PUTIN: Giving Ukraine fighter jets would be a dangerous escalation.
LIBERALS: Yes, absolutely. That's why we oppose it.
PUTIN: Establishing a no-fly zone would also be a dangerous escalation. LIBERALS: We agree. Only war mongers support a no-fly zone.
UKRAINE: Liberals, are you saying we are war mongers for wanting a no-fly zone to stop the mass murder of women and children? And if you won't do a no-fly zone, why won't you at least give us fighter jets so that we can?
PUTIN: Hey, liberals, pay no attention to them!
LIBERALS: Sorry about that. We won't listen to them. We promise. We want peace in our time.
UKRAINE: We don't have any peace. We are being brutalized and are dying by the thousands from air attacks and long-range artillery shelling.
LIBERALS: [Hands over ears and chanting] Dangerous escalation. Dangerous escalation.
PUTIN: And remember that I have ICBMs! Boo!
LIBERALS: [Shivering in fear] Oh, gosh! That's right! That's why we're not going to do anything to help Ukraine that you won't tolerate, Mr. Putin. You can count on us.
UKRAINE: Hey, liberals, doesn't America have ICBMs too? And don't you have a much better missile defense system? And do you really believe Putin would risk seeing Russia wiped out in a nuclear exchange if you just gave us fighter jets or set up a no-fly zone?
PUTIN: Hey, liberals, look over here! I said to stop listening to them!
LIBERALS: We're so sorry. Some of our fellow citizens are war mongers who think it's immoral for us to only do what you will allow us to do to help Ukraine. PUTIN: That's because they're reckless extremists. They're backward knuckle-draggers who would lead you into WW III.
LIBERALS: You're right. They're willing to risk war with you to help Ukraine, and they think you're bluffing about using nukes.
PUTIN: But you guys are the enlightened ones who don't want to risk war of any kind with me.
LIBERALS: Exactly. Thank goodness we're running the government right now. PUTIN: Yes, indeed. I couldn't agree more.
LIBERALS: Yes, absolutely. That's why we oppose it.
PUTIN: Establishing a no-fly zone would also be a dangerous escalation. LIBERALS: We agree. Only war mongers support a no-fly zone.
UKRAINE: Liberals, are you saying we are war mongers for wanting a no-fly zone to stop the mass murder of women and children? And if you won't do a no-fly zone, why won't you at least give us fighter jets so that we can?
PUTIN: Hey, liberals, pay no attention to them!
LIBERALS: Sorry about that. We won't listen to them. We promise. We want peace in our time.
UKRAINE: We don't have any peace. We are being brutalized and are dying by the thousands from air attacks and long-range artillery shelling.
LIBERALS: [Hands over ears and chanting] Dangerous escalation. Dangerous escalation.
PUTIN: And remember that I have ICBMs! Boo!
LIBERALS: [Shivering in fear] Oh, gosh! That's right! That's why we're not going to do anything to help Ukraine that you won't tolerate, Mr. Putin. You can count on us.
UKRAINE: Hey, liberals, doesn't America have ICBMs too? And don't you have a much better missile defense system? And do you really believe Putin would risk seeing Russia wiped out in a nuclear exchange if you just gave us fighter jets or set up a no-fly zone?
PUTIN: Hey, liberals, look over here! I said to stop listening to them!
LIBERALS: We're so sorry. Some of our fellow citizens are war mongers who think it's immoral for us to only do what you will allow us to do to help Ukraine. PUTIN: That's because they're reckless extremists. They're backward knuckle-draggers who would lead you into WW III.
LIBERALS: You're right. They're willing to risk war with you to help Ukraine, and they think you're bluffing about using nukes.
PUTIN: But you guys are the enlightened ones who don't want to risk war of any kind with me.
LIBERALS: Exactly. Thank goodness we're running the government right now. PUTIN: Yes, indeed. I couldn't agree more.