Zone1 Divorce

[presonorek]

If you can no longer live up to your contractual marriage obligations, you should leave. Then again I’m not much into the emotional stuff that surrounds many marriages.

I’m capable. I just don’t like it much.

 

[Anathema]

I’m capable. I just don’t like it much.

That’s your duty. You agreed to a contract. If you can’t live up to it, you should end the agreement in the other party’s favor.

 

[james bond]

What happened to Marriage? Now, it's Divorce. Oh well.

 

[iamwhatiseem]

The Beginning
I ended a 26 year marriage for all the right reasons.
I am quite proud for what I did, and would make the same exact choices all over again. 1000 times again.
Both my first wife and I got married for the wrong reasons.
Myself, I was 24 years old, all my friends were married... it was time. My first wife worked where I did, we were actually friends, she already had a house and was 28. Too young to know it wasn't love, but following social protocol.
As for her, her past long term boyfriend that she just broke up with, was a loser. Unemployed pot smoking lazy ass. I was the opposite. The youngest department head in the corporations history, making double what she was earning with the looks of someone who was going higher. And I did. So I was a rebound, and chosen because I was opposite of what he was.
The Middle
We had two awesome kids. By the mid 1990s trouble was established. We were two very different people. And that fact couldn't be suppressed. We were fighting every freaking day. We went to not one, or two, but three marriage counselors and none were going to change that. But we stayed married until the kids left for college. Sort of a truce if you will. We stopped fighting, and basically were just parents to our kids. The marriage was dead, but the mother and father was not.
The End
She would have stayed married for good. I would not. I represented money and security. The big house, cars paid for.. shopping paid for etc. I needed more. She didn't. I desperately wanted companionship and someone to share the rest of my life with. We were absolutely nothing more than co-inhabitants. We didn't even sleep together. For years. Years.
We divorced. I met someone else who is everything I hoped for. We married Aug. 3rd 2017.

 

[EvilCat Breath]

This is a very common and extremely convincing argument. My kids are 19 and 17. Can you abuse an adult child just as easy as a minor child?

This is definitely weighed into my decision drastically to hang around. What’s funny is that it’s my wife’s only argument for me to stay. I’m not sure what she’ll change her argument to in the next 3-4 years. I’m probably stuck in this marriage and will probably never cheat, but can’t I whine about it?

You aren't stuck until you want to be stuck.
Here is a test.
You are watching TV with your wife when she suddenly doesn't feel well. Her chest hurts. In a moment it becomes clear that this is a major heart attack. You have a choice, call for help and keep the bars on your prison. Or, go to Starbucks for a coffee and come back in an hour, free forever. If you would go out for coffee, your wife deserves someone who really cares.

 

[presonorek]

You aren't stuck until you want to be stuck.
Here is a test.
You are watching TV with your wife when she suddenly doesn't feel well. Her chest hurts. In a moment it becomes clear that this is a major heart attack. You have a choice, call for help and keep the bars on your prison. Or, go to Starbucks for a coffee and come back in an hour, free forever. If you would go out for coffee, your wife deserves someone who really cares.

What if you were the one having the heart attack? I wouldn’t go out for Starbucks. I don’t even know you. I’d call for help. Does that mean I should be married to you and stay married? I like the descriptive hypothetical but I don’t know if it is strong enough to make a solid argument. I don’t think I’d let anyone die under the circumstances and I don’t think that means I should be married to everybody. Perhaps I missed the point.

 

[presonorek]

That'd what GOD expects, but if one partner doesn't give a damn, nothings gonna change.

I’m 43 years old and have never had a conversation with God. I’d have to take your word for what God wants and I choose not to take your word for it. Let’s keep the conversation sane please. There are no magical men that talk to humans. There just isn’t. Even if there are, don’t expect anybody to believe you when they do talk to you. It may sound fair to share your magical experience but you are heavily insulting the person you are telling.

 

[EvilCat Breath]

What if you were the one having the heart attack? I wouldn’t go out for Starbucks. I don’t even know you. I’d call for help. Does that mean I should be married to you and stay married? I like the descriptive hypothetical but I don’t know if it is strong enough to make a solid argument. I don’t think I’d let anyone die under the circumstances and I don’t think that means I should be married to everybody. Perhaps I missed the point.

