I remember having a discussion with 'liberals' about the theory of evolution. I pointed out that it is just a theory as in this is what we think is true about such and such thing. The theory of the atom is a good example. We can't really see what is inside of an atom and we don't have any time lapsed photography to show the process of evolution occurring. However, we do form ideas of what explains facts gathered from an experiment. I am not a scientist but this is what I was taught in high school biology by a very liberal teacher (I still remember her class). I point out the theory of evolution or the theory of the atom isn't a fact but a theory. I was then accused of defending creationism and a religious zealot....blah...blah...blah. I tried to point out that I don't agree with either but the accusation stuck and I was treated like a conservative from that point out and that meant being treated like shit by them. This made me conclude that their is something wrong going on inside the democratic party that isn't liberal in the sense I thought liberal was. They acted like no one can have an opinion that they don't agree with which meant creationist must die and those that tolerate their beliefs are accomplices to their crime. Yah...it is that fucking insane with dealing with liberals.
Dear
SuperDemocrat
The layer that has to be removed first, before you can even discuss content without getting stuck emotionally,
is this "defense mechanism" of denying and projection issues onto other people and groups,
as a screening device or barrier, like building a wall across the border, but emotionally.
If someone is not forgiving but has wounds and fears they haven't addressed,
such as the fear of change or fear of the unknown, fear of other groups trying to control them,
they will project that fear that biases their views, perception and INFORMATION coming in and out.
We cannot heal the past wounds and conflicts biasing people except by surrounding them with "safe" people in a "safe" environment, where eventually their inner wounds and experiences will find "safe" expression to be released. Over time, the wounds will heal, as in the stages of grief and recovery; denial and depression is one phase, anger, etc. until people can bargain and eventually let go and reach resolution.
So in the meantime they may TEST you. If you cannot walk "a mile in their moccasins" with them without criticizing and rejecting them, they will reject you as "unsafe" and "trying to impose your view on them and force them." This is their way of screening out who is safe and can be trusted, and who is not. Again if you look up the stages of grief, there are phases where people just aren't ready to handle deeper changes, and first have to isolate themselves and/or vent. That's natural for that stage in the process.
Now, for people who can forgive this "denial and projection" game and get past those protective walls,
then there CAN be discussion comparing people's experiences WITHOUT judgment or blame.
Behind those walls, if you can get past them, the beliefs are about equal.
Some people believe in a personified God and some people take a secular approach to universal law of life, nature and creation/universe, without a personified figure or representation.
They just won't let you past their protective walls if they FEAR you are trying
to FORCE your ways on them and judge them if they don't see it the way you do.
The more both sides agree to forgive each other their differences,
and let go some of this FEAR that the other side is going to impose and pound on them,
the more communication and sharing is possible. I find it is a mutual give and take,
but it takes mutual stretching for both sides to agree to step outside their comfort zone
and deal with the fact the other person is coming from the totally opposite direction.
If you've ever heard two people in the middle of marriage or relationship counseling,
both sides will "swear up and down" they did everything they could to meet halfway and it wasn't enough.
That's why one marriage counselor said it this way:
"Meeting in the middle" means meeting in the middle of what
both sides already thought was meeting in the middle!
It's harder than we think, but the good news is, the more we have to work to save a relationship,
the greater the rewards come from that mutual sacrifice in committing to work together.
