Hugs in Kindergarten

[koshergrl]

Come in dressed butch and tell her how it needs to be.

 

[gallantwarrior]

My 5-year-old just completed his first week of kindergarten. Already, this year is shaping up into a pain in the ass. I do not understand what it is with public school teachers that they all believe themselves to be infallible know-it-alls about the "right" way to think and be.

First day of school, I had lengthy meetings with Quinn's teacher, the principal, and the school counselor to discuss the behavior issues he's been having while he deals with the aftermath of my divorce (Primarily, he has an exaggerated dislike of change and transition, and has been very clingy and bad-tempered about the switch from preschool to kindergarten.) During this conversation, I explained to her why he often insists on being called, "Robin": he decided months ago that his father was Batman, he was Robin, and his older brother was Superman, and they fight "bad guys" together. His preschool just shrugged and went with it, not considering it worth a power struggle. His new teacher, however, informed me that she didn't believe in accommodating fantasies and was "really invested in making him live in reality and be Quinlan". I looked at her like a dog hearing a high-pitched sound and said, "I should explain that Quinlan's parents were both creative writing majors, his older brother is studying to be a video game designer, and we're members of the SCA. For Quinlan, this IS reality." Seriously, lady? You think your job is to define reality for kindergartners and make them reign in their imaginations? I shudder to think.

Now we have a new conflict. Quinlan is a very physically affectionate child, who lives in a very physically affectionate world. For several days now, the teacher has been reporting - in very disapproving tones - that he needs to learn to "stop touching people". By this, she means that he's prone to patting people on the arm or shoulder, either to get their attention or to tell them that he likes them.

Okay, fine. I'm not impressed, but I actually do get the issue. There are some freaky-weird parents in the world, and the teachers and schools are concerned about protecting themselves from accusations of molestation. It's lousy that kindergarten teachers can't hug their students when appropriate, but whatever. And those same parents probably have passed on all sorts of strange aversions to physical contact to their kids. I explained this to Quinlan, and told him that he needs to only hug and pat people that Mommy has told him are okay with that sort of behavior, because we don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

However, he came home last night and told me that "Hugs are only for mommies and daddies. No one else." Excuse me? You need to enforce your rules, but you won't be doing it by making negative value judgements to my kid about how his family works.

Hoo boy.

I've noticed that. And everyone knows that education is one of the degrees you get when you can't manage the math and science for a real degree.

My major is in business, and other than teaching I run my own successful online business. I assure you that I'm more than capable of work outside of teaching.

You have to keep in mind the threat of teaching and molestation charges are VERY real. My personal rule is that I will shake their hands or give them high-fives. NOTHING else. EVER. A teacher should never even ever be in the same room as a student if there's only one of them. Not under ANY circumstance. Anybody who thinks that's paranoia has never dealt with students before (these kids aren't as sweet as their parents think they are), or worse dealt with the crazy parents.

Every once in a blue moon I'll have a female student give me a hug. I just put my hands into the air and start to backup and make sure that others see it happening. It's sad because it's completely innocent and it hurts their feelings. But it's what it is. I don't want to get fired, or even worse be accused of a heinous crime that will follow me and my family around for the rest of my life just to protect the feelings of a student (who'll get over it by the next day). If somebody can't understand that--I don't know what else to say. You just don't get it I guess.

Again, unintended consequences of our out-of-kilter, PC world. Too bad lawyers and litigation rule our lives.

 

[Jackson]

Parents will not be able to hand pick the teachers for their children throughout the school careers. The best preparation you can give your children is to teach them to follow directions.

Do not fall into the trap of making excuses for your children, but teach them to follow rules, sit for expanded times without getting of their seats as at dinner, and be quiet while others are talking.

You won't be doing them any favors by doing any less. (Now, those parents that are the first to jump all over this post are the exact parents I am talking to!)

 

[koshergrl]

Wow you sound like a teacher.

I did my son a huge disservice when I didn't insist that he be put into the blended classroom last year. Even the superintendent admitted it.

If you don't feel good about your kid's teacher, make them put him with someone else. We don't have to *make due* with whatever they dictate. If it isn't working, it's not working, and you don't have to subject your kid to that sort of garbage.

My kid spent the last year with a teacher who was trying to get her feet under her, while coping with an age group she had never taught before, and who she didn't know. The year before that, he was placed in a young class that completely bored the shit out of him, and allowed him to establish *lazy* habits, because the rest of the class was not as capable as he was.

This year, I want him to have an experienced teacher who knows him, in a classroom with other TAG kids who will challenge him.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

 

[Manonthestreet]

Poor Quinlan...

Sadly, given how college boys are being falsely accused of rape for innocuous or consensual behavior, it's best that he learn to not touch girls....

I'd hate to be HS girl these days from what I'm hearing happens to some of my daughters friends

 

[Jackson]

Wow you sound like a teacher.

I did my son a huge disservice when I didn't insist that he be put into the blended classroom last year. Even the superintendent admitted it.

If you don't feel good about your kid's teacher, make them put him with someone else. We don't have to *make due* with whatever they dictate. If it isn't working, it's not working, and you don't have to subject your kid to that sort of garbage.

My kid spent the last year with a teacher who was trying to get her feet under her, while coping with an age group she had never taught before, and who she didn't know. The year before that, he was placed in a young class that completely bored the shit out of him, and allowed him to establish *lazy* habits, because the rest of the class was not as capable as he was.

This year, I want him to have an experienced teacher who knows him, in a classroom with other TAG kids who will challenge him.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

Do you make a habit of picking the teacher for your son and making excuses for him? Does he not excel in one class and you insist it is the fault of the teacher? I agree, new teachers are generally not the best, but they are some of the most enthusiastic and trying the hardest.