You don't want to not be married badly enough.
You are toying with the idea. There is a lot of commitment in leaving. As much as there is in staying.

 

[BothWings]

I am unsure what you are asking but I will try to respond.

When you should leave is when abuse is involved or you are cheating.

No one should any form abuse and once a cheater always a cheater.

Also many of you marry for lust and not for companionship and making yourself better.

Yes, if a person reaches the point where they are seriously thinking of cheating, they sould just divorce and get it over with so you and them can move on. Only an asshole would do other wise.

 

[jwoodie]

This is a very common and extremely convincing argument. My kids are 19 and 17. Can you abuse an adult child just as easy as a minor child?

This is definitely weighed into my decision drastically to hang around. What’s funny is that it’s my wife’s only argument for me to stay. I’m not sure what she’ll change her argument to in the next 3-4 years. I’m probably stuck in this marriage and will probably never cheat, but can’t I whine about it?

Once your kids are 21, you can decide not to renew your marriage contract. But you may be impairing one of the greatest joys in life, grandchildren. Spending alternate holidays with divorced parents/grandparents is not the same thing, especially if there are multiple families involved. Sometimes you have to let a higher power guide you and hope for the best. I know I have.

 

[presonorek]

Yes, if a person reaches the point where they are seriously thinking of cheating, they sould just divorce and get it over with so you and them can move on. Only an asshole would do other wise.

That’s basically what I am. I just stay just because I stay. I could blame staying on the lack of financing to fund my escape but that isn’t 100% true. I could probably figure that part out. I have deliberately made my wife’s financial capacity much stronger than mine. She could leave with no problems at all. I have sorta boxed myself in intentionally because leaving just seems like a bad idea from what I hear.

Oh well. This is my life. At least some people have to be miserable. I mind as well be one of them. Who knows? Maybe my misery makes others happy and that makes it worthwhile in the long run.

 

[presonorek]

grandchildren.

I have seen this argument and find it very lacking due to a lack of a guarantee.

My children may be unwilling or unable to bear children so there may not be any grandchildren. I understand the argument but it really cannot be relied upon for justification to remain miserable. I knew a man with two sons and zero grandchildren and he died at age 78.

 

[presonorek]

What happened to Marriage? Now, it's Divorce. Oh well.

It used to serve a purpose. Now women can survive without a man.

A woman’s biggest desire is to be loved. A man’s biggest desire is to be needed. Women don’t need men. Men feel worthless. A man can feel worthless all by himself. He doesn’t need a woman to obtain worthlessness.

I wish the federal government would let men be men instead of labeling lower income men as pathetic scum. Nobody likes to be reminded they are scum. I could have taken care of my family myself but the federal government and my wife continued to reinforce that I was a piece of trash that did a horrible job taking care of my family.

There is government money all over the place to help disadvantaged women that married losers. I was one of those losers.

The government said I never made enough money to provide for my family but I thought I made plenty. There is just government money all over the place. It really destroys the dignity of a male. As a kid I always fantasized about being an amazing husband. I never was.

 

[iamwhatiseem]

It used to serve a purpose. Now women can survive without a man.

A woman’s biggest desire is to be loved. A man’s biggest desire is to be needed. Women don’t need men. Men feel worthless. A man can feel worthless all by himself. He doesn’t need a woman to obtain worthlessness.

I wish the federal government would let men be men instead of labeling lower income men as pathetic scum. Nobody likes to be reminded they are scum. I could have taken care of my family myself but the federal government and my wife continued to reinforce that I was a piece of trash that did a horrible job taking care of my family.

There is government money all over the place to help disadvantaged women that married losers. I was one of those losers.

The government said I never made enough money to provide for my family but I thought I made plenty. There is just government money all over the place. It really destroys the dignity of a male. As a kid I always fantasized about being an amazing husband. I never was.

A man's biggest desire is to believe his is good at sex.
His biggest need is to respected.

A woman's biggest desire is to be attractive, and see that her man is attracted to her.
Her biggest need is to feel appreciated and cared about.

