"...dropping a nuke over mecca or whereveralienate the arab and perhaps the muslim world against us..."
Much of that 'world' is already 'against us'.
"...and if you think things are bad now..."
God forbid - if it comes to open Crusade-Jihad, the West will win this time, at a cost; mostly to the other side, with loss-ratios of 100-to-1 or 1000-to-1 or worse.
Not even the most aggressive-but-sane types want that.
But we are likely to see some-such scenario unfold, should the United States be attacked again on the scale of 9-11.
We will not initiate the conflict, but we will be the odds-on favorite to finish it.
With our global reach and technology-driven fast reaction times, it doesn't really matter any more, unless we actually intend to invade and require some redeployment and staging time as preparation, and I think we're done with conventional invasions as punitive raids for a while.
"...i like an america that feels with her heart and thinks with her head and acts when those two are aligned with each other..."
Indeed.
But there is an advantage to acquiring a reputation to over-killing and racking-up 100-to-1 or 1000-to-1 kill ratios and for reacting collectively like a bloody red-eyed Neanderthal when attacked without provocation...
There is an advantage to being feared as savages who are relatively gentle and easy-going until their Inner Caveman is foolishly provoked...
Balancing heart and intellect and goodwill and savagery-on-demand... that's a challenge.
"...war is not about killing. war is about winning."
Yep... although one must oftentimes undertake a great deal of the latter in order to achieve the former.