And there are some notoriously bad teachers. So, a change would be in order for those who cannot learn on their own.

My own grandson in first year high school in all AP and Honors classes, getting all A's except.... are you ready for this? One F! The teacher was out sick the first of the year, came back and gave them a surprise test on 70 vocabulary words the day he showed up. Everyone failed. He won't meet with parents. He just says there will be more tests to make up the grades. We told "JIM" study like crazy and get that grade up. Only Human Geography teacher there is I guess. I'm not even sure what Human Geography is!

 

[koshergrl]

Obviously, I don't make a habit of it.

As I said already, and as I said to the superintendent, I want my talented and gifted child to have one year where he's with an acknowledged, seasoned, successful teacher who will challenge him, and who is a known entity, so I can be sure that when I address whatever problems he may have developed over the last two years with crap teachers, I know that I'm addressing HIS problems, and not problems CREATED by a piss poor teacher.

The superintendent completely agreed with me. She contacted the principal as soon as she heard from me, and emailed me back within MINUTES to say "Mr. H is taking care of this today."

She also shared that she has TAG boys as well, and completely supported my advocacy of my son.

Anything else?

 

[Jackson]

Obviously, I don't make a habit of it.

As I said already, and as I said to the superintendent, I want my talented and gifted child to have one year where he's with an acknowledged, seasoned, successful teacher who will challenge him, and who is a known entity, so I can be sure that when I address whatever problems he may have developed over the last two years with crap teachers, I know that I'm addressing HIS problems, and not problems CREATED by a piss poor teacher.

The superintendent completely agreed with me. She contacted the principal as soon as she heard from me, and emailed me back within MINUTES to say "Mr. H is taking care of this today."

She also shared that she has TAG boys as well, and completely supported my advocacy of my son.

Anything else?

No. Well done. My son was in the first grade when I knew he wasn't being taught on grade level and went to the principal only to find out that no student in the school was on grade level! Since I was a Reading Specialist and knew they were using the wrong books, I had no confidence in the school leadership or the teachers at all. I put my son in private school and never looked back. I don't blame you. I did what I had to do, too. But my son had to meet very high standards to stay there. That's all I am saying. Make sure the kids are meeting high standards.

 

[koshergrl]

It's really hard to make sure they're meeting high standards when the teachers say up front they aren't able to keep them up to standard in the classroom.

 

[skye]

Those of you with children, don't send themto public schools.

Send them to private.

 

[Jackson]

It's really hard to make sure they're meeting high standards when the teachers say up front they aren't able to keep them up to standard in the classroom.

The teachers say they are teaching up to standards? That's not encouraging. As long as you child is getting good grades, there isn't much more they can do. I didn't mean to doubt you earlier.

 

[koshergrl]

Ok.

Oh wait, I can't afford to do that. And there are no local private schools.

My kids went their first years to a charter school, and when they moved into public school, they were two grades ahead of their classmates.

They've lost ground every year since....I also pointed that out to the superintendent and the principal, lol.

 

[Jackson]

Those of you with children, don't send themto public schools.

Send them to private.

It's almost cost prohibitive now. It's outrageous!

 

[skye]

Ok.

Oh wait, I can't afford to do that. And there are no local private schools.

My kids went their first years to a charter school, and when they moved into public school, they were two grades ahead of their classmates.

They've lost ground every year since....I also pointed that out to the superintendent and the principal, lol.

It's almost cost prohibitive now. It's outrageous!

it seems to me its all the way downhill for children then.... they are doomed

publics schools are a hotbed of liberal, progressive, PC sickness.... there is no way out.

 

[koshergrl]

Adamant advocacy for your kids, and communication with the administrators and school board.

My daughter is in middle school. She's in journalism, which I was really excited about,,until I found out that they don't actually engage in journalism. All they do is watch "Channel 1" news that's piped into the classroom from God knows where...and they are only allowed to participate for 9 weeks, then they are rotated out and the next group of kids comes in.

Language Arts...which should be reading/writing, right? Guess what they're studying? THE BRAIN. Awesome!

In Band they were sent up to the library...

They put my daughter in remedial math...on the assumption that everybody in her class *needs* remedial math. Well she doesn't. So I had them put her in some sort of history class...where it appears the primary activity is reading. (And I'm actually okay with that).

What utter garbage. But we're coping...and the girl absolutely loves middle school. Of course she does..she's smart and so far they haven't taught her a single thing! It's like vacation!

 

[koshergrl]

They read one book during the whole year in Language Arts..it's some book about an Indian kid that I've never heard of. They don't have a text book..there are three text books for the entire class, kept in the class. They don't want those kids to accidentally read something ahead of time, or screw up and read a short story that's not assigned or something equally heinous!

 

[Alex.]

Circumvent the teacher, go see the the school psychologist and set up advocacy for your child. The teacher has no business knowing, interpreting or diagnosing your child's emotional state or well being unless it is through the process offered by qualified personnel.

 

[koshergrl]

And speak to the superintendent and principal and tell them you aren't interested in hearing her opinions on your methods, and you want the negative commentary to cease and desist. If you are okay with your kid being called by a nickname, that's none of their business.

I had two boys who went by their middle names instead of their first names...which was a tradition for the men in my family.

It drove the teachers insane, they couldn't wrap their tiny brains around it.

 

[Jackson]

When I was approached by a parent about calling a child another name other than their given name I had a problem with it only because I teach 1st grade and teach the children to write their names. O told the mother, once the child could write his given name without a model, then he could write his nickname and given name on his papers. I would then call him his nickname (If I could remember to do so.)

 

[koshergrl]

Why not just teach him to write the name he goes by?

Seriously. Indians often go by nicknames...if your student is named "Gina" but goes by "Pod" and that's the name her folks call her, who are you to refuse to teach her to spell that name?