Just my opinion but this is way too flowery - it reads more like prose than commentary and critique.
In my own experience, most C-level execs would only read part of this and come to the conclusion that you are more intent on kissing buttocks than of presenting your concerns. Obviously you put a great deal of thought into composing the message, and that you wanted to offer options to enhance the company's current business model. Finding the correct balance of critique and "sensitivity" is something which takes a great deal of time to hone.
The key to successful critiques is to present your opinions with confidence. Confidence allows us to be concise. Lack of confidence leads us to ramble on. Just beware that too much confidence can come off as arrogance; and that too , can present problems.
ADDED: Another possibility would be to not include ALL of the specifics in your letter, and instead use a bit broader strokes when painting your critique. Doing so brings brevity and conciseness to your letter, and opens the door for the upper levels of management to meet with you and discuss your thoughts in greater detail.
Hope this helps!