Hugs in Kindergarten

[Ravi]

I could care less. As long as the boys aren't in my daughter's bathroom.

I don't believe that for a minute. If you had a five year old boy that pretended to be a girl at school and the teacher let him, you'd be howling for that teacher's head.

 

[Jackson]

My 5-year-old just completed his first week of kindergarten. Already, this year is shaping up into a pain in the ass. I do not understand what it is with public school teachers that they all believe themselves to be infallible know-it-alls about the "right" way to think and be.


First day of school, I had lengthy meetings with Quinn's teacher, the principal, and the school counselor to discuss the behavior issues he's been having while he deals with the aftermath of my divorce (Primarily, he has an exaggerated dislike of change and transition, and has been very clingy and bad-tempered about the switch from preschool to kindergarten.) During this conversation, I explained to her why he often insists on being called, "Robin": he decided months ago that his father was Batman, he was Robin, and his older brother was Superman, and they fight "bad guys" together. His preschool just shrugged and went with it, not considering it worth a power struggle. His new teacher, however, informed me that she didn't believe in accommodating fantasies and was "really invested in making him live in reality and be Quinlan". I looked at her like a dog hearing a high-pitched sound and said, "I should explain that Quinlan's parents were both creative writing majors, his older brother is studying to be a video game designer, and we're members of the SCA. For Quinlan, this IS reality." Seriously, lady? You think your job is to define reality for kindergartners and make them reign in their imaginations? I shudder to think.

Now we have a new conflict. Quinlan is a very physically affectionate child, who lives in a very physically affectionate world. For several days now, the teacher has been reporting - in very disapproving tones - that he needs to learn to "stop touching people". By this, she means that he's prone to patting people on the arm or shoulder, either to get their attention or to tell them that he likes them.

Okay, fine. I'm not impressed, but I actually do get the issue. There are some freaky-weird parents in the world, and the teachers and schools are concerned about protecting themselves from accusations of molestation. It's lousy that kindergarten teachers can't hug their students when appropriate, but whatever. And those same parents probably have passed on all sorts of strange aversions to physical contact to their kids. I explained this to Quinlan, and told him that he needs to only hug and pat people that Mommy has told him are okay with that sort of behavior, because we don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

However, he came home last night and told me that "Hugs are only for mommies and daddies. No one else." Excuse me? You need to enforce your rules, but you won't be doing it by making negative value judgements to my kid about how his family works.

Hoo boy.

Don't stop the hugging and physical affection. Proven science physical sensation deprivation results in self-harm and violent behaviours.

"As a developmental neuropsychologist I have devoted a great deal of study to the peculiar relationship between violence and pleasure. I am now convinced that the deprivation of physical sensory pleasure is the principal root cause of violence. Laboratory experiments with animals show that pleasure and violence have a reciprocal relationship, that is, the presence of one inhibits the other. A raging, violent animal will abruptly calm down when electrodes stimulate the pleasure centers of its brain. Likewise, stimulating the violence centers in the brain can terminate the animal's sensual pleasure and peaceful behavior. When the brain's pleasure circuits are 'on,' the violence circuits are 'off,' and vice versa. Among human beings, a pleasure-prone personality rarely displays violence or aggressive behaviors, and a violent personality has little ability to tolerate, experience, or enjoy sensuously pleasing activities. As either violence or pleasure goes up, the other goes down."
Article Body Pleasure and the Origins of Violence

Better to hug and pat on the arm/back or other expressions of connection and affection than raise a child where those are bad things. Whole good touch/bad touch thing has had disatrous results. Because the result has been 'no touch ever' instead of differentiating between sexual and non-sexual contact.

I so agree with a hug, a pat, a smile and a high five! Every morning I stand at my door and greet my students with hugs if they wish and smiles. At the end of the day, I take them outside to their parents and some hug me and then their parents. It's a sort of "changing of the guard." lol.

I have had troubled students who can start to manifest undesirable behaviors unexpectedly such as running and pushing others, tearing up papers, banging their heads, going under their desks,etc. Sometimes, I can catch them at the beginning of the behavior and sit next to them while teaching and gently rub their back. I don't know why it works, but it calms them down, we go for a restroom break, where I continue with the child next to me, gently rubbing his back, and then tell him to get a drink. He is then easily takes his seat and begins to work.

