Have to speak candidly, I was assaulted by my wife and she was arrested. Advice please, even to those who disagree with me.

[shockedcanadian]

Get on with your life and wish her well. She isn't going to stop abusing you.

It's complicated and getting more.complicated. I will wait to.confirm.before I talk about it.

 

[Ordinary Guy]

You are the biggest part of the problem as you did nothing as this progressed. It is like bad parents that do nothing with their bratty ass kids. This has gone on long enough you could have had lots of evidence, but instead like shitty parents you ignored her behavior

 

[BULLDOG]

It's peculiar that of all the posts I have made on here the one in which I report that I had been rendered deaf with tinnitus in one ear due to a beating from a detective and abused with a stick on my groin by his partner, as an underage teen I might add; deserves the "delete" function by the mods, especially as Donald H was involved in the conversation.

By the way, I wasn't charged with a crime. Still don't have a criminal record for all the abuse I have suffered from.

You'd think of any nation, Americans would understand abuse and violation of Rights, you fought many wars, including Independence to achieve it. What say the mods? Who benefits when you protect abusers from over 30 years ago?

I didn't know Mr. Gower became a detective.

 

[shockedcanadian]

You are the biggest part of the problem as you did nothing as this progressed. It is like bad parents that do nothing with their bratty ass kids. This has gone on long enough you could have had lots of evidence, but instead like shitty parents you ignored her behavior

Possibly. Again, it's complicated. One has to hold onto their principles and their Faith. If not, what are we as a civilization?

 

[Ordinary Guy]

Possibly. Again, it's complicated. One has to hold onto their principles and their Faith. If not, what are we as a civilization?

ignoring bad behavior is not a principle to hold on to

 

[surada]

Don't waste your money on a lawyer. You are going to lose with or without a lawyer. Just sit around and wait for the outcome. Roll with the punches. No pun intended. She wants to hurt you so she will. You can't avoid it. A lawyer will make things as bad as they possibly can so that they can charge you more and more money to clean up the mess. Plead guilty or no contest to whatever bull crap comes up. Yes. It sucks but trust me. A lawyer will make the problem 10 times worse.

Come back and read this thread in a year because I am pretty sure if you ignore me now you will listen to me in a year and agree with me. There is no good lawyer.

No good lawyers? Hogwash.

 

[shockedcanadian]

Don't waste your money on a lawyer. You are going to lose with or without a lawyer. Just sit around and wait for the outcome. Roll with the punches. No pun intended. She wants to hurt you so she will. You can't avoid it. A lawyer will make things as bad as they possibly can so that they can charge you more and more money to clean up the mess. Plead guilty or no contest to whatever bull crap comes up. Yes. It sucks but trust me. A lawyer will make the problem 10 times worse.

Come back and read this thread in a year because I am pretty sure if you ignore me now you will listen to me in a year and agree with me. There is no good lawyer.

I would need a lawyer if I am accused of anything other than the min. self defense I needed. My rib still hurts when I lie on the one side she hit me with, I think it is related to the other times she hit my ribs with her cane like a bat. I was lying on the couch defenseless and I'm starting to wonder if she had an ulterior motive as much as I am supposed to be loyal to my wife.

I have tried to minimize her outcome, but if I am the target, her motivations and actions will be exposed, this is one step I cannot avoid if she chooses that path.

 

[surada]

I would need a lawyer if I am accused of anything other than the min. self defense I needed. My rib still hurts when I lie on the one side she hit me with, I think it is related to the other times she hit my ribs with her cane like a bat. I was lying on the couch defenseless and I'm starting to wonder if she had an ulterior motive as much as I am supposed to be loyal to my wife.

I have tried to minimize her outcome, but if I am the target, her motivations and actions will be exposed, this is one step I cannot avoid if she chooses that path.

If a spouse hit me I'd be gone like a shot. You aren't being virtuous... You're being a speed bump.

 

[shockedcanadian]

If a spouse hit me I'd be gone like a shot. You aren't being virtuous... You're being a speed bump.

I have invested too many years and tears. Maybe when I rebuild my confidence with work etc I can consider this. It's a difficult position that I am in though I am starting to come around to understanding the situation especially with the way she reacted after attacking ME!

God is important, but he can also guide me to do what is proper.

 

[presonorek]

You'd think of any nation, Americans would understand abuse and violation of Rights, you fought many wars, including Independence to achieve it.

That's all fantasy. Americans aren't Americans. Too few people care that we have lost our rights. They are already gone anyways. There is nothing to fight to protect. In America if you are charged with a crime then you will be convicted. There is no away around it.

 

[presonorek]

I didn't know Mr. Gower became a detective.

Who is Mr. Gower?

 

[presonorek]

If a spouse hit me I'd be gone like a shot. You aren't being virtuous... You're being a speed bump.

I am leaving my wife as soon as I accumulate $6,000. Currently I have $0.00 so it might take 6 months to a year. Leaving isn't all that easy. It takes years for most people.

 

[presonorek]

I would need a lawyer if I am accused of anything

That is a myth. You can lose just fine without a lawyer.

