generous.
* The bed would not get made. Ever.
* If a man tho't his girlfriend's shoes were silly he'd say, "Your shoes are silly", not "Those look great".
* Every man would still have the same haircut he had in third grade.
* All diamond mines would shut down, & the African civil wars they've spawned would sputter to a peaceful conclusion. Because instead of spending two months salary on a piece of ice, we'd spend it on a down payment on a modest beach house. We'd present the deed on one knee.
* No one would ever power walk again.
* Decisions would become final. Bathrooms would not get painted weird colors, then get repainted two days later. Friends would not get abruptly excommunicated only to be invited into the inner circle again after a good cry.
* Meg Ryan would be unemployed. Oprah Winfrey would return to sporadic acting jobs. Celine Dion would be arrested for crimes against humanity.
* Lacy bath towels would disappear from the earth, as would love seats. Homes wouldn't be nicer but their furnishings would make sense.
* National household savings would increase by 34%. The national household rate of doggy style would go up approximately 21%. The national household rate of kids cracking their heads open would rise 18%.
* Sadly, a number of men would die every year after their toenails grew so long they curled back on themselves & pierced vital organs.
* All male friendships would eventually collapse because no one would force us to apologize to each other.
*Relationships would progress as such: Meet a girl, have sex five minutes later, date for several years, move in together when kicked out by landlords, date some more, consider engagement & family life sometime around age 84.
* The human race would last maybe two more generations....and that's being generous.