Another child, I draw a picture of a sad kitty, and give him a brown crayon to "pet" the kitty with. I help him a few times and then he continues on his own in an almost hypnotic way. When I return, I change the mouth of the kitty and show him he made they kitty happy and give him his assignment again. He is able to work. Why, I am not sure.

But I think it has to do with comfortable touch and rhythm.

 

[Mr. H.]

Hey Cecilie any updates to share?

 

[ogibillm]

Those of you with children, don't send themto public schools.

Send them to private.

you really think a private school would be doing a kid any favors by calling him 'robin' instead of his name?

 

[Delta4Embassy]

I so agree with a hug, a pat, a smile and a high five! Every morning I stand at my door and greet my students with hugs if they wish and smiles. At the end of the day, I take them outside to their parents and some hug me and then their parents. It's a sort of "changing of the guard." lol.

I have had troubled students who can start to manifest undesirable behaviors unexpectedly such as running and pushing others, tearing up papers, banging their heads, going under their desks,etc. Sometimes, I can catch them at the beginning of the behavior and sit next to them while teaching and gently rub their back. I don't know why it works, but it calms them down, we go for a restroom break, where I continue with the child next to me, gently rubbing his back, and then tell him to get a drink. He is then easily takes his seat and begins to work.

Another child, I draw a picture of a sad kitty, and give him a brown crayon to "pet" the kitty with. I help him a few times and then he continues on his own in an almost hypnotic way. When I return, I change the mouth of the kitty and show him he made they kitty happy and give him his assignment again. He is able to work. Why, I am not sure.

But I think it has to do with comfortable touch and rhythm.

Starting with the premise there are no bad kids, just bad behaviours, I'd think when kids act negatively it's akin to a baby crying for something. A baby's only outlet and means of expression is crying so it does that. As kids get older, other ways of attracting attention become available and some act out in a negative fashion. But if they're given whatever they need, love and connection to others namely, I think the 'crying' stops. As with the reciprocal nature of pleasure and pain, provide one, the other shuts off. Hopefully they wont form a psychological link between negative acting out and pleasure-rewards.

 

[Jackson]

I so agree with a hug, a pat, a smile and a high five! Every morning I stand at my door and greet my students with hugs if they wish and smiles. At the end of the day, I take them outside to their parents and some hug me and then their parents. It's a sort of "changing of the guard." lol.

I have had troubled students who can start to manifest undesirable behaviors unexpectedly such as running and pushing others, tearing up papers, banging their heads, going under their desks,etc. Sometimes, I can catch them at the beginning of the behavior and sit next to them while teaching and gently rub their back. I don't know why it works, but it calms them down, we go for a restroom break, where I continue with the child next to me, gently rubbing his back, and then tell him to get a drink. He is then easily takes his seat and begins to work.

Another child, I draw a picture of a sad kitty, and give him a brown crayon to "pet" the kitty with. I help him a few times and then he continues on his own in an almost hypnotic way. When I return, I change the mouth of the kitty and show him he made they kitty happy and give him his assignment again. He is able to work. Why, I am not sure.

But I think it has to do with comfortable touch and rhythm.

Starting with the premise there are no bad kids, just bad behaviours, I'd think when kids act negatively it's akin to a baby crying for something. A baby's only outlet and means of expression is crying so it does that. As kids get older, other ways of attracting attention become available and some act out in a negative fashion. But if they're given whatever they need, love and connection to others namely, I think the 'crying' stops. As with the reciprocal nature of pleasure and pain, provide one, the other shuts off. Hopefully they wont form a psychological link between negative acting out and pleasure-rewards.

I don't think so. Those youngsters were (as time went on) able to control themselves without the "touch", just by being in my class, rather than being in specials (Art, music, gym). For some reason, we created a trust or a bond where it was absent in other classes. It could be also, that they didn't have the time spent in those classes as much as they have with me, however. Even so, my heart always went out to those troubled youngsters.

 

[gallantwarrior]

Poor Quinlan...

Sadly, given how college boys are being falsely accused of rape for innocuous or consensual behavior, it's best that he learn to not touch girls....