A lawyer will guarantee not only your defeat he will make it worse and worse. The more complicated he can make your life, the more it will cost you to clean up the mess. Swallow your ego. You are going to lose. Lose without a lawyer. Maybe you won't get charged with anything but if you do you will be convicted whether you did it or not. That is bad but it is minimally bad. The lawyer will dig a ginormous hole for you and tell you encouraging glamorous things the whole time. He will act like there is no way you can lose. Believe me now or believe me later. It is up to you. A lawyer will jack you up and you'll be begging to be abused by your wife again.

 

[shockedcanadian]

That is a myth. You can lose just fine without a lawyer.

A lawyer will guarantee not only your defeat he will make it worse and worse. The more complicated he can make your life, the more it will cost you to clean up the mess. Swallow your ego. You are going to lose. Lose without a lawyer. Maybe you won't get charged with anything but if you do you will be convicted whether you did it or not. That is bad but it is minimally bad. The lawyer will dig a ginormous hole for you and tell you encouraging glamorous things the whole time. He will act like there is no way you can lose. Believe me now or believe me later. It is up to you. A lawyer will jack you up and you'll be begging to be abused by your wife again.

Of course I would need a lawyer if she lies. There is no way one faces allegations without speaking the truth with the support of a lawyer. At the very least, others can read he case afterwards with great interest. I won't hard false witness not Will I allow anyone to win against me without showing the facts and the truth. I never wanted her in trouble, if her lawyer thinks accusing me is righteous it is he who is harming her soul not me.

 

[presonorek]

Of course I would need a lawyer if she lies. There is no way one faces allegations without speaking the truth with the support of a lawyer. At the very least, others can read he case afterwards with great interest. I won't hard false witness not Will I allow anyone to win against me without showing the facts and the truth. I never wanted her in trouble, if her lawyer thinks accusing me is righteous it is he who is harming her soul not me.

A lawyer ruins lives in order to make a living. Don't say you weren't warned. He is going go smile big and tell you everything is going to be ok. He knows you will be convicted no matter what.

You will lose without a lawyer. I know with 50% certainty. You will lose with lawyer. I know with 100% certainty. It isn't rocket science to understand why a lawyer wouldn't want things to go smooth for you. He needs to make the biggest mess possible. I won't comment anymore but don't say you weren't warned. If you get charged, you have already lost.

 

[shockedcanadian]

A lawyer ruins lives in order to make a living. Don't say you weren't warned. He is going go smile big and tell you everything is going to be ok. He knows you will be convicted no matter what.

You will lose without a lawyer. I know with 50% certainty. You will lose with lawyer. I know with 100% certainty. It isn't rocket science to understand why a lawyer wouldn't want things to go smooth for you. He needs to make the biggest mess possible. I won't comment anymore but don't say you weren't warned. If you get charged, you have already lost.

If I get charged it's because of her following through on her threats she has made for years, documented by the way. I called because I had reached the end of my rope though realizing she would probably abuse her position as a woman, with assistance by the police.

You are suggesting that I should simply accept her lies and abuses and not defend the truth? How would my lawyer defending the truth on my behalf be worse than her lawyer lying on her behalf?

My comment in the prior post wasn't translated properly, I meant to say in essence "I will not bear False Witness and will not allow her to either".

I didn't want this situation, I've tried to avoid it for years at great personal peril.

 

[SweetSue92]

My vows are important too though. I'm not sure if you have been married or divorced, but we've been together for 16 years. I'm more in mourning now even though I know her lawyer is going to paint me as the bad guy, that's what the system rewards. This fact, along with her threats for so many years are the main reasons I didn't call 911 before. I was expecting a warning to her, she never believed I would call.

I have been happily married for 28 years.

 

[SweetSue92]

.

Codependency:
"Excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one that requires support on account of an illness or addiction."
It doesn't matter what you are telling yourself ... That is just how you facilitate the codependency.

Enabler:
"A person who encourages or enables negative or self-destructive behavior in another."
Which is what you become when you don't properly address the codependency.

You are not dealing with anything ... And haven't worked through anything.
If you are spiritual in nature and have a relationship with God ... There are places that will help you use that to properly address the issues.
Understand that you have a problem ... It is common enough they have words to describe it ... Help is available ... Look for it.

.​

This. 100%

 

[shockedcanadian]

This. 100%

She had these problems before me, I am not the reason she has a temper, is violent or gambled so much in slots. I was not pushing the buttons with her online nor with her and her dad when she burned through many thousands in about a months time.

This has been going on for years and I had no recourse unless I took away her tablet which would be another problem. I did my best to tell her to seek help, i warned her every time a credit card came in that she can't keep doing it but I couldn't stop her.

 

[SweetSue92]

She had these problems before me, I am not the reason she has a temper, is violent or gambled so much in slots. I was not pushing the buttons with her online nor with her and her dad when she burned through many thousands in about a months time.

This has been going on for years and I had no recourse unless I took away her tablet which would be another problem. I did my best to tell her to seek help, i warned her every time a credit card came in that she can't keep doing it but I couldn't stop her.

No but you seem clearly codependent. You knew she had these problems and you signed up. And now you want to blame God for it, even comparing yourself to Job (!!!).

Really?