Concerning relationships that is

 

[presonorek]

A man's biggest desire is to believe his is good at sex.
His biggest need is to respected.

A woman's biggest desire is to be attractive, and see that her man is attracted to her.
Her biggest need is to feel appreciated and cared about.

Concerning relationships that is

I mow the grass and take out the trash. That’s about the only value I have. She is actually capable of doing both of those things. So if we get down to it I have no value to offer at all.

She is supposedly repulsed at the idea of having sex with any other person so I suppose I am the only one capable of giving her that (supposedly). People live without sex all the time so she doesn’t really need me for that either.

 

[iamwhatiseem]

I mow the grass and take out the trash. That’s about the only value I have. She is actually capable of doing both of those things. So if we get down to it I have no value to offer at all.

She is supposedly repulsed at the idea of having sex with any other person so I suppose I am the only one capable of giving her that (supposedly). People live without sex all the time so she doesn’t really need me for that either.

Jesus... wallow in pity much?
Not trying to be an ass, but grow a pair.
Women need men way-way more than they might like to put on, or how the society crushing feminist movement wants women to believe.
We need them. And they need us. Without each other we are empty shells constantly trying to find something to fill the void.

 

[presonorek]

Jesus... wallow in pity much?
Not trying to be an ass, but grow a pair.
Women need men way-way more than they might like to put on, or how the society crushing feminist movement wants women to believe.
We need them. And they need us. Without each other we are empty shells constantly trying to find something to fill the void.

Perhaps. It is hard to put the needs in to words in a way that makes sense.

We need money to live. That’s easy to see. Quantifying the intangibles gets a big tricky. If my wife never would have met me she would be breathing. Now that we have been married 20 years she is breathing. These 20 years were fruitful but I don’t anticipate the next 20 years to produce anything for either of us. Maybe I’m just lacking vision and hope. I have always been the visionary. She wanted a washer and a dryer in her house. That was her vision. Check mark. Done.

She isn’t going to give me any incentive to stay other than the typical guilt trip stuff. “Marriage is forever. You said so on our wedding day.” “What about the kids?” “Don’t you want to grow old together and be with me when I die?” So on and so forth. It’s all about me being bad if I leave. So apparently staying is being good. All my life I have been suckered into being the good boy. My personality is what has kept me here all these years. I am just a sucker for being labeled the good boy.

 

[jwoodie]

we have been married 20 years

Give it 25 and you are free to go. But make sure the grass on the other side of the fence isn't artificial.

 

[presonorek]

Give it 25 and you are free to go. But make sure the grass on the other side of the fence isn't artificial.

I appreciate it. The grass on the other side is me paying for two dwellings instead of half of one. So I am quadrupling my expenses. I’m not sure there are any benefits to leaving. That’s probably why I have been tossing the idea around for so long.

 

[iamwhatiseem]

Perhaps. It is hard to put the needs in to words in a way that makes sense.

We need money to live. That’s easy to see. Quantifying the intangibles gets a big tricky. If my wife never would have met me she would be breathing. Now that we have been married 20 years she is breathing. These 20 years were fruitful but I don’t anticipate the next 20 years to produce anything for either of us. Maybe I’m just lacking vision and hope. I have always been the visionary. She wanted a washer and a dryer in her house. That was her vision. Check mark. Done.

She isn’t going to give me any incentive to stay other than the typical guilt trip stuff. “Marriage is forever. You said so on our wedding day.” “What about the kids?” “Don’t you want to grow old together and be with me when I die?” So on and so forth. It’s all about me being bad if I leave. So apparently staying is being good. All my life I have been suckered into being the good boy. My personality is what has kept me here all these years. I am just a sucker for being labeled the good boy.

Nope.
You have bought the society destroying feminist line that women don't need men.
You need to forget that shit and become one.
They need us. 100%.
There is more to being a man, and what we bring to the table, than a paycheck.
And there is more to life than surviving. Can women survive without men, yes, men can survive without women.
But either way, most will never live a fulfilling life without each other.
And, like I said, be a shell of a person trying to fill that void and becoming bitter in trying to convince themselves they are happy.