I'd hate to be HS girl these days from what I'm hearing happens to some of my daughters friends

High school? My 6th grade granddaughter was being sexually harassed by an 8th grader on the bus. He was soliciting hand jobs and blow jobs (both things my granddaughter has no knowledge of) and when she declined, he began physically abusing her. She did as she has been instructed in school and approached the adult bus driver for assistance, only to be told that he "only drives the bus". Little shitwad told my granddaughter to close her legs when they passed a road kill skunk. Good thing I'm not co-located. I'd probably be posting from jail because I would have gone down the street, kicked his ass, and then kicked his daddy's ass, too. At last inquiry, the school administrators will still "investigating".

 

[gallantwarrior]

Those of you with children, don't send themto public schools.

Send them to private.

It's almost cost prohibitive now. It's outrageous!

I homeschooled mine. But that isn't a viable solution for everyone, either.

 

[Jackson]

Poor Quinlan...

Sadly, given how college boys are being falsely accused of rape for innocuous or consensual behavior, it's best that he learn to not touch girls....

I'd hate to be HS girl these days from what I'm hearing happens to some of my daughters friends

High school? My 6th grade granddaughter was being sexually harassed by an 8th grader on the bus. He was soliciting hand jobs and blow jobs (both things my granddaughter has no knowledge of) and when she declined, he began physically abusing her. She did as she has been instructed in school and approached the adult bus driver for assistance, only to be told that he "only drives the bus". Little shitwad told my granddaughter to close her legs when they passed a road kill skunk. Good thing I'm not co-located. I'd probably be posting from jail because I would have gone down the street, kicked his ass, and then kicked his daddy's ass, too. At last inquiry, the school administrators will still "investigating".

Document and let the principal and the Director of Transportation know you are.

 

[gallantwarrior]

Adamant advocacy for your kids, and communication with the administrators and school board.

My daughter is in middle school. She's in journalism, which I was really excited about,,until I found out that they don't actually engage in journalism. All they do is watch "Channel 1" news that's piped into the classroom from God knows where...and they are only allowed to participate for 9 weeks, then they are rotated out and the next group of kids comes in.

Language Arts...which should be reading/writing, right? Guess what they're studying? THE BRAIN. Awesome!

In Band they were sent up to the library...

They put my daughter in remedial math...on the assumption that everybody in her class *needs* remedial math. Well she doesn't. So I had them put her in some sort of history class...where it appears the primary activity is reading. (And I'm actually okay with that).

What utter garbage. But we're coping...and the girl absolutely loves middle school. Of course she does..she's smart and so far they haven't taught her a single thing! It's like vacation!

Is there any way you can home school? Here, you can do a partial enrollment in public school and homeschool part time. My daughter was enrolled in JROTC and I homeschooled the rest. She got an education but was still able to access public school social amenities, like dances and games.

 

[gallantwarrior]

Poor Quinlan...

Sadly, given how college boys are being falsely accused of rape for innocuous or consensual behavior, it's best that he learn to not touch girls....

I'd hate to be HS girl these days from what I'm hearing happens to some of my daughters friends

High school? My 6th grade granddaughter was being sexually harassed by an 8th grader on the bus. He was soliciting hand jobs and blow jobs (both things my granddaughter has no knowledge of) and when she declined, he began physically abusing her. She did as she has been instructed in school and approached the adult bus driver for assistance, only to be told that he "only drives the bus". Little shitwad told my granddaughter to close her legs when they passed a road kill skunk. Good thing I'm not co-located. I'd probably be posting from jail because I would have gone down the street, kicked his ass, and then kicked his daddy's ass, too. At last inquiry, the school administrators will still "investigating".

Document and let the principal know you are.

I'm geographically dislocated...for now. I will not easily leave Alaska, but next summer I plan on packing it in, pulling stakes, and going South to be near the family...at least until the girls are through school. I am hoping to convince the girls to home school. Their dad makes their agreement to the program a prerequisite to homeschooling. I'm thinking, it's not going to be a hard sell.

 

[Unkotare]

Where does kindergarten start at the beginning of August?

 

[Samson]

Poor Quinlan...

Sadly, given how college boys are being falsely accused of rape for innocuous or consensual behavior, it's best that he learn to not touch girls....

I'd hate to be HS girl these days from what I'm hearing happens to some of my daughters friends

High school? My 6th grade granddaughter was being sexually harassed by an 8th grader on the bus. He was soliciting hand jobs and blow jobs (both things my granddaughter has no knowledge of) and when she declined, he began physically abusing her. She did as she has been instructed in school and approached the adult bus driver for assistance, only to be told that he "only drives the bus". Little shitwad told my granddaughter to close her legs when they passed a road kill skunk. Good thing I'm not co-located. I'd probably be posting from jail because I would have gone down the street, kicked his ass, and then kicked his daddy's ass, too. At last inquiry, the school administrators will still "investigating".

Document and let the principal and the Director of Transportation know you are.

Indeed!



Most parents do not realize that the school system, like any bureaucracy, is unmoved until documentation is produced. Also, most parents do not bother to familiarize themselves with the documents, or the process through which those documents are escalated. Why? Well it is not all the parents fault: School districts typically do not advertise how the process works. My theory is this is purposefully done to prevent being overwhelmed with petty complaints, but it also serves to allow the bureaucracy to ignore major complaints.

 

[Jackson]

Poor Quinlan...

Sadly, given how college boys are being falsely accused of rape for innocuous or consensual behavior, it's best that he learn to not touch girls....

I'd hate to be HS girl these days from what I'm hearing happens to some of my daughters friends

High school? My 6th grade granddaughter was being sexually harassed by an 8th grader on the bus. He was soliciting hand jobs and blow jobs (both things my granddaughter has no knowledge of) and when she declined, he began physically abusing her. She did as she has been instructed in school and approached the adult bus driver for assistance, only to be told that he "only drives the bus". Little shitwad told my granddaughter to close her legs when they passed a road kill skunk. Good thing I'm not co-located. I'd probably be posting from jail because I would have gone down the street, kicked his ass, and then kicked his daddy's ass, too. At last inquiry, the school administrators will still "investigating".

Document and let the principal and the Director of Transportation know you are.

Indeed!



Most parents do not realize that the school system, like any bureaucracy, is unmoved until documentation is produced. Also, most parents do not bother to familiarize themselves with the documents, or the process through which those documents are escalated. Why? Well it is not all the parents fault: School districts typically do not advertise how the process works. My theory is this is purposefully done to prevent being overwhelmed with petty complaints, but it also serves to allow the bureaucracy to ignore major complaints.

A very smart teacher will do the same...document most conversations with parents. and keep notes from parents and copies of notes to parents.

If there is a question about what a parents has said, what a teacher has said, documentation is best to have. If a parent balks about a student being recommended for retention, the parent may say they were never told the child was having problems. Along with the due process letters, report card grades, it would be nice to have the copies of notes sent home, signed, the number of requests for conferences, the number of phone calls made, and the number of conferences held, who attended and what was discussed. All the teacher has to say is I did what I could."

 

[Samson]

Poor Quinlan...

Sadly, given how college boys are being falsely accused of rape for innocuous or consensual behavior, it's best that he learn to not touch girls....

I'd hate to be HS girl these days from what I'm hearing happens to some of my daughters friends

High school? My 6th grade granddaughter was being sexually harassed by an 8th grader on the bus. He was soliciting hand jobs and blow jobs (both things my granddaughter has no knowledge of) and when she declined, he began physically abusing her. She did as she has been instructed in school and approached the adult bus driver for assistance, only to be told that he "only drives the bus". Little shitwad told my granddaughter to close her legs when they passed a road kill skunk. Good thing I'm not co-located. I'd probably be posting from jail because I would have gone down the street, kicked his ass, and then kicked his daddy's ass, too. At last inquiry, the school administrators will still "investigating".

Document and let the principal and the Director of Transportation know you are.

Indeed!



Most parents do not realize that the school system, like any bureaucracy, is unmoved until documentation is produced. Also, most parents do not bother to familiarize themselves with the documents, or the process through which those documents are escalated. Why? Well it is not all the parents fault: School districts typically do not advertise how the process works. My theory is this is purposefully done to prevent being overwhelmed with petty complaints, but it also serves to allow the bureaucracy to ignore major complaints.

A very smart teacher will do the same...document most conversations with parents. and keep notes from parents and copies of notes to parents.

If there is a question about what a parents has said, what a teacher has said, documentation is best to have. If a parent balks about a student being recommended for retention, the parent may say they were never told the child was having problems. Along with the due process letters, report card grades, it would be nice to have the copies of notes sent home, signed, the number of requests for conferences, the number of phone calls made, and the number of conferences held, who attended and what was discussed. All the teacher has to say is I did what I could."

Very, very true.

And I am as amazed at the number of teachers that do not realize this as I am parents that are unaware of the critical nature of documentation: Document Everything. CYA is the Game. Its not an easy game; Time consuming, and tedious, but the more it is practiced the easier it becomes. It is no surprise that the subject is not part of Teacher Education Training. If I designed such training, teachers would be required to take at least 9 credit hours of the subject as part of heir required degree plan, but then I'd probably end up graduating very few teachers as all would happily switch majors before being tormented by courses called, EDU 101: Documentation, and, EDU 102: Record Keeping, and EDU 201: DETAILED Record Keeping.

 

[saveliberty]

Appropriate touching seems reasonable. Humans need a certain level of contact with others. PDA in high schools is an issue, so when does the school start to shift?

Long term will "Robin" want to be called Robin? Probably not.

Short term is it really addressing the underlying issue? Nope. Better to use some strategies like Jackson employs and work through it, versus accommodate behavior.

I would find it a teaching challenge if students changed their name at will in kindergarten.

 

[Jackson]

I'd hate to be HS girl these days from what I'm hearing happens to some of my daughters friends

High school? My 6th grade granddaughter was being sexually harassed by an 8th grader on the bus. He was soliciting hand jobs and blow jobs (both things my granddaughter has no knowledge of) and when she declined, he began physically abusing her. She did as she has been instructed in school and approached the adult bus driver for assistance, only to be told that he "only drives the bus". Little shitwad told my granddaughter to close her legs when they passed a road kill skunk. Good thing I'm not co-located. I'd probably be posting from jail because I would have gone down the street, kicked his ass, and then kicked his daddy's ass, too. At last inquiry, the school administrators will still "investigating".

Document and let the principal and the Director of Transportation know you are.

Indeed!



Most parents do not realize that the school system, like any bureaucracy, is unmoved until documentation is produced. Also, most parents do not bother to familiarize themselves with the documents, or the process through which those documents are escalated. Why? Well it is not all the parents fault: School districts typically do not advertise how the process works. My theory is this is purposefully done to prevent being overwhelmed with petty complaints, but it also serves to allow the bureaucracy to ignore major complaints.

A very smart teacher will do the same...document most conversations with parents. and keep notes from parents and copies of notes to parents.

If there is a question about what a parents has said, what a teacher has said, documentation is best to have. If a parent balks about a student being recommended for retention, the parent may say they were never told the child was having problems. Along with the due process letters, report card grades, it would be nice to have the copies of notes sent home, signed, the number of requests for conferences, the number of phone calls made, and the number of conferences held, who attended and what was discussed. All the teacher has to say is I did what I could."

Very, very true.

And I am as amazed at the number of teachers that do not realize this as I am parents that are unaware of the critical nature of documentation: Document Everything. CYA is the Game. Its not an easy game; Time consuming, and tedious, but the more it is practiced the easier it becomes. It is no surprise that the subject is not part of Teacher Education Training. If I designed such training, teachers would be required to take at least 9 credit hours of the subject as part of heir required degree plan, but then I'd probably end up graduating very few teachers as all would happily switch majors before being tormented by courses called, EDU 101: Documentation, and, EDU 102: Record Keeping, and EDU 201: DETAILED Record Keeping.

Most teachers don't even give documentation a thought as they don't give creating a rapport with parents a thought. Both of these items are so important and can get you out of a jam if one should arise. As a teacher, I learned and as a Teacher Consultant I shared these secrets with other teachers. You want parents to believe in you and the best way is to have their child progress in school but it always helps that you stand tall in their eyes. Most teachers are parents, so they know how they would feel if they received a "good note" from their child's teacher about their manners and/or improvement and hard work. They would think highly of the teacher and their child. A double win!

 

[Unkotare]

Language Arts...which should be reading/writing, right? Guess what they're studying? THE BRAIN. Awesome!!

Wow, that is awesome.

 

[Unkotare]

Most teachers don't even give documentation a thought as they don't give creating a rapport with parents a thought. !

You know what "most teachers" think? That's pretty impressive.

 

[Jackson]

Most teachers don't even give documentation a thought as they don't give creating a rapport with parents a thought. !

You know what "most teachers" think? That's pretty impressive.

I don't know if you are being sarcastic. I was a Teacher Consultant.